Virility Crisis Alert

[Guest]

Jon Carroll - December 2, 2003 - ©2003 San Francisco Chronicle

It would appear that we are going through a virility crisis, or at least our nation's advertising agencies believe that we are. American men, it would seem, need a lot of extra help in feeling manly and useful and connected.

I could dodder on for a thousand words constructing a theory about why this should be true -- soulless clerical work, declining birth rates, unattainable role models -- but actually I have no clue. I will assume that the advertisers have done the research, and we see the results on our TV screens.

Why, yes, I have been watching a lot of football. I need my hit of virility just like the next stoop-shouldered keyboard worker.

I will skip over the ads for Viagra-like drugs -- look, now he can throw the football through the center of the tire swing; his, how shall we say,

spiral has gotten tighter -- but I don't mind those so much. At least they're connected with a real problem that might affect a guy's self-image.

What really concerns me is the fetishization of trucks. It has been weird for a few years now, but it's getting way out of control. Rugged guy, work boots and plaid shirt, sweat beading his brow, pulls a snowplow up a mountain behind his truck. The truck is photographed from below, making it look huge and scary. There's always a close-up of the tires going over rough terrain.

And the music. "Oh, one guy stands between humanity and the end of the world, one guy. And he's got a truck that will save the women, that guy. And they'll want to kiss his body when he finishes saving the world, that guy. But he doesn't care because he's got his truck, that guy." OK, I made that up, but I am not exaggerating.

Meantime, an announcer with a voice deeper than the Mariana Trench says, "King cab, 560 turbo-diesel engine, erect steel bed construction, snow-proof engine mount. Does your truck have that kind of power?"

I'll admit it -- my truck does not have that kind of power. Sometimes my truck just wants to read a Michael Crichton novel and take a nap. But if I changed trucks, I would be summiting every peak in the Rockies, every day. And when I conquered those mountains, they'd want to be conquered again. That's worth $42,000 I don't actually have, because my credit is good. It's a small price to pay for eternal truck power.

Sure, this kind of dopey symbolism is all over the place -- the other day I saw an ad for a razor "that really knows about women." And my toothbrush really knows about men, and I have a hammer that really knows about kangaroos.

But trucks are not just symbols; they're vehicles. They get crappy gas mileage, they block parking spaces and highway sightlines, they damage roadways. Now, OK, if someone actually makes a living, say, hauling horse trailers, or driving to remote forest fires, or pulling boulders out of muddy streams, fine. Man, the tool-driving animal.

But most truck owners do not have jobs like that. They do not even take vacations that involve wilderness interactions. Everything they do they could do in a Honda Civic. They know that. So why are they willing to pay four times as much for gas in a vehicle that won't hold more than three people?

Because they have a movie going in their heads. They are the heroes, and these are their vehicles. Sure, they look like accountants, but they're really roustabouts, roustabouts who fight fires, roustabouts who fight fires set in backcountry ski areas, roustabouts who fight fires set in backcountry ski areas in trucks that have tape decks constantly playing the "Carmina Burana."

Coming soon: testosterone IV drips, free in every vehicle. Stay strong, bro. Peace out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tough tough tough tough, tough tough tough tough, the wheels are tough, the seats are tough, the valves are tough, and you're one tough guy driving this tough truck.

Virility Crisis

 

[Guest]

Hehehe, my dad has a truck like that. Of course, he does alot of hunting, so he needs it to haul around his trailer with the 4-wheeler on it.

 

[OldnotDead]

So how do you explain ME, then.

Yes, the Olds Bravad SUV is the 'small' car. The big one is an Expedition. And I didn't pick either one. I didn't want a truck. I didn't even want an SUV sitting on a truck frame. I didn't want a Civic, though. Won't buy anything made by Honda (that 'we make it simple' is BS!) But for a while, my 5 foot nothing wife was driving the Expedition and I was happily tooling around in the paid for Escort station wagon. You should have seen them side by side in the garage. both the same color. It looked like Mother and Baby.

If I had my choice the Escort would have been replaced by a four wheel drive van. We do live in the boonies on top of a mountain (Yes, it's over 1,000 feet high, so it's not a hill - for those that saw THAT movie)

My father-in-law recommended a truck. He thinks it's a great thing to have to haul stuff home from Home Depot. I keep trying to remind him that in our town the building supply stores still deliver. but when I showed him the price of the Silverado pictured in the ad he showed me, he shut up. He thought trucks were cheaper than cars. "They used to be" he said.

Perd, your author doesn't even get started with whole Diesel thing. I've got a neighbor that cranks an engine in the morning that could haul my house across town. My father had a diesel Corolla. Now THAT one made sense. 50 miles to the gallon and an engine, if taken care of properly, that could probably go 300,000 miles. but none of these pick up trucks will. Starting and stopping is a diesel's nightmare. They like to RUN

I'm just waiting until the gearheads find out that Diesel Train Engines use electric motors to pull the train. GM's Electromotive division is going to have to come up with Trucks that won't have any cargo space for all the power equipment installed on board. But , hey! They'll be energy efficient

Great article! Could be a book!

 

[mtnman2003]

but Perdita...... I want them!!!!

I live in the Colorado Rockies..... have many vehicles between me, the spouse and 4-kids.

F350 Crew cab, monster vehicle, drives over most everything
Chev Suburban, 4-wheel quad steer, neat, hauls everybody
911 Turbo, my baby, 0-60 in under 4 exhilarating seconds
Porsche SUV turbo..... similar reasons, but hauls me/spouse
911 carrera for oldest graduating college daughter, no turbo
2-Jeep Grand Cherokees lifted, rock climbing capable for boys
H2- youngest daughter drives (shes 16 but now somewhat safe)
Chev Full size pickup for oldest daughter (Don't get that one?)
2-60's muscle cars, boys drive, tear off wheels required
32 coupe, me for another toy
H1 for me to rock climb, or tool around.......
42-Monarch motor home for those long weekends playing.

Don't get me started on insurance, garage requirements, boats, or other stuff.

But I could not live without them!!!

Mtn

 

[Guest]

Mtn, Old, any other hombrecitos w/trucks:

Calm down. It's a fun piece and the point isn't about men (or women) who "really need" trucks. Get objective, get the satire.

BTW, I take no notice of anyone's vehicle whatsoever. I could not tell you even the color of my best friend's car, only that I can adjust the warmth of my seat-cushion, or she can adjust it for me with buttons from a master control.

A young man I work with finally gave up trying to buy a house in SF so he bought a $50K sports car. He gives me rides home and it's very comfortable, but if I'd had his savings I would have bought a season of box seats for the opera.

I only owned one car in my life and it had a better sound system than the one in my bedroom. I miss only that.

Perdita

 

[OldnotDead]

Hey, Perd.

I do get the satire. My point is that 'my' big truck is my wife's <G> She's the virile one in this family. Or . . . maybe it means I AM virile and she's not?

Oh, heck. I think I'll sign off. Go have sex before the kids get home and find out which one is more virile.

and then we'll take a nap . . . if the dog lets us.

 

[whispering_surrender]

BTW, I take no notice of anyone's vehicle whatsoever.

Perdita

How can I be Truck Girl if you don't notice? *pout*

Whisper

Ps...I too live on top of a mountain and needed 4wheel drive something to get home nights.

 

[mtnman2003]

satire...... I get it.......

Perdita;

I did really get it!!!

Wanted to show the virility, the stud stuff. Bought all the toys, toys for boys, toys for girls, all viril!!

Just for fun!!

Mtn

 

[Guest]

Mtn/Old, I know you get it. I was trying to ward off a long thread list of detailed vehicular descriptives, or yikes! auto-erotica.

Whisp, I'd notice you anytime, with or without big wheels.

I think I'll go listen to the Ride of the Valkyries.

Perdita

 

[The_Fool]

Do you think this might have anything to do with the aging of Baby Boomers?

 

[Guest]

Do you think this might have anything to do with the aging of Baby Boomers?

Still wise, Fool.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

I'm not your average lady either. I'd much rather drive a 4 wheel drive pick-up than a car, but alas, I won't be able to do that until the kids get older.

So now, when we have to haul the kids, we travel by mini-van. The rest of the time, I drive my beloved Jeep.

 

[Gary Chambers]

Great thread Perdita. You're not the only one who gets a bit tired of trucks being turned into virility symbols. I have to reject the ads because I've always hated driving trucks. For comfort I'll stick with my old Olds, and if I want to have fun and have a suitcase full of money to waste, I'll buy a European roadster. But a truck? Please...

What I haven't figured out yet, however, but must work on now your witty original post has raised the issue, is which came first, the virility problem or those closeups of tires crossing rough terrain. In other words, are we (men in particular) being offered spunk filled trucks to compensate for virility already lost, or do the trucks themselves replace our need to remain virile, thereby causing a virility problem where it didn't previously exist? Sticky one that. I shall ponder a while.

My pet peeve, however, has become ladies' panty liners. Could someone tell me what they are for; what they actually do for anyone?

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

GB2, you got me thinking more seriously now. I was born and raised in Detroit where going to the annual auto ‘show’ was a family affair. It was such an event, I still remember when the Thunderbird debuted; and I went to my senior prom in the first Mustang. Those are the only two cars I recognize (vintage years of course).

The only other car that made an impression on me was an old MG (can’t give any details). I dated a fellow a couple years ago who maintained it and drove it for pleasure. He was a designer (lamps, fixtures, etc.) so rebuilt some of the car’s interior himself, very fine work. Anyway, he took me for pleasure drives and I was amazed at how I truly felt the road. It was like dancing, like ballet even.

I think that’s been lost, obviously, though it seems bikers know something of that experience. Perhaps these new vehicles play to that, but in such a superficial manner it seems to me. I recall too how women drivers were rare in my youth, so mayhaps too, a feminist threat could be provoking the new trend.

As for panty-liners, you must know at least one woman you could ask. The answer’s not for me to post (yuk).

Perdita

 

[mtnman2003]

Truck or not to truck........

Whether it is sold as an addition to virility or not does not make a real difference. I find use of my toys a fun thing for me.

Now, I have had the toys along time. For any of those guys that have raced, climbed, or just cruised weekend evenings in a hot vehicle, girls/women have creamed in their jeans just to get a ride so to speak. I have had great success just because of the vehicle. Don't get it, who cares about guy as long as he has a hot vehicle. And now with country being as popular as it is, a jacked up pickup truck does just fine for bouncing parked along a road to fog the windows.

Virility is sold, successfully!

Part of the reasons I bought the toys for the boys..... learn boys, become men soon!!

But I will shoot any boys who want to see my girls.....lol!!!

Part of life. Fast cars, big trucks, let's fuck.

Mtn

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I wonder what it means that Hubby wants to buy a SUV...

He says he wants a big, strong car that can go through various types of terrain, and climb sidewalks in the streets. I've asked him just when he would need to go through various types of terrain, or what the fuck he's gonna drive on the sidewalk for, but he claims that it's not as much a matter of actually DOING it, as much as BEING ABLE to do it.

As if I don't give him enough hummers already..!

 

[Guest]

...he claims that it's not as much a matter of actually DOING it, as much as BEING ABLE to do it.

Ah crap, Flicka. That's just what our consumerist/advertising society does, makes people want to buy things they don't need. An SUV in NYC? C'mon! Good luck with it,

Perdita

 

[Gary Chambers]

As for panty-liners, you must know at least one woman you could ask. The answer’s not for me to post (yuk).

Perdita

"Feel the road," ah yes, I do miss my old Triumph Spitfire sometimes.

But the panty-liners, Perdita, it was a woman who started the whole thing. A close friend wrote to me telling me she had seen an ad for them on TV and had been fuming all day. The ad made her realise that if you are incontinent you need Depends diapers, surgery or a catheter. If you are just menstruating you need a sanitary napkin or tampon. So what are these damned liners for she asked herself. It's just more useless trash to add to landfills. She was still fuming about it when her daughter came in from school, and said, "Mum, don't you realise they've made us so scared of our bodies that we buy those things as an extra defence in case all the sprays and powders wear off and the smell of our vagina fills the room?"

Okay, the kid is obviously very bright and capable of critical thinking, but has she really identified the purpose of these things? I've been walking around for about two weeks unable to get this question out of my mind. Your 'yuk' remark aside, Perdita, I don't think of vaginas as being dirty, unpleasant or requiring any padding (on most people), and I don't think I'm alone in that, so who on Earth thought of these things and why?

Don't mean to hijcak a good thread, but I think the whole thread as about the sexuality of mass marketing so it seems relevant. Maybe there are mass marketing gnomes who dash between General Motors and the Kimberly-Clark paper company with ideas for products and promotions that play on puritanical fears of the human body.

 

[Icingsugar]

He says he wants a big, strong car that can go through various types of terrain, and climb sidewalks in the streets. I've asked him just when he would need to go through various types of terrain, or what the fuck he's gonna drive on the sidewalk for, but he claims that it's not as much a matter of actually DOING it, as much as BEING ABLE to do it.

You know, you can do all that without much of a problem with a battered old VW Beetle too. I drove one cross country all the time when I was a kid out in the countryside. Too young for a lisence, but hey, I stayed off the public roads. The usability of an SUV is an urban legend. Most of them LOOKS as if they were really cool off-road veichles. Few have been put to the test. SUV's are for show-off. So why does he need one, when he can show-off you?

Besides, if he's serious about it, he should do it the Iceland way:

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I feel sorry for all women who have vaginas that smell so bad that they have to perfume them. Mine doesn't need any perfume to smell sweet and sexy.

Atleast that's what my lovers have told me.

 

[Guest]

GB2: My "yuk" was precisely in agreement with your friend's smart young daughter. I love ordinary body smells, especially during sex. I love the way men naturally smell. I love the way I can smell at times. I never bought into all those "feminine" products, and yes, it's just making a few people wealthier by denigrating the female.

I suggest you write the manufacturer and ask precisely what they are for (ask for the details not allowable on TV).

Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

SUV's are for show-off. So why does he need one, when he can show-off you?

 

[The_Fool]

My significant other has always had a strong hankering to own a Hummer, that most significant version of an SUV. Not for the typical reason, either. She used to suffer terribly from panic attacks, or from fear of panic attacks really. She wanted a Hummer because if the road was clogged and she had a panic attack she could make her own road.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Oh, great! Just what USA needs - an instable person with a weapon.

Someone call Michael Moore!