Virgin Guy Looking for Advice

[Knight_of_Zeus]

Hello all,

I've been dating a wonderful woman, the first woman I've ever really cared for and had the intentions of a long term relationship in mind. As a matter of principle, something I won't budge on, I will save intercourse for marriage. She feels the same.

She's been interested in giving me oral sex lately and we've attempted it, but I just can't seem to finish (I want to do the same for her as well, but she's not up for that yet). She and I are both new to any sexual situation. Because she can't finish me off, she feels that she isn't "turning me on" and doesn't feel sexy despite the fact she is amazingly beautiful (and I tell her so). I never want her to feel down/disappointed about herself, put a spear to me instead.

I'm asking what you all would recommend, honestly. I would love to share this new area with her, but since she's new to it, she's not very good at it, which sounds normal enough. Hopefully she will open up to me likewise. In one session, she worked for over 2 hours to get me to finish, but I couldn't. Other than some obvious sexual tension (minimizing fast), I want her to feel that she's able to be sexual and able to give me pleasure.

Additionally, I don't want to give myself over to lustful feelings because I feel it would betray our friendship and I know this holds off the "ending," so to speak. Having been giving an enormous amount of control over that part of my body, I find it difficult to allow myself to finish.

I know all these thoughts seem a little fragmented, but I would be enormously grateful if someone would respond with some advice or suggestions.

Thanks for your time!

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

mate, i know how you feel.

my girlfriend and i have a brilliant sex life. every part of it is amazing. she gives me awesome head, however she can't manage to finish me off... why?.. i dont know. with every other sexual partner i have had it has been easy for me to cum via oral sex, however with my girlfriend it seems to be alot harder.

i wonder if you feel your girlfriends uncomfortability and this is some sort of a mental block for you. i think that is a small part of my problem.

talk to her and let her know what feels good and how she can do things better. it is going to take a long time..... and i think this is another hard part... i often feel extremely selfish recieving oral sex (as she isnt getting any pleasure herself) and the longer it takes the worst i feel. but if you care about each other, and it really sounds like you do, it is well worth the time and effort.

good luck mate

 

[crzydimnd]

I agree with Mr.L.J.M. about the possible mental block. I always feel selfish receiving oral sex. So maybe a good way for both of you would be to try a "69" position. This may help her open up to receiving pleasure from you, and it would give you something to do while you're receiving pleasure - plus, you're pleasing the woman you evidently love deeply. If you don't like the idea of her lying on top of you with her pussy in your face, try both of you lying on your sides, it's a little more comfortable, and still allows access to all the right places.

 

[SweetErika]

Hello all,

I've been dating a wonderful woman, the first woman I've ever really cared for and had the intentions of a long term relationship in mind. As a matter of principle, something I won't budge on, I will save intercourse for marriage. She feels the same.

She's been interested in giving me oral sex lately and we've attempted it, but I just can't seem to finish (I want to do the same for her as well, but she's not up for that yet). She and I are both new to any sexual situation. Because she can't finish me off, she feels that she isn't "turning me on" and doesn't feel sexy despite the fact she is amazingly beautiful (and I tell her so). I never want her to feel down/disappointed about herself, put a spear to me instead.

I'm asking what you all would recommend, honestly. I would love to share this new area with her, but since she's new to it, she's not very good at it, which sounds normal enough. Hopefully she will open up to me likewise. In one session, she worked for over 2 hours to get me to finish, but I couldn't. Other than some obvious sexual tension (minimizing fast), I want her to feel that she's able to be sexual and able to give me pleasure.

Additionally, I don't want to give myself over to lustful feelings because I feel it would betray our friendship and I know this holds off the "ending," so to speak. Having been giving an enormous amount of control over that part of my body, I find it difficult to allow myself to finish.

I know all these thoughts seem a little fragmented, but I would be enormously grateful if someone would respond with some advice or suggestions.

Thanks for your time!

You wouldn't happen to be a member of an organization that doesn't believe in premarital sex or that it's healthy to have "lustful feelings," would you? If you are, you're going to have to replace those negative thoughts about sex with positive ones (e.g. Sexuality and lustful feelings are wrong >>>Sexuality and having lustful feelings is normal and healthy, and I have nothing to feel guilty about). Please understand I'm not attacking your choices or beliefs, but if you have deep-seated ideas/guilt about this, no amount of advice, stimulation, or desire is going to help. I truly believe you can find a happy medium between enjoying some activities now and holding off on others, but you're going to have to change your perspective.

A lot of men and women can't orgasm from oral, so it's fine if you never do. I'd suggest taking a cooperative approach with your gf...propose you learn together and give eachother plenty of feedback. There are some great threads on this in The Blank Manual Sticky at the top of this forum. ...maybe you could check it out together or print some of the ideas out and have fun experimenting. Reassure her this is your problem and it's just going to take some time, learning, and communication.

It's up to you, but I'd think trying for two hours would be detrimental to your (and her) confidence. Next time, if it looks like it's not going to happen after awhile, try switching to a handjob or masturbating while touching and kissing her. I've also found it's important to take breaks because you lose sensitivity after awhile, so don't be afraid to stop her, do other stuff, and then go back to the oral. You might be inclined to think that will just take longer, but it won't. Focus on the great sensations, how beautiful she is, and just enjoying the experience, NOT having an orgasm. Also, if you're not already doing so, try fantasizing...even read a story that features oral beforehand to distract yourself from thinking, 'What if I can't?' and 'I'm taking too long.'