Very new, looking for feedback

[Digital253]

I'm very new at this, I've been married to a very sexy woman for over 20 years (she takes care of herself and is STILL a knockout)and we have from time to time had an open relationship. I like to write about her exploits and all my stories are true. I'm looking for advice on how to make my stories have a little more -flow/continuity...and any other suggestions. I got 2 nasty feedback posts this morning, but they were from ignorant people that couldn't even spell, so I deleted them. They were totally stupid and of no help to anyone. Thanx in advance for any POSITIVE comments, I'd really like my contributions to be enjoyable for the readers and I value any assistance I can get I have 2 stories in the "Loving Wives" section.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=169327
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=172630



Digital

 

[postobitum]

Ok, just read the first one, it had a few grammar typos that really didn't matter too much, if you want to fix them it might help keep things a little clearer but that's up to you. Alos, in the beginning "at the time" was used twice. I found it a little confusing because there wasn't really any reference to what was going on "at the time." It kinda leaves the reader a little lost. An example of how it would work better: "My wife really surprised me a month or so ago. She said she wanted to screw another man, which at the time was a real shocker because she was such a prude!" You've really got make everything clear in the very beginning, I think that is part of your 'flow' issues. And if you wanted to expand it, make the sex scenes really vivid and detailed it wouldn't hurt.

Other wise I thought it was a very entertaining story with a lot of potential. I mean all of this to be constructive critism, btw, and I am going on to read the other one. Keep writing!

 

[postobitum]

Ok, finished the second one. Just some typos really. Maybe expand the details a little bit? I really think both of them are fine, and I also think you should keep going with Callie's adventures. Can the hubby have some too? You could really get these two into some trouble! lol, good work

 

[Digital253]

Thanx

Thank you for the suggestions, after you pointed them out it was very obvious. I haven't written about myself mainly because she's the one having all the fun at the moment That's fine with me, it spices things up and keeps her feeling good about herself. I think I'm going to get her to write one from HER perspective, that would be interesting

Thanks again!!!

Digital

 

[postobitum]

You're welcome, and I agree that it would be nifty to have a story from her perspective!

 

[Barnaby]

Hi. Just read your stories and I liked them pretty much. I agree with the suggestion that they need more detail but not just in the sex scenes. If your marriage really is strengthened by these encounters, let us see that in more ways outside of bed. Show that these two really love each other and that this is not just another silly cuckold fantasy. What you wrote was hot for me not because of WHAT happened but because of the circumstances you set up. That's not the easiest thing in the world for a couple to rationalize. Get into your wife's head and let us hear how she does rationalize it. WHY does it work for you? Remember, though, these are short stories/scenes, not psycholgical treatises. YOU learn why it works and that should all come out in your writing without you having to give US all the details. Good luck!
Check out MY new story PUTTING PANTS ON PAULA that should go up in a few days. It deals with a young Southern Ohio girl.