Very confused.,..

[My Own Way]

I agree with what a lot of you guys have said about health education...they do a great job of explaining all the parts to you....pictures and all...but never really tell you how they're used....we often just got the....don't have sex because you'll get an STD talk....but I never really felt until recently that I really understood the entire mechanics of sex...how one actually uses a condom, the perks of the pill, and how exactly I would get pregnant...thank you Lit

Here's my take on the whole masturbation question though Boston....if you're son is old enough to masturbate...than he's old enough to get at least the beginnings of the talk. Make sure you let him know that it's perfectly normal, and in fact healthy, and that if he has any questions don't hesitate to ask you and you'll answer them to the best of your abilities. While my mom and I never really had a talk per-say....I do have some vague memories of her approaching the topic when her and I were having just a quiet day at home...I would just wait for the right moment....just don't wait too long or he will end up getting a lot of mis-information from a variety of different sources...

Hope this helps...

 

[BTK51]

Sorry This Is Long

I’m the father of 3 sons. IMO, not doing anything and leaving it for him to deal with himself is the absolute wrong thing to do! So much misinformation could be obtained by him that will do more damage than if you mess up. At least the information you give will be your ideas and believe it or not, it will open up the lines of communication on all subjects. It is awkward and embarrassing for most parents and almost all the kids.

I think that the earlier you start - the better. After really messing up “the talk” with my first two sons, I started very early with my youngest and it worked out much better. I made a conscious effort to talk early, often and openly about sex with what I felt was appropriate to his age. IMO it takes many attempts to get to the point of being an effective conversation.

I also let him know that at the some point we would be having a long and more detailed discussion about the subject. When it happened, he was still VERY uncomfortable but it worked out much better than the first two and was successful. I let him know that I knew how uncomfortable it was for him and that it was VERY uncomfortable for me too. I explained beforehand why we had to do it and what the benefit could be for him. I let him know that it would be a lot better for both of us if this was interactive instead of a lecture. Eliciting a little empathy from him can make it much easier and more productive.

I chose to do it while we were on vacation. I told him (about two weeks earlier) that we were going to take a walk along the beach and have the discussion. I made sure that I stopped talking when people were around us. It was late afternoon so there weren’t too many people. I put some thought into it and picked the time and place that I felt would make it more comfortable for BOTH of us. As we walked along we would bend down and pick up a shell and scale it across the water which helped to lower the discomfort level a lot. You know your son and where he would feel the most comfortable -= or should I say the least uncomfortable.

When we had the talk it was still much more of a sermon than a discussion. I kept the subjects brief but gave all the information I felt that he needed to know. I asked very non-threatening questions like “did you ever wonder ….” Or “when I was a kid I thought …., did you ever think that?” We had several brief discussions afterward and he told me much later when I asked, that he learned a lot. My intention was not to give him just a physiology class and certainly not teach him how to get laid. It was more to help him understand that his sexuality was natural, beautiful, important and ever-developing. I wanted him to have a healthy attitude towards his sexuality. I also made it known to HIM that was my intent.

A side note is that my wife and I both noticed that after our walk he freely discussed many other subjects (drugs, drinking, school, his friends, etc.). Maybe that was just so that we wouldn’t talk about sex – I’ll have to ask him. While I was initially unsatisfied with “our walk and talk”, in retrospect, I think it actually worked out okay.

Kids are embarrassed talking with any parent but I wouldn’t leave this to someone else. I look at it as one of those parental duties that aren’t fun but can be a great opportunity to strengthen your bond with him. As a woman, you can give him the female perspective which is equally as important as the man’s view and something that he will be better off understanding. Most likely, it’s something that he has the least knowledge of and the most misinformation about. I wish that I had a better understanding of that when I was younger.

I found that the book thing didn’t work very well for me at all. With my first son, I did a horrible job and waited way too long. I gave him a book and an “I’ll answer any questions” which in my opinion, was the chicken’s way out and didn’t work. No questions came and I didn’t do too good a job. I used the same tactic with my second son except that when no questions were forthcoming, I went into lecture mode. Far from the best way to handle this. Maybe I could have made better use of the book in some way, like going through it WITH them instead of leaving it with them and then deserting the situation with an “I’m glad that’s over with” attitude.

As for when he cums for the first time, that will vary greatly from boy to boy, much like the first period for a girl. I remember how shocked I was the first time I came – but I knew exactly what was happening. I had been masturbating for a while before this. It is quite possible that he has already cum by now but I wouldn’t assume anything. It has most likely happened recently or will happen very shortly. Personally. I don’t see what difference it makes. Why do you feel that this is an issue? I am assuming that he has some grasp of the basic facts of life at this point. If you have no idea as to what he knows, then I would ask him gently. If he gets flustered or clams up reassure him that his reticent behavior is perfectly normal but try & make him understand why he has to overcome it. I never specifically talked with my sons about masturbation except to reference it while discussing another subject or feeling “… like when you masturbate and …”

Sorry this was so long but I can vividly remember what you are going through and how incompetent I felt. I hope that you can draw some insight out of this that will help your situation. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to PM me.