Venus and mars question

[Wildcard Ky]

Maybe some of you ladies can help me understand this.

We recently hired a young, fresh out of college engineer where I work. A few weeks after his hiring, he got married. We all got to meet his new bride at the Christmas party. They met in college, both are the same age, and wanted to marry after graduation. BOTH graduated in the spring.

While getting to know her a little at the party, she was asked about how her job search was going. She proudly replied that she had no intention of looking for a job. She wanted to be a stay at home wife, and someday a stay at home mom.

Now my question is this.....Why in the hell did she waste all of her parents money poing to college, and bother with actually getting a degree if she never had any desire or intention of ever getting a job?

 

[minsue]

Not ever having been a woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home wife &/or mother, I can't really speak for her. I can understand, however, why anyone may wish to be educated, regardless of whether or not they plan to use that education to earn money. If her parents were willing to send her to school, more power to her for going and graduating. Considering cowardice has kept me un-edjamacated, I can't knock her for getting her degree.

 

[Liar]

Now my question is this.....Why in the hell did she waste all of her parents money poing to college, and bother with actually getting a degree if she never had any desire or intention of ever getting a job?

*shrug* You know, there are some college educations, especially in the arts department, where getting a job in the trade after graduating is a 'snowflake in hell' kind of thing. People apply them anyway, most of them knowing that it ain't going to be what they do for a living afterwards. Why do they do it? Because it's an interresting experience.

#L

 

[BigAndTall]

Re: Re: Venus and mars question

*shrug* You know, there are some college educations, especially in the arts department, where getting a job in the trade after graduating is a 'snowflake in hell' kind of thing. People apply them anyway, most of them knowing that it ain't going to be what they do for a living afterwards. Why do they do it? Because it's an interresting experience.

#L

Or because they want to improve themself. In fact, I can't understand why anyone would go to college if they think it is going to get them more money in the future. Most degrees seem to me to lead to no set job (other than say engineering or medical).

Saying why go to college if your not going to work is to me like saying why read Shakespear if your not an actor.

 

[minsue]

Re: Re: Venus and mars question

*shrug* You know, there are some college educations, especially in the arts department, where getting a job in the trade after graduating is a 'snowflake in hell' kind of thing. People apply them anyway, most of them knowing that it ain't going to be what they do for a living afterwards. Why do they do it? Because it's an interresting experience.

#L

You mean like finding that great job at a philosophy corp?

 

[Guest]

For her own sense of achievement, perhaps? To be able to know: Yeah, I did that!

Edited to add: not all women who choose to stay at home and raise their family (as did I) are dumb and without a higher level of education.

Not all women, by a very long shot.

 

[Liar]

Re: Re: Re: Venus and mars question

You mean like finding that great job at a philosophy corp?

Ssh! Don't shatter my dreams just yet.

 

[BigAndTall]

For her own sense of achievement, perhaps? To be able to know: Yeah, I did that!

I think that is more important than money.

Like the saying "why climb a mountian"

 

[Guest]

I think that is more important than money.

Like the saying "why climb a mountian"

Exactly!

 

[minsue]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Venus and mars question

Ssh! Don't shatter my dreams just yet.

I wouldn't dream of it. I am in awe of every soul who comes away with a degree in philosophy. Not only for the ability and knowlege, but for the courage it takes to do so.

 

[Liar]

Like the saying "why climb a mountian"

4 the view.

 

[BigAndTall]

Exactly!

Should I be worried when I agree with Lou?


On the flip side, I see nothing wrong with a man staying home while his wife works either. Or both of them work. Hell! Both stay home if they can do it

 

[Guest]

Should I be worried when I agree with Lou?


On the flip side, I see nothing wrong with a man staying home while his wife works either. Or both of them work. Hell! Both stay home if they can do it

Nah, just start worrying when you start agreeing with one of my zanier comments.

Yep, and I completely agree with everything you said there. Nothing wrong at all with any permeation of the above.

Provided one of them does (or both, if they can bloody afford it, of course! Or a person they can trust implicitely with their children - not that I ever could, but I know some can), and does a good job of it; loves and cares for the kids, brings them up knowing right from wrong and that they are loved more than anything else in this world. Gawd, I don't 'arf ramble when I've been drinking.

 

[Weird Harold]

Now my question is this.....Why in the hell did she waste all of her parents money going to college, and bother with actually getting a degree if she never had any desire or intention of ever getting a job?

Perhaps her parents gave her the same advice I gave my daughters -- There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother, but make sure you can support yourself if it doesn't work out.

An education is never "wasted." Also, you didn't say what her degree is in; A smart young woman who wanted to be the best stay-at-home wife and mother she could be could find a lot of courses to help her reach that goal.

Child psychology, interior decorating, human sexuality, sports medicine and many other college level classes/degrees apply as much to parenting as they do to the job market.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Re: Re: Venus and mars question

Perhaps her parents gave her the same advice I gave my daughters -- There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother, but make sure you can support yourself if it doesn't work out.

God, so right!

Also, what do you do after the kids go to school, or grow up and go to college? Or, if the family needs money, she could possibly work part time or from home.

Lots of great answers to your question.

 

[R. Richard]

"Now my question is this.....Why in the hell did she waste all of her parents money going to college, and bother with actually getting a degree if she never had any desire or intention of ever getting a job?"

As has been pointed out, if she just wanted the education of whatever reason and she/her family could afford the education, it is her choice.

However, in order to provide enough people to fill the seats necessary to allow a college to present "breadless arts," they have to force people who are not interested in said breadless arts to take such courses. In order for the lady to take a philosophy course, I have to take the same course despit ehte fact that it is worse than useless to me. (I used to have to point out to my philosophy teacher that some of the older "philosophical puzzles" were puzzles only if a student had not take math courses, at least through infinite series. Said teacher had no math and did not even understand what I was talking about.

If the reader does not understand the problem, peruse a college catalog and note the math or science courses barred to math or
science majors. Such courses are high school (elementary school?) level courses for the breadless art people .

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Education need not always be undertaken to enhance the paycheck. It can also be undertaken to enhance the life.

The better the mental furniture, the more enriched the lifestyle.

And that is a kind of wealth that only something like Alzheimers can take it away from you.

 

[cloudy]

For her own sense of achievement, perhaps? To be able to know: Yeah, I did that!

Edited to add: not all women who choose to stay at home and raise their family (as did I) are dumb and without a higher level of education.

Not all women, by a very long shot.

Amen, sister.

I'm a stay at home mom at the moment, with two degrees and a start on my masters.

Who ever said an education was ever wasted?

 

[SensualCealy]

Well Weird Harolds parents should be put on a pedistal!

I too chose to stay home and raise my own kids (my choice, no one elses) We, hubby and I decided from the get go that I'd stay home and raise them and when they were old enough I would go out to work. Well, after the kids were in school full time I decided it was MOMMY time, I went back and took the courses I needed to get my design papers. After three years going to school in the summer I got them. I don't have the 'job' experience that employers ask for because I work for myself, I have done numerous freelance jobs for major industry companys, but that isnt good enough for them.

I guess what I am saying is, I did what I wanted and Im still pursuing higher education, why you ask when I have a son that will be needing tuition money in 5 yrs? Well its because - I AM WORTH IT!

Being a stay at home Mom you are given the steriotype that you are less educated, less informed of the world around you and most of all, unimportant when it comes to social connections. I have news for anyone that thinks this, I could walk miles around you if you wanted to challenge our city bi-laws concerning education. I could rattle off more then 20 of the highest ranked position holders of our school board, and know them on a first name basis. I could raise $20,000.00 at the drop of the hat if you needed something for your organization. NEVER I say NEVER underestimate a stay at home MOM! Muahhhhhhh!!! lol

Now to answer your question, Harolds parents said it the best, you never know when fate will pull the blanket out from underneath you and you have to find a way to make it work.

Next time you see her, pat her on the back and give her the encouragement to stay home and watch her child crawl for the first time, walk for the first time, go to school for the first time, perform in a school play, go on their first date! Etc.

When she is ready to take the step to 'join the real world' once again she will be ready and hold her head high.
All my best to her,
Cealy

 

[SlickTony]

The girl obviously went to college to get her MRS, and figured that you could meet a better, or at least, higher-earning, husband that way. I've always recommended going to school to get a husband, myself; based on my experience, you have at least a 50/50 chance of getting a good one.

But as for me, the only time I have ever, ever been a SAHM was when I was unable to get a job, and I don't really even count that, because even in the most economically depressed armpit of unemployment I ever lived in, I was reading the want ads, registering with temp firms and nagging them weekly, and during the summer, I was camping at my folks' place in the next state, doing contract work and sending it home. I hate being totally dependent.

That said, I don't really understand women like that; who would choose economic dependence, and chance being flat on her ass if the marriage shouldn't work out? A slightly dusty B.A. is not going to get her a job that will support her in the style to which she will have no doubt have become accustomed.

 

[cloudy]

The girl obviously went to college to get her MRS, and figured that you could meet a better, or at least, higher-earning, husband that way. I've always recommended going to school to get a husband, myself; based on my experience, you have at least a 50/50 chance of getting a good one.

But as for me, the only time I have ever, ever been a SAHM was when I was unable to get a job, and I don't really even count that, because even in the most economically depressed armpit of unemployment I ever lived in, I was reading the want ads, registering with temp firms and nagging them weekly, and during the summer, I was camping at my folks' place in the next state, doing contract work and sending it home. I hate being totally dependent.

That said, I don't really understand women like that; who would choose economic dependence, and chance being flat on her ass if the marriage shouldn't work out? A slightly dusty B.A. is not going to get her a job that will support her in the style to which she will have no doubt have become accustomed.

I may be reading your answer wrong, and I hope like hell I am, but there's NOTHING wrong with staying at home with kids if that's what you choose to do.

I worked, even used my education, for damn near 20 years, and I really resent the implication that I went to college to find a husband. Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

[thebullet]

When my wife informed that she was ready to have a child (to my surprise, since she was an ardent feminist who I didn't think wanted children) she quit her job (a very good one), stopped drinking, etc., and didn't return to work for 15 years.

Man that hurt financially. We knew that one of us had to work while the other stayed home with the child. It was my wife's decision to stay home herself. I don't remember being consulted - on the child, on who would work or much of anything else.

Yes it's true. I'm pussy whipped.

 

[SlickTony]

I wasn't talking about you, Cloudy. I was talking about her. I hope the couple that was the subject of this thread communicated with each other effectively before the wedding even happened. I've heard of too many guys who figured that they were going to be half of a double-income team, and then their wives announced that they were going to become SAHMs and the men felt as if they'd been baited-and-switched.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The idea that college is some kind of glamorized vocational training is only about 30 years old.

Before that, education was the goal, not job-hunting.

--Zoot

 

[impressive]

From the time I first decided that I wanted children, I also decided that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom until they were all school aged. That being said, I still went to college and earned my degrees -- worked for half a dozen years or so before starting a family.

Did the whole extended nursing, child-led weaning thing. It took some sacrifices, but was worth it. Spouse fully supported the idea and has been the sole bread winner for the past 11 years.

Now that the kids are all (FINALLY!) in school, I realize that I am no longer even remotely interested in working in my degree field (mathematics), and I've built a full-time volunteer career doing disability rights advocacy.

While our family would have considerably more income if I returned to paid employment, my "work" now is far more imporant in the grand scheme of things. Spouse agrees.

Do I regret my college education? Hardly!