Vent

[destinie21]

Hi all.

I started a thread in the authors Hangout called I Just Needed to Vent

I actually salvaged a few of my "rants" and submited them
I'm starting a new thread to welcome ventoers and encourage poetic expression.

 

[destinie21]

first post

For The Only One
Denial?
more like the Nile

When I spit it’s no more than a River in Egypt
My truth is so sun like it cats no shadows

You’re my star in a thousand midnights
and when we’re apart I can’t shake your
image from the walls of my boundless imagination.

Wait that didn’t make sense
does any of this?

You’re the one I always heard about
soul mate
better half

The only one

for me.

 

[destinie21]

Since way before 1984
big brother's been watching
and taking a census
one more step toward being censored

say what?



They quote the constitution and
Cry for revolution

Talking so much bullshit it's air pollution

What about evolution ?

I shoot my mouth of like a smith and Wesson
but I never heard of or learned a lesson

What can you teach me about writing my rhyme
I'll take my time and break it down layman's
So you can understand
when I speak my mind
poetry with no sincerity is just fancy talk

I just realized
that I use these real eyes
to show all real lies
but we're more fascinated with the fabricated


See I swear to God
if I could swear to God
I ask her what the fuck she was thinking
giving us free will

say what?

See children don't play
and god don't pray cuz it's out of her hands now

And I rewrote the bible after getting over my primal rage
of not finding my name in the bible's page
and any of those who try to to dissect my destiny
will see

Flashy words make the world go round
there's no satisfaction
in knowing that your life is the saddest fiction every written.
so take it back to the satis-factory
until you're satisfied.

Words somehow make the world turn
but the world don't turn right

Words somehow make the world turn
but when will we write it?

The world don't turn right
when can freedom fight it?

3000 casualties of war but actually there's more from before
hardly shed a tear for Iraqi fears
but let some shit happen here
and we'll never hear the end of it

The never ending story hasn't even started

3000 casualties of war but actually there's more from before
but depravity is raw when it's practically at the door

The children are the future
and what does the Future hold

Wet with sweat, from credit card debt
wondering how they're going to pay for those Tommy Hilfiger's

House niggas,
That's what he called us
but they eat up.
till they fill his cup
and it runneth over.

Back to the point
where was I
oh yeah

Shot by propaganda and rumors of weapons
but Is the burning Bush The best man at Osama's wedding?

My peripheral vision is wider
panoramicaly fitted so the lies are deciphered

What the fuck is the news
except for newer lies

Who got raped by 10 Serbian men
Heard her name once
never heard it again?


Where were we then
It was about 1998
and America was great
remember that embassy we bombed?
like we weren't terrorizing
the terrified.

I wanna ask Marvin
What's going on

Fuck Bruce Willis
is this the realist Armageddon?

See they're fighting fire with fire

they're fighting fire with fire

fire with fire ?


fuck it I'm fighting fire with water

I think I oughta
For my sons and daughters
living in a world of slaughter
watching tall stories getting shorter


The innocence of infants gone in an instant
mercenaries heard of peace in the after life


they scream murder me now then let disaster strike


But there was
3000 casualties of war

Actually there's more in store


>>>>> end

 

[Angeline]

I'm sorry baby
they hand us a book
and say its history
tell us get standards
it ain't no mystery

whose standards are they?
or whose equality?

when everyone knows
but no one sees
that blues are born
in human hearts like love
could live in any heart
that wasn't full of fear
or greed that steers culture
away from simple decency
from what should be
the true moral majority

we're stifled by some slick
sound bites who hide
their crooked sneaky grins
behind a flag behind
a bill of someone else's
rights

And everybody knows that's right
but nobody admits
until it hits the fan again
and then their words flow tears
so years and years of this
go by like rain you know
what I mean you know Langston
sang for anybody's dream
deferred in anybody's skin
or sex or world
the price of living blind to sin
explodes explodes explodes.

 

[destinie21]

The following is a sensitive and (for me heart wrenching) poem
I've never been able to quite express before. Now that I have someone who's finally made me feel like I'm good enough I can write what I feel. I've already shared the experience with her years ago and she saw inside of me and still stayed by my side.
If you're interested read on.



See I always thought it was my fault.
That's how I felt no matter what they said.

I thought it was my fault all of it and none of it at all.
Maybe if my skirt hadn't been so short,
or if my legs weren't quite so long.
Or if I hadn't gone into that room.
Up those stairs
past all those stares

If I was stronger or pushed harder.
Or screamed louder
than the music that he played.

Maybe he wouldn't have broken me
and torn me up like a secret note between friends
Ripping all my little girl parts
and shoving me to early
into an unnatural womanhood

Maybe the tears wouldn't have come
and showed him I was weak

He laughed and pushed harder
into my body and into my mind
I couldn't deny the horrors he showed me

I was being torn in half
that's what it felt like
and I thought my soul was trying to escape

Maybe that's what I felt on my thighs
when he pulled away from me

He laughed again
as he left me there like an old toy he'd grown bored with

"I love you baby" that's the words he used when
he shut the door sealing my childhood in that cluttered room

I lay in the bed trying to understand
I sat up my thighs hurt and felt sticky

I had never seen a soul before
Was it supposed to be this red, this wet
Soaking through light blue sheets?
Was it love that made the side of my face throb
from where he punched slapped and dragged me down?
Was it love that made my insides hot and cold all at once?
And made my insides feel like they were trying to be outsides?

My eyes were blurry with tears
What had I done?

I walked down the stairs
past all those stares
and out the door
shivering in the night air
as I made my way home.

 

[destinie21]

I can't fathom forever
but I know it's not long enough
Yes that's right baby another love poem

Where words can't carry the weight
of emotion


I want to tell you all the things that you never thought you'd hear...

although I don't know why you never thought you'd hear them.
But that doen't really matter. I'll show you evry day why you deserve this hommage of love paid to you.
I can't not

I want to show you how to fly standing still.
how music can ravish your body from the inside
and leave you standing there naked and trembling with goosebumps.

I want to show you exploding, red, sky engulfing sunsets
with your eyes closed.
And let you know
we don't ever have to wait until the fourth of july
For our fireworks

yeah that's right baby another love poem
from your jaded cynic
turned hopless romantic.
Words to you
that can never do you justice.


__________________

 

[destinie21]

Titled:9/16/1996


14 didn't mean anything before that day.
An unremarkable number.
On an autumn evening.

The sky was natures jewlry box and the leaves sparkled like heavenly adorments.
Reds oranges and yellows setting the sky ablaze.
The smell of a nearby bonfire hung in the air like the tangible
scent of comfort.

I walked a bit unsteady in shoes that were a little to high,
but still there was a spring in my step because I wore a new sweater beneath my new jacket.

My mother had let me use just a drop of her favorite perfume Eternity.

I felt so grown up like maybe I was almost a woman.
When I look back now I could weep for the child I was.
The niaevity that I had then and the reason it was torn away in just a few short hours.

I walked up the drive and rang the doorbell
Her mother opened the door with a smile
and greeted me with a hug.

My parents had said the party would be "safe."
Since there would be a chaporone there.

After that night we all had to redefine what safety was.


I was drinking a pepsi when he came up to me.
The brother of my best friend.
He was home from university,
he always came home on the weekends for hot meals and laundry service.

"Aren't you pretty as a blossoming Rose?"
He knew I hated my middle name and so he always made little jokes. It embarassed me, but at the same time the sound of his voice and the way he looked at me made butterflies flutter in my belly.

He was 23 and until the past 6 months he had treated me like a kid sister. Now somehow in a way I could never fully explain our dynamics were different.

When he would touch me under the guise of a tickle war it didn't seem quite appropriate.
There were a million warning that I just didn't see.

So when he asked if I wanted to see his new stereo I said "sure."
As we walked up the stairs I could feel the boys and girls there looking at us. I was nervous wanting to turn back.
He whispered some forgotten joke under his breath and I laughed. I could feel his fingertips pressing into my back as we hit the final stair.

His room was cluttered and posters of topless woman on beaches appeared glossy under the low lamp light.

There on his desk next to his computer was a shiny metallic gray stereo. It seemed to have more knobs and buttons than necessary.

I sat on the bed since he was in the desk chair flipping the knobs and switches.

Very soon the room was filled with the sound of electric gutairs.
It was too loud.

When he sat on the bed next to me the butterflies in my stomach disappeared and in their place was a feeling I would later recognize as fear.

He kissed me then, draping his hand around my shoulder. I tried to push him away as he pushed me back. He was stronger than me and held me easily with one hand as he straddled my hips.

Pushing the thin cotton barrier that seperated us aside he burst through my innoccence in less than an instant.

I was screaming then,
and he slapped me hard enough to shatter my cheek bone and make my eye swell shut.

I was crying
and still he pushed, laughing
as pain burned up my insides.
I pushed him again hoping that the pain had made me stronger.
It hadn't.

When he was spent he pulled away and arranged his clothes,
then as he was leaving he told me he loved me.

I lay in that room crying
praying that the tears could wash away the pain.

As I lay there my blood soaked the the light blue sheets from the middle to the edges of the bed like a sunburst.

When I could I stood,
and walked out of that room and down the stairs and out of my childhood

There were more stares and everyone was hysterical except for me. Blood soaked my legs from the inside of my thighs to the insides of my to high shoes. I could still smell the scent of the bonfire smoke as I shivered in the night air.

I had forgotten my new jacket

I made it all the way to my front steps before I passed out.

Before that night 14 didn't mean anything
I just didn't know it was everything.

 

[Elron]

To vent?
To share our thoughts,
our minds well spent?

To question the whys
see the hows,
to feel the pains.

All is just locked away,
no mystery, no sadness,
no endless summer day.

An affair is wrong?
Why judge, answer the question.

To love another,
beside the other.
Wrong indeed.

Yet wait,
the happiness is more,
why can it be?

To many thoughts,
to many calls,
a love over wire.

A lover you see
between you and me
that is the end,
no more of us
good bye my friend.

Ahh to vent,
it feels good
not sad and lonely.

Yet somehow,
it is still only
a question not an answer.

Just short of tomorrow
the answers lie,
along with the heart,
the will to fly.

To leave the house,
to walk away,
to end it all.

Why?

An affair remember,
did you not see?
The love that is here
belongs to another.

Ahh to vent.
Yes. it is clear now,
still only mud.

 

[ffreak]

A Frozen Place in Time

There are so many of us frozen in the past,
We scream our hearts out because it happened so fast.
Our brains betray us by never letting go.
Someone we trusted, how could they hurt us so?

He was to take care of me, I was blind, you see.
But when they left he pinned me down with his hard knee.
It would be fun, he lied, as he took my clothes.
The grunts, the shoves, the pain that hurt to my toes.

I cried, then shut my mouth fearing death.
Scream, he said, they won’t ever hear a breath.
He ripped my body, tossed out my soul,
And burned my mind, then left me cold.

They told me that to lie was bad,
They said my acting out was sad.
The smirks told me he was right,
My days became endless night.

Childhood takes so long to live,
And naught but nightmares give.
But patience can be learned with time,
While hiding underneath the grime.

A miracle fell upon my head.
A doctor made my eyes undead.
Now I could see my enemy,
And never would he escape me.

I hated and I planned my hand.
Someday I knew I’d take a stand.
And that day came to pass, you know.
He never should have made a foe.

He came one night after dark
He never knew I had his mark.
AWOL, he said he’d take no more,
Safety should be behind our door.

One night, no more, my Pop had said.
I put the gun under his bed.
The store’s phone where I made the call.
In the morning he had his fall.

They held him only six more months,
I felt like I was such a dunce.
My anger never calmed a bit.
My pillow was all I could hit.

Time goes on in spite of me.
My soul still drifts in open sea.
Someday I may find my release,
If first I don’t kill the dirty beast.

I’m still frozen in the past,
My dreams star the same old cast.
Never can I let it go,
It is the cold that brings me low.

-FF

 

[destinie21]

Have you ever wanted someone so bad
you could taste it on the tip of your tongue
like sour apple bubble gum?

And it's as exciting as that fist crush
when you like that one person so much
you're hot and cold
shy and bold
tongue tied
with bonafide fear?


I mean you need that want so bad
it's like the smell of a thunder storm.
Fresh and dangerous
and you can feel the longing in the tips of your toes.

That's the kind of want that knows no bounds
and I can't tell if it's my heart pounding
or if that throbbing is coming from
the wet place between my thighs.

A simple smile can set off a symphony of sensual sensations
in the pit of my stomach.
Is this how head over heels feels?

You sweep me off my feet
and keep me perpetually
seated because I'm weak in the knees.
And I'm begging like a country singer with the blues
Just to get a taste of you.

Nothing smells so sweet as the scent of you
and I'm baptized in submisson
like never before.
and what I mean is
that no one
ever made me want to submit before.

I would do anything to see smile.

I need a support group
a 12 step program
because I addicted to you.
and it's not that I want to quit
It's that I need to learn how to live
without an every sixty second fix.

Okay that last thing was denial
I think about you every other second
and on the other second I daydream
about you and me
and the we that we are.

and I thank god for showing me
love.

 

[destinie21]

The first signs were twinkling eyes a certain secret smile
shared during musing hours at the mirror .

No ordinary vanity she cloistered herself in a darkened room with incense reeking

That knowing smile would be reflected eeirily staring eyes twitch faintly mimicking the corners of her lips


Arcane curses tumble off her tongue only to bounce back at her fading grasp .

In the frigid terror of tooth protectors and electrodes they convulsed her mind and body,
After many thearaputic rapes she fled with a scrap of paper.

Her only testament to a recovered health and lost memeory.
Her last days spent whithering away along the west coast left no memories, but the residue of final life.

The heartsick photos, meager cash and an oily lipstick were hand worn scraps, needless proof of wordly worth.
The pittance from a class action lawsuit quickly vanished but home movies verify memories of loving happy days.

yet lingering fear remaions in my mirror.
The smile her smile reflects as the horror repeats itself

 

[destinie21]

Why am I the only one venting?
before my mind can mull over that quetion to much here's another of my rablings.


I drink in strangers on the street.
Swallowing the motion of their steps.

The images tucked away in time,
roll through my hungry head
like familiar family videos.

This writing is a need
a ritual of love
long nurtured.

I'm anxious with unsatisfied desire to pen my thoughts
and in the end
my thoughts
are nothing more than fancy words
wrapped into pleasing phrases
echoing the phases of my misspent youth.

half of what I say is cliche and half of that is bullshit
but writing is not like candy.
You can't just avoid the nasty and unwanted bits
There will always be unpleasant flavors so we may as well
dig in and take what we can get
and suffer through our fair share of black jellybeans

 

[Icingsugar]

Why am I the only one venting?

Because you're damn good at it?

 

[ffreak]

I second the motion - your vents are like lyrical sermons - we're just the choir saying amen.

-FF (vent on, girl)

 

[destinie21]

awww shucks guys.

 

[destinie21]

Here I am to vent again not really a poem not quite a story
a little disturbing bit of rage on a page really.


A murder

She glared at the sleeping man before her. His bald head sunken deep into the pillow, breathing steadily with his face relaxed and peaceful-looking. Only, she knew how he had been grinning just hours earlier and once again she was filled with an overpowering rage. She knew it was irrational, but she just wanted to hurt him. She wanted to see blood, she wanted to hear him scream.
Her neck and shoulders were so tensed they ached, her teeth were grinding so hard the enamel squeaked, her hand was clutching the knife with a power that made her entire body twitch nervously. Although she wasn't nervous. The calmness over her would have been disturbing had she been thinking about it, but she wasn't. The only thing she thought about was seeing him bleed.
Closing her eyes she could clearly see before her the deep red blood running down his body, turning the white sheets crimson. She saw herself smiling, and could almost feel the weight of the world lifting from her shoulders.
When she opened her eyes it was all gone. He was still laying there on the bed, still breathing peacefully.
Even with the hate she felt for him she could not kill him in his sleep. "Wake up, you bastard." she wheezed pressing the knife against his throat. "Say your final prayers."
His eyes bulged up. In less than a second he was more awake than he'd ever been--or would ever be--in his life.
"Y--you." he stuttered and tried to flash her one of his broad grins, but his face wouldn't follow the movement.
"Any last requests, creep?" she asked calmly pressing the knife tighter against his neck.
"You wouldn't really--" he coughed, but the threatening look she gave him silenced him.
"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?" she asked sounding almost friendly, but the burning eyes left no room for illusions.
Wisely he didn't answer.
"I warned you. I told you I'd go to drastic measures if you continued, but you just didn't listen." Slowly she moved the knife-point downwards, across his chest down to his stomach. "I told you you'd drive me too far one day. Today was that day."
He followed the knife with his eyes; the blade reflected the light from the window, grossly enhancing her words. "You can never understand how much I hate you. I really hate you. Hate." She laughed almost bitterly. "I've never hated anyone in my entire life, but you are the most--" She bit her teeth together and scowled at him with burning eyes. "At least now you won't be there any more. I'll never have to look at your ugly bald head again."
His already bulging eyes widened even more as she drove the jagged knife into his belly with all her might. Blood welled up from his lips and his entire body jerked upwards. Still she couldn't release the hate. She grabbed the blade with both hands and yanked it out, causing irreversible damage, before she drove the blade in between his lower ribs and twisted the blade.
The sounds he made one should believed impossible to produce by human vocal-chords. Gagging and retching he managed to half-sit up in bed clutching and clawing at the knife in her hands with both his hands, before his eyes glazed and he sank back.
Not only the sheets had turned red; her dress was soaked with his blood, but it didn't matter. She felt better than she had in a long time.
"See you in hell, you bastard." she muttered before she turned and walked away

 

[Wills]

Is this all that I do
cast my words to the net
And sit in my shadow

are the words
such a threat
they go unsaid
why do you not see me

each day brings
release
of a kind I only see in colour, before
you swamped me
with sounds Unheard

the little things
you told me
more than I needed to know
held nothing back

When this is done
will I rest
with you


This is frustration at not being with my Partner yet when we are together, I find it so difficult to write.

Will's

 

[destinie21]

Nobody reads my poetry,
It's all just a f***in' mystery,
Why don't they comment on my literacy?
I need to get some sympathy.

When writing here my mind doth see,
The myriad wondrous possibilities,
But still nobody answers me,
No muse just mediocrity.

I sing a tune for all the world,
Across the ether lyrics hurled,
Some gems of wisdom ever-pearled,
My verbal petals finally unfurled.

But nobody reads my poetry,
Except maybe that first one from Gay Paris,
It's all just a f***in' mystery,
Can't you spare some sweeties for me?