Vanilla and marks

[chris9]

If this questions was ever answered before, forgive me for bringing it up again. I checked in the library, but couldn't find anything.
A couple of months ago I managed to make my bf understand that I want to be submissive to him. Since then we started experimenting (mainly because I really want this, I believe he enjoys pleasing me by being firm and mean and hurting me physically, but I do not think it's really HIS favourite) -not enough for me, but starting slow isn't bad as I have "only" fantasies to decide what I like and now need to find out what works for real.
Anyway, wednesday was one of those rare moments of what I like to call play (I'm not into the lifestyle, I just want to be handled roughly when it comes to sex). He spanked my butt with his hand quite hard and I believe has bruised me a bit. At least this morning after binding my arms he discovered those small dots on my backside. I'm not sure if he was planning on doing some spanking but fear that he might have seen these and backed out. I guess I will have to ask him when he has a bit of time later today.
Now first I would like to know if you experienced those dots? I don't really know what I expected as marks, never thought about it, but certainly not tiny little red dots...
And second I'm wandering how to encourage him continuing spanking, even if he can see his marks days later.
I appreciate any comments you can give me on trying out things and making bdsm work for both of us.

 

[YinandYang]

I am in a Vanilla relationship, although the BDSM thing figures quite largely in our lives. My SO gets a kick from the marks he leaves, ranging from bruising on the breast, stripes on the arse or ropemarks on my wrists...etc its a nice reminder for us both of our intimate moments. We are careful not to leave marks that would show in everyday life.

I would say talk and talk and talk some more, there can never be enough talking, maybe he feels a bit guilty for the marks he has left? Like you myself and my partner met in a vanilla way, and realised after a while we both had this in us. We started off VERY slowly, bit by bit, both unsure of each others bounderies I guess. But going slowly isn't a bad thing, its the only way you will know for sure each others desires. What helped us was complete honesty, and to not be afraid of each others reactions to our own desires. We went for months emailing each other with stories of our fantasies, each one pushing the bounderies a bit more.

Telling him how much you enjoy seeing the marks may put his mind at rest a bit. I hope this works out for you, sounds like you have something very special to share

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Search a little harder next time

Now first I would like to know if you experienced those dots? I don't really know what I expected as marks, never thought about it, but certainly not tiny little red dots.
And second I'm wandering how to encourage him continuing spanking, even if he can see his marks days later.
I appreciate any comments you can give me on trying out things and making bdsm work for both of us.

The little red dots are probably burst capillaries. Think of them as very small bruises. In most cases, the body heals them within two to four days depending on your body's response and the extent of the impact damage.

Here's a major subsection of the library you missed, click me.

If you really want some reading try looking through the 14 pages of posts in this search, click me.

 

[chris9]

Thanks

I read the posts which didn't really help me very much, but thanks anyways, who knows when I will be needing the info?
Well, we did do a bit more talking while soaking in the tub
I guess he didn't really mind the marks but was actually a tiny bit proud of them. He also said that it feels kind of stupid spanking me... I really like it though, so I hope he gets used to it or at least does it once in a while for my sake. Well, maybe I may hope for the getting used to and then loving it, as this seems to be quite often the case in new sexual things.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I read the posts which didn't really help me very much, but thanks anyways, who knows when I will be needing the info?

You read all 14 pages? Damn, you are a masochist.

Well, we did do a bit more talking while soaking in the tub
I guess he didn't really mind the marks but was actually a tiny bit proud of them. He also said that it feels kind of stupid spanking me... I really like it though, so I hope he gets used to it or at least does it once in a while for my sake. Well, maybe I may hope for the getting used to and then loving it, as this seems to be quite often the case in new sexual things.

Flip to the threads about a vanilla partner.

 

[D's mariposa]

Check out ""When Someone You Love is Kinky" by Eastman and Liszt. They sometimes get a bit preachy with their "stuff" but it's usually really great advice. They also wrote "the Topping Book" and "the Bottoming Book". Both are really good reads.

 

[chris9]

You read all 14 pages? Damn, you are a masochist.Flip to the threads about a vanilla partner.

Yes, I did read those, too, at least the ones I thought would be giving me some advice. Many were on how to tell your partner you want it rough which I managed after many tries **proud**
I never considered reading anything (except schoolbooks) as painful... Adding to this I didn't have a whole lot to do today, so getting advice while I have the time seemed a good idea...

 

[Silverlily]

He also said that it feels kind of stupid spanking me...

He may also want to try different technics. For example - I feel silly spanking with my bare hand. I have problems with my hands and a bare-handed swat from me is nothing to write home over. I've gone on ad nauseum about my tawse, so I won't elaborate here, but with that, a thrashing is something else entirely.

Different positions change things as well. I don't care for over the knee. One, I'm not that big and two, I can't get a full swing. I prefer over the back of a couch or on a bed ass up, face down.