Vampires a Mathematical Impossibility

[Zeb_Carter]

The fatal flaw in his logic is in the assumption that a bite alone causes one to rise from the grave as a Vampire, which is perhaps a very common conception, but not the traditional notion. It only dispels the myth of a certain idea of the Vampire.



Now, I'm sure this really didn't take him long to calculate, because it should be a fairly simple problem by the standards of what a physicist would be used to, but I still think it was a colossal waste of his time.

And if his study was funded by a grant from the government a colossal waste of our tax dollars.

 

[R. Richard]

The vampire legend may have been created around an actual person, Vlad III, Dracula. Vlad III was the son of Vlad II Dracul [Dracula mean son of Dracul.]

Vlad III was a Prince of Wallachia who was known for his nasty habit of impaling his victims alive. Due to the habit he was known as Vlad the Impaler. Vlad III is thought, by some, to have been the inspiration for Bram Stokers book "Dracula."

I have secret information that Vlad III was probably strongly influenced by the dreaded "Does not play well with others" evaluation early in life and that the evaluation may have been responsible for his later actions.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

And if his study was funded by a grant from the government a colossal waste of our tax dollars.

It's simple math though. It doesn't tsake a grant or even an entire hour to figure out how long it would take to eleminate the humane race at a set pace. All that you need is a couple of starting numbers and then some doubling and you are practically done. If you want to add a percentage to the human population for growth then it complicates things a little, but not so much that it would add any significant time onto anything.

Hell, someone with a mathematical mind could probably have figured it all out in the time that it took me to type out this post.

 

[poppy1963]

It's simple math though. It doesn't tsake a grant or even an entire hour to figure out how long it would take to eleminate the humane race at a set pace. All that you need is a couple of starting numbers and then some doubling and you are practically done. If you want to add a percentage to the human population for growth then it complicates things a little, but not so much that it would add any significant time onto anything.

Hell, someone with a mathematical mind could probably have figured it all out in the time that it took me to type out this post.

What does that true little fact have to do with a colossal waste of our tax dollars?

 

[poppy1963]

The classic vampire = sex, plain and simple, and he almost always makes his home in cultures that are simultaneously obsessed with and horrifed by the whole idea of sex - Victorian Britain, 1950's America.

The vampire is a sexual predator: male, powerful, potent, and irresistible (and typically some kind of exotic foreigner. Good old Brits and Yanks don't go around doing such naughty things to our girls.) He hypnotizes women with his gaze and they swoon. He inserts his teeth into their throats and they orgasm, and once they know the pleasure of the orgasm, they become his slaves.

He supposedly fears the signs of our religious morality and flees the sign of the cross and the vial of holy water. To be killed, he has to be himself fucked, this time through the love muscle.

Vampires stories still give the most PC and liberated among us a chance to indulge in wonderfully out-of-fasion sexist role-playing romances involving rape and non-consent, evil and innocence, blood and passion and the redemptive power of love. They toy wth themes of male violence and misogyny and a woman's power to tame the man's savage urges.

As archetypal fairy tale of how love and sex work between men and women, the vampire deserves to be right up there with "Beauty and the Beast" and "Sleeping Beauty". He's the most compelling monster to come along in the last 500 years.

So everytime I see someone trying to "prove" or "disprove" something about the existence of vampires, I just have to shake my head. They just don't get it. That darkly handsome or ravishing creature who stands in the shadows glaring at you, preparing to put you under its spell and drink your blood and make you do the most deliciously perverted and unholy sexual acts (just the things you'd never admit to yourself you're secretly dying someone will force you to do) comes straight out of our own imaginations.

Yes...but do people believe they are REAL? LOL...In my younger years, I, too, was fascinated with the Vampire legends and stories including Dracula, and Vlad the Impaler....there was also a Queen associated with the legends at one point, Salems Lot and Lestat...hee hee! But I never believed in them for real for real...although like scheherazade_79 I "wanted them to be real" at times!

 

[poppy1963]

Some theorists, such as Graham Hancock (yes, I know, some people think he's a quack), suggest that Mars was once as large as Earth, and that a comet or atseroid slammed into the planet, knocking off trillions upon trillions of tons of matter from the planet's surface . . . thus the asteroid belt.

Oh, man, it's late . . . .

Well heck...nobody's really certain about the Big Bang Theory...

 

[poppy1963]

One thing I have noticed about mathematics, or physics, or any of the other 'hard' scientific disciplines, is that, if you wait six months, any 'proven' scientific fact will be debunked or challenged.

Vampires may not necessarily feed on human blood. Maybe it's the plasma they require, which regenerates much more quickly in the human body. Of course, I am not an expert on vampires . . . .

Pluto was once a planet. Now it is not. In five years, it may be a planet again. Already, Pluto's invalidity (is that a word?) as a planet is being challenged.

And as far as mathematics itself goes, String Theory proposes that all matter and energy are intertwined. Perhaps vampires do not actually feed on blood, but ancient chroniclers could think of nothing else to describe. Maybe vampires just suck the 'energy' from a person, and as Albert Einstein theorized, the amount of nuclear energy inside a single human cell is enormous.

But then, Einstein himself was a physicist and mathematician . . . perhaps, with time, he might be proved wrong.

Guess there really is no accurate answer to this question.

BTW, if Pluto is no longer a planet, does that mean Planet X becomes Planet VIIII? or would that be Planet IX? Never could get my Roman numerals straight . . . .

Eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkk...*runs away screaming at all The Big Questions presented*

 

[Jailhouse]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkk...*runs away screaming at all The Big Questions presented*

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what having an IQ of 118 is all about.

 

[poppy1963]

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what having an IQ of 118 is all about.

You left out "Mr. Green", oh stalker mine...Bug off. Let me have some peace and enjoyment with the people here.

 

[Liar]

Oh yeah... well, didn't someone prove that Santa Claus was a mathematical impossibility...

No way the fat man is getting down a normal american chimney!

I think there was a calculation done by physics students at MIT on the flight route Santa had to take in order to deliver presents. If memory serves me:

They calculated the shortest flight distance to cover all Christian households with kids in the world. Or rather half of the households, since they assumed that 50% of all families had nothing kids who'd been naughty. Then they took the distance and divided it by the 47 hours of christmas day (for 47 hours, it's Christmas Day somewhere on the planet). The velocity Santa's sled would have to keep would apparently burn it to a cinder due to athmosphere friction.

Personally, I think Rudolph's nose takes the heat.

 

[R. Richard]

I think there was a calculation done by physics students at MIT on the flight route Santa had to take in order to deliver presents. If memory serves me:

They calculated the shortest flight distance to cover all Christian households with kids in the world. Or rather half of the households, since they assumed that 50% of all families had nothing kids who'd been naughty. Then they took the distance and divided it by the 47 hours of christmas day (for 47 hours, it's Christmas Day somewhere on the planet). The velocity Santa's sled would have to keep would apparently burn it to a cinder due to athmosphere friction.

Personally, I think Rudolph's nose takes the heat.

They also calculated the energy that would be required for the reindeer to pull the sleigh. The reindeer would have had to eat the planet bare to get enough energy to pull the sleigh.

OK, so Rudolph has a little drinking problem. Was it necessary to bring it up?

 

[poppy1963]

lol....poor Rudolph...he'll always be a "watched one"....damn red nose!

 

[rikaaim]

Jaws scared me out of the ocean for a decade. LOL.

I just had to quote this bit because when I first looked at it, I thought you said Jews scared you out of the water. LOL

 

[poppy1963]

I just had to quote this bit because when I first looked at it, I thought you said Jews scared you out of the water. LOL

In all honesty, I have only known one Jew who could "scare me out of the water" so to speak..........all the rest have been Irish Catholics.

 

[Oblimo]

They also calculated the energy that would be required for the reindeer to pull the sleigh. The reindeer would have had to eat the planet bare to get enough energy to pull the sleigh.

"NICHOLAS WAS ...older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.

"The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.

"Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen in time.

"He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.

"Ho.

"Ho.

"Ho."

-Neil Gamain

 

[cloudy]

"NICHOLAS WAS ...older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.

"The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.

"Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.

"He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.

"Ho.

"Ho.

"Ho."

-Neil Gamain

I love him. Just finished "Anansi Boys."

 

[Oblimo]

I love him. Just finished "Anansi Boys."

The MIT students triggered a memory. For our anniversary several years back, my wife obtained the autographs of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett for the Good Omens hardcover I've had since college. Anyway, she was a grad student at MIT and Neil Gaiman was giving a talk and a book signing a few months after 9/11.

She told me she was the only woman in the room older than 26 and not bedecked in black and lace and suchlike. She wore her gray power suit and she says Gaiman kept glancing at her in polite puzzlement.

Anyway, she waits in line and hands him the book. He says hello and asks who he's signing the book for and what he should write. She said it was for me and suggested, "You've got a really hot wife" for the dedication. Instead, he wrote "Sorry about the world ending" and drew some of his signature bats in bowler hats. He handed the book back with a, "Here you go, Hot Wife."

Well, that's her story.

And she won't tell me how she got Pratchett's.

 

[poppy1963]

In all honesty, I have only known one Jew who could "scare me out of the water" so to speak..........all the rest have been Irish Catholics.

Hey...just teasing with all this....I was raised by an Irish Catholic mother.

 

[Lilithstar]

sighs

Sometimes scientists really suck the fun out of life.


Agreed!
The statistics are interesting for people that are in to mathematics, probability and ratios. I'm not a numbers kind of girl, I'm a words kind of girl, and vampires and their lore fall under the "words" category. So, leave the myth alone, it's folklore and spooky fun!

 

[slyc_willie]

Sometimes scientists really suck the fun out of life.


Agreed!
The statistics are interesting for people that are in to mathematics, probability and ratios. I'm not a numbers kind of girl, I'm a words kind of girl, and vampires and their lore fall under the "words" category. So, leave the myth alone, it's folklore and spooky fun!

Something a professor once told me comes to mind . . . .

30% of all statistics are wrong.

Apply that to mathematics in general. There is always another theory out there that destroys all others . . . in theory.