Vampire cure

[NuclearFairy]

So, I was joking around in the kitchen with my SO about whether or not there can be too much garlic in a dish, which lead to dirty jokes like so many things do, and it got me to thinking...

What if a wooden stake was a euphemism for penis, and heart was one for orgasm? But it can't be just any guy, dunno what the criteria would be, maybe he needs his dick blessed, or covered in yew ash, or to simply be pure of heart. But anyways he goes around seducing vampires and making them cum on his stake which in this has to be a satire would instead of slaying them cure them of their vampirism.

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

“Brother Jerome. It has come to my understanding that you have again broken your vow of chastity and lain with a woman”

“Yes your excellency. I apologize. I accept my time in the cloth is over but I do want to assure you the encounter was consensual.”

“Relax brother, we spoke to the young woman in question she assured us that your…many exploits were all consensual and she said that if you were leaving the order she has a spare room…but I’m afraid you are too valuable to us to allow you to retire at this time.”

“Your excellency?”

“All of us have many callings brother. For me it is to guide the wayward lambs and make sure they are serving the Lord in the fight against darkness. Your calling may have brought you to engage in lustful matters but you are still a holy man. Your work in the community with the sick and poor has been exemplary. And there is a sickness that your proclivity with carnal matters may yet be a cure for.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you know what vampires are, Brother Jerome?”

Two months later: “apologies for the security check darling but I have…allergies against certain things. Silver, garlic…pine and oak stakes…I must say, for a former man of the cloth you are surprisingly handsome but also very, very stupid to come here without weapons.”

Jerome smiled warmly and dropped his pants, “well it would be rude to bring a weapon into the house of such a gorgeous woman.” He slipped off his boxers and watched with a smug expression as his would be captor’s face nodded in shock and bounced along with freed cock, “besides the Lord has already blessed me with a mighty lance.”

The vampiress froze, “no! You are supposed to be a rumor!”

“Oh I am quite real my wayward sister. My embrace is full of the lord’s forgiveness, my lips his kindness, and my holy lance his love. Come and be purified with the love of the Lord!”

 

[Rob_Royale]

Again, the entertainment factor here is high. Write it.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Again, the entertainment factor here is high. Write it.

I am not inspired enough to write it, just think it up.

I think @Brandnewbuddy should write it though!

 

[Tangledskein]

I am not inspired enough to write it, just think it up.

I think @Brandnewbuddy should write it though!

Perhaps co-write then, I'm game? Though not sure about male vampires coming on my cock? I mean the heroes cock....

 

[NuclearFairy]

Perhaps co-write then, I'm game? Though not sure about male vampires coming on my cock? I mean the heroes cock....

I'm not sure how good I'd be for co-writing. I tend to write a paragraph and then wander away to do something else before wandering back for the next one. But I'd be willing to bounce ideas.

Hmm, yeah the vampire would have to have at least some interest in men for this idea, and the hero would work best if they were bi... But maybe it could be a group of vampire layers.

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

I think a squad would be best as depending on the vampire they could have different tastes.

Like you a vampiress joining the faculty of a women’s college or all girls boarding school, planning to prey on the girls after they turn 18 and create an army of influential vampires. She finds a girl who appears to be a shy little virgin and tempts her into a late night rendezvous.

“My sweet girl. Your eyes have been undressing me ever since you came up to my room, you’re actually quite the pervert, aren’t you?”

“Please forgive me ma’am!” The timid girl blurted out, collapsing to her knees in submission, “You’re so beautiful. God has truly blessed you.”

The vampire smiled smugly, “well I don’t know about all that but it would seem the simplest solution would be for me to take the temptation away by removing these garments. Here, I’ll take my shirt and bra off and you can take my skirt off.”

To her delight, the girl did, deftly removing the skirt even as her eyes became saucers upon seeing her bald maidenhood.

“What’s the matter dear? Did you not think to picture that my cunt might be waxed?” She chuckled as the girl covered her own mouth when the word ‘cunt’ was said. Such an innocent young woman. She would enjoy this corruption.

“No ma’am, I-“

“silence” the Vampire ordered, her eyes now taking on a crimson hue. As she sent out her charm she let her fangs descend past her bottom lip, “it is time for an education that does not require words. Place your mouth in front of my cunt,” she chuckled as the girl once again winced, “and start licking”

To her surprise though, the girl did not meekly obey. Instead, it was the vampire who cried out as she felt a pair of surprisingly strong hands clasp onto her buttocks and dig their digits in roughly to each cheek. Before she could even react to the pain she then felt the young woman’s tongue upon her, drifting across her labia, lapping against it with a desperate insistence and then…oh lord, letting its tip play against her clit in a way that her become weak in her knees and start to sway, her body only being held in place by the hands that were savagely gripping her ass.

“Do not fear ma’am, with arms strengthened by the Lord I shall hold you, with my fingers I shall scour the sin from your flesh, with a tongue that bears hymn I shall bless you with God’s pleasure and soon you shall drink blessed nectar from my own body. I shall save you with love ma’am!” The girl said with a smile before she resumed her assault

 

[Husky_Embrace]

I'm writing for the Dark fairy tales challenge and have something in the sane vein ready. The budding couple arrives at a wizards tower, where the powerful wizard lives. This man uses his power to look young (among other things), but still has the big beard (maybe red?) and bald head.

He locks them up and starts fattening up the guy, while using the woman to do chores in revealing clothes. She quickly knows he's a lecherous voyeur that probably wants her to fuck her partner later as he watches. There's something off. The wizard seems 100% full horny mode, yet does not want to take advantage of either of them.

There's this light joke where people become a wizard at 30 (sometimes 50) years a virgin. In this world this is a largely unknown fact of life. This is the arch mage of the world, at well over 150yo able to make the laws of the world sit and beg at his whim. Over 150 years of interest into sex, but never doing more than voyeurism makes him bottled up like no other.

The woman realises that his power wanes ever so slightly when she comes close. She eventually convinces him to do some "innocent" things, ramping it up until he's ready to enter her. He reveals that she's not the first to try and that he's got a steel self control. However, she gets the upper hand and in the end wins the struggle by making him come. As he comes from sex he loses his virginity, and with that his awesome powers.

Is the wizard sad he lost his powers? Of course. Even so it is a price that might be worth paying. The FC and MC escape the crumbling tower for the next phase of their adventure, leaving the wizard to an unknown fate, probably perishing as the tower collapses.