Validity of the Daddy/girl dynamic

[njlexi]

I've been meeting many people who do not think that the Daddy/girl dynamic is not a valid expression of D/s or M/s; that it doesn't have the same level of commitment. I was utterly floored by this. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about age play as much as I'm talking about the power dynamic.

I am very much drawn to the Daddy/girl dynamic, and see it as every bit as valid as any other. That said, I'd love to hear from folks on either side of this discussion, but would be very grateful to anyone who doesn't think it is as "real" as standard forms of D/s.

My thanks to anyone who chooses to respond to this in a constructive manner.

In gratitude,

lexi

 

[CutieMouse]

Interesting... what is the argument they make that (in their opinion) renders the dynamic to not be D/s?

 

[nh23]

I've been meeting many people who do not think that the Daddy/girl dynamic is not a valid expression of D/s or M/s; that it doesn't have the same level of commitment. I was utterly floored by this. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about age play as much as I'm talking about the power dynamic.

I am very much drawn to the Daddy/girl dynamic, and see it as every bit as valid as any other. That said, I'd love to hear from folks on either side of this discussion, but would be very grateful to anyone who doesn't think it is as "real" as standard forms of D/s.

My thanks to anyone who chooses to respond to this in a constructive manner.

In gratitude,

lexi

Well...what is "real"? We all live our lives differently no way is right or wrong. To me if it feals real to you..then it is.

 

[Ice2000]

hmmmm... not sure what your asking but having my sex partner view me as her daddy makes me soft. Its just a mental thing for me, nothing against it if thats your thing. And there is not many things about D/S that does that for me.

But I guess if your going to beat your little girl it is D/S.. right?

 

[Chicklet]

this is one of the reasons I like the term "pyl" - pick your label.

sucks to have to put a specific title on something, because once you do, everyone assumes that your definition of that title coincides perfectly with THEIR definition.

Everyone experiences things differently. I personally can't put myself into an imaginary daddy dom situation because to me the word daddy is reserved for my father, and would freak me out sexually. But that doesn't mean that it isn't totally different for someone else.

It's like trying to explain the way a pizza tastes to someone. you eat the pizza, they eat the pizza, you each experience it your own ways, and who knows if you're actually experiencing it the same way?

anyways.

screw anyone that says the label you give your relationship is less important than theirs, or tries to explain to you the experience you should be feeling because of the words you use.

 

[njlexi]

Interesting... what is the argument they make that (in their opinion) renders the dynamic to not be D/s?

The argument I heard was that Daddy/girl relationships aren't really D/s because they are not as committed to the structure. That it isn't as intense as a "real" M/s dynamic. That it is more "fluffy" than what a real D/s dynamic is.

I've also been told that Daddy/girl relationships, they won't call them dynamics, are inherently temporary. That little girls always out grow their Daddys.

*squirms* I don't feel the need to justify who I am and what I do, but i really would love to know why they think this way.

 

[graceanne]

I gotta wonder why you care what they think? I mean, I'm interested in what they're thinking - like cutie - but quite franky as long as it works for you, and you (and your daddy) consider it to be bdsm, why worry about what other people think?

 

[njlexi]

I gotta wonder why you care what they think? I mean, I'm interested in what they're thinking - like cutie - but quite franky as long as it works for you, and you (and your daddy) consider it to be bdsm, why worry about what other people think?

Mainly out of curiosity. I'm quite comfortable in myself, but I'm curious as to why they see it that way. I don't need their validation, but I must admit that I know people in D/g dynamics who find it painful to be looked down on that way. I think that if I knew the why's, perhaps I can discuss it in a more effective manner.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The argument I heard was that Daddy/girl relationships aren't really D/s because they are not as committed to the structure. That it isn't as intense as a "real" M/s dynamic. That it is more "fluffy" than what a real D/s dynamic is.

I've also been told that Daddy/girl relationships, they won't call them dynamics, are inherently temporary. That little girls always out grow their Daddys.

*squirms* I don't feel the need to justify who I am and what I do, but i really would love to know why they think this way.

Good Lord, there's all kinds of arguments inside this post. Sheeesh, I wouldn't know where to start. LOL

I'm not ascribing those opinions to the poster as she states that these are other people's views and further states *squirms* I don't feel the need to justify who I am and what I do, but i really would love to know why they think this way. But whoever holds the views she's mentioned, aaah well... LOL I can't wrap my head around all that right now.

I'll leave it to Cutie. ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Mainly out of curiosity. I'm quite comfortable in myself, but I'm curious as to why they see it that way. I don't need their validation, but I must admit that I know people in D/g dynamics who find it painful to be looked down on that way. I think that if I knew the why's, perhaps I can discuss it in a more effective manner.

Send 'em here. ;-) There are several self ascribed D/g folks on this board.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

The argument I heard was that Daddy/girl relationships aren't really D/s because they are not as committed to the structure. That it isn't as intense as a "real" M/s dynamic. That it is more "fluffy" than what a real D/s dynamic is.

I've also been told that Daddy/girl relationships, they won't call them dynamics, are inherently temporary. That little girls always out grow their Daddys.

*squirms* I don't feel the need to justify who I am and what I do, but i really would love to know why they think this way.

That's pretty funny considering my Daddy takes care of me quite nicely and our relationship is far from temporary.

The Daddy/girl relationship will be whatever the two in it make of it obviously, as there are no set rules. I also suggest that you don't ever feel you have to justify yourself or your relationship to ANYONE. You can't help how others think, people will make their own decisions and judgements based on all sorts of bad information or just bad life experiences or whatever. Nothing you can do about that. Just live your life for yourself and let them live theirs. That's the only way to truly be happy.

As for Daddy Doms being soft... Soooo not true. Trust me on this one!

 

[CutieMouse]

The argument I heard was that Daddy/girl relationships aren't really D/s because they are not as committed to the structure. That it isn't as intense as a "real" M/s dynamic. That it is more "fluffy" than what a real D/s dynamic is.

I've also been told that Daddy/girl relationships, they won't call them dynamics, are inherently temporary. That little girls always out grow their Daddys.

*squirms* I don't feel the need to justify who I am and what I do, but i really would love to know why they think this way.

Flippant answer:

They are projecting their own failed father/daughter relationships onto you, and need therapy to help them accept we are all doomed to find out our kids move out and end up in therapy some day.

Less flippant answer:

Those people have issues with the dynamic/relationship/whatever, because they relate to the concept as it applies to *their* definition (ie, it squicks them out, or pushes an uncomfortable button, or maybe brings the earth's balance into question for them)- which is a rather common trait amongst humans. It's kind of like how I cannot wrap my mind around casual sex/doing BDSM outside of a very committed relationship. People can tell me six ways from Sunday that joining the local spanking club will fill a need and be good for me, and that it's *just* spanking, but the synapses short out every single time. It's not how I work. That doesn't mean how *I* view BDSM & relationships is better than those who are in a spanking club, or that how they view BDSM & relationships is better than how I see things. We're just unique people with unique needs and perspectives. Thankfully there are enough people (in theory) on the planet that everyone ends up happy at some point.

The difference between people who can't wrap their heads around a (generic or BDSM related) concept but remain respectful of another's choices, and people who argue that said concept isn't the real/true/realistic/successful/right way of doing X, is that the latter have a self regulator brought on by maturity and good breeding, that the former lack.

 

[SensualMan_in_PA]

this is one of the reasons I like the term "pyl" - pick your label.

sucks to have to put a specific title on something, because once you do, everyone assumes that your definition of that title coincides perfectly with THEIR definition.

Everyone experiences things differently. I personally can't put myself into an imaginary daddy dom situation because to me the word daddy is reserved for my father, and would freak me out sexually. But that doesn't mean that it isn't totally different for someone else.

It's like trying to explain the way a pizza tastes to someone. you eat the pizza, they eat the pizza, you each experience it your own ways, and who knows if you're actually experiencing it the same way?

anyways.

screw anyone that says the label you give your relationship is less important than theirs, or tries to explain to you the experience you should be feeling because of the words you use.

Whatever works for a couple....works! In my lady's case, she has a demanding, high pressure job and wants to be Daddy's Little Girl (spankings included ) when we are together. No, I don't call all the shots but certain things like where we go for dinner are Daddy's decision by her suggestion and our mutual agreement.

We evolved into this D/g dynamic shortly after meeting but discussed it (academically, I thought! ) during our hundreds of hours of phone conversations that allowed us to know one another before meeting. Once I learned it had nothing to do with fantasized incest, I was intrigued.

We have a mutually loving and caring relationship that is anything but short term or casual. We both realize I could not be anything but dominant in a relationship but that allows her to release control of herself to someone whom she trusts.

 

[MechaBlade]

I've been meeting many people who do not think that the Daddy/girl dynamic is not a valid expression of D/s or M/s; that it doesn't have the same level of commitment. I was utterly floored by this. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about age play as much as I'm talking about the power dynamic.

I am very much drawn to the Daddy/girl dynamic, and see it as every bit as valid as any other. That said, I'd love to hear from folks on either side of this discussion, but would be very grateful to anyone who doesn't think it is as "real" as standard forms of D/s.

My thanks to anyone who chooses to respond to this in a constructive manner.

In gratitude,

lexi

I'm constantly being floored when people don't think certain types of D/s are real D/s or real BDSM. But some scenesters are just ignorant and stupid. What can you do? Ignore them.

 

[Andraste]

new rules!

you can only be taken seriously in d/s if you...

#wear leather. leather trousers for him, leather collar for her. the more leather the better.

#have read the story of O three times and the marquis d'sade twice.

#own three different types of nipple clamps.

#ALWAYS, without fail, have her meet you at the door, naked & kneeling.

#refer to each other as sir and whore at all times, even in church. in fact, especially in church.

#parade around the local munch at least 6 times /year.

#have at least one room decorated in black leather & chains. whipping post a must! it makes a good conversation topic for dinner guests when they want to know why she's eating off the floor & wearing a pony butt plug.

#she must enjoy ALL sex acts. all the time.

#he must have a 12" wang.

there! i hope i've helped ease your confusion.
do feel free to add your own.

 

[WriterDom]

new rules!


#he must have a 12" wang.

No way! I'm not folding mine in half for any slut.

 

[planetqueen]

new rules!

you can only be taken seriously in d/s if you...

#wear leather. leather trousers for him, leather collar for her. the more leather the better.

#have read the story of O three times and the marquis d'sade twice.

#own three different types of nipple clamps.

#ALWAYS, without fail, have her meet you at the door, naked & kneeling.

#refer to each other as sir and whore at all times, even in church. in fact, especially in church.

#parade around the local munch at least 6 times /year.

#have at least one room decorated in black leather & chains. whipping post a must! it makes a good conversation topic for dinner guests when they want to know why she's eating off the floor & wearing a pony butt plug.

#she must enjoy ALL sex acts. all the time.

#he must have a 12" wang.

there! i hope i've helped ease your confusion.
do feel free to add your own.

This made me laugh and of course made me realise how crap I really am at BDSM.

 

[Trajal]

You forgot that he has to be bald, have a beer gut and wear, constantly, leather waistcoats.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been meeting many people who do not think that the Daddy/girl dynamic is not a valid expression of D/s or M/s; that it doesn't have the same level of commitment. I was utterly floored by this. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about age play as much as I'm talking about the power dynamic.

I am very much drawn to the Daddy/girl dynamic, and see it as every bit as valid as any other. That said, I'd love to hear from folks on either side of this discussion, but would be very grateful to anyone who doesn't think it is as "real" as standard forms of D/s.

My thanks to anyone who chooses to respond to this in a constructive manner.

In gratitude,

lexi

So what if it's not valid? What does that even mean....they won't talk to you at the "munch"??

They are just messing with your head.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I see that I was slow on the draw mocking "the munch".

 

[intothewoods]

No way! I'm not folding mine in half for any slut.

<laugh>

 

[elizabeth22673]

i have to agree with the other posters here....everyone has their own rules so if you are happy, then great...no need for validation!

it's funny, i must admit, though, that the Daddy/little girl relationship is what i wanted because it does seem more on the softer side when i first had Dom/sub interests because soft bdsm is what i feel comfortable with at the time.

have fun y'all

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[RawHumor]

This made me laugh and of course made me realise how crap I really am at BDSM.

You've obviously got some catching up to do.

And you have to work on your greeting her at the door routine.

 

[Andraste]

This made me laugh and of course made me realise how crap I really am at BDSM.

why aren't you naked?

You forgot that he has to be bald, have a beer gut and wear, constantly, leather waistcoats.

and a goatee!