Uppity, mouthy, and fun-loving subs, right this way!

[Quint]

While of course I'd never dream of attempting to upstage the illustrious WriterDom, he had a pretty good idea with the Dom Lounge and so I thought I'd start my own club to deal with the matters nearest and dearest to my, er, heart: being more of a smartass than is good for me.

Order! Order!

The first item of business: testing your Dom/me to see just how much shit they'll tolerate from you. What are your thoughts on the matter?

 

[Quint]

Dictator-For-Life Quint ventures her thoughts on the matter!

When I was still with Hunny, I regularly tested his authority. I really did enjoy pleasing him, but I never received sufficient deterrent to keep me from disobeying (such as when I knew I wasn't supposed to play with myself) or flat-out refusing to get involved in anything. This lack of authority on his part is probably what kept me from realizing how important being a sub is to me; I just kind of got bored with being able to push him around.

However, T don't take none of that shit. I try topping from the bottom; he signs off. So far it's only been long enough to spook me, but I DO learn my lesson quickly, and I'm so delighted by the prospect of not having the ability to inadvertedly top him that I am all-too-eager to fix my wicked ways. It's so neat!

So has anyone else found that "topping from the bottom" is kind of a way to feel out the innate Domliness of your other half? And does this frowned-upon behavior cease when you find a nice authoritative Dom/me? Or has this just been my experience?

 

[A Desert Rose]

testing him

Gosh Quint, I tested him constantly and it would infuriate and frustrate him to no end. Most of the time, I didn't do it intentionally. He would make "demands" that were almost unreasonable. No matter how many times we would discuss my limits and my hard limits, he continued to push the envelope.
There was almost nothing I would not do for him, as long as he respected my limits and he knew that.
Sometimes *giggle* I would test him just to watch him flame up at me. That was always entertaining to me lol. Even now I am giggling at the memories of it.
One thing, on a serious note, that is absolutely essential is a sense of humor. If we can't lighten up a bit and laugh and giggle, it all becomes stale. There is certainly intensity in a D/s relationship but there must also be some fun and giggles too. Just my opinion, anyway.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Topping

was a serious mistake... LOL. Boy, that always landed flat and I was left quite alone for awhile as punishment. But being the stubborn little sub I am/was I kept trying to do it. Maybe it was just my way of testing him. He would ignore it and let it pass for a short time and then when he had had enough.... I was left alone.

 

[Quint]

Re: testing him

Gosh Quint, I tested him constantly and it would infuriate and frustrate him to no end. Most of the time, I didn't do it intentionally. He would make "demands" that were almost unreasonable. No matter how many times we would discuss my limits and my hard limits, he continued to push the envelope.
There was almost nothing I would not do for him, as long as he respected my limits and he knew that.
Sometimes *giggle* I would test him just to watch him flame up at me. That was always entertaining to me lol. Even now I am giggling at the memories of it.
One thing, on a serious note, that is absolutely essential is a sense of humor. If we can't lighten up a bit and laugh and giggle, it all becomes stale. There is certainly intensity in a D/s relationship but there must also be some fun and giggles too. Just my opinion, anyway.

Well said, First Tiger A Desert Rose...er, that's too complicated. I'll call ya ADR like everyone else, and the First Tiger part will be understood, okay?

Now, when you stood up for your hard limits, did either of you see this as being unreasonable or bratty? That would be the only problem, because limits are there to be respected, not demeaned. (And as much as I enjoy demeaning, you know I'm being serious now!) It came across that way in your message, though I'm pretty sure you didn't intend it as such. You're too bright a crayon to allow that kind of treatment. I say you're at least a cyan, maybe even a magenta.

I do enjoy teasing T, and occasionally I just can't help the things that come out of my mouth. I laugh at the least-appropriate times, and that's gotten me in trouble before as well. But this is not to say that we have no sense of humor, like any couple. It's just that when he wants me hurting, I'll be hurt. (The giggling doesn't really help me much.) He doesn't always want that, nor do I, and so there is a lot of fun on all sides. Just, you know, not when I'm trying to stifle that chuckle when he makes a typo in the worst place possible.

 

[Quint]

Re: Topping

was a serious mistake... LOL. Boy, that always landed flat and I was left quite alone for awhile as punishment. But being the stubborn little sub I am/was I kept trying to do it. Maybe it was just my way of testing him. He would ignore it and let it pass for a short time and then when he had had enough.... I was left alone.

So if he kept giving you the silent treatment and you kept returning to top him (or try) again, do you think this form of discipline is really all that effective? Do you feel disappointed when you keep getting away with it? Really, what else could he do to "teach you a lesson"?

I'm idly wondering this for myself as well; at the moment I want T's approval so much that I'm instinctively on best behavior, just for the pleasure of seeing him pleased. The transactions between us have been mostly immediate pain or discomfort, rather than something long-term like abandonment. (A few minutes online without him seems more like a warning to me.) But I've always thought that was one of the more extreme forms of punishment; that was the consensus on the other thread directly on this topic, anyway. If abandonment doesn't dissuade you from topping from the bottom, what WOULD?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Topping again.....

I never got away with topping for long. He did his best to ignore my behavior, for as long as he "chose" to. And yes he saw me as "bratty" although he never used that word specifically.

I just loved pushing his limits for a change and seeing how far I could go until he would get frustrated with my stubborness. I guess it's the fun-lover in me lol that would come out and be a bit bitchy.

Abandonment was the main deterrent for me. And he would do so for weeks at a time, just disappear from me. I would be miserable and heartsick and convinced that "this time" he really meant it. And then he would come back....... until well, you know.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: testing him

I like the Tiger thing Quint lol and Magenta works for me too LOL.
I think yes, he felt my that some of my hard limits were unreasonable and he likely thought that I was being bratty and disobedient when I refused to do some things.

I also am giggling at your reference to typos- like perhaps "Im gonna fluck you like its never been down before?"lmao.

 

[Quint]

Re: Re: Re: testing him

I like the Tiger thing Quint lol and Magenta works for me too LOL.
I think yes, he felt my that some of my hard limits were unreasonable and he likely thought that I was being bratty and disobedient when I refused to do some things.

I also am giggling at your reference to typos- like perhaps "Im gonna fluck you like its never been down before?"lmao.

You didn't hear it from me, ADR.

Sandia should recognize the "First Tiger" reference. The crayon thing is strictly quintessential Quint.

Does it bother you to have your limits called into question like that? If you don't mind sharing, what are the actions he's calling you unreasonable for prohibiting?

As it seems we're getting minimal reaction to this thought, I propose we introduce another: how much of your submissive reaction to your Dom/me is because of their physical stance, expressions, and gestures, and how much is because of verbal things, like their word choice, tone, and dynamics? What seems to elicit the stronger or more immediate response from you? Is it easy for you to "read" your Dom/me by their facial expressions or a slight change in tone?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well let me respond to the second part first

Mostly his tone, and choice of words affected me, in almost all ways. However, He was/is much taller and larger than I, (I am 61 inches tall and not very heavy) so there were times that his physical presence was very effective His demeanor was always easy to read, he had flashing blue eyes when he was angry or very excited.

I have to say though, that if I have to make a choice it was his voice and choice of words and tone that had the greatest affect on me.
_____________________________________

Now to the first part:
This relationship was mostly an LDR. We didn't live in the same town. He would try and try and TRY to make me do things such as find a stranger to suck off and take pictures for him of me performing these types of acts. My Dom knew that whoring was not in my nature and he kept pushing this regardless.
At times, many times, this Dom made me complete and completely happy. Occassionally he made me totally miserable.....

 

[boz]

Man, this "topping from the bottom" and "testing limits" sounds like a bunch of 12 year olds waiting to find the teacher or parent or coach with the right technique to control them.


boz ducks and runs for cover ...

 

[MzChrista]

Im keeping my eye n this bunch

Id like to get my hands on that Quint sometime anyhow.

 

[Sandia]

 

[Sandia]

Sandia should recognize the "First Tiger" reference.

 

[Sandia]

Id like to get my hands on that Quint sometime anyhow.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Man, this "topping from the bottom" and "testing limits" sounds like a bunch of 12 year olds waiting to find the teacher or parent or coach with the right technique to control them.

boz ducks and runs for cover



__________________

Oh boz- that is me all over! and I dont want to grow up either. And also may I add that the "bunch" of us is only a couple.

 

[kate8417]

some interesting thoughts--good thread!

An important lesson I've learned in My Life as a Sub is that it is not important that I always be right. I argue. My Master calls this "topping from the bottom", something I still disagree with (lol). However, I have learned to choose my battles carefully and to watch my tone.

One question for Master is enough to stop me cold:
"What's the first rule of holes, kate...?"
(answer: When you're already in one, STOP DIGGING!)

Another important thing I've discovered is that, in spite of his occasional aggravation with me, one of the aspects he enjoys is that I am willing to question him and communicate.

I find that I am often simutaneously fighting for and against my limits. Do I test him? You bet. Do I want him to call me on it? Yep.

My two cents, for what it's worth! <tink, tink>

Happy Day!

 

[~Dream~]

Re: some interesting thoughts--good thread!

An important lesson I've learned in My Life as a Sub is that it is not important that I always be right. I argue. My Master calls this "topping from the bottom", something I still disagree with (lol). However, I have learned to choose my battles carefully and to watch my tone.

One question for Master is enough to stop me cold:
"What's the first rule of holes, kate...?"
(answer: When you're already in one, STOP DIGGING!)

Another important thing I've discovered is that, in spite of his occasional aggravation with me, one of the aspects he enjoys is that I am willing to question him and communicate.

I find that I am often simutaneously fighting for and against my limits. Do I test him? You bet. Do I want him to call me on it? Yep.

My two cents, for what it's worth! <tink, tink>

Happy Day!

OH MY GOSH LOL wELLLET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT TESTING MY Master...hmmmm
I used to be (operative word here) very very stubborn and strong-willed about listening to what HE had to say to me while i WAS BEING "trained" and I always felt that I was RIGHT AND HE WAS WRONG..
Master used my main fear of abandonment to correct me and it felt like hell,i FELT I WAS BEING "PUNISHED" for questioning His authority but indeed He was NOT punishing me at all but instead He was lovingly giving me time to sort out my feelings and come to the proper conclusion ,on my own that Master's ways are best for Dream...He truly cares for me and i trust HIM more than ever..will I ever question Him again? of course,I am human..but I will most assuredly come to the same conclusion once again..I KNOW He will ask nothing of me that would harm or hurt me or degrade me..HE RESPECTS ME AS MUCH AS I do Him,and as a sub,
I find that VERY important to me..I do not ever feel that it makes me hIS EQUAL AS I choose to always feel that He is above meand over me,my caretaker,my Love,My guardian ,if you will,He wants only the best for me and yet ever so much treats me as a unique woman that only I can be for Him..as far as His "invisible stone" lol that He "says" I USED TO KICK..HEHE WELL Dream threw that sucker (the stone) into the abyss of hell(even tho in reality it only existed in my Master's mind ,mind you...

 

[SexyChele]

Good idea, Quint!

Do I test my Dominant? A lot of the times. I am, self-admittedly, stubborn and hard-headed. I know myself well enough to know that I need a Dom who is strong, but who doesn't lose sight of the fact that I will question and speak out on things that I disagree with. I will not be purposely argumentative or disrepectful. But I deserve the right to be listened to.

Yes, I can be a good sub - but just as he will push my limits, I will test him. Do I expect discpline or punishment? Yeah, gotta admit that I do. But if he uses the ol' abandonment thing? Well, all I gotta say it, good luck finding me when he's ready to end the "punishment". Abandonment just doesn't work on me. As I said earlier - I look at it as a "break" to do just as I please. (As an example, my Dom once wanted to "punish" me and decided to "abandon" me for an entire weekend. Just so happened an ex-boyfriend - one my Dom was very jealous of - called and he and I decided to go to Mexico for the weekend. Hell, figured my Dom didn't give a damn, so why not? Yes, my Dom found out as he couldn't hold to the entire weekend of abandonment. He was angry and jealous, but he learned that what he had done was not the most effective way to treat me.)

Quint, I'm not sure any more what the other question would be, but I react more to sound than anything else. So I would have to say a change in tone or words used catches my attention much more quickly!

 

[Quint]

*cackles maniacally* Power...so much power!

Ahem. Dictator-For-Life Quint wishes to thank all who have replied thus far.

Now, my answer to the second question. Right now I'm working on nothing but words, since T and I have yet to meet as lovers. I can clearly imagine what his body is doing, how he is standing, how his eyes widen when I'm mouthy, how his muscles tense up immediately after and I can see the blow coming--but the most powerful thing right now is simply his voice and the words he chooses.

He's damned good.

I think it's a combination of many factors. He knows how to use his voice extremely well, for one thing--when going ominously soft is more effective than shouting, how to lower his tone so that it's an aural caress, so on. That can be trained, though, and so much of what he does is innately just right. The way he can USE silence so that it's more than just awkward for me, it's unbearable. The way that he'll continue describing exactly what will happen without pausing, without letting the intensity die even a tiny bit. The way he knows exactly which words SOUND the dirtiest, the most arousing, the most powerful. (I'm big into the semantics. I like words.)

And likewise he can describe the background details of his body so well that I can see it. It's the difference between me saying "I'm horny" and me saying "My skin is flushed and my heart is racing. I'm panting softly and my knees have suddenly given out." The details that make it 3D. And he knows exactly how to do it. Heady stuff.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Quint: And likewise he can describe the background details of his body so well that I can see it. It's the difference between me saying "I'm horny" and me saying "My skin is flushed and my heart is racing. I'm panting softly and my knees have suddenly given out." The details that make it 3D. And he knows exactly how to do it. Heady stuff.And likewise he can describe the background details of his body so well that I can see it. It's the difference between me saying "I'm horny" and me saying "My skin is flushed and my heart is racing. I'm panting softly and my knees have suddenly given out." The details that make it 3D. And he knows exactly how to do it. Heady stuff. And likewise he can describe the background details of his body so well that I can see it. It's the difference between me saying "I'm horny" and me saying "My skin is flushed and my heart is racing. I'm panting softly and my knees have suddenly given out." The details that make it 3D. And he knows exactly how to do it. Heady stuff.

(I am trying to figure out how to do this quote thing, so don't mind me in that regard.)

I like your description, Quint, of his use of words as it relates to tone, attitude and semanitics. I agree that it brings a great deal to the sex act and the love sharing.

 

[A Desert Rose]

well sheeeesh...........

obviously what I just tried didn't work. Anyone care to tell me how to do this quote thing? Or shall I just keep stumbling around, looking foolish 'til I figure it out on my own?

 

[Quint]

All you have to do is hit the little button that says "quote" at the bottom right hand corner of the message. From there, delete all the irrelevant parts of the message (perhaps adding an aside explaining that you're editing the original message for brevity) but make sure to keep the tags at the end of the message, which will say [/B] and [/QUOTE]. Those are necessary to make it look coherent.

I noticed after submitting that I didn't really say much about how his words and way of saying them make me feel, which was really the original question. *smack upside the forehead* But then again, you guys know me. You know I'm all about the "eek" feeling that comes from not so much giving up my control as having it taken from me. That's what it's all about.

Today's question for pondering: do any of you test yourself as well as your Dom/me? Perhaps this is just me because I'm mostly unfamiliar with pain. My masochism has been limited to baby stuff, like spanking and mild beatings and asphyxiation--okay, that last wasn't so mild but it really doesn't hurt so it's not masochism, right? Anyway, don't want to digress. Recently, with the prospect of a sadist who I'll be meeting soon (much sooner than I thought, actually. *a sound suspiciously like an "eek" escapes her lips*), I've been wondering just how much pain I can and will take--and so, mostly with his permission, I've been trying different things to see what happens to my neurons. I figure, even if Pain and I aren't best friends by the end of this week, at least we'll be drinking buddies. Do you guys push your own limits when your Dom/me isn't there to do it for you? Obviously this applies more to my fellow LDRers, but all replies are welcome.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Peeking

in the door to see what is up. Is everyone behaving? NO?

Well, I guess I ought to pull up a chair and watch the show!


Ebony <sitting in the back>

 

[Shadowsdream]

pulling up a second chair....serious look on face!

Well Ebony! Looks like this crowd could use some watching!
O O it seems like We could get an education here in crowd control. This could become an unruly bunch! I see that You enjoy the cane..so I brought an extra just for You..Ya never know when a sub or two may need a gentle poke...O yes canes are wonderful for poking!