Unpopular slowburn incest romance (NOT a self-promo)

[InWINcible]

Fever Dream by SpiritoftheStairwell (Twincest)
This truly is my favourite story of all. I don't get why it's not recognised by more readers. It's brilliantly written with the story not being linear.

The story is about fraternal twins who were really close to each other and were inseparable from childhood. They just naturally gravitated towards each other and couldn't stand being too far apart. And as they hit their teenage years, their bond got even stronger, and they pretty much spent all their time together, not even bothering with making other friends 'cause they had each other. Later, they realized they were 'in love' with each other.
Unfortunately, the brother unexpectedly left without explanation, leaving his twin sister heartbroken. Ten years later, he returned, bringing unresolved questions and emotions to the surface.

What sets it apart from others in the genre is it's all about the incredible emotional bond between these twins that goes way deeper than just physical attraction. The author really knows how to spin a tale of everlasting love and connection that started when they were kids, and it's a real emotional rollercoaster.

The way the author describes everything and pays attention to the little details, you'll feel like you're right there in their world, and trust me, you won't want to leave.

And let me tell you, the character development is seriously top-notch. You'll get super invested in the main characters' journey, their pasts, and all the struggles they're going through. It's the kind of story that'll keep you flipping pages and craving more.

 

[Baztrachian]

I just started reading it and got to this: A craftsman style home

Hell to the Yes! I'm in!

 

[InWINcible]

I just started reading it and got to this: A craftsman style home

Hell to the Yes! I'm in!

Would love to know your opinion when you finish it.

 

[Baztrachian]

Would love to know your opinion when you finish it.

This is an extremely well developed story. Not the usual thing you see here on Lit.

I'd recommend revising it and reposting it for purchase on Amazon or Smashwords as you'd definitely make some money from it. And maybe make it a much longer series of 10,000+ word installments.

 

[InWINcible]

This is an extremely well developed story. Not the usual thing you see here on Lit.

I'd recommend revising it and reposting it for purchase on Amazon or Smashwords as you'd definitely make some money from it. And maybe make it a much longer series of 10,000+ word installments.

There is a misunderstanding. I am NOT the author of the story. I am just an enthusiastic reader who loved this story and wanted the story to reach a larger audience (hence this post).

 

[ColinPiper]

Way too much detail and "telling".

 

[InWINcible]

Way too much detail and "telling".

I'm really glad you opened up about your thoughts on the story. I can tell that you're more into stories that get right to the point. But I want to chat about why I personally fell in love with this story, even though it goes into a lot of details.

What really grabbed me was how this story kind of pulls you right into the characters' shoes. You know, those detailed descriptions and the way we get to understand what's going on in their heads? It's like we're right there with them, feeling what they're feeling. It's like we're taking a deep dive into their emotions, and that's what made their struggles and reasons for doing things really resonate with me. So, even though it might seem like the story is doing a lot of "telling," it's actually building this strong bond between us and the characters.

And guess what? All those little details also paint this crystal clear picture of the world in the story. I could practically see everything happening, almost like I was watching a movie inside my head.
The story doesn't rush things. So when big stuff or emotional moments hit, they hit you even harder because of all the groundwork laid down earlier.

The story is really about the strong connection between those twins, and all those details give us a peek into how deep their bond runs. I know it's a little odd if you read it just as an erotic story. It's not just about the physical stuff – it's about what's going on in their hearts and their past. That's why the story feels like a wild ride of emotions.

Of course, reading is a personal thing, and I totally get it if this storytelling style isn't your jam. But I hope me sharing my thoughts helps you see why I'm so hooked on this story.
Sorry for such a long reply to your mere six words response feels like you wouldn't even bother reading it.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I'm not into incest stories, so I don't plan on reading this, but curiosity made me take a peek.

But my main question is: Since when is 4.72 considered "unpopular"? 122 favorites... What registers as popular in your book?

 

[InWINcible]

I'm not into incest stories, so I don't plan on reading this, but curiosity made me take a peek.

But my main question is: Since when is 4.72 considered "unpopular"? 122 favorites... What registers as popular in your book?

The incest category is significantly more popular than others on the site. Stories in this category get more attention.
The story just has 28k views even after being in incest genre. 122 fav just shows that the story is likeable in the 28k people that read it.

 

[Britva415]

it might seem like the story is doing a lot of "telling,"

I wonder if they meant it like, "telling not showing."

 

[InWINcible]

I wonder if they meant it like, "telling not showing."

"showing" as in?

 

[Britva415]

"showing" as in?

I'm talking about the writer's cliché about how it's better to show, don't tell.

It's a writing technique where information is delivered by the exposition of the story's events, rather than by the author simply stating the information in a way which is divorced from the specific action of the story.

If the author shows someone is a soccer-mom rather than simply writing, "She's a soccer-mom." it's considered "better writing" and a better way to tell the story.

I guess maybe that wasn't what you meant.

EDIT: Oh nevermind, it was @ColinPiper I was referring to anyway.

 

[Britva415]

A good read regarding "show, don't tell" can be found at the recent topic in the Authors' forum on the subject of Are bullet point character descriptions bad, and if so, why?

 

[ColinPiper]

Okay, let me explain. This is not to show what's wrong or how it should be written - it's just my way of explaining what I meant. And, my comment was from a writer's perspective. Once you're on that side, it's hard to switch off the edit mode.

Original:

Pt. 1 The Longest Day Ever

CH. 1

It was a bright day. A Tuesday.

A spacious two story house stood at the end of a long road. A craftsman style home, with a sizable front yard and a very large back yard which sat surrounded by green trees on all sides. The wind was blowing lightly through them, creating the calming sound of rustling leaves combined with the light jangling chimes which were hung from the front patio roof. All else was quiet.

A lone, compact car turned onto the street, heading straight toward the house. It made a stop right in front of the driveway and a tall bearded man got out. He paid for the lift and bid the driver thanks with a wave, grabbing his Army issue duffle-bag from the backseat. The car drove away and he was left standing in front of the house, although thinking of it as merely a 'house' seemed almost insulting to it. It was his home. The home he was born in. The home he was raised in. The home he fled.

With the car out of earshot all was quiet, with exception of the sound of the wind moving through the trees, rustling leaves and moving chimes. He dropped his bag on the ground gently, tilted his head back, closed his eyes and listened. In all 28 years of his life, it was this sound that could soothe him every time. Other sounds could do it at different times throughout his life, but this was the only sound which, regardless of circumstances, could always calm the storm in his mind and in his heart. For 5 whole minutes he stood there, eyes closed, listening, soothing himself, trying to gain the strength to move his feet to the door. He hadn't heard that sound for ten years. At least he had this moment, alone, to listen and be calm before the storm.

What could be said? What could be done? Like a river thoughts, memories, and fears ran past in his mind's eye. A pair of dark, hypnotizing eyes. A violent haze of red. A war-torn desert far away.

Life. Love. Death. Pity.

Ten years, and all he could piece together right now in this moment were flashes, images and feelings. A collection of words used to describe the little pieces of life that stood out. What could be really said about whatever life was in between these moments in a human life which define us.

He ate. He slept. He worked, fought, bled, ran? Hid?

He was all of these things, and none of them. It really depended on the moment, he thought to himself. At this moment he was 10 again, a scared boy who was afraid to go home after being out much, much too late.

He knew he could only prolong the inevitable for so long. With that realization he reached up with his hand and blew a kiss to the sky to thank it for what it had given him. Hope. Strength. Calm. Control.

"Cool Control," he whispered to himself.

He picked up his bag and walked to the front door.


An alternative opening:

Part 1 - Return

Chapter 1.

Jack felt his heartbeat quicken when the taxi eased to a stop at the kerb. He got out and paid the driver and swung the army-issue bag over his shoulder. He looked at the house. It was ten years to the day when he turned eighteen and took his first decision as an adult and left its suffocating sameness. It hadn't changed. The same middle-class American home in a typical middle-class street. The green lawn. The front porch with grandpa and grandma rocking chairs that no one ever sat in. The wind chimes that swayed with the trees in the soft breeze and whispered "same, same, same", as if he'd never left. There wasn't another living soul on the street.

Fuck, this was hard. Jack took a deep breath. "Cool control," he whispered, and walked towards the door.

 

[InWINcible]

@Britva415
Did you read the story?

​

 

[InWINcible]

@ColinPiper
I'm not a writer myself.
I understand your perspective that if someone is a writer, they inevitably put on critical lenses.
Just a question, did you read the whole series?

 

[VerbalAbuse]

The author was experiencing at the time of writing the story lack of affection. He was having serious emotional issues. He was longing for a love he could not see coming.

It's a sob story, for sure.

 

[InWINcible]

@VerbalAbuse
How'd you know that?
Something else you know about the author except the things that is already on his page rn?

 

[lovecraft68]

It becomes more apparent with every post the OP is the author of the story.

 

[InWINcible]

@lovecraft68
I wish, I was

 

[ColinPiper]

@ColinPiper

Just a question, did you read the whole series?

Imagine you're watching a movie and in every scene you can see the director or production crew on the side, or the boom mic or lights, or props guys holding up the house from the other side. How long would you watch?

If I see writing that obviously breaks me out of the "fictive dream" at the beginning, I'm unlikely to keep going in the hope it will get better. Of course it's only my opinion and is subjective. But so many stories, so little time.

 

[Britva415]

@Britva415
Did you read the story?

Why do you ask?

 

[InWINcible]

Why do you ask?

Just need someone to talk to about the story

 

[MrHereWriting]

Okay, let me explain. This is not to show what's wrong or how it should be written - it's just my way of explaining what I meant. And, my comment was from a writer's perspective. Once you're on that side, it's hard to switch off the edit mode.

Part 1 - Return

Chapter 1.

Jack felt his heartbeat quicken when the taxi eased to a stop at the kerb. He got out and paid the driver and swung the army-issue bag over his shoulder. He looked at the house. It was ten years to the day when he turned eighteen and took his first decision as an adult and left its suffocating sameness. It hadn't changed. The same middle-class American home in a typical middle-class street. The green lawn. The front porch with grandpa and grandma rocking chairs that no one ever sat in. The wind chimes that swayed with the trees in the soft breeze and whispered "same, same, same", as if he'd never left. There wasn't another living soul on the street.

Fuck, this was hard. Jack took a deep breath. "Cool control," he whispered, and walked towards the door.

Your way has less detail, but it's all "tell" and that was half of your complaint.

 

[PrincessArianrhod]

Lower your expectations; this in no way qualifies as unpopular.

I gave it a go, though incest is not my thing. Descriptive doesn't necessarily mean overly wordy and slow burn doesn't require every event and interaction to be drawn out.

This would benefit heavily from precis. As for the slow burning atmosphere you desire, a slow burn requires heat, not just time.