Unlikable Character

[GoldenCojones]

So I got an email feedback from my Holiday story contest story "Chinese Christmas." The feedback was very nicely written and I appreciate the time and effort this wonderful person took to send it to me. She made several good points and pointed out a few things I hadn't seen in my own story. One of those things was how unlikable the character Janna was.

I didn't intend for Janna to be unlikable and in fact I still don't see it. So I'd like to ask the excellent people here, if you have a moment or if you have read my story, could you give me some insight as to why Janna was unlikable?

The story is here: https://www.literotica.com/s/chinese-christmas

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.

 

[PennLady]

I just read it over (okay, skimmed a lot, I must admit, but that's me, not you). Janna seemed fine. I didn't see anything unlikable about any of the characters, really. I'd be curious to know exactly what they didn't like about Janna.

 

[GoldenCojones]

First off, Thank you PennLady for taking the time to respond. I do appreciate it.

She just said: "God I just knew from the beginning that Janna bitch was going to steal Feliciti's hunky husband. I never liked the bitch! Never!"

I assume the ending prompted some of that, although at least one reader didn't get the ending so it wasn't clear enough. I just wondered where that powerful a response came from? Of course, I didn't really intend Ramone to be "hunky" either. But maybe next to a used car salesman, he was

 

[RejectReality]

You can't control who people connect characters to. I've had this feeling in the past in my own reading. A writer creates a character that reminds you of someone. It could be a tiny element of the character's personality, but it's just enough to dredge up the memory of someone you can't stand.

No matter how objective you try to be, all you can see is that bitch/bastard in your mind's eye, and it colors everything you read.

That's my guess of what happened.

 

[LadyVer]

First off, Thank you PennLady for taking the time to respond. I do appreciate it.

She just said: "God I just knew from the beginning that Janna bitch was going to steal Feliciti's hunky husband. I never liked the bitch! Never!"

I assume the ending prompted some of that, although at least one reader didn't get the ending so it wasn't clear enough. I just wondered where that powerful a response came from? Of course, I didn't really intend Ramone to be "hunky" either. But maybe next to a used car salesman, he was

Reminds me of an LW comment. I would have read your story, but it's in a category that I don't read. Anyway, you can't please all readers and different readers read different things into a story.

Good luck with your story.

 

[lovecraft68]

Infidelity is a sore spot here and that is all I can see wrong with Janna is that any type of extra marital will set some people off, obviously look no further than loving wives to see some of sheer malice directed at it there.

I find it interesting you mentioned it was a good constructive comment and that it was from a she. She may have been a victim of another woman stealing her husband/BF. But at least it was a constructive comment.

In LW the vast majority of the comments are obviously male and are pretty much profanity laced lame internet bravado that is barely coherent.

Another reason I prefer dealing with women over men.

In general I liked your story. Like Pennlady I admit to skimming as much as I read, but it was a good example of what I enjoy in the genre action wise and had some meat on its bones story wise.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I see no problems with Janna.

People find each other.

My theory is, each of us is preordained for a specific lover (group) and stalk particular people from such groups. When we collide with these people its over for our partners.

Fifteen years ago I got sexually involved with a married teacher. Our collision was not what many seek but it was the right interaction. We were in bed 15 minutes after we met, and had sex 45 times in the short time we were together. A few days. She had her first orgasm with me. She lives far away now but she keeps in touch. Her husband knew about it, and had trouble with me fucking his wife. But he's a wuss.

I knew prostitutes like her. They had sex all week with many men, and spent their nights with me (occasionally). I was told by them that all sex isn't good or great or what they needed. One girl got with me when she ovulated, she wanted my baby. She got pregnant but lost the baby.

So, in my experience, all kinds of couples work.

 

[Iceprincess12]

I just finished it. There was nothing wrong with Janna. It was nice to have someone a little more playful. I liked that she asked Ramone to "clean her" and called him a hypocrite.

I thought it was ironic when Paul told Fel she was better than Melissa, but then she has questions about Janna? That caught my attention.

If anyone was unlikeable I thought it was Delinda. She was basically cold and demanding. I wasn't sure what any of those guys saw in her. Also her joke about Fel getting pregnant or trying to goad Ramone on was a bit petty and repetitious. There didn't seem to be anything good natured about her.

 

[GoldenCojones]

Thanks everyone. Okay, I'll just chalk that part of her comment up to what RR said. The rest of her email was constructive and talked about my overuse of LY adverbs and word repetition among other things like how expensive BB cream is. I know I have those problems in my writing and I fight against them, but I lose sometimes.

As far as the Infidelity thing, I sometimes write in LW and it is never a story about happy monogamy I don't mind the odd, off the wall, freaky comments I get from LW but the really out there ones don't usually contain constructive elements.

I just finished it. There was nothing wrong with Janna. It was nice to have someone a little more playful. I liked that she asked Ramone to "clean her" and called him a hypocrite.

I thought it was ironic when Paul told Fel she was better than Melissa, but then she has questions about Janna? That caught my attention.

If anyone was unlikeable I thought it was Delinda. She was basically cold and demanding. I wasn't sure what any of those guys saw in her. Also her joke about Fel getting pregnant or trying to goad Ramone on was a bit petty and repetitious. There didn't seem to be anything good natured about her.

Yeah, that was what surprised me a little. Why dislike Janna but be okay with Delinda? The reader was supposed to dislike Delinda a little and I expected to get the usual "Strong Woman" flames, but maybe the Category I chose helped me out there. I haven't received any of those on this story.

So thanks again everyone. I appreciate your time and input. Have a great weekend and happy holidays if your in the mood for that kind of thing.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I don't get the likeable thang. Hannibal aint likelable. Norman Bates aint likelable. I aint likeable. They are what they are.

As Stephen King sez, if I write about a plumber it doesn't mean I'm a plumber. The beauty of it is making others plausible and congruent. I usta attend seminars where experts wanted the audience to challenge them with difficult client role playing. I can piss anyone off. The best I ever saw was a gal named Gwen. Her character shrugged shoulders and nothing else. Pissed every expert off. I recall Gwen when I need an over the top passive-aggressive character. She got it from a real person.

 

[GoldenCojones]

I don't get the likeable thang. Hannibal aint likelable. Norman Bates aint likelable. I aint likeable. They are what they are.

As Stephen King sez, if I write about a plumber it doesn't mean I'm a plumber. The beauty of it is making others plausible and congruent. I usta attend seminars where experts wanted the audience to challenge them with difficult client role playing. I can piss anyone off. The best I ever saw was a gal named Gwen. Her character shrugged shoulders and nothing else. Pissed every expert off. I recall Gwen when I need an over the top passive-aggressive character. She got it from a real person.

LOL, I think I know Gwen, but she goes by a different name.

I'm not bothered by a character being unlikable. I was curious as to what I did in my portrayal of her to make her so, since that wasn't my intention. It would be like you writing a Gwen and someone saying. "Oh what a sweetheart Gwen is. I just love her character and I want to be around her."

Obviously, for at least that one reader, my portrayal of Janna didn't work. I was curious to know why. I think RR probably got it right. Maybe that particular reader hates skinny blue-eyed blondes.

 

[rjordan]

...could you give me some insight as to why Janna was unlikable?

Hmm...5 pages...I don't even read my own if they go that long...

This certainly isn't anything original from me, but basically, once you post the story it isn't yours anymore. The readers see what they know from their own experience. You're not only not responsible, you have no say in it.

rj

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LOL, I think I know Gwen, but she goes by a different name.

I'm not bothered by a character being unlikable. I was curious as to what I did in my portrayal of her to make her so, since that wasn't my intention. It would be like you writing a Gwen and someone saying. "Oh what a sweetheart Gwen is. I just love her character and I want to be around her."

Obviously, for at least that one reader, my portrayal of Janna didn't work. I was curious to know why. I think RR probably got it right. Maybe that particular reader hates skinny blue-eyed blondes.

Some hated Jesus.

 

[GoldenCojones]

Some hated Jesus.

I don't think he was a skinny blue-eyed blonde. But, hey, I'll go with it.

 

[GoldenCojones]

Hmm...5 pages...I don't even read my own if they go that long...

This certainly isn't anything original from me, but basically, once you post the story it isn't yours anymore. The readers see what they know from their own experience. You're not only not responsible, you have no say in it.

rj

LOL. 5 pages isn't THAT long. You're right though, readers do see different things than the writers intended. I was taught that by one of my college English Lit professors who insisted that Jack London's "To build a fire" was a gay love story.

 

[sr71plt]

I don't think he was a skinny blue-eyed blonde. But, hey, I'll go with it.

In some paintings he is.

 

[rjordan]

LOL. 5 pages isn't THAT long. You're right though, readers do see different things than the writers intended. I was taught that by one of my college English Lit professors who insisted that Jack London's "To build a fire" was a gay love story.

More power to ya, GC. I wish I could do it.

I think my longest was four pages and I broke that into two chapters. I'm good for 1 maybe 2 pages, then I feel like I'm padding. Besides I can't hold a story line in my head that's longer than that.

40 years of magazine length crap for auto and motorcycle pubs shortened my writing attention span.

rj

 

[JonathanBair]

I enjoyed the story. I feel Ramone is the one that put me off. The rest of them where all likable including Janna

Ramone did put me off most of it. He didn't trust Feliciti it seamed to me. That and he didn't trust him self...
The last page I didn't like how Feliciti questioned there bond. Hers and Ramone, along with the other couples.

 

[JonathanBair]

Thanks everyone. Okay, I'll just chalk that part of her comment up to what RR said. The rest of her email was constructive and talked about my overuse of LY adverbs and word repetition among other things like how expensive BB cream is. I know I have those problems in my writing and I fight against them, but I lose sometimes.

As far as the Infidelity thing, I sometimes write in LW and it is never a story about happy monogamy I don't mind the odd, off the wall, freaky comments I get from LW but the really out there ones don't usually contain constructive elements.



Yeah, that was what surprised me a little. Why dislike Janna but be okay with Delinda? The reader was supposed to dislike Delinda a little and I expected to get the usual "Strong Woman" flames, but maybe the Category I chose helped me out there. I haven't received any of those on this story.

So thanks again everyone. I appreciate your time and input. Have a great weekend and happy holidays if your in the mood for that kind of thing.

For me, I seen Delinda testing Raymon. To me if I don't pick on my friends then they worry, and if they don't pick on me then I worry. I wouldn't mind hanging out with Delinda but she not my kind of lover.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

None of the characters impressed me - I just didn't see them as realistic or interesting - but certainly none of them stood out as especially unlikable.

Readers just get weird sometimes. I often ignore one-off criticisms; if a few people all mention something I'll pay attention.

In the name of offering more useful commentary... the first paragraph is an example of how I don't like characters introduced. The characters don't mean a thing to me in paragraph one, but you're already describing their jeans and muscles. It feels too like "Julie was a 5'2" blue eyed blonde with 36C tits", which is a starting sentence that instantly makes me close a story. You're making me think that you as author are turned on by Ramone. Maybe you are. But as reader I don't care about your turnons, I'm here for mine.

The first paragraph also misdirects, apparently by accident. It starts out with Feliciti looking in the mirror, and I was expecting internal commentary about her appearance, since presumably that's what she was looking in the mirror for. But suddenly we're onto Ramone. It takes a few sentences to sort out that she was using the mirror to look at him, and I still have no idea why, or when she stopped doing it. You started with the mirror - the mirror must be important - but it never mattered, so now I'm misdirected and confused. And I'm stuck instead with a physical description of some guy I don't care about yet.

You clearly want to get to physical description, so I'll try to use it to give more insight into Feliciti, and I'll lose the mirror:

Feliciti leaned back against the bathroom counter and eyed her husband, up and down, slowly. She smiled at what she saw: his stomach was lean and hard and his arms and shoulders were heavily muscled.

His calloused hands stopped buttoning his fly; he'd caught her staring again.

Always was a sucker for strong arms and shoulders, she thought, somewhere between ruefully and wickedly. I can't wait to see what happens when he wraps those rough hands around Melissa's hair tonight...
​

Now I'm invested in Felicity. She likes guys who play rough, I know she's got some sort of plan to share her husband, and she's a touch ashamed but mostly amused by her own fascination with muscle. I want to know more about her and her plans now, so it's a good time to switch to Ramone's first few words.

Pull us in. Make us want to know. If you start by feeding information we don't care about yet, we'll skim and you lose us.

 

[GoldenCojones]

Thank you for the kind remarks. Happy holidays and have a blessed year.

 

[Lord_Steve]

I don't get the likeable thang. Hannibal aint likelable. Norman Bates aint likelable. I aint likeable. They are what they are.

As Stephen King sez, if I write about a plumber it doesn't mean I'm a plumber. The beauty of it is making others plausible and congruent. I usta attend seminars where experts wanted the audience to challenge them with difficult client role playing. I can piss anyone off. The best I ever saw was a gal named Gwen. Her character shrugged shoulders and nothing else. Pissed every expert off. I recall Gwen when I need an over the top passive-aggressive character. She got it from a real person.

you are definitely cool, like notable serial killars hannibal and norman bates. are you also 14? asking for a friend