Unguarded moments

[Nirvanadragones]

Tell me about feeling vulnerable. When were your unguarded moments? And how did that make you feel?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Tell me about feeling vulnerable. When were your unguarded moments? And how did that make you feel?

Telling a girl at work once how I felt about her. Damn, that was awkward, especially since she didn't return my affection but was soooo nice about it. I couldn't even get mad at her. Still, it took me a full year to get over her.

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[scheherazade_79]

My guard went up a few years back and never came down. I don't let myself be vulnerable anymore.

Edited to add - maybe I do, but it's never around another person.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

My guard went up a few years back and never came down. I don't let myself be vulnerable anymore.

Edited to add - maybe I do, but it's never around another person.

That is one of the essentials I struggle with. Being vulnerable, for most people, is about being unguarded in the presence of others.

I am most vulnerable to myself. Self-harm and self-destruction is more real to me, than a so called "outside" force.

Vulnerable in unguarded moments when I maybe felt things not as I thought they were, things that had felt good, sweet even?

At those times, if I was let down, it felt horrid, and I could feel myself enter something like the void such as your earlier thread spoke of.

When I was vulnerable in unguarded moments when I felt things that were sweet, and they turned out to be so, I felt, and feel love, and go into a place that is my own -- is that a void too?

Then again, there are times when I do enter a void, one of my own making, another secret place of mine that I love, and I enter into it, and know that I am very vulnerable, but safe, and there is no need to be on guard, so I am unguarded then too.

Like those, maybe?

I love this post, thank you.

 

[Huckleman2000]

My unguarded moments usually occur when I'm writing a letter - I'm much better at unguarded when I'm alone.

Strangely, though, when I've acted onstage there are many times when I've felt totally unguarded. I think it's because I know what's coming next and how I'll react, and I can just be in the moment while my immediate reality is on autopilot.

 

[impressive]

I wish I could say that I have chosen to be vulnerable -- to completely open myself to someone as a state of being -- but it's not that simple. I am almost always on some type of guard, although the layers of defenses may vary. I have moments, though, where I stick my toe in the waters of vulnerability.

There are a very few people who I've allowed close enough to really hurt me (as opposed to just annoy/anger me) -- and most of those people have indeed hurt me, some quite deeply, although "unintentionally." (Don't get me started on "unintentional" wounds, because I really don't believe they exist. Every act is a choice, even if a subconscious one.) Eventually, if I experience enough pain, the layers of defenses return -- like security blankets.

I trust no one more than I trust myself, and unless/until that changes (which I really don't see happening), I will remain guarded. It is a lonely existence at times.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I'm most vulnerable in my poetery. Those pieces are me, the true and real me in the purest sense. I've never been able to hide in my poems.

I can usually dismiss or evade if someone I don;t allow in finds me in them and I can call them just bits of imagination or as pure fiction but the truth is really in those moments I am letting something out. The few who have gotten private poems from me have gotten the best I can give.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I'm most vulnerable in my poetery. Those pieces are me, the true and real me in the purest sense. I've never been able to hide in my poems.

I think, in some ways, this is true for me as well. Since it's really my goal to not dwell openly on my pain because I have a thing about appearing weak. I pay it attention one time only on paper and then I try to let it go.

Even in my closest relationships, I wouldn't say I'm very openly vulnerable. I'm generally furious with myself if I break down in front of anyone other than my best friend. I'm a very open and matter of fact person. I can talk about anything. But, I'm also a control freak, so I've had very few unguarded moments and I guarantee you they weren't pretty. Probably, to the outside observer, I looked like a woman who should be in a straightjacket.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I trust no one more than I trust myself, and unless/until that changes (which I really don't see happening), I will remain guarded. It is a lonely existence at times.

What does that " guarded" mean to you specifically, Imp?

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I'm most vulnerable in my poetery. Those pieces are me, the true and real me in the purest sense. I've never been able to hide in my poems.

I can usually dismiss or evade if someone I don;t allow in finds me in them and I can call them just bits of imagination or as pure fiction but the truth is really in those moments I am letting something out. The few who have gotten private poems from me have gotten the best I can give.

Good strategy. I feel that way about all fiction I write. It's me, in essence

*hugs* Sal

 

[Nirvanadragones]

so I've had very few unguarded moments and I guarantee you they weren't pretty. Probably, to the outside observer, I looked like a woman who should be in a straightjacket.

I hope I am not getting too personal here . . . please, by all means, if I am, then don't answer.

Have you had unguarded moments that were not like these you described? When you have felt exceptionally vulnerable for opening yourself up, but there was not necesarrily an outwards, visible emotional reaction from your side?

I think what I hear you saying is that you see being emotionally vulnerable as " breaking down"? (as in crying etc)

What about the " non-breaking down" unguarded moments? Do you experience them too?

 

[cloudy]

I really can't think of any truly unguarded moments. I think I've built the walls so high now that they'll just always be there.

 

[impressive]

What does that " guarded" mean to you specifically, Imp?

It means I'm usually alone inside (but I'm in the very best company).

I do want to trust enough to let down ALL the barriers ... but, so far, I've not encountered anyone I feel safe enough with. That person would truly be a soul mate. The best I can say right now is that I believe its possible.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I hope I am not getting too personal here . . . please, by all means, if I am, then don't answer.

Have you had unguarded moments that were not like these you described? When you have felt exceptionally vulnerable for opening yourself up, but there was not necesarrily an outwards, visible emotional reaction from your side?

I think what I hear you saying is that you see being emotionally vulnerable as " breaking down"? (as in crying etc)

What about the " non-breaking down" unguarded moments? Do you experience them too?

No, it's not too personal at all. It's interesting that you bring it up, because I was just thinking about this while I was driving earlier. Not all of my unguarded moments have been associated with rage or grief. There have been times when I've opened myself up entirely to love and just stuck my head in the lion's mouth.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

It seems as if the AH is guarded against this thread

I'd like to hear from others if anyone is willing to share, please?

 

[Guest]

i'm never unguarded.

it freaks me out when people get close to me and see through me

but i want it too. i want someone to know the real me. but then they try i cant let them close.

it fucks up relationships and friendships and people think youre playing games when youre not.

i just dont trust anyone.

 

[Just-Legal]

And we come back to Mark *smiles* I seriously think you're all gonna get sick of me speaking about him, but one of my most unguarded moments was when I told him our pasts didn't matter, that I loved him and I knew he loved me and I was sick of this "we can't be together" crap. I bared my soul to him that day and haven't looked back.

I felt so raw, so naked and vulnerable in front of a guy who I had slept with, got drunk with and in front of - heck I'd been hungover with the guy. It was the moment I'd really rather not repeat because being in control is a real issue for me but I trusted and still trust him enough to do it.

Am I making sense?

 

[scheherazade_79]

After further thought...

I feel vulnerable whenever I have to rely on anyone for anything. I struggle with teamwork, and getting sick is my worst nightmare. I prefer to be the driver whenever I go out with a group of friends, and one of the reasons I don't like flying is that I don't know how to fly a plane myself and can't take over if something goes wrong.

One of the things my mam drilled into me when I was little was that I should make getting a degree and a driving licence absolute priorities in life. That way I'd never have to be dependant on a man for anything. Maybe I took it too literally

This is all a bit of a generalisation, though. I am able to trust people, and when I trust a person I'll trust them with whatever part of my life is relevant to the situation - every part of my life if they're really good. What is it that makes me trust someone? I dunnow. It's just a button that clicks in my mind, and then that trust is absolute, and I'm completely unguarded around them.

When I'm feeling vulnerable, I totally can't relax and it can spin me into a panic. It's like the fight or flight thing magnified. I can't concentrate and I can't be still. Words fly over my head, and the thought of dulling my senses with any kind of substance fills me with terror, because I want my wits about me.

Fuck... does that make me neurotic control freak?

 

[impressive]

I feel vulnerable whenever I have to rely on anyone for anything.

*nods* To the extent that I don't ask for help even when I need it. I really prefer not to give people the opportunity to disappoint me.

 

[rgraham666]

*nods* To the extent that I don't ask for help even when I need it. I really prefer not to give people the opportunity to disappoint me.

I'm the opposite. I don't ask for help because I don't want to disappoint other people.

 

[scheherazade_79]

*nods* To the extent that I don't ask for help even when I need it. I really prefer not to give people the opportunity to disappoint me.

We suffer from the same neurosis, Imp! I'll scrutinise a map for hours before giving in and asking for directions, and I never ask if I can't find something in the supermarket.

 

[impressive]

We suffer from the same neurosis, Imp! I'll scrutinise a map for hours before giving in and asking for directions, and I never ask if I can't find something in the supermarket.

I'm not THAT bad, though.

 

[wickedlady31]

caught

Unguarded was when I was bound, blinded,and left there.

That's right. I was bound, ankles and wrists in metal army cuffs. A leather blind fold device was secured over my eyes, and bondage tape mummified my limbs. There was a choker around my neck that secured my cuffed wrists behind my back. I thought it was play time and giggled with glee. Suddenly there was silence. He left me there for hours. I felt angry, I felt excited, I felt mixed. I was vulnerable.

 

[Just-Legal]

I'm the opposite. I don't ask for help because I don't want to disappoint other people.

I've done that to the point where the trouble I was in was almost beyond rescue.

I still do it now.

I don't think I'll ever learn.