unequal libido

[blindhound]

Ok, back to the recurring theme.
Has anyone successfully and satisfactorily dealt with unequal libido between two partners? If so what did you do to work it out. Was there some kind of compromise?
Did you still end up with one partner doing it out of a sense of "obligation" but not really being horny, and the other one still not really getting enough? Did the partner with the higher libido still fell undesirable despite the sex increasing?
Secondly, any suggestions for divergent views on adventureousness?
One partner wants to try just about everything under the sun, while the other is pretty much satisfied not being freaky.

 

[DrHappy]

You might want to checkout the Mismatched libidos forum at ivillage.

I’m optimistic about most things, but the long term prognosis for significantly mismatched libidos isn’t very good in most cases. Sometimes, women will have an “awakening” (often in their 30’s) and their libido make increase significantly, but typically, you shouldn’t expect to see a significant long term change. Men tend to be steadier. If it’s low now, then it’s very unlikely that it will ever go up.
Sometimes, there is a physical or emotional ailment that can be treated, but it's often just that they have a low libido. A low libido often means that their aren't very interested in variety, frequency, or being sexual adventurous.

You’ll have to ask yourself whether the current situation is something that you can live with.

 

[blindhound]

I had hoped for more encouraging news

 

[switchbitch]

I had hoped for more encouraging news

libido isn't always unchangeable, for instance you can increase your own libido by actually enjoying more sex, endorphins and adrenaline can be addictive and the more you have the more you want. If you are talking about trying to raise your female significant other's libido one of the most effective things that you can do is sit down and talk to her about what she does and does not like as honestly as possible. Many women are recitent about discussing sex openly and honestly particularly if they feel that their wants and desires are not something that you're interested in, and so they keep it under wraps and their desire for sex gets less and less. It's a vicious circle that can only really be broken by some sitdown honesty.there are so many variables about what people do and do not like so much anxiety about whether or not their partner is going to think they are weird because they like something or not that it can seriously affect someone's libido. Blunt honesty like that isn't easy but it is necessary. And often can have some very rewarding and wonderful results.
Good luck

 

[DrHappy]

Some reversible reasons for a low female libido include:

Depression
Antidepressants
Birth control pills

Borderline low libido seems to be more susceptible to situations like stress and fatigue. If there is physical or emotional ailment that can be treated, then there might be a significant change. There are some success stories out there. However, if you look at examples at the ivillage site, you’ll find several examples of people who have had miserable long term experiences with a spouse who constantly rejects them and the situation only gets worse and more resentful over the years.

 

[Bellatrixie]

I had hoped for more encouraging news

Sigh...yeah me too. When we were in our 20s my sex drive was much higher than h's but nursing my kids depressed it enough that I didn't notice so much...now I am down to one 2-year old nursing so my libido has kicked back in huge....so we are even more mismatched then before.