Understanding Canada

[rgraham666]

Someone remarked on a thread yesterday they had no understanding of Canada. This may help.

1. So complicated that nobody knows how it works, which causes Canadian social scientists to talk about it all the time, which causes foreigners to say it's boring because nothing ever happens there.

2. The most decentralized country in existence, which causes Canadians to constantly complain about the power of the central government.

3. Administered under the third oldest constitution in the world, which causes Canadians to insist that it has never worked and must be changed.

4. The only major country in which the two leading western cultures have managed to live peacefully together for several centuries, causing Canadians to insist that they cannot live together.

5. Burdened by the laziest élite of any developed nation; people who have made their fortunes by selling off the country's resources and by working for more energetic foreigners. They are most comfortable on their knees, admiring those from larger countries who have purchased them.

6. A country where 95 per cent of the land is north of the major cities, which causes its urban inhabitants to treat their hinterland as an embarrassing and backward region, while pretending that they themselves are situated hundreds of miles to the south, somewhere between New York and Florida.

The Doubter's Companion - John Ralston Saul

I'm too brain dead to post anything original today.

You're welcome.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

*snerk* I totally get it now! If you could only explain why so many Canadians are obsessed with going to Swiss Chalet, I'd be at one with the universe.

 

[Pure]

compared with KFC, it's not more expensive and it's less likely to kiill you!

 

[bethalicious]

and don't forget the Tim Horton's factor in all of the above.

 

[blanger]

which leads to...

Ah yes Tim Horton which of course leads us to Hockey where most Canadian coversations usally end up.

 

[sugared]

Do I here chatterings of Timmys and hockey........... like a moth to light...........

 

[rgraham666]

I like the taste of Swiss Chalet rather than KFC. Prefer buffalo wings with a mug of beer on a patio though.

I remarked on the large number of doughnut places in Canada in one of my stories. (Seven times as many per capita than the U.S. )

And now to announce my shame as a Canadian. I have no interest in hockey at all.

Last time I showed any interest was the first Canada-Russia series thirty years. I placed bets on the Russians. So much hubris. "They're fuckin' Commies and we'll beat them!"

To myself I thought, "They're ten times our size and their winters are longer. They're bound to have some good hockey players."

I made good money the first few games. Then we wised up and started playing.

But I still don't know the difference between icing and off-side.

 

[FallingToFly]

I have to ask, RG, what part of Canada? My Canadian Sex Goddess is in BC, along with a few other absolutely lovely peopel I adore. First fiance was from Edmonton, the poor bastard.

 

[rgraham666]

I have to ask, RG, what part of Canada? My Canadian Sex Goddess is in BC, along with a few other absolutely lovely peopel I adore. First fiance was from Edmonton, the poor bastard.

I'm in the place that holds this country together, Toronto.

Often, hatred of Toronto is the only thing all Canadians share.

 

[FallingToFly]

I'm in the place that holds this country together, Toronto.

Often, hatred of Toronto is the only thing all Canadians share.

LOL... so I've heard.

 

[RogueLurker]

I'm in the place that holds this country together, Toronto.

Often, hatred of Toronto is the only thing all Canadians share.

Not hatred, RG ... disdain.
The city can't even shovel a bit of snow without having a panic attack ...

 

[rgraham666]

Not hatred, RG ... disdain.
The city can't even shovel a bit of snow without having a panic attack ...

With all due respect Rogue, take off, eh?

I spent about sixteen hours over two days after that storm clearing walks and driveways.

It was the clownish refrigerator salesman who was mayor at the time who had the panic attack. I did not vote for that doofus.

 

[RogueLurker]

With all due respect Rogue, take off, eh?

I spent about sixteen hours over two days after that storm clearing walks and driveways.

It was the clownish refrigerator salesman who was mayor at the time who had the panic attack. I did not vote for that doofus.

Ah ... don't be a hoser, Rob.

I actually went to TO a few days after the storm and was pretty damn impressed by the amount of snow you guys got ... the streets were still pretty choked and the snowbanks were dangerously high. From what I remember, it was a combination of about one or two month's worth of snow dumped in a three day period ... there was no way to keep up with it with the equipment that the city had on hand.

I'm kinda glad TO takes all the flak ... otherwise, everyone would hate my city.

 

[Harry Leg]

Hey.
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak English and French,
NOT American.
and I pronouce it ABOUT,
NOT A BOOT.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!

CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!
AND I AM CANADIAN!

 

[fallenupright]

I'm in the place that holds this country together, Toronto.

Often, hatred of Toronto is the only thing all Canadians share.

I like Toronto... but I wouldn't want to live there. Or even vacation there. Nice place to spend a day shopping or something.

 

[dysphemist]

Hey.
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak English and French,
NOT American.
and I pronouce it ABOUT,
NOT A BOOT.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!

CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!
AND I AM CANADIAN!

I Am Canadian

 

[rgraham666]

Then you haven't seen enough of the place, fallen. Lovely city.

Rogue, one of the neighbours I helped had a home designed for California. A flat roof, a large driveway and the only place to put the snow was in the three by six meter garden. The snow was easily piled three meters high by the time I was finished.

I still ache thinking about it.

 

[fallenupright]

Then you haven't seen enough of the place, fallen. Lovely city.

Rogue, one of the neighbours I helped had a home designed for California. A flat roof, a large driveway and the only place to put the snow was in the three by six meter garden. The snow was easily piled three meters high by the time I was finished.

I still ache thinking about it.

I have seen a lot of it... theres just too damn many people there, which is why I don't like it.

 

[kendo1]

We love our own backyard.

That's why we live there.

 

[rgraham666]

I have seen a lot of it... theres just too damn many people there, which is why I don't like it.

Ah.

Opposite of me. I've lived in small towns. Don't like them because there's not enough people there.

 

[Liar]

But I still don't know the difference between icing and off-side.

Icing is what you put on cake.

 

[Xelebes]

I have to ask, RG, what part of Canada? My Canadian Sex Goddess is in BC, along with a few other absolutely lovely peopel I adore. First fiance was from Edmonton, the poor bastard.

Im sorry, ok?

 

[R. Richard]

But I still don't know the difference between icing and off-side.

In ice hockey, play is said to be offside if a player on the attacking team enters the attacking zone [inside the blue line] before the puck. When an offside violation occurs, the linesman blows play dead, and a faceoff is conducted in the neutral zone.

There are two determining factors in an offside violation:
1) Attacking players' skate position: If a player's skate is in contact with the blue line, he is considered to be in the neutral zone, thus, the play is not offside.
2) Puck position: The puck must completely cross the outer edge of the blue line to be considered inside the attacking zone. Once in the zone, it must completely cross the blue line again to be considered out of the zone.
=========================================================
Icing in ice hockey occurs when a player shoots the puck across both the red line and the opposing team's goal line without the puck going into the net. When icing occurs, a linesman stops play. Play is resumed with a faceoff in the defending zone of the team that committed the infraction.

In the NHL and other North American professional leagues, a player on the opposing [defemsive] team other than the goaltender must touch the puck to cause the stoppage of play. If the puck is first touched by the goaltender or a player on the team that iced the puck, icing is washed out (canceled) and play continues. The NHL icing rule can lead to high-speed races for the puck. While an icing call is pending, the linesman raises an arm to indicate that a potential icing call may be made. If the icing is washed out, the official lowers his arm and gives the washout signal (extending both arms sideways from the body at shoulder height).

Icing is always washed out in the following situations:
1) The team committing the icing is shorthanded;
2) The linesman believes a player on the opposing team could have played the puck before it crossed the goal line;
3) In the NHL, the linesman deems the icing is the result of an attempted receivable pass.

[Note: from Wikipedia with some explanation added. Kindly do not ask for an explanation of a neutral zone trap, eh!]

 

[SeaCat]

Damn Rob,

Are you sure the people complaining after that storm were natives?

On Cape Cod they were hit by a Nor'Easter last December. They received something like three feet of snow in twenty four hours.

Well some idiot managed to get online and wrote a letter to the editor of the local paper complaining that the town ha not cleared his street in time for him to head to work the next day.

Now it seems the editor was working from home and was having a slow day so he did some checking. (Via phone and E-Mail I'm sure.) Well it turns out this person was trying to pull his car out of his garage less than four hours after the storm officialy ended. He also, or so it was reported, lived on a small side street with a total of five houses on it.

Well it seems the editor became more than interested in this story and called the guy. When he talked to the guy he constantly mentioned the fact that where he was from they would have cleared the streets in time for him to head off to work, and even have cleared his driveway for a small tip. The editor wondering where such wonderful service existed kept asking this person where they came from. The answer? New York City. (Hell I can't remember a time where New York City got that much snow.)

Cat

 

[R. Richard]

Well it seems the editor became more than interested in this story and called the guy. When he talked to the guy he constantly mentioned the fact that where he was from they would have cleared the streets in time for him to head off to work, and even have cleared his driveway for a small tip. The editor wondering where such wonderful service existed kept asking this person where they came from. The answer? New York City. (Hell I can't remember a time where New York City got that much snow.)

Cat

Cat:
I used to live in NYC [Staten Island]. At that time I drove a VW Baja Bug. When significant snow was forecast for SI, the snowplows would begin to work as soon a few inches of snow had fallen. They would plow just the main streets, trying to keep at least the main traffic routes open. AFTER the snow stopped, they would start plowing the side streets. I know the schedule because when SI would get six inches or more of snow [rare,] only the snow plows, the big, real 4WD guys and my Baja Bug were out on the roads.