Underage Sex

[Different Guy]

I was discussing with a friend today about the laws surrounding underage sex. Here in England, the national law for teenagers to have sex is 16. Ok, it's against the law to have sex under 16. If you did you would be breaking the law. In any country. Now, it's unavoidable in all countries that girls end up being pregnant and having a baby at as young as 13 years old.

There is no way of hiding this fact. They have to have their child delivered and then receive all sorts of grants and help from the government. So people know they've had a baby underage.

My argument is: Why the hell aren't they, well punished? Not that I'm an evil dictator ordering them to be imprisoned but what incentive is there or deterrant to stop them having a baby at such a young age? When you break the law there is normally a consequence and in this case there is not.

They are told not to do this. It will be breaking the law, it's against the law. They have a baby, poor girl, have this have that. The problem is what can actually be done to someone so young? A fine would affect the child's life and they can't take the baby away!

What the hell should be done? I am really interested in this area because I believe it is a very important issue that is constantly being ignored.

 

[Voosla]

I dont know about there, but here it's not against the law to have sex at any age. It's just illegal for an adult to have sex with anyone under 16, it's called statuatory rape (sp?)

I think that sex should be more openly discussed with kids, and parents should be supportive whether the kid is having sex or not. And if they are, teach them, and help provide proper birth control. I know here we have a clinic called planned parenthood, that gives teens free birth control of all sorts and its private, no parental consent needed. I used it when I didn't have any insurance. I got free birth control pills, free paps, free std testing and everytime i left I recieved a paper bag full of condoms. All they ask for is donations. And if you are pregnant, they help with that too.

 

[Different Guy]

mmm I'm sure in the UK it's actually illegal to have sex under 16 as by theortical law, no one can sustain a proper life with a child. Basically they can't handle it because they wont have a job etc.

You're right about the educational side of sex tho. I went to a catholic school (not a catholic though) and all we got was a 1 hr video on reproduction. I swear. We were told how the penis and vagina works but not how to use them and I am not being funny. Being a catholic school they didn't believe in contraception therefore no free condoms or sex talks.

What I learnt and I think for most people i know is playground talk. You gradually learn about it from friends learning from each other. Never had the talk with parents either. I've never been told how to or even discussed it with adult. It was something I just gradually found out.

Sex is fun and enjoyable. It shouldn't been shunned away and hidden, that's how mistakes and things happen because people don't know how they're doing it. I found out here on Lit that blowing in the Vagina can cause serious damage! How the hell would I find this out?

Children must be forced to have a private session with someone at a very young age and told everything about it. What to do, why it's there, the dangers, everything. Instead of finding out the hard way and that only describes the fun side of it.

Personally, i don't think I know all the in's and out's about sex. I was never told about it

 

[Naughty guy]

I am from the Uk, and it is illegal for two 15 year old to have sex. AND they can be punished by law, if a child is involved it is differnt because it would be hard to penalise a pregnant mother with a little kid coming. The father can get in serious trouble though. IN most cases it is left to social sevrices to deal with!

 

[Guest]

My sons 15 yr old GF is pregnant

Iam a registerd member of lit but would rather post this way because I am both ashamed and embarrassed that my 15 year old son has announced this week that his 15 year old GF is pregnant.

Yes we gave him all the talks and advice that parents should but things are just made too easy for the kids nowadays, theycan get contraception from the local clinic with no questions asked. This is ok in one respect but my son said that it encouraged him to try sex and end up in the position he is now.

I have been told since by so called "friends" that his GF had said that she wanted to get pregnant because it was an easy ride with the benifits that can be claimed, unfortunately no one chose to tell us or our son what his GF had said, looks to me as if he may have been trapped just for a quick grope and shag.

First words out of her mouth when we saw her and her mother was I'm not having an abortion because we dont believe in them, I had not even suggested one.

By the way i am from the UK so the first post does apply to this case.

Has anyone gone through the same situation with their child.

Sorry for the long post but thanks for reading it.

 

[Different Guy]

I read your post thouroughly (sp?) and my deepest thoughts go out to you. If you can present a good case to the courts that she secretly planned the pregnancy to claim benefits then there may be something passed which does not force your son to be part of the child's life. However, it's up to your son I would imagine if he wanted that.

Also what Naughty Guy said is true but kinda, is exactly what I said at the beginning. He agrees two 15yr olds having sex is illegal and social services will deal with it. But what will they do? Nothing!

I think that if it can proved what the girl was thinking and scheming you could take action against her, perhaps even rape? She wanted the sexual deed from your son. I don't think the law ever accepts a female raping a male but who knows.

I don't really know what else to say? Who should be punished in this case, or rather who would end up getting punished and how? However which way it goes, your child is going to have a baby that is part of him and it will be there for the rest of his life whether he stays with her, or if she is convinced to an abortion, his life that he created was destroyed. Horrible mess

 

[BBD]

Here's the rub...generally speaking, a person under 16 is presumed unable to give meaningful consent. That's where statutory rape comes in...it's rape because under the law they're assumed unable to give consent, whether that's true or not is a different question. That's how it is though. Because of that, a girl who gets pregnant isn't going to be punished any more than a woman who becomes pregnant after being violently raped. The two are essentially the same.

So anyway, that's the theory behind why a 13 year old girl who gets pregnant isn't going to be punished in any way.

 

[BBD]

Hmm...the situation with the 2 fifteen year olds might be different. I'll have to think about that one a bit, unless someone else can answer it sooner.

 

[zantac666]

I'm ashamed but i thaught i was dreaming.

I was at a party with my friend we were both 18 we were at his gf house shewas 15 yrs. older then him she had three daughters that were gone to there fathers.

Well my friend had helped me to a bed and i passed out well everyone was asleep and the father just droped the girls off at the road well i was in the 13 yrs. bed.

Iwas asleep and i was dreaming i was getting a blowjob well i woke the next morning with her sleeping next to me. Thinking to my self it was a dream then she woke up and said nice cock.

I'm thinking oh shit i would have never ever done it with a 13 yr. old but when your drunk ad tinking it was a dream. Her mother said my daughter told me what she did it was not her first time doing it.

 

[Different Guy]

Dude!

You could get done diddly done for that

 

[John1980]

Hearing about these things seriously freaks me out, i don't even want to read this thread anymore if stories like that keeps comings. Guess i can't handle the truth.. I don't know but i think there are good reasons why younger than 16 year olds should not have sex at all and tho some may be so grown up they can handle it there are so many other reasons they should not. I may sound conservative, but the stories about how sexually AND emotionally "fucked up" these kids are is really getting on me. i think it's sad.

sorry for the bad english.. i just needed to share my point of view

 

[Different Guy]

It is bad to think about it. Which is why my original point of the thread was how come kids get away with having sex so young? Child sex is just horrid. That does biologically and mentally damage the child.

Children at 14,15 they may want to have sex but the legal law states that the body is ready at 16, you can leave school and get a job at 16 etc so that is the time to have sex, as sex is initially intended for familyhood or whatever.

But, like mentioned before, children under 16 have sex and nothing at all is done. Social workers help them through the hard times but they've broken the law and should be punished as a deterrant for others. Possible even a way of making girls under 16 make sure that their partner uses protection as they will fear being found out through pregnancy and getting punished.

I am not one who knows how to punish. There are people for that. I am one who asks, why are they not? They can't deny it, they're underage, that is their baby, they must have had sex for that baby so what other evidence is needed to seriously bollock them?

 

[Kelson]

Okay, I would like to respond to the lack of punishment to minors first. The reason it isn't legal for them to have sex in the first place is that they do not know what they are doing, in the eyes of the law. We can thus string it along to, if they get caught having sex...then it wasn't really their choice. So if a 13-year old gets pregnant, then she may have to suffer the consequences (sort of a punishment for the parents to know they fucked up by having their child already having a child and having what will probably amount to a bad life) but never 'knew' what she was doing. Personally, I agree with this on the basis of it being the person's life and if they chose it (understanding the consequences or not [and there is a huge difference between knowing the consequences and understanding them]), so no one should have the ability to punish them for doing what they decided to do with their life.

When you get 15 on 15year-olds, then you get into the problem...who is to blame? I do not believe America (where I live, btw) has any laws illegalizing minors having intercourse with minors, due to the sheer nature of the thing. Whose fault is it? Neither party technically 'knew' what they were doing.

I feel like ranting some so I'll go into the issue of statuatory rape as well (btw, you did spell it right ). Now, recently I did have a good, UNDERAGED, friend of mine raped. Luckily for the bastard who did it, I live about 3 states away, or I probably would have killed him. The girl he did it to truly has problems that I have been helping her get over by speaking to her (she is currently 17 with chronic depression). I know I'm not psychologist, but I do try to help. Now, she, like many teenagers, has an understandably large amount of things on her mind. She had been at a party with one of her good friends then gotten a ride home from one of his friends. On the way the man decided to stop at the school parking lot and that is when the 'incident' took place. She did resist to a degree...but he was an older man...wouldn't he be right? She couldn't tell him no after all...he was a friend...friends do not hurt friends, right?

I really can't put it all into words and it is still a tender spot for me to even think about it (I actually sat outside in the drizzling rain at 2am (after beating something with something for about a half hour until I started waking people up) just...crying for her...why I'm writting this I have no idea...but I'm sure I'll find one ...until about 4am when I was shaking so bad from the cold I couldn't feel anything [btw, was sitting outside in just boxers and a white t-shirt...had gotten call at 2am]), but if you consider the situation...it becomes rather apparent why these laws would be enacted. She didn't want to have sex with this guy...but she couldn't resist him because of all the things associated with older folks (wisdom, caring, etc). Oh well, I know I didn't say anything definitive about it...but hopefully it provided you something to ponder about if you were ever mulling over the statuatory rape for minors (be they 15 or 17 in your country).

To wrap it up, I'll touch on different's question again. Do you not think having to spend the next 20 years of your life, 1/5 of your life, working to keep someone else alive and well isn't punishment enough for having sex too early? I'd almost say it is an excessive punishment, were it being brought on by another party.

EDIT: I agree completely on the physical and psychological affects of these kinds of things. They are horrible and my friend I spoke of wouldn't even let friends touch her (such as finger touching an arm) for months and months. It feels like recent...but I suppose it has been nearly 6-7 months since then.

 

[ccftball]

Underage sex is a question that comes up a lot at my school and what should happen to violators. It should be against the law for two young people to fuck and then notnished and receive benefits. The girl should be forced to have a legal abortion.

 

[coolr]

no this isn't one of those "sick stories"

i dunno if this would be the right thread or not, i'm 22, and back when i was like 15 or 16 (seems a while ago lol) then, 16 was a little early to have sex or would be the time to start having sex, and occasionally my brother's friends that are girls around the age of 15 or 16 i guess come over with him to my apartment just to hang out, and i was in my computer room sort of eves dropping, and what i heard astonished me, apparently in alot of the bigger cities, (chicago, LA, New York and so on) kids are losing their viginity around the age of 13 or 14 now, to me that's just wrong, i mean seriously, how many of you were actually ready for sex at the age of 13, physically or emotionally? i mean sure, the physical part alot of ppl would be, but emotionally......damn and then i know this girl from australia who's 18 years old, and she lives in a major city over there, and she said that it's "normal" to have lost your virginity by the age of 10 or 11 over there, you're considered "late" if you haven't had sex by the time ur a freshman in highschool, she even went on to tell me that alot of guys and girls she knew were sleeping around by the time they hit 7th grade . now to me this is just disturbing and i think that as the future parents we need to do something about this. no other threads really came up where i could vent, so here it is

 

[963852741]

I got pregnant at 17 and I am now 20. Sex with minors is a big deal to me and I go to schools and talk to teens about saving themselves for marriage. I explain to them what it is like staying up all night with a screaming baby and then having to work all day at a minimum wage job barely able to make ends meet. Sex is special and should be shared with someone you love and not some random person. And if you are having sex, you should go on birth control or use a condom. I know that is hypicritical (sp) of me but if my child came home at 17 and said he was going to be a dad I would be royally pissed.

 

[alphacat]

I do think it's disturbing that kids are having sex at age 12 and 13... it might be physically enjoyable (After all, I started masturbating around age 10), but I doubt they're emotionally ready for it. I know some people that lost their virginity at that age, and they're emotionally screwed up b/c of it... Also, they don't seem to really enjoy sex as much as people (like me ) I know who waited a few more years. And not everyone is having sex in middle school - according to MTV, about a third of American high schoolers graduate as virgins.

 

[The Gimp]

There's no amount of MTV that would have put me in the position of having sex at twelve or thirteen. Around that age I was first in line to pick up the Sunday paper so I could swipe the womens underwear ads. Sex? Back then? I wouldn't have known what to do with a naked girl even if I had the opportuunity which fortunately for her sake I didn't.

 

[Different Guy]

Surely though this all leads to what to do to deter such young people having sex. I mean closely around 13 or something, getting pregnant!? Fair enough, having sex isn't that much of a big deal, it's puberty starting and all that but what if the girl get's pregnant? Things are then totally fucked up so something needs to be done to scare them away in fact.

All I'm saying is that children at 13 should know the consequences and probably do, but they're not afraid of them. I think they should be punished if they have sex at like 13, so they'll stay away from it until the legal age at which their bodies and lifestyles can cope with a child, wanted or unwanted.

Perhaps this could be linked to drugs. I don't know much about them, never smoked, don't drink and don't, never have taken any drugs. But, people take them and they say how good it makes them feel. They enjoy it. Like sex? BUT: The concequences of a mistake like an overdose can be fatal. Most drugs that can cause this are illegal and I'm sure that scares the hell out of a lot of people. It puts the message across that these drugs are so bad that they are illegal.

Technically, sex under the legal age is illegal but what's to fear? Drugs you get banged up? Sex gets you knocked up.

 

[Say]

Re: no this isn't one of those "sick stories"

apparently in alot of the bigger cities, (chicago, LA, New York and so on) kids are losing their viginity around the age of 13 or 14

It's not just in the bigger cities, it's quite common in the small cities/towns here where I live too.

Also, they don't seem to really enjoy sex as much as people (like me ) I know who waited a few more years.

That may be true of the people you know, but I can assure you it's not always the case. I started way too young, but very much enjoy sex, in fact more than alot of people I know who waited.

It should be against the law for two young people to fuck and then notnished and receive benefits. The girl should be forced to have a legal abortion.

I believe your last solution/punishment, whatever, would qualify as cruel and inhumane IMO. Obviously you're not a parent or you might think so too. And just an FYI, not all girls who get pregnant as teens receive benefits. I was one and never received benefits of any kind. I simply worked my ass off.

Do I think underage sex is wrong? Yeah, I don't want my 14yo daughter having it if I can help it, so it's something we discuss quite often. I don't know that it's ever going to be something that is stopped completely, nor do I think there will ever be a good way to "punish" them or scare them away from it. My daughter's grade had to bring home these "realistic" babies to take care of for a few days. I think it's supposed to be a deterent, but I don't believe it's a good enough one. The way she had to "take care" of the thing in no way resembled my experiences with her as a baby! The teacher did ask them what they thought would happen if they had a baby, the consequences etc. My daughter and a friend replied that it would ruin their lives. I only slightly disagreed with her. I do not feel now, and never have felt that having my daughter ruined my life, I am very blessed to have her. I do think it's ruined more of *her* life than mine though. And when you have to live with the fact that your child has to go through your struggles right along with you, and those struggles are a result of been a teen parent, well that, in the long run, is a punishment that doesn't end. It is something that is much more difficult to deal with than a punishment any "authority" could dole out. Just my two cents.

 

[Amaterasu]

Interesting thread

The thing is, punishment or not, kids are still going to experiment with sex. Parents, schools, etc. tell kids to wait to have sex, but the media shoves sex in kids' faces earlier and earlier. Case in point.... i've recently seen halter tops and daisy dukes in the children's section of department stores..... We turn children into sexual beings, and they are bound to explore that sexuality. Punitive measures will do little to solve the more significant problem of early teen sexuality and pregnancy.

In order to make real change, we need to change the way our society views sexuality. European countries are much more free with the discussion of sexuality than America, and have lower teen pregnancy rates. We confuse our children with the mixed messages-- MTV says be safe and go get laid, mom and school says, wait till marriage..... and who do kids listen to in adolescence? I know that personally I did the opposite of everything my parents told me to do. Adolescence by definition is testing the limits set by parents, in order to assert and define teens' identities. Giving kids choices rather than ultimatums may make an important difference in the ways they attempt to assert this independence.

As for the welfare/government support issue.... unfortunately, the way the world works (at least in my mind), there will always be people looking to take advantage of the 'system'. If there weren't, we'd all be drones! A world where everyone is the same and follows the same path would be BORING. Is it right? Hell no. Will it continue to happen? Most likely! What's most important is helping the children in your life follow a productive path and explore their hopes and dreams, focusing on setting and achieving goals for themselves that will allow them to realize what they want in life. Most children, if you pay attention to them, listen to them, will tell you they don't want to have a kid as a teenager (of course there will be the misguided girls that think having a baby is cool, is someone to love you unconditionally, etc.).

Instead of focusing sex ed efforts on technical information (which is important), hands on baby-experience (i.e. the dolls that simulate what having an infant is like) so kids REALLY know what it is to have a child, not just the idealized view or distorted perception they may have picked up from friends, acquantainces, etc.

I realize I've wandered slightly off topic.... But hope that I've made a contribution to this worthy thread.

K

 

[Guest]

Differant guy, you're misunderstanding the laws. It is not illegal, anywhere, to have sex if you are under a certain age. It is illegal for a person over that certain age to have sex with a person under that certain age, but if both are under that age it is not illegal.

Btw, forget 13.. girls are getting pregnant as young as 9-10 years old.

Hope that helps!

 

[Magnolia]

lot of thought

This is a subject that comes to my mind a lot.... I am a mother and have worked with girls at girl scouts and at church, I can remember as a teen the time my best friend called to tell me that her parents had forced her to have an abortion.... then my mind goes on to when my Neice was 15 and got pg... she said she wanted on... We payed and took her.. well in 6 months she was pg again.... by choice she ended up having 4 kids by 20.... yea.... it broke my heart.... Now i can look around at girls i have worked wiht... seeing them PG breaks my heart...... I know what they are in for.... and it will take a very strong person with a lot of help to be able to make things right in their life and the life of their children....
As for my kids......... I may think I have over protected them ... and as much as I have fussed they are good kids and careful....... I am not saying good kids don't get pg.. accident can happen to anybody........ I have talked over and over to them about sex.. I think they have a firm grasp of the problems it can cause...
NOW a MAD point these kids that get PG on purpose..... And we get to pay for them to have 3 or 4 kids...... THIS IS SOOO WRONGE........ I think if somebody has one accident and gets PG that after the second time they should be forced to have that device in there arm that provides birth control and never forgets like if you gave the pills to the girls
And the guys can just walk out of the babies lives....w hich many do.... they want the fun but are n ot forced to take resonsiblity.......
Most of all I feel sorry for the child.....They did not ask to come here....
If my children know one thing... that I am here for them.... maybe mad as hell for a while but that will be my grandbaby.... How can I love them and not love it???????

Now what can we do to stop all this.....no idea....... we jsut have to think ov a way to make things better for the babies after it happens Magnolia
If any thing happens and my kids have

 

[Different Guy]

I know what the unregistered guy/gal is saying but I'm sure there is some enforcement in the UK that states NO sex till 16 otherwise, why the fuss and shock of younger pregnancies?

 

[Quint]

The decision whether or not to become sexually active is such a personal one. I remember exactly when I realized I wasn't going to listen to my mother: I'd just had my first period and she was giving me the "you're a woman now" speech. At the end, reluctantly, she added, "You know, you can get pregnant now, so..." I said, "Don't worry, mom, I'll be safe." She said, "No, you'll be abstinent." There is nothing like a one-way discussion to totally ruin the speaker's credibility. I thought about her reaction more than many teenagers would when I lost my virginity, but I'd long since decided that based on the reasoning (and total lack thereof) she'd given me, I was going to do what I wanted.

I don't give a shit what messages society tells us. I'm tired of pointing fingers in a general direction and saying "there's the problem." Did my parents do an inadequate job of teaching me about sex? Hell yes. Ultimately, it's the individual's choice. Raise the bloody individual right.

Forced abortion? You've gotta be kidding. That's fine when you think of it in terms as clinical and impersonal as that, but put yourself in the girl's shoes. How would you like to be thirteen and a murderer? I am pro-choice, but I believe wholeheartedly that abortion is taking a human life--in some cases it's justifiable homicide, which is why I remain pro-choice, but the taking of a life nonetheless. Not to seriously rant or anything, but I just thought that was a very shallow and poorly-thought-out remark.