Uncomfortable moments - care to share?

[zuzub]

I had one in the doctor's office today. So I'm sitting in the waiting room with an elderly man (70's?) and a young mother with an absolutely adorable 7 month old kid. The elderly gentleman, the mother and I are talking and laughing. And then it happens. He sits down across from the kid in her mother's lap and says "You don't look like an Oriental baby, do you? No, you don't. You have round eyes like me. Yes, you do. See? Your eyes are round just like mine." This is accompanied by him pointing at the baby's eyes and then his own.

I felt SO uncomfortable that I looked away out of pure embarrassment.

Should I have felt that uncomfortable? Is there something I should have said or done that I didn't do? Bah!

Still cringing & confused...

 

[satindesire]

The most uncomfortable moment I had was probably at my old job at Payless when I lived in Eureka, CA.

I had just started my period and my belly was a little puffy from being bloated, and the soft suede material of the dress I was wearing left nothing to the imagination.

A rather *ahem* "mature" woman walked in, still obviously trying to cling to her youth...she was blisteringly tanned, bleach-blonde, miniskirt and ankle tattoo and all.

After snobbing me when I asked if I could help her, I thought, okay, whatever. No big. But after she POKED me in the belly at the register "Oh, look at that, what's with the belly flab? Are you pregnant?" I looked her right in the eye and smiled and said "No. Unlike you, I still get periods."

I was scared for a moment that my boss would fire me but the howls of laughter from the office told me otherwise.

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

serves the bitch right... good on ya

 

[Shankara20]

I had one in the doctor's office today. So I'm sitting in the waiting room with an elderly man (70's?) and a young mother with an absolutely adorable 7 month old kid. The elderly gentleman, the mother and I are talking and laughing. And then it happens. He sits down across from the kid in her mother's lap and says "You don't look like an Oriental baby, do you? No, you don't. You have round eyes like me. Yes, you do. See? Your eyes are round just like mine." This is accompanied by him pointing at the baby's eyes and then his own.

I felt SO uncomfortable that I looked away out of pure embarrassment.

Should I have felt that uncomfortable? Is there something I should have said or done that I didn't do? Bah!

Still cringing & confused...

wow - how insensitive he was. I feel sad for all involved.

 

[zuzub]

serves the bitch right... good on ya

Crys, I'm with you. Fuck the bitch. That was just mean.

 

[CutieMouse]

Sitting in my (mentally ill) mother's living room with my ex-husband and eldest son (age 4 at the time), both of whom are of Hispanic descent, and hearing her say:

"Well... just make sure you pick out a good elementary school for him. You know- one without all those Hispanic children in it. You should put him in a school for smart children."

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

Sitting in my (mentally ill) mother's living room with my ex-husband and eldest son (age 4 at the time), both of whom are of Hispanic descent, and hearing her say:

"Well... just make sure you pick out a good elementary school for him. You know- one without all those Hispanic children in it. You should put him in a school for smart children."

Eeeeeeeeek

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Telling my alcoholic father - who had already been told that he could not visit with my son if he had been drinking within 24 hours of the visit - that he was no longer welcome in my home after he patted my wife's ass... not once or twice, but four or five times... during a visit, and calling bullshit on him when he tried to claim it was just "friendly pats." Friendly pats, I told him, don't linger and squeeze.

 

[CutieMouse]

Eeeeeeeeek

Ohhh yeah... she got a blistering lecture, and was gone from the children's (and my) life within 2 years.

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

Ohhh yeah... she got a blistering lecture, and was gone from the children's (and my) life within 2 years.

Good on ya

 

[CutieMouse]

A more lighthearted moment...

A guy I've never met before (who was grating on my nerves to begin with), attempting to strike up a conversation, and asking

"So... are you a natural redhead?"

Response:

"So... do you walk around asking all women the color of their pubic hair?"

***

Or then there was the upstairs neighbor who got home from tending bar, and was just blasting music at 2am... he found a very ticked off redhead standing on his doorstep, in a drop dead gorgeous peignoir set (of the holy shit variety), who just said:

"This is why I got divorced", turned on her heel, and left.

(He came by the next day to apologize and offered to buy me coffee. LOL)

***

My boss at the old bookshop showed up one day with a pair of Ben Wah balls that he'd bought at the Chinese shop a few streeets over... the sales lady made some big deal out of how he had big hands and needed big ben wah balls. (He had no clue what they can be used for.)

So I stayed quiet all day, and listened to him tell this "big hands" story left and right, to anyone who walked in the door... until he got on the phone with a freind of mine, and started telling the story... and I watched his face as the alternative uses (other than hand exercises) was explained to him. I had to leave the room...

 

[zuzub]

wow - how insensitive he was. I feel sad for all involved.

I know. If it had been someone my age, I would have said something. But he was SO old, and from his generation, that's actually well meaning. I think even the mother could see that he didn't mean it badly, but still I could see her recoil as if slapped. "I let down my guard and what happens?"

What to do? Sad. After he went into the doc, we continued to talk but I didn't say anything about it. Should I have? It left me feeling bad for all, much like you said.

 

[CutieMouse]

I know. If it had been someone my age, I would have said something. But he was SO old, and from his generation, that's actually well meaning. I think even the mother could see that he didn't mean it badly, but still I could see her recoil as if slapped. "I let down my guard and what happens?"

What to do? Sad. After he went into the doc, we continued to talk but I didn't say anything about it. Should I have? It left me feeling bad for all, much like you said.

IMO, as you said, it's a very different generation... not that it excuses the behaviour, but there is a somewhat slightly different context. I'd probably have said something about how learning to function in a much more PC world must sometimes be difficult for the elderly, as there are so many things that are rightfully inexcuseable today, that people didn't think twice about 50+ years ago. Acknowledge what he said was wrong, and maybe that he might not have realized it was so offensive...

 

[Life_Noir]

I know. If it had been someone my age, I would have said something. But he was SO old, and from his generation, that's actually well meaning. I think even the mother could see that he didn't mean it badly, but still I could see her recoil as if slapped. "I let down my guard and what happens?"

What to do? Sad. After he went into the doc, we continued to talk but I didn't say anything about it. Should I have? It left me feeling bad for all, much like you said.

*sigh* I was raised to make allowances, for the elderly, the mentally deficient {yeah, I know that expression isn't PC anymore..and don't particularly care}, and small children... But DAMN, if it isn't hard sometimes.
If he was "that" old...Then there was a good chance that his faculties weren't all they should be... Unfortunately, it seems like control over what is said, is often one of the first things to go.

 

[Betticus]

When I was in the Army and stationed out at Camp Roberts in California with Space Command I was unfortunately the lowest ranking person on my crew. So I got to deal with all the bullcrap. Anyway, we were bored quite a bit on the night shifts and would study army regulations and quiz each other. For the promotion board testing. We all knew those regs and especially the ones that pertained to our own site and security.

One time we had a group of people from the Pentagon come in to do some stuff, they all had their clearances sent in before hand and were cleared to come in to our site. The day arrives when they come and being the lowest ranking person they make me sign them in to the secure area. So I open the vault door (we were in a very secure area) and get the visitors list. So I'm signing them in and looking them over when this one guy steps up. I inform him that he can't enter the secure area with his pager which was on his belt. No personal or uncleared electronic devices in secure areas, it's a very well known regulation. This guy looks right at me and says that it's okay for him to bring it in. I tell him that he will have to leave it outside. He cops an attitude and asks where I expect him to leave his "expensive" pager. I tell him that he can leave it with the First Sergeant who's office is right next to the vault door outside the secure area.

This guy rolls his eyes, makes a comment about my rank and tries to push past me. I drop the clipboard, grab him by his suit lapels, lift him off of his feet and throw him back out the vault door. He hit heels first and went straight over like a child that had been hit by a truck, couldn't have landed worse. I slammed the vault door and swung the handle down to engage the locking bolts. The three people I had already cleared were standing there looking shocked, well, one of em was trying not to laugh.

I tell the supervisor he's about to get a phone call and just about then the phone rings. He picks it up, turns several shades lighter and tells me to report to the commanders office. I alread locked down the vault door so I go out an alternate door and come into the commanders office. I stand there at attention while getting screamed at by the C.O. and some staff sergeant. This goes on for a bit until the First Sergeant interrupts. He's an ex delta force guy. He just asks me why I threw the man out of the vaulted area. So I told him what happened, which regulations were violated and that I would like to take that moment to report him for a security violation and press assault charges for trying to shove me out of the way.

They had to call the pentagon, that guys permission to access our site was revoked and he was on a plane to D.C. that evening to explain his actions.

It turns out that he was the one in charge of their activity and technically outranked everyone on our base. One of the guys that was left later on thanked me for what I did saying that the guy was the biggest asshole any of them had ever been forced to work with.

There was a pretty uncomfortable moment though.

 

[satindesire]

*claps and cheers* Yaaay for Betticus!

 

[callinectes]

Satin..that was awesome. LMAO

Cutie..you remind me of my mom in that she can cuss someone a blue streak yet never utter a vulgar word or raise her voice in the process. It is a skill I admire greatly.


My story..

My father was having some excavation work done by a local gentleman. Dad and I went out to the property to check on the job when my Great-Uncle showed up. As Dad and I were talking about the man's progress, my uncle piped up and said "Yeah, he does really good work for a nigger. As we shushed and admonished him my clueless uncle just kept saying "What's wrong with y'all? He does damn fine work for a nigger." We we mortified. The man was only 20 feet from us and there was no way he couldn't hear. My father later apologized to the gentleman who was most gracious about it.

 

[Betticus]

Before my father retired from the Air Force we used to visit my great grandmother in this tiny town in Oklahoma. There was a black family that lived right behind her. So every couple of years we'd spend a month or so there. They had two boys my age and we were best friends for the summer for years. We'd go play ball, squirrel hunting, have dinners at each others places. Their mom was great, very nice and always happy, their dad worked his ass off and was only there in the evenings but he was a nice, calm dude too.

After dad retired, when I was 14 we moved there permanently. Enrolled in high school and guess who's in one of my classes? One of the brothers! We chatted at lunch and caught up and laughed. It was all good.

In between classes some hillbilly pulls me aside and informs me that "we" don't talk to the niggers.

I had a very bad temper problem back then, the subject never, ever came up again.

 

[satindesire]

Godamn! I even hate it when blacks use that term. I'd tell that uncle to get the hell out. *laughs* But that's just me.

My Sir gets mistaken for Mixed because he's dark skin and full-lipped, during the summer he gets downright SUNBAKED. But if I ever heard someone use a term like that around him I'd punch the bastard(ess) straight in the face! Grrrrr!

 

[zuzub]

Godamn! I even hate it when blacks use that term.

I hear you. When I try to understand the use of the term 'nigger', the conclusion I reach is that African Americans took that word and tried to make it their own, much like any victim tries to take the ugly & turn it around. But it doesn't work. It still has the same painful echo, except now it's turned inside. Statistically, a black man is most likely to be killed by another black man. Where do we even start?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I guess I led a sheltered life in some ways. To my knowledge I never heard the n-word until I was 14 and a sophomore in high school. Of course, I was raised in the army - specifically, the artillery, where it didn't matter if a soldier was white, black or green with purple polkadots. If he did his job right, he was one of the team. If he didn't, his ass was grass. Since that was the attitude of the vast majority of the parents, the kids I went to school with felt the same. We played games and sports with the other kids no matter what their color or who their dad was.

Our best pitcher in Little League when I was twelve was a black kid whose dad was an E-4 (lowest rank of sergeant). The father of the worst pitcher on the team was a white full colonel. Didn't make a damn bit of difference. The black pitcher pitched as often as the rules allowed; the white one pitched only when the coach figured we could win no matter who pitched, or had no chance of winning no matter who pitched. Neither of them - nor any of the rest of us - thought anything of it, including the two kids' dads. My first "date" - 6th grade end of year dance - was a beautiful, wonderful black girl who was one of the sweetest people I've met in my 57 years of life. Neither her parents or mine showed any distress or concern over it.

Then we went back to the States, where we were on a larger base, and while it was mostly artillery, there was a sizable infantry contingent, including AIT (Advanced Infantry Training). Sadly, the infantry at that time (early 60s) had certain "issues" with race. Also, instead of attending school on-base as we did in Europe, we attended the local civilian schools, and it was there that I first heard the n-word, and found out that "we" weren't supposed to be friends with "them." Since my ride to school was with either my father or the father of neighbor boy whose dad worked with mine (they carpooled), and my ride home was with his mother, I basically ignored this stricture and was ostracized by a sizable portion of my classmates. Was okay, though - I didn't much give a damn. The next year ('65), though, things began to change - our football MVP was Eddie Hinton, who played for the U of Oklahoma, then was selected in the first round of the '69 NFL draft and played six seasons in the NFL. For some reason, that made blacks more acceptable.

But I have to agree with sd - I still don't like that word, whether it's used by whites, blacks, or folks with green skin and purple polkadots.

 

[graceanne]

Ok, here's mine. It didn't bother me at the time, cause I was getting morphine in my iv every four hours. But afterward . . .

I was getting a barium enema. The doctor asked if he could have students watch. I normally say yes, because their's only one way for them to learn. But I had a room full of people during a BARIUM ENEMA. *sigh*

Evidently they wanted to watch me because it's easy to see the crohns during the enema. I'm like a textbook case, I guess.

 

[DVS]

I wast brought up in the middle 50s mostly, with my teen years in the 60s. I lived in a small Missouri town that back then, there were hardly 2,000 people. And, I've said in other posts, everybody knew everybody else, or you at least knew their name.

There was only one black family in that town. They owned the trash service for the town. The nicest people you'd ever want to meet, too. And, because they were dark skinned, you could see their pretty smiles a block away.

But, even in those turbulant times, with the problems in Burmingham and Mississippi, I was lucky to grow up in such a town where I never heard them called anything but the Jackson family.

 

[callinectes]

Even though I grew up in the Deep South I didn't hear that word all that much. My parents never used it nor did they hang out with the types of people that would. But, you know the old saying...you can't pick your family.

 

[graceanne]

No one in my immediate family has ever used that word, or any other racial slurs. Kenny's brother, the crank addict, uses them routinely, although he's learned not to around my kids. I'm sure that my mom's got brothers and sisters who have and do use that word, because they are bigots, but they don't around me and my sisters. Or my kids.