Unable to feel pleasure?

[damagedlorelei]

I really had no idea where to categorize this- I'm sorry if I did that. I don't know where else to ask this, but masturbation, clit stimulation, sex, NOTHING works for me. It's nothing. It's never been anything. I don't know what an orgasm is like, what is wrong with me? Maybe I am missing somtething in my body. What should I do?

 

[xxxpaulzzz]

I really had no idea where to categorize this- I'm sorry if I did that. I don't know where else to ask this, but masturbation, clit stimulation, sex, NOTHING works for me. It's nothing. It's never been anything. I don't know what an orgasm is like, what is wrong with me? Maybe I am missing somtething in my body. What should I do?

see a doctor

 

[Noor]

Yes, see a gynecologist.

 

[dolf]

it might just be the way you are. some women pop if you so much as look at them, some require hours of foreplay and stimulation, and others... just don't.

it's worth getting your hormones checked & all that jazz, it's worth probing your past for abuse or trauma or some idiot teaching young you that sex is wrong (because the numbing could be psychological), and it's worth experimenting with toys & tongues (if you want to).

...but if you can't, if your hormones are fine, if your mind is unscarred and that's just the way you are, there's nothing wrong with you. you're not defective just because you're not the same as most. maybe you can enjoy sex in some other way, if you like intimacy or pleasing or just having your back stroked, and that's ok. maybe you'll realise that sex just isn't for you, and that's ok too.

 

[dolf]

also...

expect a barrage of moron PMs, from morons. they will tell you that they are super duper world experts in the workings of the female poon, they will guarantee that they can have you writhing in ecstasy, and they will be completely full of shit.

egos can be ugly things.

 

[Que]

it might just be the way you are. some women pop if you so much as look at them, some require hours of foreplay and stimulation, and others... just don't.

it's worth getting your hormones checked & all that jazz, it's worth probing your past for abuse or trauma or some idiot teaching young you that sex is wrong (because the numbing could be psychological), and it's worth experimenting with toys & tongues (if you want to).

...but if you can't, if your hormones are fine, if your mind is unscarred and that's just the way you are, there's nothing wrong with you. you're not defective just because you're not the same as most. maybe you can enjoy sex in some other way, if you like intimacy or pleasing or just having your back stroked, and that's ok. maybe you'll realise that sex just isn't for you, and that's ok too.

All of the above, and also:

Sexual activity can be interesting and mentally stimulating, even (at times) when there does not seem to be an orgasm on the horizon.

 

[dolf]

All of the above, and also:

Sexual activity can be interesting and mentally stimulating, even (at times) when there does not seem to be an orgasm on the horizon.

I never orgasm from sex, but my sex life (when I actually have it) is awesome. I get a different buzz from doing perverted shit instead of the traditional O.

 

[Que]

I never orgasm from sex, but my sex life (when I actually have it) is awesome. I get a different buzz from doing perverted shit instead of the traditional O.

That is interesting. I often don't with a new partner. I'll wear them out first. I have tried warning them in advance and not warning them and letting that be a surprise. Neither is optimal.

When I tell them that I enjoy it immensely even when I don't finish, often they take that as a challenge. If I sense they are overly focused on that, then it almost certainly isn't going to happen.

 

[dolf]

That is interesting. I often don't with a new partner. I'll wear them out first. I have tried warning them in advance and not warning them and letting that be a surprise. Neither is optimal.

When I tell them that I enjoy it immensely even when I don't finish, often they take that as a challenge. If I sense they are overly focused on that, then it almost certainly isn't going to happen.

ha! dudes can't fake

nothing ruins sex like someone deciding, despite you specifying the opposite, that the mission for tonight is to make you O.

 

[Que]

nothing ruins sex like someone deciding, despite you specifying the opposite, that the mission for tonight is to make you O.

Actually, since I always play safe (which incidentally is likely part of the 'problem') I can. I have only tried it once and succeeded. Weird situation where I put my foot in my mouth. Girl 1 was quite determined. This was pretty early in the learning curve of being single, and having casual sex at all. (I initially lost my virginity on my wedding night.) I had explained to girl 1 that I often did not finish, and she accepted that but hoped to please. She knew that I had met girl 2 previously, and that Girl 2 and I hadn't gotten around to playing but planned to. She wishes me well.

For whatever reason, likely because girl 2 pulled my hands to her neck and it reminded me of playtime with the lovely and demur mother of my children I came. When girl 1 inquired I was so excited that instead of saying "a gentleman never tells" I told her I had a Eureka moment.

This is pressure for the next round with girl 1. Still didn't. Round three with girl 1 she was taking it personally...(round 2 with girl 2 was anorgasmic, but I figured I was complicating my sexlife enough and kept that to myself)

So about the 3rd time I faked it. I had a 'successful' session like the 5th time with girl 1.

Interestingly the second girl i was ever with post divorce was really low pressure, compliant, eager even, but sort of sexually naive I would say. The first time was unintentionally the outcome of a cuddle. I was sleepy, had worked 3-4 12 hour night-shifts in brutal weather that beats you up. So it was like sleepy sex on again off again, napping together. no pressure. Didn't finish, kind of fell asleep during. But again she had no expectations and seemed to enjoy.

Couple days later well rested, I had no difficulty at all finishing.

I think I would have chosen celibacy if I didn't already have a lot of experience with SSRI induced anorgasmia in the 1990's. That was tough on my wife. She was a pleaser and had always had partners that came easily. I was a little tougher nut to crack, and she was quickly and multiply orgasmic. I would wear her out. She didn't like saying when, and felt unfulfilled and not sexy when I didn't. Keep in mind that during that time she was struggling with postpartum and body image issues which had not thing one to do with my physical issues. This stuff can wreck egos. Talking, before and after care helps but doesn't solve it.

nothing ruins sex like someone deciding, despite you specifying the opposite, that the mission for tonight is to make you O.

I am guilty of that in minor ways at the same time as understanding all of the above. Hypocritical, I know.

Orgasms are like mirages...the more you chase it the farther it flees, so I am careful not to do that, especially during playtime.

I have some beliefs about the female body that come from a practitioner of administrating amateur pelvic exams, but of course never having had the equipment myself. I freely acknowledge I don't have any idea how any one girls works, but I have a general working knowledge under the hood so to speak.

I have formed the hypothesis, and am eagerly testing it, that if a woman can have one orgasm, she can connect that with a second some of the time. Just like men some women do do better with a refractory period but its fun to help someone go from one to two or more. Before play I will suggest that she consider attempting it, and most seem to make it.

When it doesn't work it kind of sucks because I just fucked with their afterglow.

In a similar vein is the advice from the good Mr.G about G-spot orgasms and squirting. Some girls are quite sure despite starting with an empty bladder they are indeed about to pee and insist on quitting for an uneventful trip to the bathroom. The ones that accept that an unfamiliar feeling is a good thing usually have fun.

All that stuff best discussed before or after play, rather than changing the destination to where I think it ought to go while enroute.

It's an ego thing, which I attempt to keep in check.

 

[Riles]

Ugh. I get that attitude EVERY time I carefully explain that, while I will happily ride a cock to oblivion and back, I will not orgasm while doing so. My head rejects this position and my body follows suit. I NEED the mental triggers pulled that being surrounded and covered and sheltered provides. But it never fails, every man sees it as though it's some kind of issue to be overcome and I simply have not been with a manly man mans man who can do this for me. :eye roll:

Like I haven't fucking tried with every flavor of man, sex, toy, etc out there. Dumbasses.

 

[Laurel]

All of the above, and also:

Sexual activity can be interesting and mentally stimulating, even (at times) when there does not seem to be an orgasm on the horizon.

I never orgasm from sex, but my sex life (when I actually have it) is awesome. I get a different buzz from doing perverted shit instead of the traditional O.

I orgasm during sex, but there's also stuff I enjoy during sex that doesn't make me orgasm at the time but gets me off remembering it later. For example, blowjobs. I don't know why this is. When I was younger, they didn't turn me on AT ALL - they were something you did to get the guy into it. But recently it's a huge turnon for me. I've tried masturbating while going down on him, but I suck at multitasking and it diminishes both. So I just concentrate on him then rub off after with the taste of him in my mouth. And then later remembering it.

But yeah, OP - like everyone said, you should see a doctor and get checked out.

 

[Que]

I orgasm during sex, but there's also stuff I enjoy during sex that doesn't make me orgasm at the time but gets me off remembering it later. For example, blowjobs. I don't know why this is. When I was younger, they didn't turn me on AT ALL - they were something you did to get the guy into it. But recently it's a huge turnon for me. I've tried masturbating while going down on him, but I suck at multitasking and it diminishes both. So I just concentrate on him then rub off after with the taste of him in my mouth. And then later remembering it.

But yeah, OP - like everyone said, you should see a doctor and get checked out.

In addition to the awkwardness and the fact the frenulum is not on the tongue the multi-tasking thing is why I am not a huge fan of 69 if it is goal oriented...I am fine with it and like it a lot if it is on the side and just lazy, fun foreplay with no interest in finishing.

I say 68, someone does someone and someone owes the other one.

At my age (and despite a LOT of expensive therapy and practice that wanking is perfectly OK) it feels weird and not-sexy to explain to someone that I may not get off now, but a hot session with a fun partner fills my spank bank for a month or two.

Ugh. I get that attitude EVERY time I carefully explain that, while I will happily ride a cock to oblivion and back, I will not orgasm while doing so. My head rejects this position and my body follows suit. I NEED the mental triggers pulled that being surrounded and covered and sheltered provides. But it never fails, every man sees it as though it's some kind of issue to be overcome and I simply have not been with a manly man mans man who can do this for me. :eye roll:

Like I haven't fucking tried with every flavor of man, sex, toy, etc out there. Dumbasses.

Orgasms are so much mental that it takes an idiot not to eagerly accept Directors Notes. I am chatty and non-threatening so I generally know quite a bit before it gets to a play-date. The downside of that is I end up the Gay Boyfriend a little too often. I actually had a friend introduce me as her gay boy-friend to her gay friends at dinner once. (I was cooking for us all) She explained to them I just needed to get over my aversion to dick.

 

[dolf]

Ugh. I get that attitude EVERY time I carefully explain that, while I will happily ride a cock to oblivion and back, I will not orgasm while doing so. My head rejects this position and my body follows suit. I NEED the mental triggers pulled that being surrounded and covered and sheltered provides. But it never fails, every man sees it as though it's some kind of issue to be overcome and I simply have not been with a manly man mans man who can do this for me. :eye roll:

Like I haven't fucking tried with every flavor of man, sex, toy, etc out there. Dumbasses.

I think it's that attitude that sent me into years of celibacy and believing I wasn't into sex. because sex just wasn't enjoyable, it just constant pressure to perform that little trick for him. made me feel like a circus pony instead of a sex partner.
but, having found a guy who actually listened, I find myself craving sex constantly.

In addition to the awkwardness and the fact the frenulum is not on the tongue the multi-tasking thing is why I am not a huge fan of 69 if it is goal oriented...

I hate 69ing. if I feel I can't do, and if I do I can't feel. if i'm feeling I feel guilty and if i'm doing I feel distracted.

 

[Laurel]

Ugh. I get that attitude EVERY time I carefully explain that, while I will happily ride a cock to oblivion and back, I will not orgasm while doing so. My head rejects this position and my body follows suit. I NEED the mental triggers pulled that being surrounded and covered and sheltered provides. But it never fails, every man sees it as though it's some kind of issue to be overcome and I simply have not been with a manly man mans man who can do this for me. :eye roll:

I think it's that attitude that sent me into years of celibacy and believing I wasn't into sex. because sex just wasn't enjoyable, it just constant pressure to perform that little trick for him. made me feel like a circus pony instead of a sex partner.
but, having found a guy who actually listened, I find myself craving sex constantly.

Sexuality is waaay more complicated than we're taught. Lots of women can't orgasm via penetrative sex - at all. And some guys! A guy in college I dated had to finish himself off with his hand every time. He said it was because he was too used to masturbating, but since then I've read enough anecdotes online to believe that some guys just can't do it, just like some women can't.

Like dolf realized, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not into sex. It means that you have to experiment a little to find your "thing".

I didn't come from a cock in me until I was in my late 20s - and even then, I didn't come reliably that way until fairly recently. Sometime around 40 my body seems to have grown into a giant aching clitoris. Sex is waay more intense now.

TBH I can't tell if it's because I'm older and "more comfortable in my skin blah blah" or if it's a shift in hormones. I'd like to think it's the former because it sounds cooler. But it's probably the latter.

At my age (and despite a LOT of expensive therapy and practice that wanking is perfectly OK) it feels weird and not-sexy to explain to someone that I may not get off now, but a hot session with a fun partner fills my spank bank for a month or two.

I think that's one of the rad unexpected tradeoffs of guys growing up: you lose that pounding hormonal pressure and are able to sort of savor sex in all its flavors. Young guys (and girls too) are so aimed at their orgasm that they miss a lot of cool stuff.

 

[duranman]

I really had no idea where to categorize this- I'm sorry if I did that. I don't know where else to ask this, but masturbation, clit stimulation, sex, NOTHING works for me. It's nothing. It's never been anything. I don't know what an orgasm is like, what is wrong with me? Maybe I am missing somtething in my body. What should I do?

Visit West London...

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

It's Gods way of telling you to become a nun.

 

[damagedlorelei]

ha! dudes can't fake

nothing ruins sex like someone deciding, despite you specifying the opposite, that the mission for tonight is to make you O.

That happens to me a lot, when I tell guys I just can't orgasm. haha they make it their mission to do it and so I just have to fake it.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

That happens to me a lot, when I tell guys I just can't orgasm. haha they make it their mission to do it and so I just have to fake it.

We should scissor.

 

[parodyluvr75]

I orgasm almost every time, so I'm no help there.

I agree with Dolf, you should get checked out to make sure it's not medical.

Maybe you need a better mental and emotional connection with your partner(s)? The right partner can make what would be mediocre sex with someone else, fantastic with them. I've been fortunate to have had multiple partners in my life that fit into that category. It's the difference between night and day.

Good luck.

 

[Noor]

I thought the OP meant any pleasure, not just orgasms.
It happened to me after surgery. I stopped feeling pleasure and there are treatments for it.
Hormone therapy and physical therapy and if the OP lives in CA, there are also sexual surrogates. I wrote more about this in my sexual journey thread.

 

[Aphro]

You are 19, bisexual, can't feel sexual pleasure, but, you know you are submissive and want to try stretching your pussy and fisting?

Ummm...this seems a bit...incongruous.

 

[pete]

You are 19, bisexual, can't feel sexual pleasure, but, you know you are submissive and want to try stretching your pussy and fisting?

Ummm...this seems a bit...incongruous.

i guess can sorta see her wanting to try more extreme measures out of desperation to try to induce some sexual pleasure, that makes a little sense.

 

[dolf]

You are 19, bisexual, can't feel sexual pleasure, but, you know you are submissive and want to try stretching your pussy and fisting?

Ummm...this seems a bit...incongruous.

you think that, but only because you've never been inside my head.

 

[Aphro]

you think that, but only because you've never been inside my head.

No. I haven't. 'Tis true.