unable to come in front of people

[Guest]

Hello, I'm kinda embarrassed here so bare with me...

I have always had a bit of a problem coming from penetration and, although I can make myself come within minutes if I'm on my own, if I'm with a man, it takes me ages because I get stressed about whether it'll happen or not. I have just started a strange but really hot relationship with someone online/ on the phone and although we really turn each other on, last night I couldn't come. I fell really bad about it because it makes him feel guilty/disappointed etc. Has anyone got any advice?

Thanks

 

[KMann]

I've been there.

Keep trying, but look for a behavioral therapist who can help you. It's not my field, but I bet if you look for Dr. Drew of MTV fame, his web site will suggest ways to find referrals in your area.

I don't make this suggestion flippantly. I've had a few lovers with this problem and haven't seen any simple solution. I used to rock climb and can't imagine how to teach somebody that if they are not comfortable with heights first.

 

[StevenWill]

Don't give up

As a psychologist and sex educator, I can tell you that your problem is not unusual. You think too much. Wondering whether you will cum and being watchful and time conscious is called "spectatoring" and it will kill an orgasm dead dead dead. You need to relax and be less goal oriented and just focus on how you feel, not whether an orgasm is coming or coming too slow. Also, your partner should realize that the orgasm is yours, not his to bestow upon you. When he gets his self worth wrapped up in this you have a double whammy and more pressure on you.

You might try using a vibrator while on the phone or when you are with a partner. When you are with a partner, you can touch yourself duing intercourse so you have have the experience of orgasm during penetration. The main thing is to relax and not get worried, just stay in the moment. Get your friend in on this so he will feel a part of the process.

Good luck.


Steve

 

[Guest]

thank you both for your help.

 

[Mystical]

Thanks Unregistered for the question I too have this problem and it sometimes get me very frustrated and I hurt the next day from not being able to cum. But I do not have a problem with reaching orgasm with penetration just having someone watching me will kill any urge I had prier to him or her watching.

Also thanks for the replies to her questions I can't talk to someone about it though as I am very shy outside my computer. But I can acheiev orgasm over the phone just not face to face. yes I analize things to the point of over kill but I have always done this and probably always will.

Is there any other way of feeling more comfertable masterbating in front of another?

 

[SilverVeil]

RELAX !!! That is the first step. Trying and worrying about it only makes you more tense.

I use several things to relax. A drink, a smoke of a tobacco alternative if I have any, or just a ciggy if I don't, talking with someone for awhile.... I mean if someone comes on and just gets "jiggy with it" right off the bat, I can't get into it.

One of the most intense cyber sessions I have ever had was right here at Lit. And with someone I had just met. We talked for about a 1/2 hour and gradually worked into it and when we were done, there was a huge wet spot on my computer chair LOL ( Thanks Perv181 for the memory )

But if he had just came in and wanted to get down to the nitty gritty, I would not have been able to react to him.

In cyber, on the phone, or even in real life, if you are not at ease and relaxed, then you are not enjoying yourself. It is a 2 way street.

Good Luck