Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure About How To Get The Word Out

[Guest]

From The Onion
Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out
AUBURN, ME— Overweight and balding Ira Groff, 37, is unsure how to get the word out about his 11-inch penis. "In theory, I could fumble around in my wallet for something and then—whoops!—an extra-large condom falls out," the acne-scarred Groff said Monday. "But that would come off as staged." Groff has also pondered wearing tighter pants, leaving penile-reduction-surgery brochures around his workspace, or sporting a button that reads, "Ask Me About My Huge Cock."


What would you do?

 

[Asendin]

retire

 

[RudeNastyAssBitch]

ROTFLMAO

This Sounds Like An Article From The Newspaper On Simcity.

What Would I Do?

One Word.

Spandex.

 

[modest mouse]

I believe he should contact Ron Jeremy. Seems like Ron made it work for him.

 

[lavender]

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well, Todd posted his here. A few times, even. Though I don't recall that it worked for him.

Did you see Ron Jeremy in Orgasmo? Wow. It's enough to take one's breath away.

 

[Marxist]

I'd rent a billboard and drive around like Jake and Elwood in THE BLUES BROTHERS with a megaphone on top of my Mustang proclaiming the fact. I haven't thought about it much.

 

[YogiBare]

Ron Jeremy was great. Such panache. I loved him in the Seymore Butts films. Did you know that he's a former public school teacher in N.Y.C.? Has he stopped making porn flicks?

Ugly with an 11" penis? I'd rent myself out to churches as a gargoyle.

 

[Pan718]

(It frightens me a little...)

But I agree with Marxist... They're doing really clever things with outdoor advertising these days. I'd definitely go with a billboard on a major thoroughfare.

 

[registered "^^"]

un

zip

 

[bluntforcemama]

I would go into hiding and hope no one finds me to cut it off and sell it to science. Either that, or find a horse.

 

[Pan718]

"Not that I was looking of course..."

I would go into hiding and hope no one finds me to cut it off and sell it to science. Either that, or find a horse.

But I thought horses already had their own 11" penises... Would they cut it off and steal it like the scientists too?