Typing with One Hand

[thebullet]

I was reminded of a pet theory of mine today when I read a new listing entitled "New Neighbors".

Here is a link to it if anyone is interested: New Neighbors



Anyway, the next thing you will hear is my theory. Ah hem. My Theory by thebullet: A lot of would-be porn authors write normally when setting up their scenario. But when they get to the 'good parts', nudge nudge, wink wink, you know what I mean?, they suddenly start typing with one hand. Suddenly their spelling goes all to hell, their grammer looses its coherency, and generally the whole story becomes less and less an excercize in English Lit 101 and more and more a race to uh, climax.

This theory was again brought home to me by the above-mentioned story. I ended up sending an email to the author to kind of alert him to his shortcomings, so to speak. Throughout the story, everything is good, fine, okay. Then he gets to the sex. The last 1/3 of the story is a single paragraph. He's writing about blowjobs and other things that go humm in the night, and I'll bet he's pretty excited, if you know what I mean.

He ended up with the world's longest single paragraph. My advice to Literotica authors: If you have to jerk off as you write, kindly go back and proof-read your work after you have cleaned off your hands and before you are ready for round two. It will improve your work considerably.

Just a theory I'm working on.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I have a rule. I never masturbate to one of my own stories until it's posted. That's what breaks are for.

 

[Guest]

yes, i agree with your theory
thats why i send my stories to someone else to edit
and ive been through three keyboards this year
(my foot keeps slipping off the edge of the desk)

 

[cantdog]

 

[thebullet]

OhMissScarlet: I've been looking at your avatar with one hand, so to speak. I was so impressed with it (and your response to another post I made on this here site), that I went and read your story Feast of the Rose Garland. Loved it - though let me say right here that it did not expose any latent homosexual tendancies that may have been lurking in my subconcious. I remain a committed heterosexual male chauvanist pig

 

[carsonshepherd]

I don't masturbate to my own stories. That would be like masturbating to pictures of myself...

Also, I'm too busy trying to write well and not sound like an ass, to get aroused. Then after they post I'm too embarrassed to read them again 'cause I think I sound like a total jack ass.

Yes... I'm a li'l teensy bit insecure...

 

[OhMissScarlett]

OhMissScarlet: I've been looking at your avatar with one hand, so to speak. I was so impressed with it (and your response to another post I made on this here site), that I went and read your story Feast of the Rose Garland. Loved it - though let me say right here that it did not expose any latent homosexual tendancies that may have been lurking in my subconcious. I remain a committed heterosexual male chauvanist pig

Hey thanks so much! Damn, no latent homosexual tendencies? I guess I need to try harder.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Bullet,

Theories of one-handed typing aside, there's a reasonable chance that super-long paragraph is a formatting screw-up. Those happen. In the middle of my contest post, about four paragraphs were all huddled together, presumably consoling one another and begging to be forgiven for their part in my crime against literature.

Being unmerciful, I created and posted a plain text version. After submitting it, I PM'ed Laurel about the snafu. Next day, the new, properly formatted version was up. As you might expect, my score immediately fell and the paragraphs are still pissed.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I have learned how to get around this problem.

I wear boxing gloves while typing porn.

 

[Bridget69]

I wait until my story is completed, THEN I masturbate to it...

 

[yui]

I don't masturbate to my own stories. That would be like masturbating to pictures of myself...

Also, I'm too busy trying to write well and not sound like an ass, to get aroused. Then after they post I'm too embarrassed to read them again 'cause I think I sound like a total jack ass.

Yes... I'm a li'l teensy bit insecure...

I'm with Carsonshepherd. I am titillated by my own stuff sometimes, but I don't ever masturbate while writing (or reading) it. I can work out some wicked sweet fantasies in my head that make my toes curl, but once I put it on paper it doesn't have the same oomph-factor for me.

I don't type one-handed, but I might have scrolled that way a time or two...

Luck to all,

Yui

P.S. Pssst! Carson – your insecurity is unfounded! The way you write is lovely, both fluid and satisfying. I'm not sure I can articulate it that well, but in the bones, to me, what I've read of your stuff feels honest and real but it still has a sort of almost sweetness, maybe, that make your protagonists very appealing. I'm not doing well with the communicating, eh? I suck at this sort of stuff. Anyway, all this to say I think you do good work.

 

[carsonshepherd]

... what I've read of your stuff feels honest and real but it still has a sort of almost sweetness, maybe, that make your protagonists very appealing.

Thank you!

Yeah....you found out my secret. I'm sweet.

Now shhhh... don't tell anybody okay?

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Thank you!

Yeah....you found out my secret. I'm sweet.

Now shhhh... don't tell anybody okay?

He's a very bad boy, don't let him fool you.

 

[cantdog]

Oh come on

Go ahead and let him fool you! What's the harm, anyway?

 

[scheherazade_79]

I use voice recognition software, so that I can have both hands free

 

[Goldie Munro]

I use voice recognition software, so that I can have both hands free

Sneeky!

 

[oggbashan]

I use voice recognition software, so that I can have both hands free

I tried that.

At first the software wouldn't recognise my words; then it refused to work unless I held the microphone.

Now it doesn't recognise my vocabulary.

I meant 'serendipity', stupid programme, not 'stupidity'!

Og

 

[wildsweetone]

I was reminded of a pet theory of mine today when I read a new listing entitled title removed.

Here is a link to it if anyone is interested: ...link removed



Anyway, the next thing you will hear is my theory. Ah hem. My Theory by thebullet: A lot of would-be porn authors write normally when setting up their scenario. But when they get to the 'good parts', nudge nudge, wink wink, you know what I mean?, they suddenly start typing with one hand. Suddenly their spelling goes all to hell, their grammer looses its coherency, and generally the whole story becomes less and less an excercize in English Lit 101 and more and more a race to uh, climax.

This theory was again brought home to me by the above-mentioned story. I ended up sending an email to the author to kind of alert him to his shortcomings, so to speak. Throughout the story, everything is good, fine, okay. Then he gets to the sex. The last 1/3 of the story is a single paragraph. He's writing about blowjobs and other things that go humm in the night, and I'll bet he's pretty excited, if you know what I mean.

He ended up with the world's longest single paragraph. My advice to Literotica authors: If you have to jerk off as you write, kindly go back and proof-read your work after you have cleaned off your hands and before you are ready for round two. It will improve your work considerably.

Just a theory I'm working on.

With all due respect to you thebullet, in my opinion I think your theory needs working on. At the very least if you're going to make theories then surely they should be about the writing, not about the author.

I don't think it's acceptable to post a link to a specific author's work and then insinuate that the author is jacking off.

Like I said, it's just my opinion.

Regards
wildsweetone

 

[Liar]

I don't masturbate to my own stories. That would be like masturbating to pictures of myself...

Exactly. Well, my stories are basicaloly some kind of realization and concretization of pretty vague fantasies of mine, so the general idea of them are things that I have already gotten off to. But when I write, I write slow. So it just boils down to analyzing the fantasy, disassembling it to small components, and then going through the mechanics of typing. Not very exciting at all.

#L

 

[sweetnpetite]

That would be like masturbating to pictures of myself...

We're not supposed to do that?

 

[Goldie Munro]

We're not supposed to do that?

Yeah I think there is a law -- ehm staute 25.. ehm somwhere!

 

[sweetnpetite]

my solution would be- when you get arroused, STOP writing, go masterbate and then come back refreshed. This enables you to build up a lot more... er... literary tension in your stories.

I don't think the problem is neccessarily masterbating while writing as the simple fact that when one is extremely aroused they don't think very clearly. However it does give you something of a push to write quickly, and can make you feel like you're on a roll. I guess it's like being high and thinking that you figured out the secret to the universe and you write it down on a napkin and when you check it later it says 'cocoa pops'

ps- I don't think posting a link was very nice either. this info would be ok to share in a PM to those asking. Although, with the advent of 'public feedback' I can sort of see why someone might think it was ok.

 

[Guest]

I write my best stuff when highly aroused, or slightly inebriated. Seriously!

Well, I think it is anyway. I just get into such a flow with it, the house could collapse around me and I wouldn't notice.

Lou

P.S. I've taught myself to type with my nose.

 

[sweetnpetite]

P.S. I've taught myself to type with my nose.

You dirty girl!!

 

[Guest]

You dirty girl!!

Aye!