Twinks and Bears

[Cigan]

Ok I have to vent a little then there will be a question at the end of my rant. I had a birthday dinner part last night and had a gay friend over I have not seen in ages. I myself am gay, but do not interact with the scene around here because well. . . the scene in B-town and I don't get a long. Anyway I haven't actually spent any time with anyone else who is gay for a long long time (yes this also means I'm not getting any a completely different issue). But during the nights conversation the topic of the fact that I am a stereotypical gay boy came up. Which was a comment I was greatly surprised by. I said I could think of no more than two elements of the gay stereotype I filled, and if anything I was less stereotypically gay now than when I first came to college three years ago. He said I just fit different elements. Then I was a twink now I'm a cub. I was annoyed at this comment and he got a very sarcastic thanks for his comment, the conversation moved on I was distracted, and I fogot anything was said until this morning.

Generally speaking I have never been completely comfortable with the gay community at large. I have known many individual gay people who's company I greatly enjoy, but the average gay males who are around my age (22) set my teeth on edge. And if I had to pick any one gay social tendency to piss me off the most it's classifying people by body type. I absofuckinglutely hate that.

Now here's the question at the end of this somewhat drawn out rant (and I'm sorry for dumping on the board). How common is this? Do I have an annoying a-typical friend, or when my hormones finally overpower my dislike for nightclubs and drinks that don't come in wine or martini glasses (I think the idea of a drink in a test tube is a little creepy) am I going to have to deal with this all the time?

 

[Queersetti]

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner, Cigan, it's a really good question.

Unfortunately, the tendency to put people in boxes is universal, and the gay community is no exception. In fact, it may well be even more rampant among us when it comes to defining people by sexual characteristics.

It is understandable, I suppose, that those who struggle with coming to terms with their own minority sexual identity so often become great believers in strictly defining others. But it does come at a cost, particularly to those who don't readily far into many one category.

On the other hand, it is also understandable that those who know what they like are clear in making their preferences known.

I'd like to say that as you get older, and travel in the circles of older people, this is something you won't encounter, but you will. It seems to be a fact of gay life. What will change is that as you mature and become more comfortable with who you are, it will bother you less.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Hey Cigan,
I myself never hung out with the gay crowd, a few bi a long time ago, and I have never even visited a gay club before. Hermit you see (actually had a case of social anxiety disorder). But yet when I came out the stereotipical remarks just flowed from friends and family. Honestly I myself find them very ignorant for their remarks. I am proud of who I am and my opinion of myself is the only one that matters. Honey you should not give a shit one way or the other if you are a sterotypical gay, JUST BE YOURSELF AND BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE. People are very ignorant and should keep their opinions to them self if they are going to judge someone because of their actions, behaviors, personality, and outward appearance.

 

[Cigan]

Thank you both. I just sort of needed to rant. Every now and then I wonder if I don't suffer from a bit of internalized homophobia when I look at the way I react homosexual people my age, but then I end up at a coctail party of a christmas brunch and am surrounded by gay 40 and 50 somethings, and I have a wonderful time just sitting around with a martini and whatever dinner is served, and talking with them all day or night (depending on the party). So I figure it can't be internatlized homophobia, cause that wouldn't make any sense. I think I was just born a few decades too late.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Maybe an ideal partner for you would be an older person then who's outgrown the club scene.

Typically, no matter what the sexuality, younger people tend to sow oats. If that isn't your focus of interest, maybe broadening your horizons is in order?

 

[Cigan]

I've thought about it succubus. The only problem I've run into is that all the older gay men I meet, are spoken for. I'm certainly on the lookout for that one who isn't though.

 

[Cigan]

I've thought about it succubus. The only problem I've run into is that all the older gay men I meet, are spoken for. I'm certainly on the lookout for that one who isn't though.

 

[Perspicacity]

in the background

thou shalt not double post

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Thank you both. I just sort of needed to rant. Every now and then I wonder if I don't suffer from a bit of internalized homophobia when I look at the way I react homosexual people my age, but then I end up at a coctail party of a christmas brunch and am surrounded by gay 40 and 50 somethings, and I have a wonderful time just sitting around with a martini and whatever dinner is served, and talking with them all day or night (depending on the party). So I figure it can't be internatlized homophobia, cause that wouldn't make any sense. I think I was just born a few decades too late.

UR welcome Cigan. Everyone needs to rant at some point and time. Maybe you are suffering from socially gay anxiety disorder

 

[Cigan]

I am very sorry, I don't know how that double post happened. I only hit the button once, must be a strange phoenix hiccup (phoenix is the open source browser I use)

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Hit Edit on one of your posts and change it to something else like..."Weather today was sunny"

or "Thanks for your imput"

Or, "By the way, I'm cute too."

Lit does that sometimes, and even will triple post.

There are some outstanding single gay guys here, and some bi ones too that don't even post on this board.

Good luck!