Twenty things that irritate me about writing erotica

[Rob_Royale]

Things that irritate me about writing erotica.​

1. I know how the story starts and how it ends but everything in between is a Jackson Pollock painting in my brain.
2. When the plot forks and I sit there looking both ways. For days.
3. When I’m on the forums, knowing that I could be writing.
4. Sex scenes are very rewarding when completed, but a drag to write.
5. Would the characters as I’m writing them, really do this? At this point, spit roasting seems like a stretch.
6. When I’ve got the story planned out, the writing is going well, and I’m totally in the zone – Hey you know what would be a cool idea for a story?
7. There are days for writing and there are days for the planning of writing, the brainstorming/daydreaming process. I wish I could do both at the same time.
8. Cumstain – right click – add to dictionary.
9. It’s dreadfully hard to type and eat leftover barbeque.
10. Finding the self-discipline to edit and proofread when I just want to submit my story!
11. It’s changed the way I look at everything. I can’t even play Skyrim without imagining sexy stories with every NPC my character meets. I bet Vex is a wildcat in bed and Lydia is a sub.
12. So many ideas, so little time.
13. The “I really want to participate in the writers challenge/contest, but this other story is on my brain right now,” dilemma.
14. I've proofread a dozen times, but errors don’t jump out at me like they do the first time I read through it after it’s posted.
15. Some stories rush out of your head in a deluge, and others you have to drag out, kicking and screaming.
16. The post-completion depression when you’ve finished that story that rushed out of you. It makes it hard to get into the next one.
17. When three stories jockey for position for weeks until they are all three-quarters done and now you’ve got to figure out which one to drive to the finish line first.
18. When I talk to my wife about it. “Yeah great, babe.”
19 That I have found something that I really enjoy and am reasonably good at, and I really can’t fucking tell anyone.
20. Building scale models has been my creative outlet for 40+ years, I have thousands of dollars in tools, kits, and accessories. Thousands of hours of experience and the skill and expertise built upon them. A hundred built works and awards that I have won for them. They have sat untouched since I started writing. I don’t even think about them anymore. This one bothers me the most.

 

[AlinaX]

Things that irritate me about writing erotica.​

• ... everything in between is a Jackson Pollock painting in my brain.

Mmm.... Did someone say bukkake?
ETA: But, yes, so many valid points there.

 

[onehitwanda]

Cumstain – right click – add to dictionary.

You left out sigh, eyeroll, "Oh for fucks sakes"

I can’t even play Skyrim without imagining sexy stories with every NPC my character meets. I bet Vex is a wildcat in bed and Lydia is a sub.

No, hon. It's all about Serana. It's always, only, ever about Serana.

sassy, catty, strong, immortal and the best bum ever.

And, yes, my Dragonborn is . Sue me.

 

[HordHolm]

21. English has the most extensive vocabulary of any world language, but there still isn't a great enough variety to describe anatomy and activity without sounding cheesy.

 

[AlinaX]

Gorgeous Zola was in love with a young lass on the cusp of maturity. Emmy had creamy skin and the softest, sweetest holes, and smelled divine.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Things that irritate me about writing erotica.​

• ...
• Would the characters as I’m writing them, really do this? At this point, spit roasting seems like a stretch.
• ...
• When I talk to my wife about it. “Yeah great, babe.”
• ...

Plan ahead and build the character to enjoy spit roasting!

And for all of my stories my wife has read in the past, her attitude has always been "Meh! I didn't really care for it, because it didn't turn me on." ... until my latest, with the wife being DPed by her husband and old boyfriend!
She said: "That was actually a good story."

Hmmm??? Maybe an idea for her next birthday present.

 

[Trionyx]

I've proofread a dozen times, but errors don’t jump out at me like they do the first time I read through it after it’s posted.

Amen. Happens every time.

 

[spankableBelle]

Things that irritate me about writing erotica.​

Things that irritate me about writing. Period.

• I know how the story starts and how it ends but everything in between is a Jackson Pollock painting in my brain.

I know how it starts and how it goes until about 5000 words in, 7000, 10,000, 15,000, 30,000... And then... Yep.

• When the plot forks and I sit there looking both ways. For days.

Been doing this for weeks on multiple pieces.

• When I’m on the forums, knowing that I could be writing.

Kinda rude to call me out like that.

• Sex scenes are very rewarding when completed, but a drag to write.

Say it louder for the people in the back.

• Would the characters as I’m writing them, really do this? At this point, spit roasting seems like a stretch.

Can I simply roast them on a BBQ and start over with better characters that just do what I tell them?

• When I’ve got the story planned out, the writing is going well, and I’m totally in the zone – Hey you know what would be a cool idea for a story?

*hides all 1000 of my notebooks*

• There are days for writing and there are days for the planning of writing, the brainstorming/daydreaming process. I wish I could do both at the same time.

Meet me on the porch and this can happen. You'll just be up all night. At least... That's what I've been told. By a friend.

• Cumstain – right click – add to dictionary.

Mine was Cum Puppet.

• It’s dreadfully hard to type and eat leftover barbeque.

Or a sandwich, or spaghetti, or soup, or...anything, really.

• Finding the self-discipline to edit and proofread when I just want to submit my story!

Again, rude.

• It’s changed the way I look at everything. I can’t even play Skyrim without imagining sexy stories with every NPC my character meets. I bet Vex is a wildcat in bed and Lydia is a sub.

Every movie, TV show, song, game, etc...

• So many ideas, so little time.

*hides the other notebooks and all the first chapters*

• The “I really want to participate in the writers challenge/contest, but this other story is on my brain right now,” dilemma.

Yes.

• I've proofread a dozen times, but errors don’t jump out at me like they do the first time I read through it after it’s posted.

*calls out every story and book I've written*

• Some stories rush out of your head in a deluge, and others you have to drag out, kicking and screaming.

*looks at every unfinished book...*

• The post-completion depression when you’ve finished that story that rushed out of you. It makes it hard to get into the next one.

Rude. True. But so rude.

• When three stories jockey for position for weeks until they are all three-quarters done and now you’ve got to figure out which one to drive to the finish line first.

Why are you attacking me like this?

• When I talk to my wife about it. “Yeah great, babe.”

At least you get that much.

• That I have found something that I really enjoy and am reasonably good at, and I really can’t fucking tell anyone.

I went through this... For years. Couldn't tell anyone that I wrote erotica. Couldn't tell anyone I wrote romance and made really good money.
Then one day, I just didn't care anymore what anyone thought. I didn't care that the spouse merely paid lip service to it. I didn't care that others would be offended and horrified and wave their bible at me.
One day I simply said Fuck It.

• Building scale models has been my creative outlet for 40+ years, I have thousands of dollars in tools, kits, and accessories. Thousands of hours of experience and the skill and expertise built upon them. A hundred built works and awards that I have won for them. They have sat untouched since I started writing. I don’t even think about them anymore. This one bothers me the most.

It'll come back.
You'll need other creative outlets to help work through story blocks and dead ends and all the other frustrating shit that comes with writing.

I loved this whole post.

 

[djrip]

Sex scenes are very rewarding when completed, but a drag to write.

Everyone says this. For me, the rest of the story is building the chapel, and the sex scene is when I get to paint the ceiling.

All other points you might have plucked from my head! Except the models; I just neglect video games and shows and movies and novels and people.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Everyone says this. For me, the rest of the story is building the chapel, and the sex scene is when I get to paint the ceiling.

All other points you might have plucked from my head! Except the models; I just neglect video games and shows and movies and novels and people.

I feel my fingers itching to answer some of Rob's points. However, Rob, it would have been nice if you had numbered them for our convenience.

#4: You don't always have to depict sex; sometimes it's enough to have someone describe what happened - offstage, one might say. Self-promotion: see my Geek Pride entry. Actually the sexual material is not even that. It's mostly Amanda's fantasies at best (except for her relationship with Lucy). Also, it's in the Romance category.

#20 (I think): It's not necessary to stop building models. The overall theme is that you have to pace yourself at whatever you are doing; take your time.

By the way, what are they models of? Here's an idea: write an essay about it. Lit will publish it, I'm sure.

 

[gunhilltrain]

#5: What characters do (improbable?): There have been a half-dozen times when I'v rewritten old stories. Usually the reasults are better. I know, some people on here are against that idea. For one story I did it a third time. You can always re-shoot or re-cut parts of your "movie."

#8: I'd say "cum stain" is two words, not one.

#1: Jackson Pollock: "Art is whatever you can get away with." - Andy Warhol (he should know). So was Pollock a genius or someone who found a gimmick and ran with it? Maybe it was both?

Red Composition, 1946:

https://news.artnet.com/app/news-upload/2020/09/CH-Pollock-Everson.jpg

 

[Rob_Royale]

Rob, it would have been nice if you had numbered them for our convenience.

By the way, what are they models of?

Fixed! I build scale autos. Mostly hot rods. Lots of customization, scratch building, and imagination. Some people are left-brained or right-brained. I am riding the fence between them and this "artistic engineering" sorta scratches both sides of my bifurcated melon. I'm sure I'll get back to it eventually.

I wasn't really looking for advice in these areas, everyone, just sharing my frustration with like-minded folks. @spankableBelle sorry.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Fixed! I build scale autos. Mostly hot rods. Lots of customization, scratch building, and imagination. Some people are left-brained or right-brained. I am riding the fence between them and this "artistic engineering" sorta scratches both sides of my bifurcated melon. I'm sure I'll get back to it eventually.

I wasn't really looking for advice in these areas, everyone, just sharing my frustration with like-minded folks. @spankableBelle sorry.

View attachment 2241324

What a great looking truck!

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Yeah, the post-story depression is very real.

Also that knowledge that till the next story is up…your numbers will be barren.

The agony and ecstasy of meeting new people in your brain that once you finish submitting…you will NEVER see again.

The depressing way of trying to reimagine a sex scene that’s somewhat different to the last scene you wrote but has a different quirk or kink to it.

Avoiding using samey words, till eventually they look weird and feel weird saying them (pussy, anybody?)

Not being able to share this is a massive kick between the legs.

Being on here knowing I could have got another 100 words done.

BUT…

…Also being on here chatting with like-minded people who share my passion, interests, tastes, vision and proclivity for creating fantastical imagery through clever wordplay to stimulate the loins and the senses?

Well, frankly…that’s fucking priceless.

To all of us.

 

[spankableBelle]

I wasn't really looking for advice in these areas, everyone, just sharing my frustration with like-minded folks. @spankableBelle sorry.

View attachment 2241324

Apologies. And point taken.

Sometimes I need to be reminded that the things I enjoy outside of my writing career are still there and this was that reminder for me as well as a general kind of encouragement, but again, apologies.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Apologies. And point taken.

Actually I was referring mostly to Gunhilltrain who seems to radiate a grandfatherly aura of mentorship that I do appreciate.

Your replies were mostly humorous and commiserating, which I also appreciate. I tagged you to at your replies.

@Smuttyandfun , thank you for the compliment.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Fixed! I build scale autos. Mostly hot rods. Lots of customization, scratch building, and imagination. Some people are left-brained or right-brained. I am riding the fence between them and this "artistic engineering" sorta scratches both sides of my bifurcated melon. I'm sure I'll get back to it eventually.

I wasn't really looking for advice in these areas, everyone, just sharing my frustration with like-minded folks. @spankableBelle sorry.

Is that based on a real truck make and model, or is it just a work of imagination? It certainly looks great!

 

[Rob_Royale]

Yes, it is a 1934 Ford. There are parts from several kits, a real cloth seat, all the visible wood is real. The engine is wired for added realism. If you'd like I can PM additional photos. I'm happy you liked it.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

I bet Vex is a wildcat in bed and Lydia is a sub

100%

 

[onehitwanda]

100%

 

[HordHolm]

Yeah, the post-story depression is very real.

Also that knowledge that till the next story is up…your numbers will be barren.

The agony and ecstasy of meeting new people in your brain that once you finish submitting…you will NEVER see again.

The depressing way of trying to reimagine a sex scene that’s somewhat different to the last scene you wrote but has a different quirk or kink to it.

Avoiding using samey words, till eventually they look weird and feel weird saying them (pussy, anybody?)

Not being able to share this is a massive kick between the legs.

Being on here knowing I could have got another 100 words done.

BUT…

…Also being on here chatting with like-minded people who share my passion, interests, tastes, vision and proclivity for creating fantastical imagery through clever wordplay to stimulate the loins and the senses?

Well, frankly…that’s fucking priceless.

To all of us.

All of this.

 

[Becky_Sapphire]

Mine are:

-When you spend a lot of time writing a sex act, like pussylicking, then realise that you only got a single paragraph out after all that effort.

-Writing lesbian sex sometimes can get tricky to explain when you have two 'her' pronouns, so sometimes is a struggle to find a balance between not making it too clunky with too heavy use of names or descriptions e.g 'the brunette') but ensuring its clear whose doing/feeling what.

-Balancing supporting existing ongoing series with creating new ones or one shots. Got lots of ideas but not a lot of writing time.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Things that irritate me about writing erotica.​

1. I know how the story starts and how it ends but everything in between is a Jackson Pollock painting in my brain.

I often write the ending. Generally when stuck somewhere. It helps to clarify things. To emphasize priorities.

2. When the plot forks and I sit there looking both ways. For days.

Once and only once I wrote two options (maybe 1k words each) to see which fork I liked better. But normally I just pick a direction and go with it.

3. When I’m on the forums, knowing that I could be writing.

Do people do that ?

4. Sex scenes are very rewarding when completed, but a drag to write.

The opposite. I love me a good sex scene. My problem is not letting them be too long.

5. Would the characters as I’m writing them, really do this? At this point, spit roasting seems like a stretch.

Never had that problem (well except for the magical piss recycling machine in Club Emily I guess).

6. When I’ve got the story planned out, the writing is going well, and I’m totally in the zone – Hey you know what would be a cool idea for a story?

I hardly ever do that. I focus. If another idea occurs, I just write a note (or a couple of paragraphs) and go back to the current story.

7. There are days for writing and there are days for the planning of writing, the brainstorming/daydreaming process. I wish I could do both at the same time.

I do plan. But I’ve never devotes a day to planning. I’ll always do some writing.

8. Cumstain – right click – add to dictionary.

It’s worrying what autocorrect suggests sometimes. Sent my mom a text with anal in it and had to blame autocorrect - glad she don’t ask why autocorrect had that word

9. It’s dreadfully hard to type and eat leftover barbeque.

Insufficient data.

10. Finding the self-discipline to edit and proofread when I just want to submit my story!

But it’s better than the pain of submitting an edited version and leaving the typos there for two weeks

11. It’s changed the way I look at everything. I can’t even play Skyrim without imagining sexy stories with every NPC my character meets. I bet Vex is a wildcat in bed and Lydia is a sub.

Insufficient data. Never played Skyrim.

12. So many ideas, so little time.

Amen!

13. The “I really want to participate in the writers challenge/contest, but this other story is on my brain right now,” dilemma.

I’ve prioritized events and actually kinda regretted it. Not fond of deadlines and writing.

14. I've proofread a dozen times, but errors don’t jump out at me like they do the first time I read through it after it’s posted.

I need a T saying this.

15. Some stories rush out of your head in a deluge, and others you have to drag out, kicking and screaming.

If it’s not a deluge at least at first, I bin it. I’m lazy.

16. The post-completion depression when you’ve finished that story that rushed out of you. It makes it hard to get into the next one.

Where are the Kleenex?

17. When three stories jockey for position for weeks until they are all three-quarters done and now you’ve got to figure out which one to drive to the finish line first.

I try not to do this. I have some incomplete stories. But never three all at 75%

18. When I talk to my wife about it. “Yeah great, babe.”

My “wife” is my biggest fan (sorry, hun )

19 That I have found something that I really enjoy and am reasonably good at, and I really can’t fucking tell anyone.

A few IRL people know - then they are mostly people who appear in my stories

20. Building scale models has been my creative outlet for 40+ years, I have thousands of dollars in tools, kits, and accessories. Thousands of hours of experience and the skill and expertise built upon them. A hundred built works and awards that I have won for them. They have sat untouched since I started writing. I don’t even think about them anymore. This one bothers me the most.

Not sure that I have an equivalent. I watch less porn and write more porn, I guess.

Em

 

[gunhilltrain]

Yes, it is a 1934 Ford. There are parts from several kits, a real cloth seat, all the visible wood is real. The engine is wired for added realism. If you'd like I can PM additional photos. I'm happy you liked it.

Yes, please send them; I'd like to see them.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Actually I was referring mostly to Gunhilltrain who seems to radiate a grandfatherly aura of mentorship that I do appreciate.

Your replies were mostly humorous and commiserating, which I also appreciate. I tagged you to at your replies.

@Smuttyandfun , thank you for the compliment.

Thank you. But how about "uncle" instead of "grandfather?"