Turning Point

[Evil_Geoff]

After reading this thread, I suddenly feel terrible about myself and like a total fucking interloper in someone else's life. I want so badly for this to work...

Sweety, there's nothing wrong with wanting it to work. And you won't hear me criticizing, condemning or judging you. I will be straight up about letting you know it's not going to be easy, it will take work from everyone involved. And if one of the people concerned stops working or stops wanting it to work... the poly relationship will fail. What remains of the non-poly relationship is a matter for speculation and rebuilding if the bomb goes off.

... if some of these posts indicate what B. and J. (his other girl) think about me, maybe it's just time to say fuck it. I dunno.

Who's to say what B and J think or feel other than B and J? I could state "I think Rudy Guiliani should be the next president." B or J (or both of them) could feel that way. Do they feel that way? Damned if I know. NONE OF US speak to the truth in THEIR hearts or minds, we only speak of the truth in ours. Unless someone here has spoken with them, unless they have been confiding in other Lit people, how could anyone here possibly speak for them on any issue?

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work because I believe it's worthwhile...

That's important to hold on to. And as long as B and J and Kitty are in this thing with you together, wanting it to go well, working to keep it alive, happy and growing, then all the more power to y'all and rock on! I'm with you 100% babe!

And Marquis's input is, as always, fascinating and insightful. Gotta love it!

 

[BiBunny]

Thank you, EG. I feel better already.

 

[graceanne]

After reading this thread, I suddenly feel terrible about myself and like a total fucking interloper in someone else's life. I want so badly for this to work, but, goddamn, if some of these posts indicate what B. and J. (his other girl) think about me, maybe it's just time to say fuck it. I dunno.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it work because I believe it's worthwhile, but Jesus H. Christ.

ETA: Marquis, I had absolutely no idea what was going on with you, and if I had, I'd have never asked you to respond to this thread. I appreciate your input (bunches), but I just want you to know that I wasn't trying to be heartless.

*hugs* I wish I had something smart and wise to add, but I think Netzach and Marquis already covered it. Souinds like you know what you want to do, and you know it's not going to be an easy battle.

My two cents: Forgivness can happen, but it will not happen overnight. Forgivness is rather like grief, it goes in stages. The first stage is deciding you WILL forgive the other person. The second stage is allowing yourself to go through stages! lol Somedays you will be angry, somedays you will be sad, and some days you'll be just fine. But if you are determined to forgive eventually the fine days come more and more.

Oh, one more thing. If you've decided to forgive him, that means you don't get to throw it in his face every time you get in a fight. I don't know if you do that, but I've seen other relationships where cheating was happening, and they decided to 'forgive' not work, just because eventually he will get sick of hearing it.

 

[BiBunny]

*hugs* I wish I had something smart and wise to add, but I think Netzach and Marquis already covered it. Souinds like you know what you want to do, and you know it's not going to be an easy battle.

My two cents: Forgivness can happen, but it will not happen overnight. Forgivness is rather like grief, it goes in stages. The first stage is deciding you WILL forgive the other person. The second stage is allowing yourself to go through stages! lol Somedays you will be angry, somedays you will be sad, and some days you'll be just fine. But if you are determined to forgive eventually the fine days come more and more.

Oh, one more thing. If you've decided to forgive him, that means you don't get to throw it in his face every time you get in a fight. I don't know if you do that, but I've seen other relationships where cheating was happening, and they decided to 'forgive' not work, just because eventually he will get sick of hearing it.

Thanks, gracie. I'm not usually a "throw anything up in someone's face" kind of person, so I hope that won't be a problem.

 

[graceanne]

Thanks, gracie. I'm not usually a "throw anything up in someone's face" kind of person, so I hope that won't be a problem.

Neither am I. lol To tell the truth you didn't seem the kind, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to say it. My best friends in a relationship kinda like that, except she embarrassed herself so bad recently she's stopped throwing 'blonde coke-whores' in her boyfriends face.

 

[FurryFury]

I am just now seeing this post. I loved that show!

I'm so glad. I only was brave enough to watch it because Marquis recommended it so highly.

I'm sorry you and he have broken up. I think you are a fantastic person. Actually, I think you both are fantastic people.

*HUG*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>
First off, there is one thing I have to admit I find really annoying about this forum, or rather people in general when it comes to relationship advice. It seems to be absolutely ingrained in people to be automatically negative at the first sign of relationship trouble. I don't know how this came about, but I've always disliked it. I want to be able to air my grievances on lit without every fucking complaint, be it about cheating or snoring, bringing on waves of sympathy and comments of "it's not going to work, blah blah blah".

There seems to be this huge impetus for everyone in a relationship to pretend they are constantly happy and carefree, because at the very first sign of questioning or dissatisfaction, everyone automatically concludes it's time to start over.

I call bullshit on that.

<snip>

I've noticed that too. If people wanted to so quickly discard relationships, they wouldn't work so hard on them or ask questions, seeking help about them.

Now, granted, I'd probably be a healthier person if I could discard relationships easier, when it was clear I should. So I sometimes might advise someone differently than I would or could do. I'd like to save someone from making similar mistakes to the ones I have.

Of course we can't usually save anyone. Even if we do they have to make their own mistakes anyway, slightly different mistakes maybe but still.

Fury

 

[im_a_voyeur]

I'm so glad. I only was brave enough to watch it because Marquis recommended it so highly.

I'm sorry you and he have broken up. I think you are a fantastic person. Actually, I think you both are fantastic people.

*HUG*

Fury

*Hugs you back*

 

[FurryFury]

*Hugs you back*

*smiles*

Now that's what I like!



Fury

 

[nh23]

Bunny i don't really have any advice I can offer but I would like to say that I really feel for you and I hope everything works out for the best...