Turkey day is coming
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omahaman2
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omahaman2
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Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at
Thanksgiving But Aren't
___________________________
10. "Talk about a huge breast!"
9. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
8. "Don't play with your meat."
7. "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
6. "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
5. "You still have a little bit on your chin."
4. "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
3. "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
2. "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
1. "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
Thanksgiving But Aren't
___________________________
10. "Talk about a huge breast!"
9. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
8. "Don't play with your meat."
7. "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
6. "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
5. "You still have a little bit on your chin."
4. "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
3. "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
2. "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
1. "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
omahaman2
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Yet not every aspiring Thanksgiving-maker knows how to properly roast a turkey. The bird proves an utter mystery to some, resulting in many a holiday mishap of a culinary
nature.
Luckily, those confounded by the fowl can access a great deal of help by calling a number of turkey preparation hotlines. While some offer only recorded tips on how to prepare and roast the bird, others provide live assistance from trained experts well experienced not only with poultry but with nervous and overwhelmed cooks. Over the years, these talk line mavens have fielded all manner of queries from those bewildered by the fickle bird.
One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball's Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process. (The joke's punch line is: "You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.") And no, you can't.
The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn't find the turkey she buried in a snowbank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.
Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey's cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn't discover Ol' Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.
Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out. "Apparently," said one of the Butterball economists, "she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad." A West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she'd used off her bird.
Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman's Chihuahua had dived into the bird's cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.
nature.
Luckily, those confounded by the fowl can access a great deal of help by calling a number of turkey preparation hotlines. While some offer only recorded tips on how to prepare and roast the bird, others provide live assistance from trained experts well experienced not only with poultry but with nervous and overwhelmed cooks. Over the years, these talk line mavens have fielded all manner of queries from those bewildered by the fickle bird.
One of the more unusual questions handled by Butterball's Turkey Talk-Line (which the company has operated since 1981) comes from those who have mistaken a well-traveled joke for an actual recipe: They call to ask if they can pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process. (The joke's punch line is: "You know the turkey is done when the popcorn pops and blows the rear off the bird.") And no, you can't.
The hotline has heard from a gal who couldn't find the turkey she buried in a snowbank, a guy who wanted to know how to carve his bird with a chain saw, and a mechanic who worried about using motor oil as a baste.
Then there was the young mother who failed to notice her children playing near the oven-ready bird. The kids decided the turkey's cavity was a good place to park toy cars. Their mom didn't discover Ol' Tom was doubling as a garage until after the turkey had been roasted.
Another confused cook called the Butterball line after cleaning her turkey because she wanted to know how to get the metal pieces out. "Apparently," said one of the Butterball economists, "she had scrubbed her bird with a steel scouring pad." A West Coast woman who had taken anti-bacterial precautions too far called Butterball to find out how to get the bleach she'd used off her bird.
Butterball turkey experts still talk about the Kentucky woman who called in 1993 to ask how to get her dog out of her turkey. It seems the woman's Chihuahua had dived into the bird's cavity and become trapped there. The woman tried pulling the pooch and shaking the bird, all to no avail. A Butterball economist finally suggested the woman carefully cut the opening in the turkey wider to release the captive canine.
pleasteasme
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omahaman2 said:
That's the list I have been looking for!
omahaman2
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once again,
its time for lits turkey!
ro wish everyone a
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to? Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow. Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement. Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons. Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
its time for lits turkey!
ro wish everyone a
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to? Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow. Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement. Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons. Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
LadyWhiteWolf
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Happy Thanksgiving to you Omaha! 
What wonderful and inspirational pieces that you have shared here.
Here is a link to my place and you can see pics of my turkey friend. Her name is "Slick" and she is a very much loved and cherished friend. May you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving.
http://new.photos.yahoo.com/bar_t_bell_ranch
What wonderful and inspirational pieces that you have shared here.
Here is a link to my place and you can see pics of my turkey friend.
Her name is "Slick" and she is a very much loved and cherished friend. May you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving. http://new.photos.yahoo.com/bar_t_bell_ranch
omahaman2
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I Am Thankful.....
...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.
...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.
...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.
...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.
...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.
...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.
...for getting too much email because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.
...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.
...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.
...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.
...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.
...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.
...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.
...for getting too much email because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.
omahaman2
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A Thanksgiving Prayer
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings each morning, thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes tightly closed against the morning light as long as possible, thank you Lord, that I can see. There are many who are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off the effort of rising, thank you, Lord that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, and tempers are short, thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank you, Lord for the food we have. There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest, thank you, Lord, for the gift of life.
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings each morning, thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes tightly closed against the morning light as long as possible, thank you Lord, that I can see. There are many who are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off the effort of rising, thank you, Lord that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, and tempers are short, thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank you, Lord for the food we have. There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest, thank you, Lord, for the gift of life.
omahaman2
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The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.
Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE
Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language
What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore
What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.
Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE
Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language
What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore
omahaman2
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