trying to decide

[lilredwolph]

should i stay or should i go ? in or out of the lifestyle that is. as some may know i have split with my long term Dom and i just have no desire to start a new search. i have a HUGE toy collection, but right now that is all it is "a collection" i have NO want or need to play. i am thinking i may just leave the lifestyle, still have my kinks but i am not sure if i want to submit to another ever again.

 

[A Desert Rose]

should i stay or should i go ? in or out of the lifestyle that is. as some may know i have split with my long term Dom and i just have no desire to start a new search. i have a HUGE toy collection, but right now that is all it is "a collection" i have NO want or need to play. i am thinking i may just leave the lifestyle, still have my kinks but i am not sure if i want to submit to another ever again.

It has been my experience that at this point in time, it is not a good idea to make huge changes in your life. Sit back, give yourself some time to recuperate, don't make a major life change at this time.

That is my opinion and I really hope things fall back into place for you, sooner and not later.

All my best.....

 

[P. B. Walker]

I agree with Rose... right now is not a good time to be making major life decisions. My opinion and advice (for the little bit that it is worth) is to just make it thru the next 6 months. Your perspective will change as time go on.

Sorry to hear about your breakup.

PBW

 

[lilredwolph]

i have lived lifestyle for 20 or so years, and i just don't have the drive or need anymore. my Dom and i have been split up for sometime (over a month), so this isn't because of that. i have thought and thought about this even before the split

i will continue to be a twisted kinkster but i think i will give up the D/s and stick with the s/m and b

how could i forget the B?

 

[zipman]

should i stay or should i go ? in or out of the lifestyle that is. as some may know i have split with my long term Dom and i just have no desire to start a new search. i have a HUGE toy collection, but right now that is all it is "a collection" i have NO want or need to play. i am thinking i may just leave the lifestyle, still have my kinks but i am not sure if i want to submit to another ever again.

First, let me say that I agree with what Rose and PBW stated.

Second, I think that BDSM plays a different role in each of our lives, and that role may expand or contract depending on a variety of factors. Now it may not be a priority, in a few months you may feel like a few sessions to enjoy the kink, and in a few years, you may decide you want to submit again.

Regardless, I hope you still come here and post if you would like to. Sorry to hear of your breakup and best wishes to you moving forward!

 

[SexyChele]

With all due respect, lilredwolph, a month is hardly time enough to recover from a 20 year relationship.

I agree with Rose and PBW - things might change as time goes on. I wouldn't be so quick to get rid of the toys. Just pack them up and store them for a while. If you decide much later on that you haven't used them, then think about getting rid of them.

And there is nothing that says you "must" search for a new Dom right now, is there? Kick back, do things you like, be with friends, enjoy life. Take it as it comes. Stay in touch with friends in the lifestyle, and meet people outside of it. Concentrate on you and enjoying the things around you. A decision about whether to stay or go (in the lifestyle) can always be made later, yes?

Good luck!

 

[Hecate]

Why "decide"?

You do not need to make a conscious decision now - why should you?

As you say, you feel no need to play or submit right now ... just as some have no need or wish for sex or a new relation immediately after splitting up .. pack up your toys and stow them away ... either to ponder about them for sweet memories in a while, or to pull them out sooner than you think maybe when all of a sudden someone popps into your life who feels just right.

I can only speak for myself, but my "urge" for different kinds of BDSM and/or relations do fluctuate over time - and what I may need or not need and want today may be just different tomorrow. I never did go and "decide" I was into BDSM, it just felt right atsome stage - and it didn't at others.

So why decide about something that will make itself heard and felt whne and if it wants"out"? Whx eliminate an aspect from your life that you don't need to eliminate? Why deprive yourself of more facettes and aspects of being without any pressure and need that I can reckognize in your situation?

Go with the flow - don't desperately try to hang on to the "play time" but neither try to elimintae any future options either. My advise would be to hang on to the toys ... I would think (as many of us may confirm) that once you have had the additional enhanced BDSM-feel you will eventually want it again!


edited to say that as I started to reply none of the other posts were there - so in retrospect I guess there isn't really anything in the above that hasn't been said before ... nevertheless .. take a break lil, but why make a lasting DECISION?

 

[P. B. Walker]

Sounds like you have definitely put some good time and effort into this. And it sounds like you are on the right track . I don't see why you shouldn't give up D/s for the time being. Especially if it is not something that you absolutely need or want. You should do what makes you happy. If including some S/M in your sexual playtime is what will make you happy and fulfilled, then that is what you should do.

I have to ask... what is b? I'm wrackin my brain here. lol. oh wait... bondage. duh.

PBW "Ok... I'm a ditz."

 

[Richard49]

I have been through a lot of negative the last 13 months
It is all over these boards for you or anyone to read

I leave you with this thought
When you lest expect it
you have surrendered to the pain and loneleness
someone will come/cum along

Take a deep breath
make a do likst each day of RL things that need to be done
or that will help you achieve your none BDSM D/s goals and
do them

 

[Ebonyfire]

should i stay or should i go ? in or out of the lifestyle that is. as some may know i have split with my long term Dom and i just have no desire to start a new search. i have a HUGE toy collection, but right now that is all it is "a collection" i have NO want or need to play. i am thinking i may just leave the lifestyle, still have my kinks but i am not sure if i want to submit to another ever again.

I always say, try not to think too hard, and try to find a way to have fun.

Life is sometimes taken way too seriously.

Eb

 

[artful]

Patience,...

i have lived lifestyle for 20 or so years, and i just don't have the drive or need anymore. my Dom and i have been split up for sometime (over a month), so this isn't because of that. i have thought and thought about this even before the split

i will continue to be a twisted kinkster but i think i will give up the D/s and stick with the s/m and b

how could i forget the B?

...is the keyword for today. Take some time, look within yourself, find out YOUR truths. If the *drive* or *need* reappears, you have all you need to start again. What *is* all you need to start again? YOU,...that's it Red.

If you want to keep the toys and equipment,...keep them,...if you don't,...dispose of them any way you deem fit.

Know one thing for sure,...no matter what you do,...no matter what I do,...no matter what anyone else does,...we are gonna make *some* good decisions,...and we are gonna make *some bad decisions.

Sometimes we FORCE ouselves to make decisions that clearly,...need not be made. Why? Because all the information has not been gathered or sorted out. Once again,...*patience* is the key word for today.

There are many who care about your well being, even if we are not *close* to you in an emotional bonding way. Your Friend,..............Art

 

[lilredwolph]

believe me the last thing i would do is get rid of my toys WAY to much time and money invested in my toy box

even if i never play again just think of the look on my kids faces when they finally get their hands on the key and open the the big blue box after i have die of old age... that thought alone is good for a giggle

 

[Ebonyfire]

believe me the last thing i would do is get rid of my toys WAY to much time and money invested in my toy box

even if i never play again just think of the look on my kids faces when they finally get their hands on the key and open the the big blue box after i have die of old age... that thought alone is good for a giggle

I am thinking of willing mine to my daughter! LOL

Eb

 

[artful]

Red

believe me the last thing i would do is get rid of my toys WAY to much time and money invested in my toy box

even if i never play again just think of the look on my kids faces when they finally get their hands on the key and open the the big blue box after i have die of old age... that thought alone is good for a giggle

OMG,...I fell out of my chair.-LOL I love your sense of humor. Oh,...and BTW,...if you ever decide there are some toys or equipment you may wish to dispose of,...ya still have my address where you were supposed to send the violet wand for *testing*,...RIGHT? Right! (I am still LMAO at the kids opening up the blue box)

 

[cellis]

I wish I had a magic answer for you... I do think you need to just put everything away for a while and just go have some fun as Eb suggested....

You know who and what you are... You know that this is a terrible time in your life. You are bright and articulate. You are introspective and honest.

All of those qualities are highly prized by most of the people I know.

Time has a way of changing our perspective.

Give yourself some breathing and grieving room.

A couple of months from now you will ask yourself "What was I thinking?"

I wish I could help more...

You know you are in my thoughts...

s

 

[Ricckk]

I agree with all the advice: go with the flow, no need to make any decisions, don't think too hard. I will also remind you of the PRIMARY ESSENTIAL ULTIMATE RULE:

There are no "rules".

Hang in there, time has a way of bringing perspective.