trust

[Willing and Unsure]

so you trust someone wholeheartedly... then they lie to you over sumthin stupid... would you trust them as much as you did before?

 

[CW]

nope,,, at least it would be a long time a-comin'

 

[Simply Me]

Depends on how much their friendship meant to me and whether or not I felt they were truly sorry for what they had done. Everyone makes mistakes, I know I have, and have been forgiven , so I would probably give them another chance. But blow it again and that's all she wrote.

 

[MysteryJKR]

Of course. Everyone makes mistakes and anyone can be having a bad day or have some doubts about something and think they needa lie about something or do something they normally wouldnt. If I completely trust someone that means Im really close and have a bond with that person. If im that close with someone of course Ill trust them just as much again. Theres no question.

Lifes to short and I aint gonna let something stupid. That even I may do at some future date ruin a friendship or a relationship or even tarnish it at all. I know if i made some kind of mistake and was truely sorry about it I would want to be trusted again. I wouldnt want to have an extra eye hung on me 24/7 because of something stupid.

 

[Renegade]

Trust is a hard thing to come by with me. There are only a few people that I truly trust a lot. It would be a case by case thing on if I would trust them less after not being truthful about stupid things. I'm mostly a forgive, but don't forget anytime soon kind of person. Everybody makes mistakes. It's a flaw that comes with being human.

 

[Morden]

<sits in his lotus>

"Everyone lies. Its the unfortunate reality of life. The question is whether thier lies was a true betrayal of thier friendship to you. If it was then you have every right to be annoyed and testy. As for if you will ever trust them the same. The answer is no. You will trust them again most likely for we are born to forgive. Its just a matter of how far."

<fades a little>

The exposure of the soul
To that thorny rose
The lovely beauty of life
So vibrant at first
So painful once pricked
Yet is the rose still not beautiful
Do you stay away
Do let yourself be drawn in
Only time will answer this

 

[lavender]

 

[SweetCherry]

Depends on the lie and how badly I was hurt by it, I guess. Long ago, my hub lied to me over something and it hurt me more than anyone will ever know. Now ever since then, I find I can't trust him over a lot of things. Which is one of the reasons the marriage fell apart.

 

[TonyG]

Originally posted by lavender
My theory on trust.

I think people trust others proportionally to the way they truly trust themselves. If they trust themself they will have a stronger trust of others. It may take time to build but it will be a pure kinda of trust. For those who cannot trust, many times they do not trust themself.

This may be totally flawed. But I think it is observable in many walks of life.

So very true. Once I give my trust to someone, which takes time, it is pure and deep. The little events that might damage that trust can easily be healed as long as they do not occur too often. But once you lose my trust, it is very hard to get it back.

 

[pabloback]

it is not the lie it is the reason behind it
eg:you know somebody has lied to you to protect your feelings or to hide a surprise like a birthday treat or secret party , they have lied but does that mean you cant trust them ? the reason is more important than the act

 

[Guru]

 

[R Nitelight]

Yes.

 

[Texan]

love the thread

My theory on trust.

I think people trust others proportionally to the way they truly trust themselves. If they trust themself they will have a stronger trust of others. It may take time to build but it will be a pure kinda of trust. For those who cannot trust, many times they do not trust themself.

This may be totally flawed. But I think it is observable in many walks of life.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with lavender, but may I take the idea a little further.

We only trust someone to the extent we are "invested" in that person, emotionally or otherwise. We don't bother to trust anyone that we don't care about. When we have invested time and feelings into a relationship, we exchange a currency we call "trust". Some people who don't trust themselves, don't have much "currency" available to put into the relationship.

Sometimes, one person has invested more into the relationship than the other person. The heavy investor might not dream of breaking the trust, while the lessor investor doesn't see the harm that might be done by being less than "trustworthy".

If this seems too "antiseptic", think of it this way. We look at a relationship in terms of how much it means to us. Maybe we should look at a relationship in terms of how much it means to the other person. (not how much we want it to mean to them). Then maybe we can make better judgements about how much to trust someone else.

just a thought

 

[Willing and Unsure]

so basically.... forgiveness is the big theme here, right?

 

[p_p_man]

Yep...

...no problem there - as long as it was over something stupid...

 

[*Lazer*]

You have to decide how important the relationship is to you. Sometimes people lie as a survival mechanism, because that is how they were taught and existed for many years. I was exposed to many lies while growing up (perceptions) and paid the price because I insisted on speaking the truth. I know now that sometimes people lie as others have mentioned because of shame. I know of women and men who for years denied (hence lied) about abuse issues in order to cope. So it is never easy to give a simple answer about human nature or doings. It has more to do with what you feel in your heart and the reason for the lie. In my humble opinion.