Truly Useless Presents!

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I don’t mean those sweaters from an old auntie who still thinks you are eight years old. I mean those gifts that you see while searching for something just a little different, that are way too different --- a total waste of money, and not that good as a joke.

Here’s one.


http://tennesseeplayers.org/MooreMoney/money3.jpg


"Personalized" (Non Negotiable) Money!

 

[gotwood49]

I agree completely, VB. Spencer Gifts in our local mall certainly qualifies as a store completely devoid of any meaningful items to give as gifts. There are thousands of stupid things in there, that I would be embarrassed to give to anyone I considered a friend.

(of course, there's also Victoria's Secret, directly across the way. They've got just as many GOOD items as Spencer's has BAD!

How about the T-shirts Penney's sells for 4-12 year olds, that read "Hottie" on the front?

 

[cheerful_deviant]

You think that's stupid, try this.

Shock Tanks

 

[BlackShanglan]

How about the T-shirts Penney's sells for 4-12 year olds, that read "Hottie" on the front?

Dear lord, how repulsive.

Where my parents live in a seaside town, they used to have a "Best Buns on the Beach" contest for adults. At least one year, some genius decided to include a "Best Kids' Buns on the Beach" section. Why not just entitle it "Pedophile's Buffet"?

Shanglan

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Or this:

http://www.stupid.com/Merchant2/graphics/products/poop2005-1.jpg

Monthly Doos

 

[shereads]

I have several friends who, at various times post-divorce, have had the privilege of selecting gifts for their children to give to daddy's new Trophy Wife. I always suggest "Epilady," that device that looks like an electric leg shaver but actually pulls the individual hairs out by the root. Like having your legs waxed veeeery slowly.

 

[shereads]

You can never go wrong with something from Archie McPhee.

New this year is the Oscar Wilde Action Figure:

 

[shereads]

Hindu finger puppets make good stocking stuffers:

 

[R. Richard]

My idea of the truky useless gift is one that leaves you thinking: "What is it?"

 

[Vincent E]

I agree completely, VB. Spencer Gifts in our local mall certainly qualifies as a store completely devoid of any meaningful items to give as gifts. There are thousands of stupid things in there, that I would be embarrassed to give to anyone I considered a friend.

Except for the blacklight bulbs. Screw them in your bedroom for that really naughty effect.

 

[Sunnie]

"Personalized" (Non Negotiable) Money!

but you know what? Whoever thought of that idea is probably a rich motherfucker by now.

-chuckle-

 

[Guest]

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Gift cards . . . why? Why not JUST SEND MONEY?!? It's like a gift card for ANYWHERE!

 

[Bridget69]

Gift cards . . . why? Why not JUST SEND MONEY?!? It's like a gift card for ANYWHERE!

Gift cards are just for people who are too lazy to think of an actual gift.

 

[BlackShanglan]

You can never go wrong with something from Archie McPhee.

New this year is the Oscar Wilde Action Figure:

*purrr* You can stuff that in my stocking any year.

Originally posted by EvilAlpaca

Gift cards . . . why? Why not JUST SEND MONEY?!? It's like a gift card for ANYWHERE!

Thank you! And here I thought I was the last sane person to grasp this. The humans are mad, but thank heavens, the herbivora still have some sense.

 

[CharleyH]

Dear lord, how repulsive.

Where my parents live in a seaside town, they used to have a "Best Buns on the Beach" contest for adults. At least one year, some genius decided to include a "Best Kids' Buns on the Beach" section. Why not just entitle it "Pedophile's Buffet"?

Shanglan

ROFL - was not expecting that. LOL

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

http://www.chocolatefantasies.com/Cherry.jpghttp://www.chocolatefantasies.com/jizzyLizzie.jpg

The Cherry & The Jizzy Lizzy

Actually, it is kind of cute, but $2.00 an ounce for plain chocolate?

 

[Huckleman2000]

The Cherry & The Jizzy Lizzy

Actually, it is kind of cute, but $2.00 an ounce for plain chocolate?

That's not plain chocolate! It's chocolate shaped like a pussy!

Clearly, you have no holiday spirit!

 

[logophile]

Dear lord, how repulsive.

Where my parents live in a seaside town, they used to have a "Best Buns on the Beach" contest for adults. At least one year, some genius decided to include a "Best Kids' Buns on the Beach" section. Why not just entitle it "Pedophile's Buffet"?

Shanglan

I swear I'm not trying to hijack the thread, but here's an article I wrote earlier this year about this subject... This is one of my personal pet peeves!


Kids Clothes: Cute Not Cool

It’s the time of year when parents, filled with dread, pour over sale ads and eBay auctions looking for the best deals on children’s clothes. Most kids have spent the summer eating well, sleeping late and growing out of anything that even remotely fit them last year. It is so challenging to find an entire wardrobe that is affordable, well-made and appropriate.

For me, the "appropriate factor" is just as important as the other two. And it’s getting increasingly difficult to find clothing for kids, especially girls, that isn’t too grown up. I had a severe case of déjà vu on a recent shopping trip to buy some jeans and t-shirts for my two daughters. I don’t know why I thought it might be different this time, but I was just as frustrated this year as I’ve been the last three, when I loyally returned to Target, only to find low-rise, flare-leg, over-dyed, lace-covered denim and skimpy tops proffered to me as back-to-school "needs."


Oh, so sassy!

OK, this might be a slight exaggeration. Not every pair of jeans had all of those, shall we say, features. But each of them had at least one. The t-shirts were just as bad. Lots of cropped shirts in garish colors screen-printed with slogans like "It’s so cute the way you think I’m listening to you" and "Yeah Yeah Yeah! Blah Blah Blah!" I want to remind you that I’m talking about clothes designed for little girls, four-years-old and up. While I could swallow my own personal feelings and accept a teenager picking their own sassy shirt, I cannot, in good conscience, allow my fourth-grader to broadcast her occasionally bad attitude that way.

One of the most common complaints among parents is that our children are growing up too fast. Everyone is (understandably) worried about drug use and sexual activity amongst fifth and sixth-graders. Ten-year-olds behave like my generation (just one back) did at 14. And we were told that we acted like our parent’s generation did at 17. Our children are trading in their youth for an urgent need to be more than they are right now. Like everything else in our culture, they want to be faster, smarter, bigger. They want to be cool. And (like Veruca Salt) they want it NOW.

My own desire to foster my children’s age-appropriate development has led me to be somewhat strict about their clothing choices. Lena, my nine-year-old, has always been extraordinarily precocious and friendly. She can easily hold her own in a conversation with any teen or adult and wins over even the frostiest acquaintance. It was her precociousness that first made me feel wary about the trend in kid’s fashion over the last several years. I realized that if I were to allow this beautiful, smart, friendly little girl to dress like a teenager, some less scrupulous person might treat her as one. Someone might talk to her inappropriately, offer to drive her somewhere, be willing to give her a drag off a cigarette… or worse.


Thou shall not…

For all of these reasons, I’ve come up with a fashion code for my kids. It’s pretty simple and it goes like this:


1. If I can see through it, down it, or up it without much difficulty, you won’t wear it.

2. No pants or shorts with the words baby, angel, hottie, dance or anything written across the butt are allowed.

3. No denim that is stained to look like it’s been soaked in a combination of urine and nicotine will touch my child.

4. Shoes must be practical, good for running, jumping, and playing tag. You know, kid stuff.


The bottom line is that if Britney or Christina would say yes, then I say no. We need to help preserve this time of childhood for our kids. My kids don’t always like the choices I help them make, even though I work hard to allow them to express themselves within these limits. They are usually well-dressed, in very cute (if not cool) clothes that say a lot about who they are. As they get older, the rules will change, little by little, over time. And when the time comes, I will fully support my kids’ desire to be more cool than cute.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Lots of cropped shirts in garish colors screen-printed with slogans like "It’s so cute the way you think I’m listening to you" and "Yeah Yeah Yeah! Blah Blah Blah!" ...

You know, I am glad that you mentioned these. When one thinks of clothing "inappropriate" for children, one normally thinks of that which is heavily sexualized, but I appreciate your thoughts on the topic of manners and expression. It's depressing to watch the demise of civil and thoughtful discourse, and more so to see that death of beauty and thought elevated and made into a laudable characteristic.

Fight the good fight. Your children will hate you for it now, but perhaps as adults who can think clearly and express themselves cogently, they will thank you.

Shanglan