Troubled

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey guys. I got a very sweet, but rather disturbing feedback.

I have recieved many feedbacks from women who have found my works to be catalysts to try having sex with another woman. The majority are the kind of things where you feel very good about your ability to communicate.

In this case though, the young lady has serious religious/familial considerations. I'm afraid I'm not communicating the many negatives and serious complications that come with the life style. I try to write stories with happy endings, but in this case, I worry that my stories have given her a false sense of how things will work out.

I know I write fiction, but my works do touch people and I am worie dhere I am sending somene off with rose colored glasses. The feedback was annon, so I couldn't say anything or discuss anything or guage how aware she is of the hardship it can cause her.

P.S.
If the young lady who wrote me reads this, please send me a PM or email addy. I'm not going to try and disuade you, but I would really like to talk to you.

 

[cloudy]

Hey guys. I got a very sweet, but rather disturbing feedback.

I have recieved many feedbacks from women who have found my works to be catalysts to try having sex with another woman. The majority are the kind of things where you feel very good about your ability to communicate.

In this case though, the young lady has serious religious/familial considerations. I'm afraid I'm not communicating the many negatives and serious complications that come with the life style. I try to write stories with happy endings, but in this case, I worry that my stories have given her a false sense of how things will work out.

I know I write fiction, but my works do touch people and I am worie dhere I am sending somene off with rose colored glasses. The feedback was annon, so I couldn't say anything or discuss anything or guage how aware she is of the hardship it can cause her.

P.S.
If the young lady who wrote me reads this, please send me a PM or email addy. I'm not going to try and disuade you, but I would really like to talk to you.

I don't have any advice for you, but I did want to let you know that the size of your heart continually amazes me.

 

[hugo_sam]

Hey guys. I got a very sweet, but rather disturbing feedback.

I have recieved many feedbacks from women who have found my works to be catalysts to try having sex with another woman. The majority are the kind of things where you feel very good about your ability to communicate.

In this case though, the young lady has serious religious/familial considerations. I'm afraid I'm not communicating the many negatives and serious complications that come with the life style. I try to write stories with happy endings, but in this case, I worry that my stories have given her a false sense of how things will work out.

I know I write fiction, but my works do touch people and I am worie dhere I am sending somene off with rose colored glasses. The feedback was annon, so I couldn't say anything or discuss anything or guage how aware she is of the hardship it can cause her.

P.S.
If the young lady who wrote me reads this, please send me a PM or email addy. I'm not going to try and disuade you, but I would really like to talk to you.

Colly,
Your work is moving and touching. That is what is good about your work, it brings out emotions and it 'speaks' to the reader.
However, the reader has to have some ability to separate fiction from fact and real life.
I hope the young lady is doing ok, but do not beat yourself up too bad. Your worked touched and moved someone as I am sure you intended.
*GBH*

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[carsonshepherd]

Colly,
Your work is moving and touching. That is what is good about your work, it brings out emotions and it 'speaks' to the reader.
However, the reader has to have some ability to separate fiction from fact and real life.
I hope the young lady is doing ok, but do not beat yourself up too bad. Your worked touched and moved someone as I am sure you intended.
*GBH*

I agree and you're not responsible for what people read into your work. She has to find her own path, just like we all do.

 

[yui]

I agree and you're not responsible for what people read into your work. She has to find her own path, just like we all do.

Agreed. And we are all influenced, to some extent, by what we read and the profundity of thoughts and ideas that we feel speak directly to us.

Peace and love,

Yui

 

[Belegon]

No one exists in a vacumm Colly...the person in question is not going to base her actions only on your stories and your stories are not, no matter how wonderful they are, going to cause her to do something unless that potential is already there.

I love Carson's work for example, but I ain't giving up women and I suspect my reactions to it are different then much of his audience. And he is a damn fine writer, which is the only reason I read him (well, and because he reads stuff of mine that's equally outside his own predilections).

There is already, given what you have said, plenty in her life to give her the dark side of the equation. what's wrong with a little hope?

 

[carsonshepherd]

No one exists in a vacumm Colly...the person in question is not going to base her actions only on your stories and your stories are not, no matter how wonderful they are, going to cause her to do something unless that potential is already there.

I love Carson's work for example, but I ain't giving up women and I suspect my reactions to it are different then much of his audience. And he is a damn fine writer, which is the only reason I read him (well, and because he reads stuff of mine that's equally outside his own predilections).

There is already, given what you have said, plenty in her life to give her the dark side of the equation. what's wrong with a little hope?

Well said.

[threadjack] I read anything as long as it's well written, predilections aside.[/threadjack]

 

[Colleen Thomas]

No one exists in a vacumm Colly...the person in question is not going to base her actions only on your stories and your stories are not, no matter how wonderful they are, going to cause her to do something unless that potential is already there.

I love Carson's work for example, but I ain't giving up women and I suspect my reactions to it are different then much of his audience. And he is a damn fine writer, which is the only reason I read him (well, and because he reads stuff of mine that's equally outside his own predilections).

There is already, given what you have said, plenty in her life to give her the dark side of the equation. what's wrong with a little hope?

No, Bel.

No one lives in a vaccum and obviously my work isn't of a calibre to send readers off to the arms of the nearest lesbian. And there is nothing wrong with hope either.

But I've walked the same path she is walking now. My tales aren't cautionary. And I really wish, in this case, I could just give her some idea of the pitfalls I have encountered along that path.

I would, and have, discussed this with girls/women who are curious. Unlike my works, these dicussions tend to lay it all out there, both the very good and very bad. In this case, I jut wish I could tell her some things. And i wonder if perhaps my tales shouldn't be more cautionary, on occasion?

I seem to be crying. Apologies all.

 

[carsonshepherd]

No, Bel.

No one lives in a vaccum and obviously my work isn't of a calibre to send readers off to the arms of the nearest lesbian. And there is nothing wrong with hope either.

But I've walked the same path she is walking now. My tales aren't cautionary. And I really wish, in this case, I could just give her some idea of the pitfalls I have encountered along that path.

I would, and have, discussed this with girls/women who are curious. Unlike my works, these dicussions tend to lay it all out there, both the very good and very bad. In this case, I jut wish I could tell her some things. And i wonder if perhaps my tales shouldn't be more cautionary, on occasion?

I seem to be crying. Apologies all.

Write what is in your heart. No apologies. Your responsibility is to be true to yourself, and your art, and not to what readers might put into it.

I have walked that path too, and no well-meaning timely advice, even from someone as wise and good-hearted as yourself, would have changed all the mistakes I made and the bad things that happened.

It's okay to cry, but don't change your tales to suit a specific audience. You are a writer, you give people hope and a glimpse of beauty, and the learning is up to the individual.

for your humanity.

 

[Belegon]

obviously my work isn't of a calibre to send readers off to the arms of the nearest lesbian

*cough*bullshit*cough*

Your work fucking rocks and I won't let this cause you to doubt that...

 

[yui]

No, Bel.

No one lives in a vaccum and obviously my work isn't of a calibre to send readers off to the arms of the nearest lesbian. And there is nothing wrong with hope either.

But I've walked the same path she is walking now. My tales aren't cautionary. And I really wish, in this case, I could just give her some idea of the pitfalls I have encountered along that path.

I would, and have, discussed this with girls/women who are curious. Unlike my works, these dicussions tend to lay it all out there, both the very good and very bad. In this case, I jut wish I could tell her some things. And i wonder if perhaps my tales shouldn't be more cautionary, on occasion?

I seem to be crying. Apologies all.

*hugs* Colly.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Colly,

Writers in genres such as romance and erotica always face a problem with reader's expectations. Most readers do so for casual relaxation and want, demand, happy-ever-after type endings. If the ending isn't sunshine, lollipops, and roses, the story better at least finish on an upbeat.

We all know that any sort of irresponsible sex can lead to a host of negative consequences. But then, so can marriage, having kids, taking a new job, or anything else with an uncertain ending. If someone gives a teetotaler their first drink and that once abstemious person becomes and alcoholic, is the person who provided that first taste of demon rum responsible? For what it's worth, I don't think so.

I've only one suggestions, and it's probably even weaker than I think it is. If there is a "help" line that folks in her situation could call, perhaps you could post it at the end of your stories. Maybe others here would be inclinded to do the same, especially if it reached out to people with a variety of sexually related issues.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Belegon]

*cough*bullshit*cough*

Your work fucking rocks and I won't let this cause you to doubt that...

I guess I just realized how harsh this can sound without the tone of my voice...

Colleen, you are one of a kind and an absolutely wonderful writer. But honey, you can't take this responsibility on yourself...you know that if she is in the kind of atmosphere that would be brought to mind by most of us when you say that there are "religious" issues with her exploring her feelings, then she is going to get plenty of negative input.

I believe that we don't choose our orientation. It's hard-wired. If she is a lesbian who is forcing herself to live a lie, or even if she is just curious, being in an enviroment that paints this as a sin is it's own torture. If your stories give her a picture that there may be positives in this, all you are doing is balancing the scales a little.

I was pretty hardcore about my religion when I was younger. I still believe in a lot of the things that the man who is at the center of it seemed to believe in. But his "followers" so turned me off to the trappings of it due to their hate, intolerence, materialism and hypocriscy that I simply can not associate myself with them.

and I'm straight, an "upstanding citizen" and all that. I can't even imagine if I was told that my very basic attractions and unconcious reactions were going to send me to hell...

You aren't doing any harm love....I promise.

 

[impressive]

I echo the words of others (and I like Rumple's advice) ... but I really just wanted to say how beautiful a person you are, Colly.

 

[Guest]

 

[rgraham666]

*HUGS* Colleen.

I'm thinking of something I read about Rod Serling. About 30 years ago, he wrote a TV movie called Death at 30,000 Feet. It was about someone who put a bomb on a plane. The bomb would go off if the plane went lower than something like 5,000 feet.

Needless to say, there were copycat crimes committed in the real world because of this. No real bombs, but several threats.

Mr. Serling was understandably quite torn up about this.

Eventually he managed to find equanimity by realising, "I am responsible to the public, not for the public."

The same applies here, beautiful. You write your stuff, it's beautiful, engaging and sweet.

But people are going to draw their own conclusions from it, and plan their own actions. Your responsibility for this is nil.

Your work doesn't preach. It isn't saying, "Ladies, get another lady because men just don't do it." It shows that everyone, regardless of orientation, has a chance at happiness with the person who belongs in their hearts and lives. They are wonderful stories that I never miss, as you well know.

Colleen, if you're so concerned you're sending a too hopeful message, write one that illustrates the problems you've encountered on your journey. I'm sure you can do it.

*HUGS* beautiful. You have no need to fret.

 

[R. Richard]

Colly:
I can understand your concern, since you are the type of person you are. However, look on the bright side. Your writing is so powerful that someone has decided to build at least a major part of her life on it. How many of us can say that?

JMHO.

 

[matriarch]

*HUGS* Colleen.

I'm thinking of something I read about Rod Serling. About 30 years ago, he wrote a TV movie called Death at 30,000 Feet. It was about someone who put a bomb on a plane. The bomb would go off if the plane went lower than something like 5,000 feet.

Needless to say, there were copycat crimes committed in the real world because of this. No real bombs, but several threats.

Mr. Serling was understandably quite torn up about this.

Eventually he managed to find equanimity by realising, "I am responsible to the public, not for the public."

The same applies here, beautiful. You write your stuff, it's beautiful, engaging and sweet.

But people are going to draw their own conclusions from it, and plan their own actions. Your responsibility for this is nil.

Your work doesn't preach. It isn't saying, "Ladies, get another lady because men just don't do it." It shows that everyone, regardless of orientation, has a chance at happiness with the person who belongs in their hearts and lives. They are wonderful stories that I never miss, as you well know.

Colleen, if you're so concerned you're sending a too hopeful message, write one that illustrates the problems you've encountered on your journey. I'm sure you can do it.

*HUGS* beautiful. You have no need to fret.

Beautifully written, Rob.

 

[rgraham666]

Beautifully written, Rob.

Thank you, mat.

And a for min.

 

[Pure]

Hey,

that's big of you, Colly, but I mostly agree with Rumple. Besides sex, it's a problem of romance genres. They pretty things up. Apparently readers want this. Most readers must know it, because (I think) not that many women fall for the handsome stranger and leave husband and kids after reading a romance novel (the ones that do, were on their way, IMO).

I'm not sure I agree with Rumple's 'hotline' idea; presumably like those gay hotlines for troubled teens who want to discuss ("Am I gay/lesbian? You see I was drunk at the time...."

By extension, should the writers of romance novels have a note at the end saying "The path of true love may not be so rosy as depicted; there may be times much harder than shown, and you may even despair. In that case, call the Distress Line at XXX-XXXX."

I understand that gay and lesbian folks are accused of 'seducing' others, esp. the young. Presumably books could be alleged as one means. I can see an objector saying "Anyone reading this gets the message that
gay or lesbian sex is OK. When it's a sin." The same applied, for instance to Judy Blume's teen book including masturbation.

But she held firm. Surely no end note is required saying, "The above sex acts are in fiction only; they are not OK in real life, according to many religious faiths; consult your imam before trying them at home."

One point I might add, Colly, if you want to spread enlightenment. Put more 'rough spots' into the stories. Have someone get beat up. Have a person is 'try' a lesbian arrangement and find it's 'not her.' Have a person lose a job, because the boss is 'born again.' On a lighter note, have someone get estranged, and then come back. NOTE: I'm NOT saying use the old Hollywood formula of sin and punishment; as in the movie "Butterfield 8." I simply mean show rough spots. [I note rg has made a similar suggestion, above]

OTOH, if you want to inspire happy fantasies, if you, the writer, choose 'pure romance' with token 'rough spots' that everyone knows are just temporary set backs on the road to true love and happiness, that's your choice. Label it a 'romance,' but I don't think the public have to be protected. As said above, there's no evidence of direct harm** (that would not otherwise have happened).

---

**Romance novels, some say, are women's porn. Perhaps there is harm in terms of unrealistic expectations; as in Literotica sex stories.
Maybe some young men reading them, think that banging the neighbor lady, sunbathing, in a bikini, is quickly accomplished, after a 'hello.' But if all this is true, then thousands of authors, romance and porn are equally guilty.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

*HUGS* Colleen.

I'm thinking of something I read about Rod Serling. About 30 years ago, he wrote a TV movie called Death at 30,000 Feet. It was about someone who put a bomb on a plane. The bomb would go off if the plane went lower than something like 5,000 feet.

Needless to say, there were copycat crimes committed in the real world because of this. No real bombs, but several threats.

Mr. Serling was understandably quite torn up about this.

Eventually he managed to find equanimity by realising, "I am responsible to the public, not for the public."

The same applies here, beautiful. You write your stuff, it's beautiful, engaging and sweet.

But people are going to draw their own conclusions from it, and plan their own actions. Your responsibility for this is nil.

Your work doesn't preach. It isn't saying, "Ladies, get another lady because men just don't do it." It shows that everyone, regardless of orientation, has a chance at happiness with the person who belongs in their hearts and lives. They are wonderful stories that I never miss, as you well know.

Colleen, if you're so concerned you're sending a too hopeful message, write one that illustrates the problems you've encountered on your journey. I'm sure you can do it.

*HUGS* beautiful. You have no need to fret.

Rob's got it all down here.

And everyone has made good points.

If this woman is convinced she needs to pursue this, then she does. You can write things that inspire, that show her the good and bad, but you can't decide what is best for her, and you don't make choices for her. She does that, and she takes the responsibilities for those choices.

Period.

You can feel for her, you can wish her the best, but if something she read got her moving, she was only a step shy of taking the plunge anyway. That being said, what you wrote, and how it inspired, was most likely just the excuse she'd been waiting for to get moving with it.

I'm sure you're an excellent writer (and given the endorsements you've gotten here, I'll have to go and read somethng of yours to decide for myself, methinks), but even the best writer can't motivate life decisions. All we can do is show our viewpoint, tell our story, and let the world decide on thier own.

This woman is making decisions.

Let her.

Q_C

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I'm curious as to what she said that put so much worry in your mind about her desire to venture outside her norms. Must've been something big, in my mind, because in my experience the very things that keep someone from becoming who they truly are, are the very things they're better off challenging and weeding out of their lives. It's a sad fact that many families cannot find it in their hearts to accept their children when orientation comes into play, but finding oneself can wind up being much more important than pleasing family members, in my opinion. I'll never say it's an easy choice, but walking the hard road and feeling right in your own skin is a much healthier option than choosing the easy path and perpetually falling short where basic happiness is concerned.

~lucky

 

[sophia jane]

Colly,
Have you thought of writing an essay that gives an idea of some of the trouble one can face? I know it can be a healing experience to write (and read) such a piece.

 

[maggot420]

No, Bel.

No one lives in a vaccum and obviously my work isn't of a calibre to send readers off to the arms of the nearest lesbian. And there is nothing wrong with hope either.

But I've walked the same path she is walking now. My tales aren't cautionary. And I really wish, in this case, I could just give her some idea of the pitfalls I have encountered along that path.

I would, and have, discussed this with girls/women who are curious. Unlike my works, these dicussions tend to lay it all out there, both the very good and very bad. In this case, I jut wish I could tell her some things. And i wonder if perhaps my tales shouldn't be more cautionary, on occasion?

I seem to be crying. Apologies all.