trouble with orgasms

[XxStarlitexX]

I need help... I am very sexually active and I love having sex. I enjoy trying new things and giving very much. My only problem is that I cannot seem to orgasm. I read all these things about women orgasming at the slightest touches but I just can't. I can't even make myself orgasm! I don't know if it's something psychological or what... but it just doesn't happen. It feels like I might almost start to but I just can't release. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Any suggestions??

 

[Guest]

 

[huskie]

have you read through this thread?

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=70892

 

[XxStarlitexX]

Can you orgasm through masterbation?

Honestly I've stopped masterbating because I could never bring myself to climax. I'll rub myself everynow and then before I got to bed but that's about it.

 

[Guest]

 

[XxStarlitexX]

:\

No, I think I could count like one time I've had an orgasm.

I'm 19... only thing I'm on is birth control. But I had this problem before I went on birth control. *shrugs* I dunno...

 

[XxStarlitexX]

have you read through this thread?

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=70892

I'll check it out. Thanks!

 

[huskie]

I think a lot of girls around your age have this same problem?? but I'm sure Emerald_eyed knows more about it and can help some.

The g-spot thing really works great. If you don't have a boy friend to help you then they do make some sex toys that can help you reach that spot.

 

[Guest]

 

[XxStarlitexX]

I have learned that as I age I enjoy sex more and my orgasms are much more intense. I almost think this might be a case of trying to hard.

Have you ever used a vibrator? Try using one and holding it firmly against your clit. Worth a try, Id wait for about 10-15 minutes, if no help, you might want to talk to your docotr.
There is nothing a doc hasnt heard, so dont be embarrassed,

I've actually never tried a vibrator.. Always wanted to but never seem to think about it when I actually have the money. I will definately have to give it a try.

I've talked to my Gyno and she doesn't seem to think that there's anything wrong. I've mostly jsut given up really... except the guys I'm with generally get that cocky "I can give you one" attitude. I'm a skeptic about it so maybe that's part of my problem.

Who knows.. I appreciate the advice though.

 

[Guest]

 

[foxxxyred]

This thread is telling my story too. I masterbate and and and and then almost nothing. The biggest anti-climax you ever saw. Or felt in my case.

Just bought myself a vibrator so wish me luck

 

[Poor Yorick]

hehe good luck foxxxyred, hope you and XxStarlitexX can soon feel this amazing emotion.

 

[dreamer]

One thing I think is important to note is 'trying' can often ruin it before you even start. It is important to have a relaxed atmosphere and a sense of play over work.

Don't EVER enter into any sexual act with a goal in mind...think of it as play. It's the closest thing we adults can experience to that freedom we once had as little kids when we'd just run wild and giggle uncontrolably during those summer breaks.

I've been with a woman in your situation. I can still to this day see the serious look of concentration that was on her face...right up until I started tickling her hehe...she then started TRYING to tickle me back (I'm really ticklish) and I ran..heh...we chased each other around the house for what seemed like forever...she'd get close and start to tickle me and I'd start to kiss her to get her to stop...well...needless to say that night she did. And she was so amazed at how easy it was.

I'd say good luck, but again, no need for goals...just enjoy the process it'll come...so to speak.

 

[dreamer]

Oh btw...this is all assuming you've examined and exhausted any physical/psychological reasons. i.e. Eme's REALLY good idea re: anti-depressants. Those threw me for a loop too...whew...talk about frustrating.

I am kinda dissappointed that your doc seemed to blow you off. Oh well...

 

[XxStarlitexX]

I'm sure a lot of my problem is I'm so incredibly frustrated with NOT having one that sometimes I do try...

Of course I'm also fairly sure my other problem is I don't have a steady sex partner. Generally just flings and one night stands (at least I'm clean and damn careful). I think it's kinda hard to get the connection you need with someone you don't know.

I get paid this week so we'll see what happens!

Oh and Foxxxyred, enjoy! Lemme know how it goes

 

[Freya]

I had exactly the same problem as you for years Starlite - and you are probably pegging it right when you say it's the one-night stands and casual sex partners. I used to think I was broken or something, until I got a bit older and figured out for myself that casual sex just does not cut it for me. I posted in another thread about the same thing - it has to be a partner for whom I have a certain amount of affection/trust/respect etc. If I don't - and they don't for me, basically sex is an exercise in wasted time.

I have a partner now who is just a friend, but who I like very much - and the sex is fabulous almost everytime. Last night I had a casual friend attempt to get me into bed by sucking on my nipples and it was as if they had no feeling. but when my partner does it, it's the most intense feeling.

Another thing that worked for by basically showing me exactly what a true orgasm feels like, is one of those silver bullets. They are used mostly on your clit, they vibrate and can give you one hell of an orgasm. Just relax, take your time - in a place where you have no worries or concerns about people interrupting or whatever. Don't worry if it takes 15 minutes or 30 minutes or whatever - just let it happen.

So stop the casual sex - it sounds as if it's a waste of your time anyways. And until you find that person who can make you feel relaxed and fulfilled, try a bullet (or some other form of clitoral stimulator).

 

[XxStarlitexX]

It's reassuring to know that I might not be broken and all I have to do is find the secret to getting myself off...

Any volunteers on helping me? *puts on her halo*

I do appreciate all the advice and understanding. Thank you all very much!

 

[XxStarlitexX]

Just bought myself a nice vibe.... off to go try it!

 

[alphacat]

It might be a psychological thing....
I have a different problem... I do orgasm, but it's really not that intense... it's actually kind of disappointing, because it means i'm too sensitive to keep masturbating. I enjoy the process, so to speak, more then the result...

 

[jkras18]

honestly I have the same problem. I'm a 19/m and otherwise perfectly healthy. But when I'm with a girl and she is giving me head or I'm having sex, I just can't seem to get off. With my own hand I can jerk off and cum at any time. I really don't know why I can't get off with a woman. Please anyone try to help my situation.

 

[MR.GGG]

Ummmm

EM & Freya2 will work things out for you.

Just a note here - a couple of things. Definately cut out the one night stands. At your age you may be feeling you don't deserve an orgasm by acting like that. Depends on your early upbringing but it's apossibility. Also - I don't care how careful you think you're being...the latest stats out of that big AIDS conference shows that 77% of males who tested positive had NO IDEA that they were infected. If you're BLACK that figure goes up to 91% !!!

I suggest also starting the Keigel exercies that will strengthen you vaginal muscles and ADD to the intensity of all future orgasms.

I would also try giving yourself a GSpot orgasm. Read ""TRY THIS AND REPORT BACK"" thread and get a bf (a good one - not some guy you just picked up) to try the technique or use a vibrator with a curve at the end so you can poe yourself there. The GSpot orgasms will certainly tense the vaginal muscles in ways and intensities that a vaginal orgasm generally doesn't. It's triggers different muscle groups and they work in opposite directions so a Ggasm may work for you when a clitoral one won't. Also - and this might seem over-simplistic but have you read any books on masturbating? You have to work at that too. Maybe something you haven't realized...dunno...but a woman can vibrate herself, finger herself or have intercourse until the damn cows come home and if she has completely RELAXED her PCG muscles - she probably will NEVER cum. You have to squeeze to bring on an orgasm. That's why Kiegels are so helpful if a girls PCG muscles aren't all that strong. ... Just a thought...

I hope that very soon you find a bf who will take the time to give you a good tongue lashing and you can lie back, relax and just let awesome O's wash over you one at a time.

Good luck.


YO, JKRAS - you have "taught" your dick to respond to your hand and YOUR fantasy. No big deal. You have to teach yourself to repsond with the same enthusiasm as when you jerk off. We do NOT enter into sexual maturity knowing everything and having everything work 100% the first time. Chances are if you are getting off with no problem the girl you're with isn't. It just doesn't (usually) work that way or that well. ITZ LIFE. It is a learning process. Enjoy it. Practise. Don't sweat it.

 

[Guest]

Re: Ummmm

 

[XxStarlitexX]

honestly I have the same problem. I'm a 19/m and otherwise perfectly healthy. But when I'm with a girl and she is giving me head or I'm having sex, I just can't seem to get off. With my own hand I can jerk off and cum at any time. I really don't know why I can't get off with a woman. Please anyone try to help my situation.

A good friend/ex of mine had this same problem. It wasn't until he started seeing this girl Sarah until he could cum with someone else. He told me he could finally cum with her when he realized that he truly loved her and felt more comfortable with her than anyone else. It could be part of your problem but I'm no Doc(seeing as I've got my own problems).


Although I must say.. I did try the G-spot (and a lot of other positions) yesterday and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I DID have an orgasm (woohoo!) but I'm actually still pretty sore from the whole ordeal. (sorry for almost breaking your thumb Mackay). Definately something to work on....

 

[Freya]

Not being one it's hard for me to comment, but I'd think a lot of what I said to starlite would apply to a male as well. The casual sex encounters - while fun - do take away some of the best elements of sex, in my opinion.

Em, I think he was referrring to us helping - not being the ones with a problem.

Starlite - Whoooo!!! Go girl! See? It just takes practice and time.