Trolling for Eyeballs

[MarshAlien]

My non-erotic farce, "Witching Hour," was posted yesterday. It is intended as a sequel to "Short Order Troll." Each of them is not so much a short story as it is an exercise in writing humor. Please let me know what worked and what didn't. Otherwise, I'll keep posting more of them . . .

Witching Hour:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=304352

Short-Order Troll:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=302375

 

[starrkers]

After a threat like that, I'll definitely go check them out! Mind you, it could take a few days - Easter and all. But I will post back.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

From a writing standpoint, the stories were not bad. Your use of italics for the entire story was just wrong. Other than that there was nothing of great note.

However, from a humor stand point, your story has a limited audience limited to the regs in the AH. That's one of the great pit falls of humor. Ok, you wrote a funny story. But how many people are really going to get it? You would do better widening your reading audience to include the non-writers as well.

But still, they were both good stories. Just stay away from the damned italics. They have an actualy use. Okay?

 

[MarshAlien]

Your use of italics for the entire story was just wrong.

Jenny,

Which story was in italics? Neither shows up in italics in my browser. In fact, I'm not sure that I even know how to use italics in the plain text files I use to attach my Lit submissions. Help!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Jenny,

Which story was in italics? Neither shows up in italics in my browser. In fact, I'm not sure that I even know how to use italics in the plain text files I use to attach my Lit submissions. Help!

Well... Here's Witching Hour...

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l27/Jenny_Jackson/ScreenShot214.jpg

Short Order Troll was not in Italics.

 

[cloudy]

Well... Here's Witching Hour...

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l27/Jenny_Jackson/ScreenShot214.jpg

Short Order Troll was not in Italics.

Must be your browser, Jenny, because it's not showing up in italics for me. Maybe let Manu know.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Must be your browser, Jenny, because it's not showing up in italics for me. Maybe let Manu know.

We did, Cloudy. It appears to be an error with IE. I tried it with Firefox this morning and it appear correct.

 

[jomar]

The character SweetWitch/Molly Wens was used with permission of the author. As far as I know, DanielleKitten has never written a novella called "The Soul's Abyss." But if she did, I'm sure it would be excellent.<

*

I managed to ignore the phone the first two times that it rang, on the theory that it must have been a wrong number. Anyone who knew me, anyone to whom I had given my phone number, would know that I had worked the late shift last night. They would know that I wouldn't have arrived home until nearly one o'clock, and wouldn't have fallen asleep until two-thirty. So they certainly wouldn't have started calling me just after eight-fifteen in the morning.

It was also fine in my Firefox, but I did notice a < at the end of the author note. Maybe the < at was throwing off IE.

 

[Manu]

It was also fine in my Firefox, but I did notice a < at the end of the author note. Maybe the < at was throwing off IE.

Sorry about the italics issue. After seeing the report from Jenny in the other thread, I think it's been fixed!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Italics is all settled. Just Jenny looking for a hug from Manu.

This is what gets the AH, and what is erroneously called the 'lit lesbian circle', a bad name.

However well written (and it is), in-jokes like this just put off the 99% of readers/writers who see the site as a clique. If you can't write a story that is instantly comprehensible to every reader, you shouldn't post it.

Sorry, but we have to think of all the readership.

 

[starrkers]

Promised I'd come back. Just read Witching Hour. Absolutely loved it. Was enjoying the read so much I forgot to critique. Didn't see anything glaringly obvious in it. Worked well for me.

Damn, I came back. Guess that means you're gonna stop writing them.
*Quickly retracts post and whistles innocently*

 

[sexymathstudent]

My non-erotic farce, "Witching Hour,"

crazy weirdness.indeed.

 

[writelove]

Starrkers, thanks for mentioning how much you liked the Witching Hour. I just read it on your recommendation.

It is a wonderful story, hilarious, well written. I can't wait to read the other one mentioned in this thread.

I did find a couple of things.

Should be - What do you think I did, reason with them?

"What did you think I did, reasoned with them?" she answered with a laugh. "Speaking of which, do you know how to use one of these?"

Period is needed after grill.

"I work at a grill," I recoiled in horror.

 

[jomar]

Dang. Maybe I'll resubmit my troll story. It got sent to the AH first go round.

 

[MarshAlien]

Period is needed after grill.

I am, for better or worse, one of those authors who thinks he can get away with using a verb that has nothing to do with speaking (like "said" or "wailed" or "sniffed") to set off dialogue. So I consciously intended a comma there. My hope is that most readers would understand that the character was recoiling as he was speaking. But I could be wrong. Thanks for all your other kind words, writelove.

Jomar: It may be that these stories belong on the AH instead of in the main story section. In light of Elle's comment above (and I for one would not argue with anyone who has such a cute line drawing on her profile), maybe we should have a separate place where we can share in-jokes like this with our fellow authors so that we don't offend the non-writing readership. I'm fairly new here; is there such a place?