Tried something new

DevilsAngel369

Really Experienced
Joined
Oct 6, 2003
Posts
280
Hi

I recently tried a new method of writing my story (No i wasnt standing on my head when i wrote it). I changed the format into a narration regarding an online experience that I had. I wanted to know what the other authors here think of this method of expression. It was also written with permission from the other party.

Your inputs, thought and ideas will be most appreciated. The story is titled "The ultimate complement". Please follow the link from my signature, i'm having from trouble getting the hyperlink to work.

thanks
 
The narrative portion does not excite me, Proofreading and trimming the fat would help.

Yea, Yes and Yeah are closely releated but not quite interchangeable.

The abbreviation 'u' is an abomination which does not belong in any story.

Finally, you do not punctuate properly through the dialogue, commas and periods used in incorrect places.

Cleaning it up, and perhaps adding to the descriptions of action during the cyber sex would help make it a better and more exciting read. Perhaps putting it into chatlog form would help retain the cybersex quality, I would have to see it that way first though, (it might be annoying).


l
 
Thanks

kbate said:
The narrative portion does not excite me, Proofreading and trimming the fat would help.

Yea, Yes and Yeah are closely releated but not quite interchangeable.

The abbreviation 'u' is an abomination which does not belong in any story.

Finally, you do not punctuate properly through the dialogue, commas and periods used in incorrect places.

Cleaning it up, and perhaps adding to the descriptions of action during the cyber sex would help make it a better and more exciting read. Perhaps putting it into chatlog form would help retain the cybersex quality, I would have to see it that way first though, (it might be annoying).


l

Thanks Kbate. Proofreading has not been my strongpoint and It's something i will seriously work on. thanks for the inpouts of the other areas as well.
 
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