Trash my story, please?

D

DeeZire

Guest
SVENI, THE VIKING ROCK STAR (3k words, Satire)

This is sort of a life-imitates-art situation. I need negative comments, appearing to be coming from Sveni, the Viking Rock Star’s fans. This would give my story an air of authenticity, and give you an excuse to vent. (The story is not particularly well-written, so it should be easy to find ways to slam it.) I plan on quoting some of these derogatory comments in another story I’m writing about a troll, so be crude and insulting with your feedback.

If you would prefer to just leave negative comments here, that would be cool. Perhaps you remember some especially rude and grammatically-incorrect gems from previous postings. The ones I have come up with for my troll satire are just too clever to have been posted by an ignorant troll. I need more gusto, more verve, but, most importantly, more ignorance.
‘Your writing stinks like dogshit.’
‘You should be using brown text, because this is crap.’

Thank you for contributing.
 
Oh, it was terrible, awful. Completely unrealistic, no one could have an ego as large of Sveni...the toprated seller of free down loads...what type of person would claim sumpin' like that?

In short, it was a complete and utter shambles...and I loved ever word of it...
 
I'm a little weary after a night of hunting trolls, but there are a few issues, since you want them to be reported.

There were grammatical errors, and paragraph breaks were lacking. Sorry, as an editor they are quite evident to my eyes.

Okay, with the bad stuff out of the way, I'll agree with Dark.

(Eying shotgun and new box of shells as I think of trolls...)
 
drksideofthemoon said:
Oh, it was terrible, awful. Completely unrealistic, no one could have an ego as large of Sveni...the toprated seller of free down loads...what type of person would claim sumpin' like that?

In short, it was a complete and utter shambles...and I loved ever word of it...
A bit harsh don't you think. It was far from perfect but I can see how this would appeal to some folk out there.
 
Jenny_Jackson said:
Ha!! Expect hate mail from the object of your story :D

You mean George Bush visits LIT? Cool.

Actually, the Sveni character could be anyone who's ego is larger than their intellect, and those folks are so much fun to ridicule. In fact, it's almost too easy, especially when they set themselves up by making outlandish claims having no basis in reality. (I'm still trying to figure out how a person 'sells' a free download. But, as they say, life is stranger than fiction.)
 
DeeZire said:
You mean George Bush visits LIT? Cool.

Actually, the Sveni character could be anyone who's ego is larger than their intellect, and those folks are so much fun to ridicule. In fact, it's almost too easy, especially when they set themselves up by making outlandish claims having no basis in reality. (I'm still trying to figure out how a person 'sells' a free download. But, as they say, life is stranger than fiction.)

I thought it was a great piece of work. Very well done!
 
Back
Top