Translation needed (please I suck at languages)

[gwen_gypsygirl]

Hi,

I'm writing a novella and in one of my chapters I have a couple of the characters speaking French (I think it's sexy). Only problem is my French is terrible, it used to be good at school but now it's horrible.

Anyone out there better at French than I? There has to be.

Here is the passage; the text in square brackets is what I'd like it to say. I apologize to any French people out there for mangling their language:
------------------------------------------------------------------------ -
Penny turned back, and then in a lower voice she said, “Elle est tres docile, elle sera un jouet parfait pour tu” [“She’s very submissive, she’ll be a perfect toy for you”]

It was Brendan’s turn to chuckle,. “Á ce moment, vous etes le seul jouet que je veux jouer avec,”.[“right now, you are the only toy I want to play with”] he replied
------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Penelope Street]

Hi Gwen,

Welcome to Lit.

You've posted in the wrong forum. No biggie- it happens all the time, just thought you should know. The moderator will probably move it to another forum in a day or two. Don't lose any sleep over it.

I'm afraid I can't help you with the French. I have a similar issue with a story of mine. Go figure. There are a couple of French speakers in the Author's Hangout; perhaps the moderator will move the thread there. Alternately, you could start another thread there and post a note in this thread asking the moderator simply delete it.

Also, if the few lines of French are there mostly for atmosphere, then it's probably ok if they aren't perfect.

Great character names, btw.

Again, welcome.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[Pure]

no your sentences are not quite correct, for instance the first should say 'pour toi'. in the second sentence, 'jouer avec' is wrong.

but i am moving this thread to a different surrounding and hope you get some native speaker help.

 

[gwen_gypsygirl]

Thanks both of you,

I wondered what the correct place to post would be and I see I guessed wrong, sorry about that. Well hopefully somebody will be willing to help me, please.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I believe that the second sentence might have the "avec" construction misplaced. I'm thinking it should be "avec qui/que je veux jouer," but it's been a long while for me - so take that with several grains of salt!

Shanglan

 

[fifty5]

he replied

My french is crap (comme une vache espagnol!) but I'd write, "avec quoi, je veux jouer."

FWIW - not a lot.

 

[Pure]

it's 'avec qui' silly!

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

If you want a translation you can go onto Translations.com and type in what you want to say and copy and paste it to your story. and yes its FREE

 

[gwen_gypsygirl]

If you want a translation you can go onto Translations.com and type in what you want to say and copy and paste it to your story. and yes its FREE

Actually that's how I got this one, translation software works ok but a human speaker is better, they know the rythms and can contextualize.

 

[oggbashan]

You could try posting in the French Literotica forum and asking them for help.

They are a friendly crowd.

Og

 

[gwen_gypsygirl]

You could try posting in the French Literotica forum and asking them for help.

They are a friendly crowd.

Og

Ok I'll try that.