Transitions... Changes... Moving Forward....

[MasterPhoenix]

Well, my friends it is looking very much like rose and I will be making that next step before the holidaze. Not set in stone yet, but we are looking at sometime between mid-Nov and Mid-Dec....

This is going to be a huge transition for us after four years together on-line & on the phone... with my having flown back there three times for a week each... I will be moving three quarters away from the country to a place where they have a real winter... Just ask rose how I handled it last January...

I have a hell of a lot of lose ends I have to tie up here in the next few months, as well as getting financially ready for this undertaking...

Its also going to be a major transition as I get used to being around her kids... and while I won't be moving right into her house, it will still be an adjustment as we work to integrate into a family... I know that her kids like me already, ut I am nervous as to how they will take to me being around all the time... I had a good mentor for being a father figure from my stepdad, and I can only pray that I can do as well by them as he did by me...

I am definitely looking forward to these transitions and challenges, as it will be the fulfillment of four years of dreams and work on her and I's part....

If anyone who has made the LDR-RT transition has any words of advice, i would be very welcome to hearing them....

 

[BiBunny]

While I've never made a big transition like you're about to make, the thing I've always found that helps during big changes is to try to keep things as "normal" as possible. It's amazing how doing something so simple as, say, sitting down to eat dinner with someone you care about at 6:00 PM every Wednesday evening can help you keep your head on straight when your life's turned upside down. I wish both of you the very best of luck.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It is great you have set a date of sorts to work toward. As to advice, just remember everyday will not be a dream come true; let the relationship with the children grow naturally without trying to be or do anything special to encourage it; be yourselves; and remember that all those little things like kids, fatigue, disappointment, frustration, finances and just plain getting used to being around each other constantly can impact on the dream you have dreamed so long...be patient and if one of you is out of sorts, try to put yourself in their shoes to work out why so you can be supportive, empathic and work together.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

Congrats hun.

i don't have any advice for you, tho I am amazed you'd undertake this when the first good snow has usually hit in that area *giggles* Winters this way are a lot different that cally, sweetie, but having a warm body to snuggle up to helps.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Congrats hun.

i don't have any advice for you, tho I am amazed you'd undertake this when the first good snow has usually hit in that area *giggles* Winters this way are a lot different that cally, sweetie, but having a warm body to snuggle up to helps.

haha..funny you should say that, cause that is something He said too. That He must be crazy to be moving here in the winter. He knows all about our winters, He came here in January, and for Indiana that's when the winter is the worst. there was snow on the ground ..a very light snow, and He thought it was a blizzard! LOL

 

[the captians wench]

haha..funny you should say that, cause that is something He said too. That He must be crazy to be moving here in the winter. He knows all about our winters, He came here in January, and for Indiana that's when the winter is the worst. there was snow on the ground ..a very light snow, and He thought it was a blizzard! LOL

*giggles*

We're usually just a bit later I think, like early feb is the worst here, but I'm close enough to where you are to know that when you say snow, you mean SNOW. *giggles* btw, the image of him seeing a foot or so of snow and calling it a blizzard will have me laughing all day. *giggles*


I know I'm terrible today.

 

[intothewoods]

Congrats on setting a date, you two. My only advice would be to get some books on step-parenting. Not that kids come with a manual, but it can be helpful to have a little guidance.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Congrats MP and Rose

I know it will be hard to figure it all out let it play out on its own.. I have never made that big of a transition but I can tell you I am married to a man who had to get used to my children and now they love him like no tomorrow.. and they have a good relationship.. Take it slow it will all work out..

CONGRATS again!

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

No advice. I'm just in awe of this big step you are taking and admire you both for your perseverance. Congratulations! If you waited 4 years I think you both have what it takes to make it happen in real life 24/7. Good luck.

 

[RJMasters]

Congratz MP and Rose.

I guess the one piece of advice that comes to mind right now is about communication. Largely due to you two being together so long online and on the phone, you learned certain behaviors or how to communicate. there will probably be some adjustments you both will have to make in this area when you are 24/7. So just be prepared for that and realize that something online won't work in RL, just like a lot of things in RL don't work or are not the same online. As long as you are aware of this, over time you will learn to replace those things that don't work with things that do.

Of all the answers so far I would have to agree with BiBunny's & Catalina in that keeping things normal as you can is good advice. Eat meals together, go for walks together. give yourselves time to get use to being around each other.

One last bit of advice is that you both need to also still recognize the need for space. A part of what has made your relationship successful, is that currently you spend time together and when your done, you have time to yourself. When you become 24/7 you are both still gonna need self time other wise you might smother each other. I kinda of learned this when I was often deployed for long periods of time. When I got back things would be hot and heavy but soon it just boiled over. Give yourselves both space and in time it will find the right balance on its own.

Again congratz and GL to you both.

 

[agibean]

I wish both of you the best of luck. While I didn't move across the country to live with my husband, he DID have to take on not only two stepkids, but two going through a really rough time with their dad and me having an ex who hated my guts at the time and doing everything he could to undermine me. Our first few years together were REALLY rough. The BDSM took a total backseat to RL problems. My kids were at the center of a vortex that I'm sure my husband wanted to run from for awhile.

What saved us was communication, communication, communication. That and continuing to try to get to a reasonable point with my ex, who today, 14 years after leaving me, is finally once again on good terms with me. My husband and I are 8 years married now, 9 years together. My older kids are 17 and 22, and we have a 7 yo together. Things are good.

Just be realistic and you'll do ok.

 

[minx1]

Huge congrats MP and Rose!

I'm so pleased to hear you are making the move to be together.

I have nothing to add to the good advice already offered....but you both have your heads screwed on and I am sure you will be more than fine

I can completely empathise with how you must be feeling...the excitement.... the nerves....the excitement.......the anticpation.....the excitement....the praticalities of the move and oh, did I mention the excitement?!

Best of luck to you both and your family

 

[Softouch911]

I did this. As everyone is aware, it's a "challenge" (understatement) and you'll need to be patient with yourself because you'll screw up ... often sometimes. How you handle the screwups will go a long way toward building the relationship or building walls.

You don't say what relationship the kids have with dad, or how old they are. My relationship began with a step-daughter who was a teen -- she "hated" her dad. My guess was that this would change -- of course it did -- when she was away from him he turned into her hero.

We had long talks about how I'm not her dad, and she's been fine with the notion that I'm around, really really old, and her mom's entirely in charge of her life. I'm sort of an older "big brother" I suppose, though that blends with "teacher" and "money" on occasion.

Lots of chances there to do things wrong. As RJ said, your only safeguard -- and theirs, too, by the way -- is constant communication. And especially with kids, repetition ... mine were grown, but my lord I'm glad I remembered that. Especially the part where you repeat what they're doing right, and that you're not going away, and that ou're willing to listen.

And then get ready to do it again the next day.

If the kids are a lot younger, my thought is that it may be easier, but you never know.

Good luck. You're trying to do a good thing and I hope it works for all of you.

Respectfully,
ST

 

[HottieMama]

MP and rose....

The two of you have always been an inspiration to me as a couple who has basically defied the odds, lived through the tough times, and managed to come out stronger in the end. That is a true testament not only to your relationship by to the type of people you both are.

i wish you the best of luck as you officially embark on this journey.

 

[Chicklet]

Well, my friends it is looking very much like rose and I will be making that next step before the holidaze. Not set in stone yet, but we are looking at sometime between mid-Nov and Mid-Dec....

Congratulations

Good luck to you. No productive advice at this time, but good feelings and well-wishing in your direction.

 

[sexycaz22]

Congratulations to the both of you, good luck with the move and everything.

To MP, I just wanted to say, BE YOURSELF with the children, it took about a year for me to get used to my step-dad and now I love him very much. (By the way, Mum and my stepdad just got married after 15 years together! Brilliant and about time, too!) So, if you work with each other, be yourselves with your children/step-children, and it will work out...but it will take time and more time and patience!

Again, I ditto what everyone said; communication, and more communication!

Good luck!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*giggles*

We're usually just a bit later I think, like early feb is the worst here, but I'm close enough to where you are to know that when you say snow, you mean SNOW. *giggles* btw, the image of him seeing a foot or so of snow and calling it a blizzard will have me laughing all day. *giggles*


I know I'm terrible today.

*giggles* i still tease Him about it. He was a good sport though...i have this thing with ice...well i made tea one night..and in the motel the ice machine was at the OTHER end and i needed ice..so He went out in the "blizzard" to get me ice. i told HIm i'd do it myself and He wouldn't let me cause it was dark and the ice machine was in this little room. i guess He was scared someone would jump out and kidnap me or something. but He complained about having to go get the ice for like 3 days, actually He still brings it up...so it will be interesting when He's here for the WHOLE winter and not just a week of it..LOL

as far as my kids go Daddy, You know they all love You. it will be a change for them, yes, but it's going to be a change for all of us and we will make it. everything will be fine.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I did this. As everyone is aware, it's a "challenge" (understatement) and you'll need to be patient with yourself because you'll screw up ... often sometimes. How you handle the screwups will go a long way toward building the relationship or building walls.

You don't say what relationship the kids have with dad, or how old they are. My relationship began with a step-daughter who was a teen -- she "hated" her dad. My guess was that this would change -- of course it did -- when she was away from him he turned into her hero.

We had long talks about how I'm not her dad, and she's been fine with the notion that I'm around, really really old, and her mom's entirely in charge of her life. I'm sort of an older "big brother" I suppose, though that blends with "teacher" and "money" on occasion.

Lots of chances there to do things wrong. As RJ said, your only safeguard -- and theirs, too, by the way -- is constant communication. And especially with kids, repetition ... mine were grown, but my lord I'm glad I remembered that. Especially the part where you repeat what they're doing right, and that you're not going away, and that ou're willing to listen.

And then get ready to do it again the next day.

If the kids are a lot younger, my thought is that it may be easier, but you never know.

Good luck. You're trying to do a good thing and I hope it works for all of you.

Respectfully,
ST

thank you for sharing. i have a girl and 2 boys...my daughter is 14 years old, my middle son is 12 years old and my youngest is 6 years old. and they all 3 love Him already. as for their relationships with their fathers. my 12 year old lives with his dad, my 14 year old (has the same dad as my 12 year old) has a VERY good relationship with my ex husband, and my 6 year old's father is in prison, but they do have a good relationship also. as far as the relationship with my ex husband, him and i are really good friends, we have our disagreements and such but nothing that can't be worked out between us. he wants me to be happy but he is leary of any men that come into my life because of something that happened to my daughter. but he would not stand in the way of my happiness. so honestly, i'm pretty sure everything is going to work out just fine

thank you everyone for the advice, kind words, etc....it means alot to us both!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Thanks for the well wishes, all.

Communication is very strong in our relationship, so that does not concern me.

I have a general idea on how i am going to approach things with her kids.. which has been get to know them, as I have started and basically earn their respect, rather than try to force it.

My bigger stress is around everything I have to do here to make it happen... but I know I am going to pull it off, the stakes are too high not to.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Thanks for the well wishes, all.

Communication is very strong in our relationship, so that does not concern me.

I have a general idea on how i am going to approach things with her kids.. which has been get to know them, as I have started and basically earn their respect, rather than try to force it.

My bigger stress is around everything I have to do here to make it happen... but I know I am going to pull it off, the stakes are too high not to.

*grins* i love You! and i know that everything will work out, we've worked too hard and too long for it not to! all will be fine, and we've gotten some really good advice from everyone here.

our communication is huge. we have always been able to communicate anything to each other so i know we'll be just fine....what scares me the most is that everything will eventually become 'mundane' that we will get 'used to each other' this is what has happened to me in the past and has broken up all of my relationships, hopefully that makes sense to someone. maybe i just worry too much *shrugs* either way, i know we'll be ok......thank you everyone!

 

[agibean]

thank you for sharing. i have a girl and 2 boys...my daughter is 14 years old, my middle son is 12 years old and my youngest is 6 years old. and they all 3 love Him already...

Ooooh. Just the beginning of the teen years! What fun! My oldest are 22 and 17 and were 14 and 9 when my husband and I married. It seems to me that sometime around 16 or 17 they completely lose their minds. My husband and I came very close to separating both times, because of disagreements over how to handle the situations.

Just as long as you realize that the family dynamic changes as kids grow and are willing to talk a whole lot and make a lot of compromises, it can work. But the whole stepparenting thing is HARD and both the bio parents and stepparents have a rought time when kids act up. My son turned out ok and looks like my 17 yo is coming around. But their rebellious phases were no fun at all for anyone involved.

 

[FurryFury]

Kids don't have to lose their minds around 16. It all depends on the relationship you have with them and on the individuals. My daughter is 16. She is practically no trouble and we've never been closer. Our toughest times together were when she was in sixth grade.

My son is 14. He is great but a little mouthy. That isn't a huge deal. He loves and respects his parents as well as himself.

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

Congratulations MP and Rose..so happy to see this...I am so happy for the both of you!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Kids don't have to lose their minds around 16. It all depends on the relationship you have with them and on the individuals. My daughter is 16. She is practically no trouble and we've never been closer. Our toughest times together were when she was in sixth grade.

My son is 14. He is great but a little mouthy. That isn't a huge deal. He loves and respects his parents as well as himself.

yea, my 14 year isn't much trouble either, but her mouth sometimes gets her in alot of trouble, but i think that's just a 'teen' thing *shrugs* we are really close, all of us. so i don't really see her losin her mind much, but if she don't lose the attitude and the mouth she may not make it to see 16 haha

 

[myinnerslut]

best of luck tp you both! i am so happy for you!!!