Training a new sub

[t0mat0]

I'm curious how some of you begin training a new sub. Specifically a sub who has no previous experience with being a sub. I am an experienced Dom but it has been sometime since I last worked with a "submission virgin" per-say. We have talked at length about what she should expect. What I expect. What submitting really means. Limits. Safewords, etc etc. She feels safe with me and trusts me, so she says.

So I'm curious about other's techiniques and advice regarding this.

Thanks.

 

[Sheaf_Beast]

communication is the key

Seems like you are willing to communicate, that is the greatest asset. Build a negotiation form have them fill it out.

Set up a scene and go from there.

 

[f-cynyr]

smplay

really good reply by sheaf beast. trever jacques, in his book" on the safe edge, a manual for sm play," has an excellent, question sheet that will help you develop a scene and play that the two of you will enjoy,

 

[LadyAria]

Yes, the questionaire idea is a very good one. It is important to know the boundaries before you take it there. Nothing worse then finding out your sub is a maso and pain should be used for reward not punishment.

Also, I believe strongly in voice and gesture training. I believe it must learn that first before I will go into any type of scene play at all.

Furthermore, you dom/sub relationship is unique to the slave/master. I hate to offer too much advice without knowing the dynamics.

 

[RJMasters]

T0mat0,

Perhaps people are a bit hesitant to respond in that as LadyAria has said, "... I hate to offer too much advice without knowing the dynamics."

I think everyone is different and what works for one couple may not work for another.

Logic would dictate that one should crawl, walk and then run. But who ever said human relationships were logical? In the end, it will come down to you and her.

The best advice would be to "allow opportunities" for the both of you to experience one another. That could mean a negotiated scene as some have suggested or it could mean you are going to have dinner and then afterwards work on voice and gestures or maybe kneeling postions(like here are the basics).

There is no end of things you can teach a submissive. The library might have alot of things which might interest you such as this thread on rituals:

Click here

In the beginning I think it is mostly about getting to know each other. You can derail this by becoming too "listy" or "tasky". On the other hand, small specific tasks are exactly what someone may respond to best. Only you and her can really figure that out.

I am sure this was no help at all, good luck to you.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I'm curious how some of you begin training a new sub. Specifically a sub who has no previous experience with being a sub. I am an experienced Dom but it has been sometime since I last worked with a "submission virgin" per-say. We have talked at length about what she should expect. What I expect. What submitting really means. Limits. Safewords, etc etc. She feels safe with me and trusts me, so she says.

So I'm curious about other's techiniques and advice regarding this.

Thanks.

Tell me if I am wrong here, but what I understand your question as is, 'how do I train her to be submissive'.

If that is the case, you can't, unless you want them to 'act' the part. If they are submissive, you don't train them, you free them, you bring it out of them. You have to find out what draws her submissiveness to the surface. You have to find how to get her to become comfortable with her submissiveness. You have to reassure her that her submissiveness will not be detrimentally exploited.

 

[Elayne]

Joe Schmoe has hit the nail on the head.

Also, I find lists/questionaires to be 'intimidating'. Many subs prefer the human touch.

I find that a good starting point is getting into a comfortable snuggle and chatting with her to find out whether she's into which letter she finds most exciting, B, D, or M.

For most newer subs, I can almost guarantee you that it'll be the B or the D. It takes some adjustment to find pain enjoyable, in my experience.

Don't try to rush it.

 

[LadyAria]

Joe Schmoe has hit the nail on the head.

Also, I find lists/questionaires to be 'intimidating'. Many subs prefer the human touch.

I find that a good starting point is getting into a comfortable snuggle and chatting with her to find out whether she's into which letter she finds most exciting, B, D, or M.

For most newer subs, I can almost guarantee you that it'll be the B or the D. It takes some adjustment to find pain enjoyable, in my experience.

Don't try to rush it.

A comfortable snuggle? I don't think I've had a comfortable snuggle with a Sub. I must have missed that day of class.

The questionaire can be done in conversation format. The intial meeting once both sides have decided to explore the potential of the relationship is very much a meeting of the minds. If you are not comfortable being completely honest and laying out your needs you want met in the relationship, then you have chosen the wrong person as your partner in the journey.

The foundation of all BDSM relationship must be honesty. For without honesty, you have no trust and it fails.

 

[oralcummers]

it starts at the toes and is explored behind closed blinded eyes, feather at hand to tickle the sub into true submission, oralling the courses of self worth behind the absolute true devotion to the company before the work ship of flaunts can dissolve the inhibition of how one pampers all senses being jolted into highness