Topic for Discussion: Married Dom/mes in the lifestyle

[MissTaken]

I am part of a chat group wherein this topic was brought up.

We know and have befriended Doms who are married and seeking a BDSM play partner or more, or who have one.

The observation of many in the chat group as well as my own, was that we seldom meet married Dommes who are seeking play partners.

Is this a commonality within the lifestyle?

IF so, does it speak to issues concerning the male's ability to make finite decisions concerning his needs?

Or does it suggest a certain lack of moral code within males, particularly Dom males?

OR does it simply suggest nothing?

I am curious about other's perspective and observations and have not posted an opinion on the matter yet.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Your key word is "married". I post on a list where there are several married Dommes who seek play partners out of their marriage. Their alpha subs are their husbands, and they are free to do as they choose without sneaking around.

There are a couple who are sneaking around too. They just are more discreet I think.

Ebony

I am part of a chat group wherein this topic was brought up.

We know and have befriended Doms who are married and seeking a BDSM play partner or more, or who have one.

The observation of many in the chat group as well as my own, was that we seldom meet married Dommes who are seeking play partners.

Is this a commonality within the lifestyle?

IF so, does it speak to issues concerning the male's ability to make finite decisions concerning his needs?

Or does it suggest a certain lack of moral code within males, particularly Dom males?

OR does it simply suggest nothing?

I am curious about other's perspective and observations and have not posted an opinion on the matter yet.

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, EB.

There was a time when I was seeking a Domme play partner and even then, didn't run into any who OPENLY stated they were attached and looking.

Perhaps it is all about discretion.

 

[Native Alien]

i don't normally

post on the BDSM board, but i do read and follow quite a few of the threads here, as they do pertain to everyday aspects of relationships and not just BDSM relationships. having said this, i am going to contribute my two cent worth on this.

i have a lover who is married and it was his wife that contacted me and talked with me first. it is all out in the open, there is no sneaking around, if he can't make a date for whatever the reason, one of the two of them calls me.

they have a very strong, very vanilla, marriage. this arrangement that we have works well for the three of us. we (he and i) have discussed the moral issue on several occassions and i don't find him lacking. they are just in agreement that there is a side of him that she can not complete and they looked for someone who could. they have both stated that it makes the marriage stronger and better, because they are both getting what they need sexually out of life.

we are very discreet, and careful. we have certain rules in place to protect all three of us.

wordy one, aren't i?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I believe that if the spouse/partner knows about it, it is not cheating.

Eb

i don't normally

post on the BDSM board, but i do read and follow quite a few of the threads here, as they do pertain to everyday aspects of relationships and not just BDSM relationships. having said this, i am going to contribute my two cent worth on this.

i have a lover who is married and it was his wife that contacted me and talked with me first. it is all out in the open, there is no sneaking around, if he can't make a date for whatever the reason, one of the two of them calls me.

they have a very strong, very vanilla, marriage. this arrangement that we have works well for the three of us. we (he and i) have discussed the moral issue on several occassions and i don't find him lacking. they are just in agreement that there is a side of him that she can not complete and they looked for someone who could. they have both stated that it makes the marriage stronger and better, because they are both getting what they need sexually out of life.

we are very discreet, and careful. we have certain rules in place to protect all three of us.

wordy one, aren't i?

 

[MissTaken]

I believe that if the spouse/partner knows about it, it is not cheating.

Eb

I actually have an incredible amount of respect for the couple who is able to recognize their strengths and needs adn openly communicate.

Then, to take it to the level where one says, "I can't do it, do what you need to do."

Damn! That is good stuff!


Hat's off to you .

 

[Guest]

I'm on those married switches that has an open relationship.
My hubby and I realized we can not be everything to each other, so we constantly renegotiate relationship rules. I must admit it has been so long since I've had a BDSM relationship, I'm rusty.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well I'm sure everyone knows our stance on cheating by now for whatever reason, and if a couple decide to openly involve others that is their choice. I do notice a perception though that if done openly, everything is hunky dorey and the marriage will survive if not flourish because there is an understanding and agreements etc. Unfotunately I know of 3 such marriages where despite the openness, cheating still occurred and eventually ended the marriage.

That aside though, I will try and answer the other questions from my limited experience. As I have no knowledge not being a dominant myself, I would say if there is a predominance of male dominants who are cheating, or even going outside the marriage, that perhaps it is an ego thing, and perhaps not all are really dominants but more so using it as a cover for their hunt, something I have not noticed in Domme behaviour but have repeatedly encountered in Dom behaviour, or should I say those posing as Dom in the interests of getting sex. I have a friend who I was talking to today who has just encountered yet another one.

Maybe I am just sheltered, but I have not as yet noticed any women using the situation to their advantage as in they are vanilla in disguise. Maybe it is also a thing about ratio of hetero female to male dominants. Don't know but sure would ake an interesting research project for a sociologist or psychologist I would think. Think it an interesting topic Miss T.

C

 

[Ebonyfire]

This behaviour is exhibited in both male and female dominants. I think female dominants keep their mouthes shut about their business.

Folks do what they gotta do.