Top Ten: He said ... She Said

[Isabella Thorne]

He said ... She said

10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

8) He said ... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you succeeded.

7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'

She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen

6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."

5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"

She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "

4) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'

She said...'Who's gonna look?'

3) He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

2) He said ... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.


And the number 1 "He said...She said."

1) He said ... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said...I would, but you're never there.

 

[MissTaken]

Very funny!

Nicely done, Isabella.

How are you this afternoon?

*MUAH*

 

[Isabella Thorne]

*MUAH* back at ya MissT, cherie ...

She said:
if i brought a smile to your beautiful face today with my little joke, then i am doing ok this afternoon ....

 

[seulreveur]

Very funny!!!

 

[Jimi]

Sexist Claptrap

Iz!

Bah! Humbug! You are becoming (or were , and I haven't been around long enough to notice!) as much a smart-ass as Cath!

I like that in a woman....

Of course, you realise that all these statements are apocryphal

Except I have this nagging feeling about a recurring nightmare containing #5


As the 5-Litre driver smells Jimi's exhaust... VROOOM!

 

[Guest]

Hehehehe

Very funny!
Thanks for posting, Isabella.
Have a good one!

 

[DopeyAngel]

Very funny! You cheered me up a hell of a lot since I just had a row with my partner!

 

[jass1960]

Very funny! You cheered me up a hell of a lot since I just had a row with my partner!

Me too

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: Sexist Claptrap

Naively posted by Jimi6996
...Of course, you realise that all these statements are apocryphal

Except I have this nagging feeling about a recurring nightmare containing #5

Apocryphal? #2, #8, and #9 are right out of the transcript from my divorce proceedings. I had no idea they let such things out of the courtroom.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

LMAO, these are great, thanks Isabella, just what I needed

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Re: Sexist Claptrap

Iz!

Bah! Humbug! You are becoming (or were , and I haven't been around long enough to notice!) as much a smart-ass as Cath!

eh? Jezus Jimi ...

you are right ... you haven't been around long enough to notice ...

 

[SempreAngela]

LOL! VERY funny!!! I love it! Thank you for the laugh!!

She said, "My ass looks big in this dress".
He said, "Your ass always looks big".

The attorney said to the HE, "Next time you will learn to keep your thoughts to yourself. 25% of your income witll now go to assist HER to reduce the ass size. It would appear that HE is the biggest ass".

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

She said: "You're drunk!"

http://www.therightside.demon.co.uk/quotes/wcfields/wcfields.jpg

^^ He said: "Yeah, and you're crazy. And I'll be sober tomorrow and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life."

 

[hornylady]

Thank you for making me laugh

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Thank you for making me laugh

Well then you will like these:

She said: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law."

< He said: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible."

She said: "For 20 years I've struggled to make a home for you and the children. . .slaving to make ends meet. Sometimes I don't know which way to turn.

He said: "Uh, turn over on your right side, dear. Sleeping on your left side's bad for the heart."

She said: "Why don't you go to bed?"

He said: "I thought I'd take a nap first."

Waitress: "You know, there's something awfully big about you."
WC: "Thank you, dear."
Waitress: "Your nose."
(Waitress turns around and Fields eyes her rotund bottom.)
WC: "There's something awfully big about you, too."

She said: "I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time."

He said:"A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy."

 

[hornylady]

rofl - thank you ShyTallGuy

 

[Vinny]

ha

Yall are funny

 

[Isabella Thorne]

30 Harsh Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter cigarettes than that.

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. (giggle and point)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird.
____________________________
Vinny darling ... i love that texas drawl ... damn that's hot

<passing Shy Guy a double bourbon on the rocks with a twist> .... my little chickadee ... hee hee ...

 

[Jimi]

Re: Re: Sexist Claptrap

eh? Jezus Jimi ...

you are right ... you haven't been around long enough to notice ...

China Shop? What china shop...

After last evening - when I was on my way to Trawna, and wasn't watching - I PROMISE never to compare one member of the Lit.erati to another...

mea culpa, mea maxima culpa

As the Green Knight, PierreVert, hath spake: I AM Fucking Naive!

Jimi - Pulling over to roadside on the Gardiner, out of gas

 

[Isabella Thorne]

WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN.

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

Your last name stays put.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

You can open all your own jars.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this ones just too picky.

Same work...more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood ALL the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can leave the motel bed undone.

Your orgasms are real.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can do your nails with a pocket knife. (right rex? Lmao)

You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, December 24th, in 45 minutes.

The world is your urinal.

 

[Beethoven'sFire]

cute!

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Re: Re: Re: Sexist Claptrap

Jimi - Pulling over to roadside on the Gardiner, out of gas

sweet Jimi ... s'ok baby ... you know i will always forgive you ...

out of gas, eh? well you can always fill me up .... lmao

... yikes did i just say that out loud ...

 

[LukkyKnight]

yup

 

[Jimi]

I think she DID

yup

Yikes, Dude!

You're right <blush>

 

[Jimi]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Sexist Claptrap

sweet Jimi ... s'ok baby ... you know i will always forgive you ...

out of gas, eh? well you can always fill me up .... lmao

... yikes did i just say that out loud ...

Pull over, Lady

Hey Green Guy, What would her SO say.... Hmmmm

AWWW, Don't worry, Folks!

CAA just got here - Cute l'l Gal in a yellow Protege - say, I think I last saw her in a KFC uniform...

slurp, slurp, MMMMMmmmm YummY!

(Nissan starts rocking languidly)