top/bottom??
- Thread starter pa-guy
- Start date
bisexplicit
but i'm a lesbian
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2005
- Posts
- 28,710
It is in reference to who is the giver and who is the reciever of anal.
phil196662
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2005
- Posts
- 373
Also...
If your in a BDSM consensual relationship the "top" is the one in control and the bottom is the one recieving.
If your in a BDSM consensual relationship the "top" is the one in control and the bottom is the one recieving.
bisexplicit
but i'm a lesbian
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2005
- Posts
- 28,710
TexWiller said:
I think thats why he asked in the GLBT forum.
none2_none2
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2004
- Posts
- 1,131
I might add that I think top/bottom terms have become popular terms to use over the last 20 years at least in North America gay personal adds. The terms used to be active/passive. For those of us that are older, we probably remember the terms in sex wanted adds to have terms like:
Gr A - greek active (penetrator in anal)
Gr P - greek passive (penetratee in anal)
In Oral, I think it was a bit confusing
Fr P - french passive (I think this was the person laying back and getting his cock sucked)
Fr A - french active (I think this was the sword swallower.)
Thus if you wanted someone versitile you would look for A/P for Gr or Fr depending on which sex act you were looking to do.
You don't see those GR or FR A/P terms very often anymore. But i notice some of the french adds still use actif/passif. I don't see them specifying the act, so I assume it is referring to anal only.
Top/Bottom sometimes gets a bit confusing because some do put BDSM in with the meaning. So it helps to know a bit more about the person or ask for a clarification. For me, I'm a top (or Gr/A for those of the old school) because there is nothing more wonderful then being inside a hot, hairy, masculine guy. For me being a top has no BDSM connotations. I never had to verbially humiliate the guys I fucked. Nor did I ever need to spank, beat, spit, kick, slap, piss or whatever things tops were supposed to do to bottoms in BDSM. If it was something mild and the guy requested it, I tried to accomodate HIS needs. From my perspective, topping a guy who I find attractive, was a privilege not a right. I wanted to have a repeat performance, so I was always on my best behavior. I did have a trade mark of picking guys up. Some might see that as dominance. I suppose there was a streak of that, but I saw it just as much as doing it to be romantic -- like carring the guy accross the threashold.
As I have said in the past, guys who bottom are wonderful. It's just too bad that some people but bottoms in a less favorable light. To me, they are like angels on earth. I bet we would have fewer wars if there were more bottom men in the world. Unfortunately, they are like finding diamonds in the sand -- precious, but rare. I'm just glad I have my guy and don't have to go looking anymore.
Gr A - greek active (penetrator in anal)
Gr P - greek passive (penetratee in anal)
In Oral, I think it was a bit confusing
Fr P - french passive (I think this was the person laying back and getting his cock sucked)
Fr A - french active (I think this was the sword swallower.)
Thus if you wanted someone versitile you would look for A/P for Gr or Fr depending on which sex act you were looking to do.
You don't see those GR or FR A/P terms very often anymore. But i notice some of the french adds still use actif/passif. I don't see them specifying the act, so I assume it is referring to anal only.
Top/Bottom sometimes gets a bit confusing because some do put BDSM in with the meaning. So it helps to know a bit more about the person or ask for a clarification. For me, I'm a top (or Gr/A for those of the old school) because there is nothing more wonderful then being inside a hot, hairy, masculine guy. For me being a top has no BDSM connotations. I never had to verbially humiliate the guys I fucked. Nor did I ever need to spank, beat, spit, kick, slap, piss or whatever things tops were supposed to do to bottoms in BDSM. If it was something mild and the guy requested it, I tried to accomodate HIS needs. From my perspective, topping a guy who I find attractive, was a privilege not a right. I wanted to have a repeat performance, so I was always on my best behavior. I did have a trade mark of picking guys up. Some might see that as dominance. I suppose there was a streak of that, but I saw it just as much as doing it to be romantic -- like carring the guy accross the threashold.
As I have said in the past, guys who bottom are wonderful. It's just too bad that some people but bottoms in a less favorable light. To me, they are like angels on earth. I bet we would have fewer wars if there were more bottom men in the world. Unfortunately, they are like finding diamonds in the sand -- precious, but rare. I'm just glad I have my guy and don't have to go looking anymore.
CuriousNiceGuy
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2005
- Posts
- 264
Lol...Greek active and passive?
I never expected my country to take part in naming tops and bottoms...
Despite the wonderful past we have in bisexuality XD
I never expected my country to take part in naming tops and bottoms...
Despite the wonderful past we have in bisexuality XD
none2_none2
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2004
- Posts
- 1,131
kbate said:
I have to admit I have a slimilar problem. In the deep recesses of my mind, women (lesbian, bi, or straight) are really Virgin Mary's or some other pure hearted female saint that really don't do anything nasty.
Perhaps that is why sex with a female seems so wrong to me. It just seems so un-saintly. It would be like having sex with Bambi, Teddy Bear, Fluffy the Rabbit, Virgin Mary, Joan of Arc, Florence Nightengale, St Theresa, sugar and spice, and everything nice, ginger bread cookies, chocolate malt, stained glass windows, chrystal glass figurines, snow flakes, rose petals, angel feathers. To do the nasties with all or any of those special things would seem so mean, self-centered, and cruel like I was some Godzilla-Satan-Troll evil being.
As much as I wish I could have had kids, I always though women deserved silk, vanilla, tea, glass slippers, gardens of flowers -- not a penis attached to a jack hammer. (Thank goodness I didn't end up becomming a fashion designer.)
With guys I don't have any of that baggage. When I was on the prowl, it just seemed like doing community service. (I think I was a proctologist in a prior life.)
Last edited:
Baskin Robbins
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2003
- Posts
- 489
I would definitely classify myself as a bottom. I'm straight, but married 9 years and very frustrated. I would LOVE my wife to "strap one on". She is very closed off and has made my mind wander. I would NEVER touch another woman. I long for her to dominate me but she won't do it and is closed off sexually. She just won't talk...
MrHank2000
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2005
- Posts
- 72
Luvit247 said:
The term you are looking for is veratile or vers.
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
I think this is not quite the same thing as what's being discussed in this thread, though. The type of bottom you seem to be referring to is a submissive bottom, rather than simply the one who's getting penetrated. Dominance often means the one who's doing the penetrating, but it doesn't have to be. Gay partners, as are being discussed in this thread, can be top/bottom (giving/receiving, pitcher/catcher) without being dom/sub.DrDon said:
none2_none2
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2004
- Posts
- 1,131
Etoile said:
It is SO easy to get the terms confused as it has gotten grey as to whether it deals with dom/sub vs inserter/insertee. For me its the later, but people have pointed out that its easy to associate a bit of dominance with being in top.
Related to anal, but a bit off topic...
I was surfing and found a gay site that restricts speech. They will delete your message if it is construed as promoting anal sex, infidelity, or effeminity. They construe it as "gay" sex as opposed to man 2 man sex.
On the subject of promiscuity: I do believe in monogamy, and I do not buy into the idea that monogamy is impossible with guys. I just regret that I didn't find someone to settle down with until much later. I know it is a minority view and with me that seems to happen quiet frequently so I'm VERY use to that. However, I was shocked about a site that promotes it self as being for something by condemning those that feel otherwise and restricting what can be said. (I may very strongly disagree with some people, but I would never tell someone they cannot post.)
On the subject of Anal sex: They see anal sex as an off shoot of the dominence of heterosexual sex behavior. They see anal sex as an off shoot of promiscuity. They see it also as an extension of effeminity in the gay community. They see anal sex as the reason for AIDS and several other deseases in the gay community. In conclusion their message is the same as a right winger, they simply replaced the term "homosexual" with "anal sex"...
Since I can't post there, I'll say it here:
1) I am monogamous, unlike their attitude that anal=promiscuity.
2) I LOVE anal sex, and couldn't imagine life without it.
3) I'm NOT doing anal:
a) to make myself more masculine, and my love more effeminate
b) to pretend we are heterosexual
c) because some "gay peer pressure" said I must do anal.
4) I do not have some desease, and neither does my guy.
5) Yes my guy and I do bareback, but the fact is you cannot get AIDS
from doing anal sex exclusively with another person who is negative.
6) We all probably know about male dogs and how they will try to
hump a leg. That isn't because they prefer sex of rubbing their
privates against something, it's usually because they don't have
another dog to penetrate. As a guy I don't have a collar or a fense
to restrict my freedom. Thus, I can seek out what I really want -- and
I won't be rubbing up against someone's leg or whatever..
7) I wouldn't dump my partner if he had rectal cancer anymore than
I would if he had testicular cancer or cancer of the penis.
8) I can understand the desire to fight sexually transmitted desease, but
I find it appalling that a group will do that by getting militant about others
in the community who do want to do anal.
9) Finally, Thank goodness that here I can state the above and not worry that it's not PC for the group, and therefore must be deleted.
Elmer Keith
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2004
- Posts
- 2,337
What about 10?
