Top 40 Alternate Uses for leftover Thanksgiving Turkey

[Guest]

OK - you were expecting one of these threads, weren't you?

This list is from 2003 but there are some interesting suggestions
(although I'm not too certain about number 15).


1 Christmas stocking stuffer
2 Doorstop
3 Bait for all those pesky, flesh-eating squirrels
4 Drop it out a window onto the heads of passers-by
5 Next years gravy
6 Science Project
7 Bookmark
8 Christmas Decorations
9 Crash test dummy
10 Weapon of Mass Destruction
11 Biological warfare growth medium
12 Food fight!
13 Great flying projectiles at the neighbors
14 Jello add-in
15 Sex
16 Smear the gravy on doorhandles
17 Dog food
18 Football
19 Voodoo rituals
20 Through a wood chipper to be wonderful garden mulch
21 Grind to a paste and use it instead of spackle
22 Invade it
23 Packing material
24 Store it away as part of your Year 2038 Bug survival plan.
25 Target practice
26 Wear the stripped carcass as a holiday hat
27 A nice new turkey carcass vest
28 Make a festive holiday wreath
29 Make a world record setting turkey loaf
30 Make the Great Wall of Turkey (as seen from space)
31 Compost
32 Fertilizer for next year's garden
33 Fox bait
34 Space Shuttle Tiles
35 Couch-cushions
36 Fish cakes
37 Paperweight
38 Leather conditioner
39 Turkey chow
40 Mousepad

 

[rgraham666]

This isn't going to help.

You're still going to be sick of the stuff in a week.

 

[CopyCarver]

Take the Easy Way Out

Buy an Akita--you'll never have leftovers again. Even cranberry sauce and those godawful turkey-shaped dinner rolls magically disappear.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I spray paint the bones gold and silver to decorate my tree.

 

[cloudy]

Buy an Akita--you'll never have leftovers again. Even cranberry sauce and those godawful turkey-shaped dinner rolls magically disappear.

ayup.

 

[Guest]

I spray paint the bones gold and silver to decorate my tree.

Do they match the bone through your nose?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Do they match the bone through your nose?

Yes, and the ones in my hair.

I'm making you a necklace so the dog will play with you.

 

[Guest]

Yes, and the ones in my hair.

I'm making you a necklace so the dog will play with you.

For me????? http://bestsmileys.com/happy/4.gif

Wow. This discounts all those awful rumors I've been hearing about you.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

For me????? http://bestsmileys.com/happy/4.gif

Wow. This discounts all those awful rumors I've been hearing about you.

I'll stop spreading them.

I tie the carcass to the back of my truck, the dog chases it and gets exercise.

This year I'm mailing it to PETA...along with the gizzards.

 

[Stella_Omega]

15 Sex

I can see that...
For the female persuasion, try the drumstick wrap in saran wrap... use lots of lube...
(This is off the top of my head, I swear to gawd it is! )

 

[Guest]

I'll stop spreading them.

I tie the carcass to the back of my truck, the dog chases it and gets exercise.

This year I'm mailing it to PETA...along with the gizzards.

Oh, good.

You know there's always room for gizzards.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Oh, good.

You know there's always room for gizzards.

I sewed them on my Ken doll, but Barbie didn't fall for it.

Stella: we weren't born last night.

 

[Guest]

I can see that...
For the female persuasion, try the drumstick wrap in saran wrap... use lots of lube...
(This is off the top of my head, I swear to gawd it is! )

Sure it is!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sure it is!

You're not even shocked! Do you know how sexy that is?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

You're not even shocked! Do you know how sexy that is?

She does it too.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I sewed them on my Ken doll, but Barbie didn't fall for it.

COFFEE SPEW!
Barbie says;
"Ken, who told you that was a good idea?"

 

[ABSTRUSE]

COFFEE SPEW!
Barbie says;
"Ken, who told you that was a good idea?"

Ken: "GI Joe."

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ken: "GI Joe."

Barbie says;
"If GI Joe told you to stand in front of a tank, would you do it?"

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Barbie says;
"If GI Joe told you to stand in front of a tank, would you do it?"

Ken: "I like his big gun. Yes."

 

[Guest]

You're not even shocked! Do you know how sexy that is?

http://bestsmileys.com/tempted/3.gif

 

[Guest]

She does it too.

Damn it, you weren't supposed to tell!

(Our engagement is off.)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Damn it, you weren't supposed to tell!

(Our engagement is off.)

You frigid bitch.
That's it, no more threadjacking for you.

 

[Guest]

Ken: "I like his big gun. Yes."

G.I. Joe: Ken, you big pussy. You are not even anatomically correct.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

G.I. Joe: Ken, you big pussy. You are not even anatomically correct.

Ken runs away crying. Barbie makes out with GI Joe.

 

[Guest]

You frigid bitch.
That's it, no more threadjacking for you.

If you would stop keeping your sex toys in the fridge I wouldn't be so cold.

Bitchtress.

At least I warm 'em up first.