Top 10 Times in History When,,,,

[le_kinklet]

This i thought was priceless!!!!
TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY WHEN USING THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE

10th - "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagorus, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head!" -
JFK,1963

And,.....drum roll........

The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F"
word.................


"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Quietly applauds with a smirk on his face.

 

[Caitlynne]

Now that brought a smile to my face and a few laughs thrown in for good measure.


Thanks!

~ Cait

 

[Daedalus77]

Actually if you read Monica's testimony your number one should read-

"Go ahead and cum. What do you think I'll do? Save the f*&^ing dress?" Monica Lewinsky -1997

 

[le_kinklet]

LA Math Exam

LA Math Exam
>
> City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam
>
> Name:____________________ Gang:_________________
>
> 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he
> misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each
> drive-by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he
> attempt before he has to reload?
>
> 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine, and he sells an 8-ball
> to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per
> gram. What is the street value of the balance of cocaine
> if he does not cut it?
>
> 3. Rufus is pimping 3 girls. If the price is $65 for
> each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn
> so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
>
> 4. Dino wants to cut his half-pound of heroin to make
> a 20% profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
>
> 5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy
> and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s,
> how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
>
> 6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got
> $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending
> $100 per month, how much will be left when he gets out
> of prison, and how many years will he get for killing
> the bitch that spent his money?
>
> 7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and
> the average letter is 2 square feet, how many letters
> can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
>
> 8. Hector knocked up 6 of the girls in his gang. There
> are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls
> has Hector knocked up?

 

[niteshade]

Lmao... the first one mad me laugh so hard it hurt, but the second one is just sad.

 

[le_kinklet]

Hope this one makes you laugh!!

How can you live without knowing these things?

1. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV
was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US
Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear
better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk
to work: Alaska
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
this...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of
eleven: $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. The average number of people airborne over the US any
given hour: 61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their
hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in
1910.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom
Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king
from history:
* Spades: King David
* Hearts: Charlemagne,
* Clubs: Alexander, the Great
* Diamonds: Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
17. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both
front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one
front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in
battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
18. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence
on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on
August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
21. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes
them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
23. The only two days of the year in which there are no
professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the
day after the Major League all-stars Game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24. Q. What occurs more often in December than any other
month?
A. Conception.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25. Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV
show?
A. No theme song
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
27. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most
popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
28. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to
go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
29. Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers,
and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
31. Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day
of the year?
A. Father's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
32. Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is
the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
33. Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a
party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
34. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed
frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making
the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
35. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago
that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his
son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and
because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey
month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
36. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.
So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the
phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
37. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a
whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they
needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your
whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
38. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless
you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When
anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave
them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The
placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you
know where that came from.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
39. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled
Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the
English language.

 

[bunny bondage]

36. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.
So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the
phrase "mind your P's and Q's"


THANKYOU! i have wondered this quietly in the back of my mind for YEARS now!

 

[NYCgirl26]

I heard that mind your P's and Q's came from printing. Becuase all the type backwards on the press so a p looks like a q and vice versa. This would be way back when people manually set the type.

But I have also heard the one about the pints and quarts too....so who knows. I think it is cool either way.

NYCgirl