Too touchy-feely? Over-sentimental? Try the Burn Maker.

[riff]

Have some fun with this site if you have never seen it before.
[Have some fun with this bullshit site if you have never seen that piece of shit before.]

The Burn Maker is the answer to any lack of brashness and vulgarity from which you may suffer.
[The fucking Burn Maker is the fucking answer to fuckin' any lack of brashness and vulgarity from which you and your sluts may suffer. ]

See how easily something spoken civilly changes emphasis with the goddamned Burn Maker?
[See how in the hell easily something spoken civilly changes emphasis with the fucking goddamned Burn Maker?]

With this particular translation product (yes, it is free and it is fun- so try it) you can add zest to any life, party, thread, or thought.
[With this bullshit particular translation product (yes, that shit is free and that bastard is fun- so god-damn try that shit) you and your sluts can add zest to fuckin' any life, party, thread, or thought.]

I once had a program called the "DisMachine," or something like that, but I like this better. Nothing to download. Just be sweet and press, "Oh Yeah?" on the page.
[I once had a goddamn program called the fucking "DisMachine," or something like that, but I hate this bullshit better. I should neglect your ass. Nothing to download. And another thing: I'm drunk. Just be disgustingly nauseating and press, "Oh Yeah?" on the fucking page. ]
[I once had a program called the fucking "DisMachine," or something like that, but I hate this bullshit better. Which is deeper, your snacked-on pussy or your smoked crack? Nothing to fuckin' download. Just be very sternly nauseating and press, "Oh Yeah?" on the fucking page.]

It even has multiple output for the same input.
[That piece of shit even has multiple output for the fucking same input. ]
[That bastard even has multiple output for the fucking same input. ]

This entire thread has been totally simulated by software. Try it! It's a lot of fun. At least I laughed, anyway.
[This bullshit entire thread has been totally simulated by software. Mind if I torch your neck? Try that bastard! That piece of shit's a whole shitload of fun. Smell the boiling flesh. At least I laughed, anyway. ]

http://toy.thespark.com/burn

 

[lavender]

 

[riff]

For best results, try personal e-mail, business memos, love letters, artistic prose, and things like that.


For worst results, try personal jizz, business memos, LOVE letters, artistic prose, and shits like that.

 

[tortoise]

Ask not fuckin' what your sorry country can do for you and your hemorrhoids, ask fuckin' what you and your jive can do for your sorry country.

 

[riff]

Stolen from another thread

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.

Corinthians 13:4-8


LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. That piece of shit does not envy, that bastard does not boast, that piece of shit is not proud. That piece of shit is not rude, that bastard is not self-seeking, that shit is not easily angered, that piece of shit keeps no motherfucking records of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in "wonderful" but rejoices with the fucking truth. You are a shitbag. That piece of shit always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. You are a little cock. LOVE never fails.

Corinthians 13:4-8


--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[patient1]

Then how do you determine which fornicating fesces is the subject & which is the object? I don't think it lends itself to the honest, direct communication which really matters to Lavender.

Lavvy, do you have the patience for it, or would you just improvise?

 

[tortoise]

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this bullshit continent, a piece of shit new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the fucking proposition that all fucking assholes are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so god-damn conceived, and so god-damn dedicated, can long endure. You will feel my burns. We are met here on a great battlefield of that war. You are a wretched cock. We have come to dedicate a portion of that shit as a fuckin' final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. Fact: you are a shitbag. That shit is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this bullshit.


--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[riff]

Then how do you determine which fornicating fesces is the subject & which is the object? I don't think it lends itself to the honest, direct communication which really matters to Lavender.

Lavvy, do you have the patience for it, or would you just improvise?

Come on, man. We are just having fun with words here. I am sure you understand. Do you?

Peace

 

[pabloback]

BOLLOCKS

 

[riff]

Pabloblack,

I see that you are true to your Oppositional Defiance Disorder. For that, how could I ever burn you?

Pabloblack,

I see that you are true to your sorry Oppositional Defiance Disorder. You are a fuckmonster. For that, how in the hell could I ever burn you and your monkey?


--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[Gawd]

I'm a touchy feely Gawd and I'm not ashamed of it. I touchy pretty titties, I feely pretty pussy.

I like to watch My finest work in the shower. Makes Me want to touchy feely alot.

 

[riff]

I'm a touchy feely Gawd and I'm not ashamed of it. I touchy pretty titties, I feely pretty pussy.

I like to watch My finest work in the shower. Makes Me want to touchy feely alot.

Yeah, me too, dipshit. No this is me talking. No translation. Why the fuck you want to put sand in the vaseline?

 

[Gawd]

You said you liked the ribbed condom feel.

 

[riff]

Gawd damn!

 

[riff]

OK. I am ready to play some EQ now. Yall come back now, ya' hear?

{{fucked-up. I am ready to play some EQ now. Seriously, I should break your anus. Yall come back now, ya' hear? }}

--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[Ginny]

too fucking cool riff....


Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets From the Portuguese XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.



How in the hell do I LOVE thee? Well? Let my stupid ass count the fucking ways.
I LOVE thee to the fucking depth and breadth and height
My fucking soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the fucking ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I LOVE thee to the fucking level of every excrutiating day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. And another thing: I should cram your throat.
I LOVE thee freely, as juicy assholes strive for Right;
I LOVE thee with the fucking passion put to fuckin' use
In my shitty old griefs, and with my molested childhood's faith. Your business is my business.
I LOVE thee with a motherfucking LOVE I seemed to lose
With my stinky lost saints,--I LOVE thee with the fucking breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my fucking life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but LOVE thee better after death. I say again: I should fry your ass.


fun city....would be fun to do with some work stuff.....weeeeee!

 

[patient1]

Come on, man. We are just having fun with words here. I am sure you understand. Do you?

Peace

Yeah. Ginny's made me laugh. Sorry about the attempted tangent. Nice Av.

 

[tortoise]

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before see a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.



There was nothing so god-damn VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think that shit so god-damn VERY much out of the fucking way to fuckin' hear the fucking Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought that shit over afterwards, that bastard occurred to fuckin' that bastard that she ought to have wondered at this bullshit, but at the fucking time that shit all seemed quite natural); but when the fucking Rabbit actually TOOK a motherfucking WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- POCKET, and looked at that bastard, and then, shit, hurried on, Alice started to that shit feet, for that shit flashed across that shit mind that she had never before see a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to fuckin' take out of that bastard, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the fucking field after that shit, and fortunately was just in time to fuckin' see that piece of shit pop down a large rabbit-hole under the fucking hedge.

--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[tortoise]

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.



Down, down, down. There was nothing else to fuckin' do, so god-damn Alice soon began talking again. Look out! Here comes the used up bitch. Dinah'll miss my stupid ass goddamn much to fuckin'-night, I should think!' (Dinah was the fucking cat.) `I hope them queefs'll remember that piece of shit saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my bloody dear! I wish you were down here with my stupid ass! There are no motherfucking mice in the fucking air, I'm afraid, but you and your sluts might catch a bat, and that's goddamn like a mouse, you and your hand-job know. Oh, my God. You are a shithole. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to fuckin' herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `Do cats eat bats? 'Cause you're about to get total. Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do bats eat cats?' for, you and your jive see, as she couldn't answer either question, that bastard didn't much matter which way she put that shit. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to fuckin' that shit goddamn earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell my stupid ass the fucking truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a goddamn heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fucking fall was over.

--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[tortoise]

this one feels like sacrilege, but...

i would not could not in a fuckin' tree
not in a fuckin' car
you and your sluts let my stupid ass be
i do not like them piece of shits in a box
i do not like them bastards with a fox
i do not like them piece of shits in a house
i do not like them bastards with a fuckin' mouse
i do not like them bastards here or there
i do not like them shits anywhere
i do not like green eggs and ham
i do not like them bastards sam-i-am


--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[tortoise]

And Shakespeare is almost as sacred as Seuss

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!



But, soft! fuckin' what light through yonder window breaks?
That bastard is the fucking east, and Juliet is the fucking sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the fucking envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou that bastard maid art far more fair than she:
Be not that bastard maid, since she is envious;
That bastard vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear that piece of shit; cast that piece of shit off.
That bastard is my fucking lady, O, that piece of shit is my cockgobbling LOVE!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: fuckin' what of that?
That shit eye discourses; I will answer that piece of shit.
I am too god-damnedlousy bold, 'tis not to my stupid ass she speaks:
Two of the fucking fairest stars in all the fucking heaven,
Having some business, do entreat that piece of shit eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till them dickheads return.
Fuckin' what if that piece of shit eyes were there, them fucknuts in that piece of shit head?
The fucking brightness of that shit cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; that bastard eyes in heaven
Would through the fucking airy region stream so god-damn bright
That birds would sing and think that shit were not night.
See, how in the hell she leans that shit cheek upon that shit hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!



--------------------------------
Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
--------------------------------

 

[Ginny]

<tickled at "O, that piece of shit is my cockgobbling LOVE!>

ooooohhhh romeo, you charmer you!

 

[Ginny]

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.


'Tis but thy name that is my scabby enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
Fuckin' what's a Montague? That's the fucking question.
That shit is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a molested bastard. O, be some other name!
Fuckin' what's in a goddamn name? You've got ten seconds.
That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as horrendously nauseating;
So god-damn Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Pop Quiz, why are you such a slapped fried fuck?
Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no motherfucking part of thee
Take all myself.