too nervous to keep it up

[djCali81]

I'm a 20, bout to be 21 year old junior at a cali university and I'm still a virgin... well kind of. Growing up, I was always the kind of guy who wanted to wait for a girl I actually liked for real, but by freshman year I was feeling a little insecure about still being a virgin. I'm a decent lookin dude and I would say my strong point is my personality so I've never had a problem attracting decent looking girls, though the 8-10s have eluded my grasp. Anyway so beginning of freshman year there was this one girl who had been into me for awhile, I would put at a 7, but she was kind of blah and immature, so I didn't really like her. But like I said, I was a little insecure about being a virgin so I figured I should try to get laid(she was a virgin too).

She was still in high school and lived like 30 minutes away with her parents, so I'd drive over there and try to beat in my car. The problem is I couldn't stay hard enough to get it in her, like I tried multiple times with no success. I was I guess a little nervous, but more excited nervous, and I guess it didn't help that it was like 30-40 degrees(had to visit her at like midnight-5am).

So anyway I'm pretty blown about this, some time goes by and try to power through this and hook up with different girls, but after that first attempt like it's always in my head. I get nervous thinking like "what happens if I can't get it up" and as you guys know... you can't keep it up while you're nervous. I've tried while drunk, sober, in between but no go.

The mental aspect was the worst, like the first year afterwards it would consume my thoughts all the time, like what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm a college guy who can't fuck? There was this other girl that I talked to for like a month, and after we couldn't fuck it got weird and just broke off...

I mean at this point I'm a bit more comfortable, I still want to fix this obviously but it's not in my head ALL the time, just most of the time haha... but not at the same intensity I guess? like I don't feel as much despair about it. Outside of this problem my life's normal, got friends, a good family, play sports, lift a little bit, party on the weekends, try to get by in school etc... I've never told anyone about this, even the girls I talked to I'd tell them I'm not a virgin. I guess I'm trying to build up a comfort level that I can talk to someone about it in real life, and it'd most likely be a girl that I'm dating, but waiting for one that I'm really into and is really into me is tough... I mean I'm almost 21 and it hasn't happened yet. And it's like, the older I get the weirder it would sound to a girl, like I can only imagine what a girl would think about if I told her("what the fuck is wrong with this dude") Also, you know how the college culture is... I like to party and shit and most girls who party it's like... you hook up before you really get to know each other so how could I tell them?

anyway if anyone has some advice or words of wisdom or something, i'd appreciate it

 

[Tigera]

If it's any consolation, I was 22, so don't worry!

Also, what if you tried taking sex in stages? Like just first base one session, then just second, etc... until you can be naked and hard with a girl with no issues.

If you explain this to a potential girl (once you're comfortable talking about it with her), and tell her it's nothing to do with her but because of a traumatic experience you had (which I'm guessing it was), I'm sure she'll be understanding. Hell, I'd consider it a challenge!

Maybe you can get her to give you a nice bj to work up to it - make sure you reciprocate, of course - and see how you go.

Take it slow, and relax!

Good luck!

 

[infinity706]

Well, you certainly can't be as nervous as the 50 year old virgins I've hooked up with. Of course, the best advice I can give you is to focus on getting good with you other parts besides your dick. I can say from experience that being pounded by a hard cock isn't the most enjoyable part of sex. (I'm a guy, but my experiences seem to fit very closely with what most women say as well) Getting fucked is enjoyable, but not quite as good as what you can do with your hands and mouth. Afterall, you should be more talented with them, since you use them a lot more. (unless you're that artist that paints with his dick ) Anyway, the point is that you need to work on your other skills. If you can develop a reputation for being good at pleasing women, it should take a lot of the pressure off you.

 

[kaycee217]

First, it looks like you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Don't be so insecure about your lack of experience. Gaining experience is easy, it really is. Always remember that sex can be bought, but making love, being with someone who truly wants you (even if it is just for your cock), and your first time - those are priceless.

Second, I can pretty much assure you that if you fake your bedroom confidence, she won't know you're faking it. A lot of confidence comes down to just faking it. No guy can give a complete stranger the best sex of her life on a consistent basis.

Third, college girls are EXTREMELY insecure. As worried as you might be in bed, she will be too, and if she isn't, all it takes is one comment from you to make her question herself.

Fourth, don't be so concerned with how a girl looks on your 1-10 scale. A great body and pretty face is worthless without the right attitude.

 

[cryforme1v]

the best part of sex is getting to it.
foreplay!!!!!!!!!!
work with it - it can be your greatest ally. i agree with Infinity on this, dont go straight for sex, work up to it. Use your hands / tongue and even words!

 

[Mac98]

I've only had one partner in my life (and I'm about as old as you are) and I can't say it bothers me that much. I've always promised myself I'd wait till the perfect girl came along, I thought she did, made my move and now, a little over a year later, I don't really talk to that person anymore and I can't say that, inside me, I feel like any less of a virgin. Sure, it's over and done with, I have that much more experience, but until I manage to connect with someone important to me, I'll never feel like I accomplished anything. The point I'm trying to get across, here, is that maybe holding out to the right person is what you should do. I wouldn't brag about losing my virginity to a college bimbo.

And dude, you're 21. If you were 35, I could understand your nervousness, but just tell yourself that most kids our age are virgins... even though some claim they aren't.

If none of this is the advice you want, get smashed, spot a cute girl, try to bang her and if that fails, you can always blame the alcohol consumption. Your choice.

Hope this helps.

 

[BertrandRussell]

However you do it with the next one, tell her. Simply tell her the unvarnished truth just as you have told us.
One of these days the 'problem' will just go away on its own, and you'll hardly be able to remeber that there was a problem.

 

[infinity706]

the best part of sex is getting to it.
foreplay!!!!!!!!!!
work with it - it can be your greatest ally. i agree with Infinity on this, dont go straight for sex, work up to it. Use your hands / tongue and even words!

I really don't even like the idea of penetration being pegged as 'sex.' Everything you do from the first kiss to that mind blowing orgasm you got from being pounded in all holes at once and being spanked with a leather strap should all be part of sex. People put way too much pressure on penetration like it's the ultimate goal. There's a hell of a lot of fun to be had besides getting pounded like a jackhammer. (not there's anything bad about said pounding )

 

[subwannabe]

I think most men would have trouble getting it up and hard in a car where the temperature was only 30-40 degrees. I think you're trying too hard. I think you are much better off finding a girlfriend where it eventually evolves into sex than putting all that pressure on yourself to get laid. Stay off the alcohol and anything else when you think it might happen and just let it happen. I have known many guys who paid a steep price for just wanting to get laid.

 

[infinity706]

Well, I can get it up just fine in 30-40 degrees. It's just too cold to really want to take my pants off.

 

[Luna_Bella]

I am talking from the other side of the fence here ... I had a partner who just couldn't get it up or keep it up because of nervousness(he was also a virgin) it went on for a month or so.... When we would get intimate we would make out then he would proceed to fingering me or give me oral, then when I would try to reciprocate and get in his pants he would push me away. I felt so disgusting.... he didn't want me (or so I thought, at that point I didn't know he was a virgin he wouldn't admit it) until I decided that I had had enough and like totally tried to force myself onto him and got into his pants to find him totally limp, (not only was I making a fool of myself but he really wasn't into me Here I was all dolled up in lingerie moan ning and groaning and couldn't even get him hard... ) I started to cry(I know pathetic)...... thats when the truth came out..... he wanted, he really did, he was really in love with me but he was a total nervous wreck and didn't really know what to do.... so we worked at it it took and extra 2-3 weeks before the whole thing came to an end.

My advice is it takes practice... with someone you trust and care for......someone you feel comfortable with and that you tell her prior... so that she doesn't feel inadequate or end up putting the blame on you.

Like Mac98 said there's nothing glorious about losing your virginity to a college Bimbo.

and please forget your 1 to 10 scale..... in any situation if its experience you are after who cares what the girl looks like? not only the 8-10 or the 7's want to get fucked..... all girls are usually up to some fun. who cares what your friends say if you are getting laid!

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

ain't nothing wrong about being a virgin @ that age.

 

[djCali81]

First off, thanks everyone for their words

The issue is that I'd like to be able to just wait for someone I'm into, but who knows how long that could be? I've never met someone I'm real into whose real into me. That's ok I guess but in the meantime I'd like to be able to hook up with whoever...I don't want to have to think about this all the time and worry about it, and I can't help it, it's on my mind alot.

I've tried alot of what you guys have suggested, like I've tried being drunk, I've tried being sober... I'll be making out with a girl and fingering her and she's real into it... like she'll be the one to initiate the sex part... she'll start taking off her clothes and stuff and I'll still be hard, but like when we start to get in position I just get nervous and lose wood. If I'm drunk I always blame it on the alcohol. I haven't even tried in over a year because I can't see things being any different.

 

[djCali81]

I am talking from the other side of the fence here ... I had a partner who just couldn't get it up or keep it up because of nervousness(he was also a virgin) it went on for a month or so.... When we would get intimate we would make out then he would proceed to fingering me or give me oral, then when I would try to reciprocate and get in his pants he would push me away. I felt so disgusting.... he didn't want me (or so I thought, at that point I didn't know he was a virgin he wouldn't admit it) until I decided that I had had enough and like totally tried to force myself onto him and got into his pants to find him totally limp, (not only was I making a fool of myself but he really wasn't into me Here I was all dolled up in lingerie moan ning and groaning and couldn't even get him hard... ) I started to cry(I know pathetic)...... thats when the truth came out..... he wanted, he really did, he was really in love with me but he was a total nervous wreck and didn't really know what to do.... so we worked at it it took and extra 2-3 weeks before the whole thing came to an end.

My advice is it takes practice... with someone you trust and care for......someone you feel comfortable with and that you tell her prior... so that she doesn't feel inadequate or end up putting the blame on you.

Like Mac98 said there's nothing glorious about losing your virginity to a college Bimbo.

and please forget your 1 to 10 scale..... in any situation if its experience you are after who cares what the girl looks like? not only the 8-10 or the 7's want to get fucked..... all girls are usually up to some fun. who cares what your friends say if you are getting laid!

Your situation is like mine from the other side Well with this one girl at least, but the difference was that I wasn't that into her. She's the last girl I tried to do anything with sober... Well the first time we tried we had been talking for like a week, and we went out to a bar, and then back to her place, and we're naked and stuff, but when I get in position it's a no go... so I said some bull shit about not wanting to do it while she's drunk. She got pretty pissed actually( it was oddly similar to the Superbad scene where michael cera's character is upstairs at the party with the girl he likes and doesn't want to take her virginity-complete with her calling me a bitch too haha) So anyway we tried again sober later, and there was nothing I could fake when I couldn't keep it up... At the time(this was a couple years ago), I didn't even want to admit it was nerves to myself, and I was too embarrassed to tell her the truth(that I was a virgin), as I had already told her before that I wasn't. It got kind of weird after that... and we stopped seeing each other.

So I'd like to be upfront and honest like bertrand russell suggested, but it's hard to find a girl that I like and trust who reciprocates those feelings.... especially in college, where girls like to party and hookup before you get to know each other... so it's not like I can try to take a cute girl home I just met and start spilling my guts about the issue. I guess I'm too worried if my friends found out, I'd definitely be ridiculed for years probably.

Oh and I don't mean to come off as a shallow asshole about the 8s-10s thing, like I want a girl with a great personality, but I also want one whose really hot That may be part of my problem, is that my standards are too high to realistically find someone, but I can't help what attracts me right?

 

[subwannabe]

All I can do is repeat that I have seen a lot of guys who just wanted to get laid and wound up having it all blow up in their face. I was 25 when I lost my virginity. I felt much the same as you (I didn't have any trouble getting it up) but for a number of different reasons I just never had sex until I was 25. It bothered me and I was jealous of others and embarrassed about myself and I'm sure I missed out on a lot of great sex. But, the bottom line is I realize how lucky I was not to have made the mistakes that I saw a lot of other guys make. Believe me, years down the road you will be grateful you are where you are instead of getting herpes or worse or having an unwanted baby or babies or getting married to someone where it doesn't work out and then you have to go through a divorce, losing half of what you own and then having to pay alimony or child support. Don't force things that will lead to you regretting what you have done. I found out that being a virgin at 25 was far better than what happened to some of my friends.

 

[Rockitballs]

Don't worry

Hey man, you mentioned that you would really like to wait until you find someone who you are into. Why don't you just do that and not worry about the sex part. I'm sure you hear a lot of guy talk bragging about getting laid and whatnot, but from my life experience almost every guy anyone talks to about sex is full of shit. Especially college aged people.

If you are adamant about getting laid then you will have to relax a little bit. I'm sure you are just worrying about it too much and that is causing you to go limp. So try to relax and enjoy the experience.

 

[Sidney_1]

. . .

 

[Epmd607]

However you do it with the next one, tell her. Simply tell her the unvarnished truth just as you have told us.
One of these days the 'problem' will just go away on its own, and you'll hardly be able to remeber that there was a problem.

It could be a mechanical issue. ED is pretty much by definition 'an inability to maintain an erection that's suitable for intercourse'. If he's hard all the time by himself and is consistently soft with a girl, I'd suggest consulting a physician with the problem. We assume it's just nervousness because he's telling us it's nervousness, but it actually sounds like it could be mechanical. OR he's secretly asexual and can't admit it to himself. Just kidding.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Djcali81,

I sympathize with you about the mental aspect impacting your sexual response, and I'm sorry to hear about it.

Meanwhile, while you're waiting for the Holy Grail of females to come along who reciprocates your feelings about her and whom you desperately want to fuck her brains out, and if you're this intent about sampling the feel of pussy, why not do the following...see a call girl or prostitute (use protection!!!!!) who won't care or tell anybody you know if you can't get it up. Or, you could simulate the real thing with a Cyber Pussy or a Fleshlight, who also won't care or laugh at you.

Good luck to you. And, remember, you've got the rest of your life to spend fucking still ahead of you.

 

[infinity706]

I doubt the Fleshlight thing would work. I doubt anyone gets nervous from a sex toy. Besides, they don't feel that amazing real. They are nice, but nothing like an actual woman. They're also pretty useless to cuddle with.

 

[littlebabyclit]

I doubt the Fleshlight thing would work. I doubt anyone gets nervous from a sex toy. Besides, they don't feel that amazing real. They are nice, but nothing like an actual woman. They're also pretty useless to cuddle with.

Awwwwwwwww. The Great Fuckini espouses cuddling, do ya? How do you do that, when you're rarely fucking someone in a bed? Against the wall cuddling?

And, what, no comment about prostitutes?

 

[infinity706]

Yes, I'm very big on the cuddling. Just because I like to fuck everything that moves doesn't mean I don't like cuddling, talking and everything else. I like it better when I get the total package even from a fuck buddy. I'm ok with being desired for only one quality, but over my entire pool, I'm not too happy if I can't get everything. If the guy I spent a week with not too long ago, feels like speaking up, he can tell you that I insisted on cuddling. He's a member here, but I don't want to call him out because he's a bit shy.

Now, as for the prostitutes, I approve of the idea. Prostitution is a perfectly acceptable job as far as I'm concerned. Hell, I've practically prostituted myself. I just haven't received money for my services unless you count that penny one of my fuck buddies found on the floor one time.

Oh, and you don't need a bed to cuddle. I've actually used a wall, a field, or wherever I got dirty at.

 

[redpaint]

yYOur Building it up to much and making yourself nervous over nothing. Kid you have a lot of time left in this world, don't rush it. When the time is right if you just let things happen it will stay hard and make you proud. Just don;t think about it. Just hold that young woman, squeeze her kiss her. Use those hands for something more than to just taking your panits down had humping away.

Touch her, Caress her, Hell just have fun exploring her body. The feel of it the reaction to your touch. Don't go worrying about sticking you dick in her yet. Use your tunog boy. Lick her all over. Taste her with it taste her sweat, taste her pussy. taste her lips.

Once you get over you and how you are going to feel you will find that Mr. Happy is going to be just that Happy. Making Love is not about just you. Please your partner and they will in turn please you. If your waiting for that right person then don't worry about time. But do be out there looking for them

cuddling, nothing wrong with it. you don't need a bed to hold someone in your arms and let them know how you feel about them.

I don't mean anything bad By calling you a kid or boy, I have Grand-kids older than you and I call them the same thing.

 

[infinity706]

yYOur Building it up to much and making yourself nervous over nothing. Kid you have a lot of time left in this world, don't rush it. When the time is right if you just let things happen it will stay hard and make you proud. Just don;t think about it. Just hold that young woman, squeeze her kiss her. Use those hands for something more than to just taking your panits down had humping away.

Touch her, Caress her, Hell just have fun exploring her body. The feel of it the reaction to your touch. Don't go worrying about sticking you dick in her yet. Use your tunog boy. Lick her all over. Taste her with it taste her sweat, taste her pussy. taste her lips.

Once you get over you and how you are going to feel you will find that Mr. Happy is going to be just that Happy. Making Love is not about just you. Please your partner and they will in turn please you. If your waiting for that right person then don't worry about time. But do be out there looking for them

cuddling, nothing wrong with it. you don't need a bed to hold someone in your arms and let them know how you feel about them.

I don't mean anything bad By calling you a kid or boy, I have Grand-kids older than you and I call them the same thing.

Well said. Of course, this is definately someone to listen to. Once he got that confidence back, he certainly fucked my brains out. Now, that was a fun week.

 

[redpaint]

Well that cats out of the bag.