Too much sex?

[NoviceNymph]

I have a very high sex drive and my bf says that because I want sex all the time it is making him lose his sex drive? I do have a very demanding libido and I am not sure what I can do about this. I masturbate alot as it is. Any helpful info please.

Thanks

-nn-

 

[weezermelly]

Wow...

It's always been my belief that no one can have too much sex. But I guess quality is better than quantity. Why not let your boyfriend want it from you so he could enjoy it better?

Melly

 

[busybody..]

Try a designated (sex)hitter

or two!!!!!!!!

 

[SimGuy]

Not necessarily an answer - but guys do physically need a bit of a 'recharge' time.

If you are one who needs a great deal of foreplay then each session can realistically stretch into a significant portion of time - do that several times a day and your daytime hours have been pretty much claimed.

That was the 'analytical' side of me responding. There is a part of me that would love sex multiple times a day. Part of me that realizes there is much more to life and a lasting relationship than sex.

Still I feel like I was deprived with my first spouse - I wanted alot and she seemed to want nearly none at all.

 

[horny_giraffe]

This post would be better suited to the How-To section. Perhaps a moderator will move it.

I see a few things that might be going on with your boyfriend.

1. Perhaps, the more sex you have, the less novel the sexual experience is becoming. This may suit you, if you are generally an inhibited person because it makes you more comfortable--but it may not suit your boyfriend, who may be getting bored.

2. If you are wild and crazy, he might be uncomfortable with that.
I had a girlfriend who gave me a blowjob in my car a few times. But I could never orgasm because it was too public out in the street. It was titillating to her, but uncomfortable for me.

3. Different people have different amounts of sex drive, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity.

4. If you don't have a lot going on in your life, it's easy to make sex the focus of your life. If you are just having sex because you are bored, then perhaps you need another hobby.

5. For some people, sex drive may come back stronger when it is always satisfied. If you want to reduce your sex drive, you have to deny yourself from time to time.

6. As women get older, their sex drive generally increases until their peak sometime in their thirties, usually. Mens' libidos start out much stronger, but steadily decrease after about age 16.

7. I found it very uncomfortable to sleep (as in zzzzzzz....) with my girlfriend because her physical presence aroused me. I was faced with a dilemma--if I ignore my arousal, it would go away and my girlfriend would not inspire arousal as freqently under those circumstances. If I remained aroused, I could not sleep.

In some ways, I thought that what would be best is for us to develop psychologically-conditioned cues which helped us become aroused under controlled circumstances.

What are the cues that arouse you or your boyfriend? If you allow yourself to become aroused under any circumstance where your boyfriend is present, it will grow. If you only allow yourself to become aroused when specific cues are present (for example, in the presence of candlelight) you begin to create an association that can serve to turn you on when the sex is available, instead of during all occasions.

There are a lot of things going on in any sexual relationship, so there's really no telling.

 

[ridddder]

I don't have an answer but....

I think it is possible to have sex several times a day without it eatting into your day.....even an afternoon quickie is much appreciated at times. Personally I have never found a woman with a sex drive higher than mine...so I can't tell you. All I know is that I masturbate 2-3 times a day, and that is without a girlfriend. With a girlfriend it goes down by 1....making it from 1-2 times a day....you know can't keep a good man down?

My age has depleted my sex drive since I did the masturbation thing 5-6 times a day in my youth.....did I find time yes......wouldn't you like to know...

Hey if you need it, I see nothing wrong with it......lets discuss this more in private.....I have a nice couch you can recline on......just refer to me as the doctor, and please tell the good doctor all your secrets. Then I can fully help you in a more satisfying way....

 

[ApplesMcgee]

plan to do lots of masturbating.

Some people just don't have compatible sex drives. Nothing wrong with it, it just happens.

If you have to, just do some creative masturbation to get through the rough times. It won't be that bad.

PowrDragn

 

[cajunman]

find it eleswhere

go find it elsewhere you willgo crazy if you dont its what i had to do

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

When my wife and I first got together, she had a fairly low sex drive, and was very inhibited. I was opposite. I had a high sex drive, and was uninhibited. I found ways to make sex interesting, even if it was the same one or two positions every time. I helped her to discover her sexuality, and also helped her have her first orgasm. She soon discovered that she was multi-orgasmic.

About 5 years ago, my wife had a sexual awakening, and began to lose her inhibitions. Her sex drive began to pick up as well. She went from wanting sex once or twice a week to daily if we could manage. She began to discover things about herself that she had long repressed (she came from a strict religious family) and wanted to explore. My sex drive remained fairly constant, and our libidos matched perfectly.

Now, in the present, she is more than a handful. She has nearly no inhibitions, and would have sex 10 times a day if I could manage. My libido is still high, my desire is still high, my energy level is still high...but it takes longer than the 15-30 minutes of "down time" that I had when I was 20. So now we are exploring together, enjoying our sexuality together. That's the whole key....the word "together." But we still manage to have sex once a day at least....sometimes, like today, we have sex 2 or 3 times.

Don't expect something mind-blowing each time you have sex...sometimes it's just as fun to have extended foreplay, without actual penetration. Sometimes it's fun to masturbate, while watching each other...or to masturbate each other. Sex is a lot more than the 'ol " in and out."

 

[NoviceNymph]

Melly- I know he sometimes wants to be the agressor but we are not together that often. And if he does not initiate sex, I will, and he doesnt

Busybody- I dont think so.

SimGuy- It isnt that I want it say 10 times a night, but I would like it more then once or twice a week. And honestly sometimes the foreplay is too much for me. After a little while I just want him to fuck me, which is how I orgasm the best. I do want him to be happy too. He is not very expressive sexually.

horny_giraffe- ok I will take these item by item

1) He doesnt seem bored, we have quite a repotoire and it is not to hum drum yet. It has only been about 6 months we have been together.

2)I am, he again doesnt seem it, we talk about it alot about soft and hard limits and where we want to go together sexually.

3)I Know that

4) I work 40+ hours a week and have a very active life. I do just have a very active sex drive

5)It is true the more I get the more I want. But, How would that effect his theory, the more he gets the LESS he wants.

6)So I should ignore my peak because he is past his? I dont think I am unreasonable. Ideally twice a day, acceptable, three times a week.

7)That just confuses me, I do not Choose to become arroused I just am.

On your other point. He does things I consider sexual, that he does not. It is VERY hard to read his cues.

Riddder- I have about the same drive. It seems a curse.

PowrDragn- I just dont think masturbation is cutting it.

cajunman- I wont cheat.

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Sex is never too much.

Its only at times you want it, and at other times, you'd rather fly a kite. Its your mood.

If I want it, I'd rather have it with someone I like.

I have been into marathons...the last time it was ten days.

yeah.

 

[horny_giraffe]

...I dont think I am unreasonable. [/I]

Do you really think it matters if you are reasonable or not? It's something you need to negotiate with your boyfriend, so it's only important what is acceptable to him and acceptable to you. You and he are the only jury at this trial.

That just confuses me, I do not Choose to become arroused I just am.

If you practice, you can learn to control your own state of arousal to some extent. I know that for myself, just because I'm horny doesn't mean that I want to have a hard-on. If I'm in a public place, I consciously supress my lust and reduce my state of arousal.

On your other point. He does things I consider sexual, that he does not. It is VERY hard to read his cues.

I'm not talking about the subtlies of communication so much as I'm talking conditioning. I'm sure you've heard of Pavlov's experiments with the conditioned reflexes in dogs. The idea is that one learns to associate arousal with particular stimuli. For example, if he always gets sex when you wear a certain nightgown, he may find himself becoming aroused when he sees the nightgown.

NoviceNymph, I get the feeling that you are not really looking for answers so much as you are looking for sympathy. Well, you've got my sympathy. I can say that I've never enjoyed being sexually frustrated, so I imagine that it is unpleasant for you.

 

[Velius]

I have a very high sex drive and my bf says that because I want sex all the time it is making him lose his sex drive? I do have a very demanding libido and I am not sure what I can do about this. I masturbate alot as it is. Any helpful info please.

Thanks

-nn-

My god. I would smack that guy so hard he would feel it for weeks.

 

[NoviceNymph]

NoviceNymph, I get the feeling that you are not really looking for answers so much as you are looking for sympathy. Well, you've got my sympathy. I can say that I've never enjoyed being sexually frustrated, so I imagine that it is unpleasant for you.

I do not beleive I am just looking for sympathy, though the fact that bf in essesnce said I have killed his sex drive by wanting him too often, confuses the hell out of me.

I think the point you may have missed is, it is not as though we sleep together every night and I want it 10 times a night. We see each other one to two times a week and If I expect sex both of those nights it is seen as unreasonable. My desire to have sex more then Once on either of those nights is demanding. I suppose I am confused. He said he feels I should let him at least think it was his idea to have sex. Yet. I feel as though if it wasnt my idea we would never have sex at all.

I guess I am too demanding and should understand that my sex drive is overwhelming?

That is what I am looking for, is my sex drive as out of whack as I have been made to feel it is?

 

[Velius]

GAH!!! I can't bloody believe your bf, he is freaking nuts. Sorry, it's just I can't understand that. That is bloody insane.

 

[NoviceNymph]

GAH!!! I can't bloody believe your bf, he is freaking nuts. Sorry, it's just I can't understand that. That is bloody insane.

I dont understand either but it is just the way it is. I do not want him to feel bad, but being accused of killing a mans sex drive might be just the thing to kill mine.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

You're not killing his sex drive, he just doesn't want sex as often as you do. There is no solution unless one of you changes.

I'm becoming more accepting of my similar situation. How old are you two?

 

[NoviceNymph]

You're not killing his sex drive, he just doesn't want sex as often as you do. There is no solution unless one of you changes.

I'm becoming more accepting of my similar situation. How old are you two?

I Dont think I killed his sex drive he however has told me that I did.

We are both in our early 30's

 

[peachykeen]

why oh why do I keep torturing myself here and reading these things?

Nymph, I feel your pain all too well. I won't go into it all over again here but PM me if you'd like to talk. we're riding the same bus to nowhere, I think.

 

[Guest]

I don't think you have killed his sex drive, Nymph. But maybe he feels that he has to "perform" to keep up with you which is not the best frame of mind to be in when having sex. That is not your fault. It just sound like that you both are just different - sex drive wise.

Have you considered laying off the actual sex for a bit? Instead, just possibly try to get him to relax. Play some sex games, petting, mutual masturbation, etc... Does he have any fetishes that you two could explore?

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

I have a very high sex drive and my bf says that because I want sex all the time it is making him lose his sex drive? I do have a very demanding libido and I am not sure what I can do about this. I masturbate alot as it is. Any helpful info please.

Thanks

-nn-

I think your boyfriend is giving you a cop-out. It's not you. It's him that is making him lose his sex drive.

I also have a very high libido. I don't really need to have sex twice a day. I don't even need to have it everyday... but I wouldn't mind having it more than twice or three times a week. That would be 2 to 3 times more than I'm getting it now, but this is by my own choice. My dream is to have it five to six times a week. A day off for recovery. There is a lot more to a relationship than sex. (and sorry if someone else has already mentioned this. I haven't read any of the responses here yet.)

The only advice I can think of is to communicate. Talk with each other and see where the problem lies. Come to a rational middle-ground and if that just can't be done, maybe it's time to move on.

Disclaimer: This is JMHO...

 

[SimGuy]

Re: Re: Too much sex?

I think your boyfriend is giving you a cop-out. It's not you. It's him that is making him lose his sex drive.

I also have a very high libido. I don't really need to have sex twice a day. I don't even need to have it everyday... but I wouldn't mind having it more than twice or three times a week. That would be 2 to 3 times more than I'm getting it now, but this is by my own choice. My dream is to have it five to six times a week. A day off for recovery. There is a lot more to a relationship than sex. (and sorry if someone else has already mentioned this. I haven't read any of the responses here yet.)

The only advice I can think of is to communicate. Talk with each other and see where the problem lies. Come to a rational middle-ground and if that just can't be done, maybe it's time to move on.

Disclaimer: This is JMHO...

This sounds like the ideal balance for me - a self-regulating closet nympho!!
I'd be more than glad to help you fulfill your dream, your fantasy and your craven desires! Will even throw in communication, wit, self-deprecating humor and pretty awesome foreplay.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Re: Re: Re: Too much sex?

This sounds like the ideal balance for me - a self-regulating closet nympho!!
I'd be more than glad to help you fulfill your dream, your fantasy and your craven desires! Will even throw in communication, wit, self-deprecating humor and pretty awesome foreplay.

Awwwwwwww... I can't think of anyone I'd rather have more. BTW... How do you know what my fantasy is?

 

[SimGuy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Too much sex?

Awwwwwwww... I can't think of anyone I'd rather have more. BTW... How do you know what my fantasy is?

Your dream, 5-6 times a week, sounds pretty good.

The fantasy and craven desires are just gonna get better - I'd be a fool not to volunteer!

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Too much sex?

Your dream, 5-6 times a week, sounds pretty good.

The fantasy and craven desires are just gonna get better - I'd be a fool not to volunteer!

Of course, that 5 - 6 times a week is negotiable, right? What if we used them up all in one night, does that mean I'm done for the week?

*The right answer could bring you great satisfaction!*