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Too much sex, too little Jesus!

MlledeLaPlumeBleu

MlledeLaPlumeBleu

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jun 9, 2003
Posts
779
Golly, sometimes I jest feel like I could use the kind of smotheringly loving and laudanum-like armistice that only our Lord and Saviour, the one true God, can provide.

Sometimes, I jest wanna know he's behind me when I sink a real good putt on the 9th green, or when I'm playin' heavy metal on my acoustic gi-tarr.

Or that he's ridin' shotgun in my 18-wheeler, 'cuz Jesus is the King of my road, I'll tell you whut.

Damn. I get all goosey-jumpy with the Spurrit jest thinkin' about it! If you need a little Jesus-time, click on this link below.



ALWAYS WITH YOU

That's right. You are haunted by the Holy Ghost. 24/7. Even when you pee.

mlle
 
Nico-mou, two fab threads in one day, I'm drownin' hunnybunny.

So Haysoose is partial to French horns, what's gonna happen to the string section?

Glad he's always with the surgeons, but I think he's neglected a couple surgeon generals. And what about the sturgeons?

buckets of luuuvvvvvvvvvv,

Trova :heart: :kiss: :heart:
 
I used to have to remove my confirmation crucifix from the wall and stick it in the drawer when I masturbated ... that ceramic figure with the sad eyes covered in blood looking down at me was too much.
 


That's right. You are haunted by the Holy Ghost. 24/7. Even when you pee.

mlle [/B]
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Than god you are not my Savior "Haunted"!

haunted
Haunt´ed
Adj. 1. haunted - having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something; "became more and more haunted by the stupid riddle"; "was absolutely obsessed with the girl"; "got no help from his wife who was preoccupied with the children"; "he was taken up in worry for the old woman"
obsessed, taken up, preoccupied
concerned - feeling or showing worry or solicitude; "concerned parents of youthful offenders"; "was concerned about the future"; "we feel concerned about accomplishing the task at hand"; "greatly concerned not to disappoint a small child"
2. haunted - showing emotional affliction or disquiet; "her expression became progressively more haunted"
troubled - characterized by or indicative of distress or affliction or danger or need; "troubled areas"; "fell into a troubled sleep"; "a troubled expression"; "troubled teenagers"
3. haunted - inhabited by or as if by apparitions; "a haunted house"


Nope that don't sound like the Holy Ghost at least not scriptual, unless you are reading one of those tootie fruitie Bibles. I only read the Hebrew and Greek version my self. How can one translate this? Um you should be careful who you preach to in a righteous ways.

Hey just wondering ever read the 2nd Comandment? Nice link it must be Catholic based religious stuff, cause they ignore that one.

If you are going to preach at least preach with proper facts.

Phildo wonders if scripture is wrong? No I think you are, Acts 2:38
 
Hmmmmm

Hmm not a religious type myself, but I suppose I never thought of it like that before.

A bit worrying though, how JC seems to be rather close up behind most of them in those pictures and holding on to their shoulders quite tightly.

Reminds me of an old schoolboy joke.

The local policeman was determined to make a name for himself and arrest or at least caution every member of the community for something, his quite correct reasoning being that everyone commits a crime of some kind as they go through life. He wanted to point this out to them all.

The only person he'd never managed to get the dirt on was the local Vicar.

He stopped the Vicar as he was cycling through the village one afternoon, " Hey Vicar, how come I've never managed to arrest you for anything are you really that pure?" The cop asked.

"The Lord is always with me my son, he protects me, that's how come"

"Ah so is the Lord with you now Vicar?" The cop replies.

"He is my son, he is"

"Got you, you fucker, at last, two people on a bicycle, you're nicked"
 
Not there for us writers though, is he? I feel like an outcast. "Oi you, fetch my beer!"

I notice he's there for the illustrious Rhino's kind, though.

Lou :p

P.S. How come Jugglers get a special mention, are they more worthy of the Lord's presence than plate spinners?
 
Raised to be a nice catholic girl, I welcome God in all aspects of my joyous life. :)



Edited to add: Re: 'Too much sex, too little Jesus!' I have to agree. 7 1/2 inches high and 1 3/4 inches in diameter may be just fine for your intensive everyday use, but if we're talking about the Sacred Quest for that holiest of Grails, the divinely inspired Orgasm of biblical proportions, you'd expect something fractionally more awe inducing.


Edited again: Welcome back, Nicola. I missed you. Congratulations on becoming a Guru. ;)
 
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JC's with a dental assistant but not with a dentist.


I knew that tooth-pulling guy was evil!

:devil:
 
Um, who is Phildo? I'm sorry he didn't take a look at the link. He would then see just how incredibly reverent I was being. Ah yes, thy Holy Sarcasm. Another of the vastly under utilized relics...

Personally, I like the office of the depressed-looking middle-management guy, and Jesus just kind of hanging out bored like it's take your Savior to Work Day...
 
MlledeLaPlumeBleu,

I think what you say, was trying to be polite and nice in many ways. I find it interesting to see a post like this and do not like it thrown into my sinful life, but can accet it. I as many are aware of the sin I live with in my thoughts and daily actions.

I read your members profile and see words that do not fit what you preach, Then your stories shed light on your thoughts. If you are looking to promote Jesus remove the Timber from your own eye before trying to remove the mite from anothers. To use dicernment I can only judge you as allowed by scripture and that would cast shadows of a false preacher upon you. For even the son of man knew he could not teach in his home town for they knew him, what makes you so different?

Phildo is not preaching only plainly stateing the truth, If I were to preach it would have been an hour to read my post and directly meant to impact ones opinion of Why exactly Jesus is my Savior and how as a sinner I could be saved yet still live in sin each day. I would never be so brass as to say look at me and here is a picture to promote it.

I just feel you are willing to Judge all who come here by remarks you give in this and other threads then hide behind a mans name you obviously don't know at all. Who is the bigger ofender the one who sins greatly in ignorance or the one who sins small with knowledge?


The word "Mind" is used 136 times in the Bible. Being of such importance next time you should use the one given to you before preaching. To be blunt you must ask the HG to be part of your life it does not hunt you although God has all knowledge you are not a brother with Christ until you accept him into your life upon the baptism of your sins you can then receive the spirit that lives within (not behind you).

Phildo, Would chat further on this topic with you or any one. Just not here it invades other peoples freedom and right to ones own beliefs.
 
MlledeLaPlumeBleu said:
take your Savior to Work Day...
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Bella mia, let's start this, on the west coast, natch. I can see it now, all our guardians in the work place - Jesus, Buddha, Yoda, L. Ron, Elvis...

Trovissima :kiss:
 
ooooooooohhhhhhhh

wowee last time i take a shower in the nude, i'm wearing a raincoat from now on if there's some bearded guy in there with me.

hiya perdy dear:D how about the guy from the boiler house, satan, better watch he don't join your club:devil: :D

lots of love lorri xxxxxxxxxx i'm feeling mellow, i think it's the wine:D
 
perdita said:
Bella mia, let's start this, on the west coast, natch. I can see it now, all our guardians in the work place - Jesus, Buddha, Yoda, L. Ron, Elvis...

Trovissima :kiss:
Click to expand...

He, he, ha! Kinda like pet day or bring your kid to work day! This could be the makings af a really funky incest story!
No wonder my office seems smaller every time I visit all the employeeees have brought a host of guests with them. Between Alah and Buddha I feel squeezed. Only going to hire Catholics from now on they don't seem to have anyone?

Phildo laughing so hard spits up some white flem!
 
(holy) ghost: haunting.

What's the problem?

Kind of white and American Heysoos (love that pronunciation) for my taste, not jewish looking at all.

Gauche
 
If I wasn't scared to go to hell I would say something like
the voice in your head that tells you right from wrong isn't a higher power, it's your brain, but I would cut out my blasphemous tongue before besmirching dishonoring the name of he who is holy and omnipresent. :) 12 years of Catholic School wasn't for nothing after all.
 
Re: Re: Too much sex, too little Jesus!

Originally posted by A7inchPhildo I only read the Hebrew and Greek version my self.
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Dear A7,
Woo woo woo.
MG
Ps. Thump that thang, dude.
Pps. Anyone remember the "Son O God" comics in the old Lampoon?
 
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Phil.

How can I say this with less syllables? Or less humor?

I am an atheist.

I don't care if you spread the sacraments all over your dick and dance the wastusi.

I don't worship anything, and I sure as hell don't preach. The post was a JOKE. A joke.

However, if I were to preach anything, it would be from the Church of Erudition. And I don't expect you as a convert any time soon.

miss astonished pen
 
MlledeLaPlumeBleu said:
Phil.

I don't care if you spread the sacraments all over your dick and dance the wastusi.

I don't worship anything, and I sure as hell don't preach. The post was a JOKE. A joke.



miss astonished pen
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Relax no need to explain this is Lit. I could tell just wanted to hear you admit it. Thanks that was fun!
I never danced with a Watusi (a member of a Bantu speaking people living in Rwanda and Burundi).

Phildo adding thought to next story


Math you thinking these http://emorysmemories.tripod.com/websale/saleimages/natlampaug73red.JPG nope never heard of it but it was the most common comic book in it's time
 
You could tell, huh? Well, that's good.

What gave it away? Was it when I poked my tongue through my cheek?

And Phil...

I see you fancy me a "shit-stirrer", per the argument thread. Careful with that ax, Eugene.

I felt the need, however, to make abso-fucking-lutely sure we had an understanding, Phil, because the one thing I will not tolerate is being called a fundamentalist Christian.
 
I used to have to remove my confirmation crucifix from the wall and stick it in the drawer when I masturbated ... that ceramic figure with the sad eyes covered in blood looking down at me was too much.
Click to expand...

Say Zack, that reminded me of one of my favorite movie lines (from The Birdcage):

So this is hell. And there's a crucifix in it.
 
Ok my little friend,
because the one thing I will not tolerate is being called a fundamentalist Christian.
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but you did write this wow now I am just so confused.

MlledeLaPlumeBleu said:
Golly, sometimes I jest feel like I could use the kind of smotheringly loving and laudanum-like armistice that only our Lord and Saviour, the one true God, can provide.

Sometimes, I jest wanna know he's behind me when I sink a real good putt on the 9th green, or when I'm playin' heavy metal on my acoustic gi-tarr.

Or that he's ridin' shotgun in my 18-wheeler, 'cuz Jesus is the King of my road, I'll tell you whut.

Damn. I get all goosey-jumpy with the Spurrit jest thinkin' about it! If you need a little Jesus-time, click on this link below.



ALWAYS WITH YOU

That's right. You are haunted by the Holy Ghost. 24/7. Even when you pee.

mlle
Click to expand...


Phildo is wondering why you are not letting this thread die and flutter back to the GB where this post belongs? But would rather you did not respond.
 
Re: Re: Too much sex, too little Jesus!

A7inchPhildo said:
Phildo is wondering why you are not letting this thread die and flutter back to the GB where this post belongs? But would rather you did not respond.
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Oh, for fucksake, Phil. It belongs here because it's witty, I daresay literary, and has too many words the GB folk would need to look up.

Chill your dil.

Perdita
 
You know what, thank you, Trova.

I was dangerously close to becoming uncharitable, and I've really been trying to be on my best behavior.

I don't know this individual from Adam's Housecat- perhaps you do?- but he genuinely seems not to understand the concept of sarcasm. Since not being able to judge humorous inferences by context is most certainly a disability, I know I should strive to be a kinder, gentler Nico when addressing this poor, well-meaning man, who cannot help that he blusters in aimless stupidity, knowing not whereof he speaks, much less the latitude of his own ass.

To that poor man: I am so sorry that you do not recognize sarcasm. You see, sometimes, someone says one thing, but actually means the opposite. That's sarcasm.

You have been robbed of a life of ribaldry and rapier-like skirmishes of wit. I would sue.

sympathetically, Nicola
 
Geeeeeeezzuuuuuhhhhhzzzzah!!

MlledeLaPlumeBleu said:
sometimes, someone says one thing, but actually means the opposite. That's sarcasm.
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Dear Ms Blue Pen,
Then there's hypersarcasm. One says one thing in a way the hearer thinks is sarcasm. Secretly, though, one actually means what one says. Scary.
MG
 
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