Too many characters?

[MagicFingers]

OK, I have this great story I'm working on involving pheromone testing. I have two main characters and 12 test subjects, so far. SO, should I even attempt to describe any details about the sex of the 12 subjects, or gloss over it and wait until later for the hot stuff to happen?
I wanted to develop SOME personalities for each of them, but not overdo it.

I have to mention what happens when the subjects try the new formula, but it has taken about 7 Word pages just to get up to the working version of the formula. I could spend many more pages describing each one's reactions to the formula, but it would be too long then, I think.

Any ideas on how I can tell this great story without it getting either too detailed, or too boring?
Thanks and Happy New Year!

 

[CopyCarver]

OK, I have this great story I'm working on involving pheromone testing. I have two main characters and 12 test subjects, so far. SO, should I even attempt to describe any details about the sex of the 12 subjects, or gloss over it and wait until later for the hot stuff to happen?
I wanted to develop SOME personalities for each of them, but not overdo it.

I have to mention what happens when the subjects try the new formula, but it has taken about 7 Word pages just to get up to the working version of the formula. I could spend many more pages describing each one's reactions to the formula, but it would be too long then, I think.

Any ideas on how I can tell this great story without it getting either too detailed, or too boring?
Thanks and Happy New Year!

I seriously doubt that there is any one "right" answer to your questions, or to any other aspect of plotting/characterization. Much depends upon the length of your story--a short, a novella, Tolstoy-length--as well as your writing style and the nature of the details you're thinking about incuding.

As a rough generalization, I'd suggest using enough detail to keep the characters from being cardboard cutouts, to illustrate their various personalities, and to advance the plot, but avoid anything that's remotely extraneous. The well-chosen pen strokes of a minimalist can speak volumes. I'd also strongly suggest that science-based erotica--like science fiction--is far better received by non-scientists if it is written as a story rather than as a lab report.

None of this is chiseled in granite, nor is it much of an answer, but I hope it helps a little.

 

[MagicFingers]

Yes, it helps

Thanks for the suggestions. They are good food for thought.
No, I don't want to make it too technical. There is only enough research and facts to make it somewhat realistic and possible. I spent so many words developing the plot and characters that even "I" got bored with them. I want my readers to see the excitement that this formula is going to produce and not get impatient with the buildup.

Avoiding anything remotely extraneous sounds like a good plan.
I have told just enough about each character to explain what their experiences were, but not going into details and dialog with them and their mates. I only reported what happened to them. I plan to have more details later, when the "formula" is mature and the subject are ready to fully enjoy its' effects.

Sound good?
Any other comments, please?
Happy New Year!

 

[damppanties]

I spent so many words developing the plot and characters that even "I" got bored with them. I want my readers to see the excitement that this formula is going to produce and not get impatient with the buildup.

If you got bored with it yourself, then I guess the readers would just go into a coma or something.

I prefer shorter stories and if you ask me, I'd say leave it off if you can do without it. Does the reader really need to know the quirks of 12 characters? Do you think they'll be able to keep it apart? I think I'd get really confused.

should I even attempt to describe any details about the sex of the 12 subjects, or gloss over it and wait until later for the hot stuff to happen?

Can there ever be a lot of sex? I'd say do the sex if you can do it without getting the identities mixed up (which is a hard thing to do). Sex can never get boring.

 

[3113]

My Advice

OK, I have this great story I'm working on involving pheromone testing. I have two main characters and 12 test subjects, so far. SO, should I even attempt to describe any details about the sex of the 12 subjects, or gloss over it and wait until later for the hot stuff to happen?

This is actually an easy answer. If you can give us a glimpse of the room with all 12, a group, that's good. Tell us if they're young, old, mixed. THEN, you introduce us to subject #1--briefly, a concentrated sketch of them. Like, "He was a bookish young man, shoelaces untied, glasses held together with tape. He shrugged his shoulders rather than answering...."

Okay. We know all we need to know. About him. Go ahead and give us a page on administering the pheromone and what happens. Keep it short--not a lot of sexy, sizziling detail--that's for later. Just an appeitizer to let the reader know that more is to come. Now we know how it works.

NOW, we jump to subject #4. Same deal: "The redhead giggled a lot...." something like that. One or two or, at the most, four little details to give us a feel of them. Jump to subject #7. And finally on up to subject #12--who we should only see as he/she is wheeled out.

DO NOT do all 12 subjects. Do about four subjects to show us the development of story and forumula and that's ONLY if this is different from what eventually happens. That is, if the formula works in the lab--but does something else once it's widely released.

None of these glimpses at the development of your formula should run longer than a paragraph. Also show us those subjects at different points. So #1 we'll see the whole test (briefly)--but once we've seen the whole test, we don't need to see it all again. So, with #4, say, you can jump to after the formula has been administered and an hour has gone by. So "The redhead giggled a lot, but she wasn't giggling now. She rolling on the floor wildly masterbating...." Short, attention getting...but just a taste. Foreplay. Not the real thing.

#7, once again, we can see as the formula has taken hold and is really kicking in. In addition, you can have your scientists refer back to other subjects. They can say, "I really didn't like that weird reaction #5 had. What if that happens again?" A hint, perhaps, that something wrong can happen?

A writer needs to know what to leave out as well as put in. Now we're wondering who #5 was and what reaction they had--but you, the writer, need never tell us. We *feel* that there's been a #5, whoever he/she was, but you only needed one sentence to give us that feeling and we didn't need to see a thing to feel uneasy about it.

Does that help? Remember, only put this in if the reaction the test subjects are going to have is going to establish what is "normal" and later you're going to have what's not normal. If what happens to the test subjects is the same as what happens later on, then you don't need to show them at all.

 

[MagicFingers]

Some excerpts

"They were mixed nationalities and some had boyfriends or girlfriends and some didn’t. All of them were decent looking people who didn’t have trouble with the opposite sex. They all agreed to fill out short questionnaires every time they used the formula and turn in their results after a week. They each were required to try it at least once a day, and in as many different situations as they could. He and She gave the subjects the controlled doses to take with them."

"Use instructions:
Spray onto the neck or chest of the subject (Yourself normally), a few minutes before meeting someone you consider or desire to be an “Object of Affection”. Spend some time in relatively close proximity to each other and observe the reactions of the other person to you. Inside normal conversation range should be close enough. Document all your findings.

Questionnaire:
Your Name,
Male or female?"
etc

"Going around the room, the guys all had similar experiences: They all had closer and more loving feelings from their dates or friends when they used the formula. The ones who were going to get some sex had it, and the ones who weren’t expecting sex didn’t get any. There seemed to be more touching and kissing than normal though, and the ones who did have sex had pleasing sex. (But isn’t it always for guys?)

The women were a different story. Two had boyfriends and two had dates during the period. Ashley and Grace, who had boyfriends, each reported that they both had sex while on the drug and that their guys were very urgent in their desires and made love to them with a passion they had not experienced before.

Katie and Veronica each had dates that they tried the formula on. Veronica, a voluptuous brunette cheerleader, had a date with one of the cute football players that she had been trying to get interested in her. And, boy did she get him interested. She used it several times during the evening and he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. He wound up TAKING her, not really asking her, to his apartment and fucking her silly until he passed out.

Sweet little Katie dated a nice, but quiet, nerdy guy. He was kinda cute, but not the type to make advances to a woman, especially on a first date. She had felt safe with him. After she used the formula, he practically attacked her. There was no reasoning with him and he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. After getting kissed and groped for way too long, she remembered the note in the questionnaire and managed to excuse herself to go to the restroom and washed off as much as she could. After that, she got him calmed down long enough to take her home. "

And so on. But I talk about each one of the guys and girls.
They are all in college.
Then, after the formula change, I list each one's reactions. Too much, huh?
I did mention each only in a sentence or three, but they add up quickly.
There are more details as more things start to happen related to the formula.

"“So, what you’re saying is that we need to adjust the formula to change the way it affects the men and women?” She asked.

“Right! We’ll add a little nitric oxide here, and little oxytocin there, and test it again.”

They made the change and issued the new batch to their willing subjects with the same instructions. The following week, they met again to convey their findings. The guys were glowing with enthusiasm and praise for the new formula.

Kevin: “My girlfriend couldn’t get enough of me the last week. We had sex every time I used the formula and she really enjoyed it.”

John: “Hey, it was the same for my girlfriend and me. Not only was it good, but she says she had an orgasm for the first time, ever! I thought I was doing something wrong with her, but now it all seems right.”"
etc, etc.

I like the ideas from 3113 and Damppanties (I've always loved that name, by the way!). Thanks. 3113, you MUST be a woman. The power of description you seem to have is something I'm struggling to find for myself. You gave me a couple of ideas that I might use to improve the story. I like:

So "The redhead giggled a lot, but she wasn't giggling now. She rolling on the floor wildly masterbating...."

And this one from DP:

Can there ever be a lot of sex? I'd say do the sex if you can do it without getting the identities mixed up (which is a hard thing to do). Sex can never get boring.

Well, I plan for all hell to break loose, so to speak, when the final formula leaks out into the general population of the campus. Lots of willing, guilt-free sex!

Thanks for the input. I believe this is a good story waiting to be told and want it to come out right, not some garbage thing.