Today's News

[scheherazade_79]

SCHEHERAZADE AP - Bringing you the news you really want to hear

Last night US President, George W Bush, made the announcement that he experimented with gay sex as a student at Yale.

His wife Laura, who has long advocated mandatory prison terms and public flogging for all sexual deviants, is said to be devastated by this sudden revelation, and is being comforted by short-haired, dunagree-wearing female friends in San Francisco.

President Bush informed stunned celebrities present last night's charity auction that although he had sucked, he didn't actually swallow, which made it ok in God's eyes after all.

He declined to say whether his student experimentation had continued into adult life, but an ex stable-boy working at President Bush's Texas residence claimed that many of the saddles were fitted with tough-wearing latex butt plugs.

As news of the President's sexual preferences floods to the outside world, it's rumoured that Barbara Streisand has offered to sing at his birthday party next month free of charge. This may cause problems for the President, who had already lined up a star-studded cast of George Michael, Elton John and the Pet Shop Boys.

 

[Rusty Knife]

SCHEHERAZADE AP - Bringing you the news you really want to hear

Last night US President, George W Bush, made the announcement that he experimented with gay sex as a student at Yale.

His wife Laura, who has long advocated mandatory prison terms and public flogging for all sexual deviants, is said to be devastated by this sudden revelation, and is being comforted by short-haired, dunagree-wearing female friends in San Francisco.

President Bush informed stunned celebrities present last night's charity auction that although he had sucked, he didn't actually swallow, which made it ok in God's eyes after all.

He declined to say whether his student experimentation had continued into adult life, but an ex stable-boy working at President Bush's Texas residence claimed that many of the saddles were fitted with tough-wearing latex butt plugs.

As news of the President's sexual preferences floods to the outside world, it's rumoured that Barbara Streisand has offered to sing at his birthday party next month free of charge. This may cause problems for the President, who had already lined up a star-studded cast of George Michael, Elton John and the Pet Shop Boys.

You're my new hero. You should elaborate and submit.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I still think he's lame. Real men swallow, after all.

 

[Guest]

 

[scheherazade_79]

Scheherazade AP - Bringing you the news you really want to hear

Reports have just come in that a turd found on the front door step of Camp David has tested positive for Osama bin Laden's DNA.

President George W Bush has declined to comment on how the turd made its way to his Texas retreat, although he did speculate that something that size would have been 'a real ass-ripper.'

The turd measured nearly a foot in length, and was described as 'the width of my fist' by an alarmed security guard. It's thought that bin Laden's last meal consisted of a Twinkie and pink wafer biscuits.

Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice has speculated that maybe the turd fell from a passing plane, but this idea has been dismissed by the FBI, who say that if this were the case, it would have been frozen solid upon landing and probably cracked the floor tile.

Homeland Security experts have now cordoned off Camp David and are hoping to lure the world's most wanted terrorist with some prunes and moisturised toilet tissue, while the rest of America holds its breath.

 

[scheherazade_79]

You're my new hero. You should elaborate and submit.

There's nothing like a fan club Come and sit by me, gorgeous

 

[MissBri]

 

[3113]

SCHEHERAZADE AP - Bringing you the news you really want to hear

Last night US President, George W Bush, made the announcement that he experimented with gay sex as a student at Yale.

Excuse me but this is liberal media bias! Fox News reported the most important part, the part that you left out entirely, the part which makes this all fair and balanced....

He was drunk at the time. Very, very drunk.

Very drunk.

Anyone can get mixed up if they're very drunk.

And taking drugs. Which kids shouldn't do. Which is why George's administration has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to drugs (but not alcohol because that's not really a drug). Because drugs and alcohol don't mix and straight guys can end up doing unnatural things.

Don't take drugs, kids! They're turn you homosexual.

So there!

 

[scheherazade_79]

Don't take drugs, kids! They're turn you homosexual.

So there!

I'm living proof!

 

[BlackShanglan]

Don't take homosexuals, kids; they'll turn you on to drugs. Or possibly Broadway tunes.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Do you take substitutions?

Of course

 

[MissBri]

 

[scheherazade_79]

Queen Makes Shocking Confession

Scheherazade AP - Bringing you the news you really want to hear

This morning, in a surprise press conference on her way to church, Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain put an end to speculation by confirming that her son, Charles, is in fact half alien.

Her Majesty explained that while she was watching Coronation Street one evening, a large space craft touched down in the grounds of Balmoral.

"An extra-terrestrial with unusually large ears stepped out," she said. "From the distance he looked a little like Errol Flyn, so I had one of my ladies invite him upstairs for a cup of tea. It was then that he made his move."

With perfect composure the Queen went on to describe how the alien being had groped her breasts and put his hand up her skirt until she was smouldering with lust.

The intercourse took place on the space craft, now identified as being from the galaxy of Andromeda, some 2.2 million light years away. Although the Queen mentioned nothing in her statement, it's thought that one of her ladies in waiting became involved in the action, too.

After the act, the alien is reported to have farted, rolled over and slept for an hour, snoring loudly enough to disturb one of the groundsmen.

There is growing unease in government circles that Charles' alien blood may result in Britain being governed from outer space in the future, and many are calling for the monarchy to be abolished before it's too late.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Yay! Where do you wanna take me?

Over the desk will do .... for starters

 

[MissBri]