todays funny!

[The Dipsomaniac]

Heres one for yah!

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and
began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to
go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the
farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail,
for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the
farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a
length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of
the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to
the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward
and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the
farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two
animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and
soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then
lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him
up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

 

[Guest]

I like this one better

 

[The Dipsomaniac]

thats a good one too!

heh heh heh... i think there both amusing!!!

DM

 

[SilverVeil]

Both were great !!!

 

[Southern37]

Re: I like this one better

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan . . ."

That was hilarious...im gonna use that one!

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: thats a good one too!

 

[looking4fun]

Here's another funny for the day, check out the link below for a Delta spoof.

www.siccoproductionz.com/delta.html

 

[estevie]

I just got this in an email.

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking
down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive
young lady walking ahead of them.

One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to
spend the night with that woman."

To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around,
and said, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his
companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her
apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to
leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the
other $125.00, I'll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his
presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and
explained the details of the case.

His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such
grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as
follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of
property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery,
which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified
length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession of the
property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but
upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00, one-half of the amount
agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property,
and
we ask judgment be granted against the
defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had
presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the
way
he originally planned.

"Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece
of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of
pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a
well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a
shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim
these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid
amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of
said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that
the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant
not
known that the well existed, he would never have
rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant
removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In
doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery,
but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the
property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that
judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options:
"Pay the $125.00 or
have the equipment detached from it's current location and provide
it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote a check immediately.

 

[Softstone]

An Odd Scam

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to
supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem
reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the
present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to
be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a
company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to
present these to their banks. The name of the company:
'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Softstone]

The Old Lady with a big Gun

Recently a woman about 55 years old, was out shopping. When she returned to
her car, there were six black men sitting in it.

Being the kind of feisty woman who packs a gun for emergencies, she whipped
it out and yelled, "I know how to use it, and I'm quite prepared to. Get
out!!!"

The men quickly jumped out of the car and ran.

The woman then got into the car, and to her confusion, the key wouldn't fit
in the ignition. Wrong car. Not hers. Oops!!!

Realizing her little faux pas, she thought she better report her mistake at
the Police Station. Which she did. When she told the officer on duty the
story, he wet himself laughing. And when he could speak again, he pointed
at
the 6 terrified black men sitting at the other end of the room.

The six men who'd just reported being car-jacked by an elderly white lady.

 

[bored1]

Two guys were getting ready to tee off at the local course,A third man approached and asked if he could join them, No problem they replied........As they got into their game the two gentlemen asked the third what he did for a living, Well,Im a hitman he replied, I charge 1000.00 everytime I pull the trigger,My gun is in my golf bag. So the two men immediately ask to see the gun. The first man picks up the gun looks thru the scope and says to his friend,"Hey I can see your house" "So his friend says let me see"And sure enough he looks and sees his houseThen he says theres my wife shes so pretty! Then he says theres my neighbor,Well it didnt take long to figure out what was up and he looks at the hitman ans says how much to shoot them? The hitman says I get 1000.00 everytime I pull the trigger. So the husband says,"shoot my wife in the mouth and my neighbor in the balls" So the hitman takes aim and time goes by,The husband looks at the hitman and says whats the problem? And the hitman says "Im trying to save you a 1000.00 dollars"..........