Toast's Non-Sequitur Thread

[SpaceToast]

Random sentences, statements that don't seem to belong anywhere, bizarre things once overheard... post them here-

-M@


Dyslexia for cure found!
Michael Shaw
-

Not only did bob have a new car, but he had his comb. - Saturn commercial
Ted Sbardella
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"I'm okay," he said out of what looked to us like his ear.
Cheese Man
-

It's a dog eat rabid chipmunk world.
Cheese Man
-

The only thing left that is truly natural is a hankering for junk food.
Dan Scanlan (Coole Hand Uke)
-

It worked when you weren't looking.
Phillip
-

Athough initially amused, Ron soon became concerned when his supervisor
showed him a few other things he could do with his lunch.
Abe Vigoda
-

I find it quite impossible to sing these lyrics to the tune of "Happy
Birthday" --Well I like the way that you were reared... Don't ever let
'em call you queer... All up to my elbow I will go... Deebee deebee
deebee deebee... --Go ahead, try.
the saucy dog
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You just soak it with lighter fluid, then set a match to it.
Phillip
-

I want to talk to everyone out there. I just hope somebody's listening.
Alison
-

Wherever you go, there you are.
Gaffer
-

The intruder forced Bert to chant the word, "smelt" over and over and
over...
uke
-

Man-I wish I were Jackie Chan...Know Why?
Blow Boy
-

Don't get dumb!
Bungle
-

"Kenneth, what is the frequency" -- shouted by Dan Rather's assailant on
a Manhattan street
Mac McComas
-

We have Jarvis in the walls.
nAnnEr
-

Bend over and take it like a man
suresh naidu
-

Ya ever notice that there aren't any love songs about herrings?!?
nAnnEr
-

cat hair gives my dad polyps
benjamin
-

I don't care whose walrus it is, it's not going im my car!
nAnnEr
-

I think Bob got ate.
CANDY
-

Ehyeh, I told dat bitch no gravy.
T Blade Bernadas
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EAT THE MEAT Fucking Fish!
T Blade Bernadas

 

[SpaceToast]

If the waiter doesn't come soon... take the kid hostage!!
Tiffany Hizon
-

Yay for Marty! To hell with dad's pen.
Christina Onufryk
-

You don't leave a man because he is good or bad you just leave him.
Tussima Ojah
-

Alicia pouted. It was already 2:45 PM, and she had NO time for a yeast
infection.
Bill Burns
-

These are by far the eyes I have ever smelled.
docraven
-

The delegates from Rhode Island enjoyed slapping the neighborhood
wildlife
the uke
-

Just wait a few years, son. Then you'll know why large piles of women
scream for me every night out side of our home.
Fanny Slapper
-

Pilsner that rake, you swelled brained, soaked in camel, Twit!
Ted Sbardella
-

George Sells tried to kiss me on the lips. Nick says, "Nice Homo-page,
Boot-meister."
slappy@nick's mac
-

All roads lead to the ruins of Rome.
M'Eniac, the Venus Flytrapper
-

My brain gets angry around power stations.
the uke
-

I shot the last punk that called me Gordon!
Puss Jam
-

I'm armed, I've got an attitude and I'm out of Prozac!
Kanda' Jalen Eirsie
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...and your momma is a psycho poo poo head-yeah!!!
Tiff
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I am consistently inconsistent.
Timmy
-

Thank God I'm an Atheist!
Doo dad
-

Lumpy cheese-- tastes bad but feels oh so good.
squirrel girl
-

God loves an android in a frog-suit!
uke
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What's up Gordon!!!
pearl jam lover
-

I feel great, but I feel sick of my own
Bernardo
-

Struggle all you like. The earrings will only get tighter.
Bill Burns
-

Whatever happened, the outcome for the hamster wouldn't be pretty.
Bill Burns
-

Ah, Mom. Toe jam again?!
Bill Burns
-

Dammit! I lost my marsupial again.
Marquis de Sade
-

If carpet can grow, I'm in BIG trouble.....!
Lewis Wu
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Mom..! The senator just killed another one of your cats.
Mr. K

 

[SpaceToast]

I'm gonna need a couple of canoes and a sack FULL of bacon..!
uke
-

i learned to dance to it and i was sucked in.
j0h
-

So I'm wondering what the Hell to do with the Virgin Mother?
Froggie
-

The DEA was following me on the ski slope but they're not very good
skiers, so I lost 'em.
Nate Crenshaw
-

I wish people would stop calling me "Gordon" ..!
Gordon
-

Why didn't you just ask for the damn wiffle-bat?
DocRaven
-

Just take a shovel and get that squid off the rink!
orzabal
-

I know I've been bad, but still.
Bulk
-

Those assholes took my garbage again.
Coperate unit #7
-

I can feel the t.v. sapping my strength away, but if I turn it off again,
the wall people will yell at me.
the uke
-

If I hadn't listened to my casserole, I would be a dead man.
Weston the Intestine
-

I don't think I can go on much longer ignoring the little person right
behind me. He tells me things.
Craig Hendrix
-

I have decided to hide my remote control from my dog.
Brak
-

I just know that the women in the office hate me because of what I did in
their bathroom.
the uke
-

I have a strange feeling that my mother is trying to fatten me up, so she
can butcher and eat me.
Rogerson Hammerstein
-

The cafeteria ladies are putting small magnets in my food so they may
contact the mother ship.
Valerie Vigoda
-

Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you got here.
Chet Klyn
-

It is unfortunate that he was killed by a rare species of poisonous bird.
pohl
-

Oh Christ! Vo Tech Schmoe Tech.
Dr Blade
-

I didn't know moles could grow there!
Ralph Nader
-

I believe wet-suits should be officially declared as "clothing."
Hammy's Corn Captain
-

I wish people didn't hate me just because I CHOOSE to be a cannibal.
Existential Uke Slappy
-

I always get into trouble when I try to drive lying down.
nAnnEr
-

"Watch out! I have a dog and I know how to use it. If I could only find
the trigger."
Reinier Nissen
-

Hey Captain, What are you doing with Mr. Greenjeans???
nAnnEr
-

Excuse me, ambassador, is this your booga?
big james <101330.700@compuserve.com>
-

...Hey!...That's not Dick Clark!!!....
Goody
-

Not everything tastes like chicken, dig?
the uke
-

I have noticed that people don't listen to me as much since the cops took
my gun away.
the uke
-

Had to kill all the wildlife in my neighborhood as a security measure.
And Mr. Appleby, too.
Shaggy on acid

 

[SpaceToast]

I should go to bed...




Allay urtherfay essagesmay illway eebay inay ecretsay odecay.
Toilet Joe
-

After the incident with the tree, I have been exiled from my apartment
complex.
the uke
-

My parrot is beginning to suspect that I know its awful secrets.
the uke
-

Does your dog bark when you scratch him?
Reinier Nissen
-

Fred, did you know potatoes could do that?
nAnnEr
-

It's like when you knock the readings monitor off an oxyacetaline tank
and it flies across the room
greg mcdonald
-

A wet bird will never fly at night.
Don Gravatt
-

Never pet a burning dog........
The Uke
-

Of course, but if you think that garden hose needs tweed to shore up the
twinkie hole, your mother's spaniel has another thing coming.
Chris Corrigan
-

Is this a _cheese_ danish?!
Brett R. Brown
-

The bird is ambidextrious.
Jake
-

Gimme that nut.
Bruni
-

Goat?
Kent Nichols
-

I asked for a third nostril and all I got was this lousy g-string.
Teleute
-

The trouble with wishing wells...
Vern Beausoleil <70550,3273@compuserve.com>
-

Grandfather and I LOVE potatoes!
Mark Williamson
-

Four-foot what with mustard?
Jekke
-

As the first ashtray, Newt gleamed like the sound of a fallen arch.
Michael Dunkley
-

There's always Pizza
Scott
-

Oh no! I've been slapped with the reality bass!
tblade
-

Is that you, Destro?
lish trachea